by L. L. McