Jake knew exactly what his father meant. Christ had bled that kind of love on the cross. As a cop and a man, Jake understood sacrifice in his marrow. But when it came to waiting for Mia’s decision, he wished she’d make up her ever-lovin’ mind.
“You want my advice, son?”
“That’s why I’m here.”
“Do what’s hard, and you’ll know you’re not cheaping out on God, yourself, or the people you love.”
Talk about tough love. But that kind of love was tough on a man’s own desires, not the people he cared about. Jake didn’t need to hear anymore. Knowing what he needed to say to Mia, he turned toward the door. “Thanks, Dad. I’m headed to Mia’s place now.”
“I’ll be praying, son. Stay strong and fight hard.”
Jake intended to do exactly that. This was Mia’s fight, but she didn’t have to battle the doubts alone.
He never made it to her house. Instead, when he spotted her car at Echo Falls Primary Care, he parked next to it, trotted up the office steps, and rapped on the door.
Chapter
26
Only Jake knocked on a door like a cop ready to kick it down. Seated at her desk, Mia peered through the window at his truck in the parking lot. The dark blue paint glinted in the setting sun, a reminder of Las Vegas and the first time she rode with him, but nothing else was the same. Instead of blistering heat, the air carried a chill. And instead of being almost strangers, they were in love.
Mia had been expecting him, but she still didn’t know what to say. Just when she had made up her mind to turn down the offer, she received a personal email from Dr. Benton welcoming her to his team. This position will change your life. Even better, it will change the lives of hundreds of kids. We worship a mighty God, don’t we?
Jake knocked again. She wasn’t ready to speak with him, but she couldn’t avoid him either. Knowing how he thought, she was certain he’d sit on the porch until she gave up and let him inside.
Frustrated, she went to the door and opened it. “I’m sorry, Jake. But this isn’t a good time—”
“You read my dad’s letter.”
“Yes. I did. I’m sorry.” She felt like an eavesdropper. “How did you find out?”
“My mom led me to it. I wish she could tell you her side, but she can’t. So I will. My parents went through a hard time. My dad messed up. My mom forgave him. They worked it out. End of story.”
He paused, giving her time to reply or to fall into his arms, but Mia couldn’t just forget her fears and melt like Lucy did. Giving in to the inevitable, she opened the door wider. “Come on in.”
Jake crossed the threshold but stopped to survey the walls they had painted after the vandalism. He indicated the room with a wave of his hand. “Why come here? I thought you’d go home.”
“In some ways, this is home.” She led the way down the dark hall to her office. The room wasn’t set up for visitors, so Jake dragged a chair in from an exam room, while Mia sat in the big chair behind the desk that fit Dr. Collins’s personality far better than it fit hers. Maybe the same was true of Echo Falls.
Jake draped a boot over his knee, leaned back, and glanced at the computer screen, where her reply stopped at Dear Dr. Winkler. “So you’re still deciding.”
“I guess so.” She went to the window, intending to close the plantation blinds. Instead she peered through the slats at the setting sun. Peach and lavender clouds streaked the sky, while the fading light turned tall trees into silhouettes, hiding the intricacies of their branches. From a distance, the trees appeared flat and black, much like her decision.
“That letter did something to me,” she said to Jake without facing him. “When I read it, all I could think about was being hurt again. I know that’s childish, but it’s how I felt.”
“And still feel.”
“Yes.”
Determined to be both brave and wise, she faced him. “When Brad dumped me, I begged God to give me a new purpose. Mission Medical seemed like the perfect answer. I was happy again, even thrilled. When I read Frank’s letter, it threw me back to how I felt before God opened that door. Those broken engagements were awful.”
Jake’s jaw hardened. “I can see why the letter upset you, but what I feel for you isn’t going to change. I’m not Brad or that other idiot or even my father. I love you, Mia. You can trust me. You have to believe that.”
“Yes. I do, but . . .” She couldn’t find the words.
“But what?”
“I just don’t know what to do!” Moaning, she pressed her hands against the top of her head. Think, Mia! Stay calm. Look for the logic. But where? Churning inside, she turned to the computer, pulled up the Mission Medical website, and clicked to the photographs taken of children before and after their surgeries. With her hand shaking, she turned the screen toward Jake. “How do I say no to this?”
He studied the children so long, she wondered if he’d turned into a block of ice. But then he let out a slow breath. “Maybe you can’t.”
“Can’t what?”
“Say no.”
“Are you telling me to say yes? But, Jake, I—” I love you.
He cut her off by rising from the chair and clasping her arms. Then he bent forward, matched his lips to hers, and kissed her into silence. When he pulled back, he spoke in a voice far steadier than hers. “Let me say something before I change my mind.”
“All right.” Mia gave a rueful smile. “I double-think enough for both of us.”
Stepping back, he gripped her left hand and paused. Was he going to drop to one knee and ask her to marry him? Her right hand went to her chest, and she waited in silence, hoping yet full of dread and terribly afraid of another blast of confusion.
He grazed her ring finger with the pad of his thumb. “My dad has a saying. ‘When in doubt, do what’s hard.’ That way we know we’re not denying God the chance to do something better than we could ever imagine.” He raised her hands an inch, taking the weight of them in his own. “So I’m going to take his advice and do what’s hard.”
His Adam’s apple jumped, then sank back into place. “I love you, Mia. I want you to live the life God designed just for you. If—if—that life is in Dallas and overseas, you need to grab it with both hands. But if that life is here, I want to grab it with you. We can’t do that if you’re swinging back and forth.”
“Oh, Jake.”
“Mia . . .” Her name whispered past his lips. “I want us to be together—always.”
She finally raised her head. “Always? Is there such a thing?” She yearned to believe in forever, like a little girl reading a fairy tale, but her experience mocked her hope.
“I believe there is,” Jake answered. “But I’d be a fool to stand here and say things you don’t have the faith to believe.” He paused, then let out a slow breath. “I’m human, Mia. With God as my witness, I’ll never stop loving you. If that means being just a friend, I’ll do it. But if it means the two of us becoming something more—husband and wife—you have my solemn vow that I’ll love you forever. But we both know my dad said the same thing to my mom.”
“Yes,” she murmured. “That’s the crux of it.”
“You have to trust God here. Not me—Him.”
“I do trust Him. I do.” She wanted to stomp her feet and scream like a toddler. “That’s the problem. He opened the door for me at Mission Medical. He swung it so wide I’m amazed. But then I met you, and another door opened. How do I choose? And don’t say, ‘Do what’s hard,’ because both choices are hard, just in different ways.”
Jake remained still, neither affirming her claim nor denying it, maybe because both choices were equally valid. But Mia needed to choose. Stepping back, she swept her arm to indicate her diplomas, the medical books, and her neat desk. “Look at me. I travel light. I’m single. I’m highly trained. It makes sense for me to use those gifts, doesn’t it?”
“Of course it does. The question isn’t should you use your gifts. It’s where.”
“Oh, Jake. I can’t stand being like this—”
“Like what?”
“Confused. Upset.” Close to tears, even if they didn’t show. “Uncertain.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m about ready to flip a coin. Heads, I go. Tails, I stay.”
He reached into his pocket, dug around, and handed her a quarter. “You can flip it if you want, but deep down, I think you know what you want.”
“Do I?”
When he didn’t answer, she stared at George Washington’s grim face.
Jake took her hand and folded her fingers over the quarter. “I’m leaving now. If you’re really going to flip it, do it when I’m gone.”
He stared into her eyes, then hauled her against his chest, lowered his lips to hers, and reminded her with a kiss of what only a man could give to a woman. How could she walk away from such powerful feelings? Why would she even consider it? Yet even as she lost herself in the kiss and in Jake, she couldn’t escape the fear that she was somehow breaking her promise to God.
With her heart stuttering, she eased out of his arms. He stepped back, studied her face for a full ten seconds, then left with a nod that bordered on curt. A moment later his truck rumbled out of the parking lot.
Mia buried her face in her hands and prayed as hard as she could. “Please, God. Please. I need you to show me what you want me to do.” She waited, prayed some more, begged and wrestled with herself—both the frightened little girl she hid from the world and the responsible adult who never let anyone down.
When an answer didn’t come, she composed an email saying she was thrilled to join the Mission Medical team and would attend the Christmas party in Dallas on December 12. Then she composed a second email saying she was grateful for the opportunity but her plans had changed.
Fed up with herself, Mia decided to stop thinking and just do. To stop being so overly responsible and be more like Lucy, who embraced life as it came. Taking a breath, she snatched Jake’s quarter off the desk and flipped it high into the air. “Heads, I go. Tails, I stay.”
It landed three feet away on the worn carpet. Bending down, she saw George Washington staring into the future. Before she could second-guess herself for the millionth time, she sent the email saying yes.
Jake headed home, checked in with his dad, and headed out to the pinball barn with Pirate. He turned on the game called Pop & Go and played for a solid hour. The pings and clangs rattled through him, but even more jarring was the vibration of his phone in his pocket and Pirate nosing him.
Jake let the silver pinball slide off the paddles, lifted his phone, and saw a text with a photograph of a quarter lying heads up on Mia’s office carpet. Sinking inside, he read the words below it. Flipped the coin. I’m saying yes to MM. Don’t know what else to say. Just . . . thank you.
He spat a word he almost never used. The coin toss had been a ploy. In his experience, when a person resorted to flipping a coin, they knew what they wanted but couldn’t admit it. If that was true for Mia, maybe she really did belong overseas with Mission Medical.
He shoved his phone back in his pocket. Do what’s hard. He couldn’t think of anything harder than letting Mia go. He loved her and wanted to marry her. But Mia needed to be secure in her choices, strong in her faith, and bold enough to love him in spite of her fears.
He pressed his back against the wall, slid to the floor, and draped his arms over his knees. Pirate nudged him with his cold nose, then dropped down next to him. Head bowed, Jake prayed with all his might for God to give Mia the peace, courage, and clarity she craved. A chill settled deep in his chest. Do what’s hard. Even with the love and grace of a Savior, sometimes that advice really stank.
Chapter
27
On the morning of the Mission Medical Christmas party, Mia drove herself to the Colorado Springs airport, left her car in long-term parking, and took off for Dallas despite blowing snow and the promise of more bad weather to come. Peering out the window at the clouds below, she wondered again if she’d made the right choice. Lucy didn’t think so. On Thanksgiving Day, she had threatened to lock Mia in a room with Jake until she came to her senses. Jake, on the other hand, had avoided her entirely for the past two weeks.
Twice she tried to compose an email to Dr. Winkler saying she had changed her mind, but she felt too guilty to go back on her word. She’d dug a hole for herself, and she didn’t know how to get out. On the other hand, the hole wasn’t a bad place to be. In fact, her commitment was noble and good—
“Shut up,” she muttered to herself as the plane descended.
With her doubts still whispering, she rented a car and drove to Mission Medical headquarters, a campus-style facility located three hours from the city. The weekend trip was more than a Christmas gathering. As the new clinic coordinator, she was scheduled to move to Dallas by January 15, train for a month on the campus, then travel to Africa with Dr. Benton and his team. Tonight she was having dinner with her future coworkers at one of the cottages used to house staff members.
Dressed in black slacks and a sparkly white sweater, Mia walked into a lively gathering. Excited conversations filled the air along with Christmas carols celebrating the birth of Jesus and the reason they were all here. She fit right in and almost relaxed, but after the turbulent flight and long drive, she felt as if she were still in motion.
“Hey, everyone,” Dr. Benton called over the chatter, “grab a seat in the living room. We’re going to take care of some business.”
Mia sat on the couch next to Donna Burke. A nurse in her late fifties, Donna was making her third trip overseas. The man on Donna’s left was a retired anesthesiologist who could hardly wait to get on the plane with his wife, the nurse seated next to him.
The other team members included a young married couple, both pediatricians, and Dr. Benton’s brother, the program administrator and a permanent employee like herself. Dr. Benton, wearing a Hawaiian shirt with a surfing Santa Claus on it, bantered with everyone, though Mia wondered why he was holding a medium-sized wicker basket.
He raised a hand to signal for attention. “Good evening, folks. Glad you could all make it.”
One of the internists, the husband, piped up. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, John.”
“Me neither,” Donna replied.
Everyone murmured approval, even Mia, though she felt like an imposter. Did anyone else have doubts like hers? It didn’t seem like it.
“Some of you are veterans,” Dr. Benton continued, “and some of you are rookies. I thought we’d play a little ‘getting to know you’ game. Would you each take out your phone?”
Mia stifled a groan. Great. A surprise. But maybe this would be a good one. She took her phone out of her pocket and waited for instructions.
A mischievous grin stretched across Dr. Benton’s face. “Now pull up the last picture you took.”
No. Just no. The last picture she took zoomed in on the quarter on her carpet. How would she explain it? She gave serious thought to scrolling past it, but Dr. Benton was watching her.
“No cheating.” He winked at her. “I don’t care if it’s the worst selfie in the world.”
Mia faked a laugh, left the picture of the coin on the screen, and hoped this game wasn’t going where she thought it was.
Dr. Benton walked around with the basket. “Drop your phones inside. I’m going to hold them up one at time, and you’re going to guess whose phone it is.”
When the basket came Mia’s way, she added her phone, then laughed and groaned with everyone else about being caught unaware.
The first phone Dr. Benton chose sported a lavender case and showed a picture of two adorable little boys with Donna.
“Too easy!” said the anesthesiologist. “Donna’s in the picture.”
“My two grandsons,” she replied.
“Won’t you miss them?” the female pediatrician asked.
“Terribly,” she admitted. “But right now, I’m where I belong.”
Everyone murmured in
agreement, including Mia, though her face felt stiffer with every breath.
Dr. Benton selected the next phone, glanced at the picture, and grinned as he held out the device. “Looks like we have another proud grandparent.”
“That’s mine.” The anesthesiologist’s wife beamed.
The anesthesiologist’s phone showed the same little girl, and the phones belonging to the pediatricians showed pictures of each other.
There were three phones left. As Mia expected, Dr. Benton lifted hers from the basket and studied the screen for what felt like a long time. When he held it up, no one said a word.
“Looks like heads won,” he said.
Mia played it cool. “Yes, it did.”
“What were you deciding?” Donna asked, all smiles.
An embarrassed blush erupted on Mia’s cheeks and burned hot. No way did she want to reveal her indecision. Stay calm. Laugh it off. But she couldn’t control the trembling deep in her bones. “This will sound silly.”
“Go for it.” Dr. Benton handed her the phone. “Why the coin toss? Or better yet, why take a picture of it?”
Where did she start? How did she sum up the past six months? Falling in love and being scared; her desperate need to be responsible, keep her word, and never let anyone down, especially God; her need to never depend on anyone. The only person Mia could truly trust was herself, but here she was—trembling, red-faced, and so lost she wanted to cry.
She needed words but couldn’t find them. Where are you, Lord?
Seven people stared at her, waiting for her story. She tried to smile, but her mouth refused to bend. With nothing left but the truth, she surrendered to it. “I met someone. He’s wonderful. But back in April, when my ex-fiancé broke our engagement, I begged God to give me a new purpose. And He did. So here I am.”
No one nodded, not even Dr. Benton.
“It seemed wrong to change my mind, especially when God opened the door. But Jake is amazing. He’s strong and caring, gentle, kind, and funny too. He’s . . . he’s the best man I’ve ever known. When I had to choose between Jake and Mission Medical, I couldn’t do it. So I flipped a coin.”
The Two of Us Page 27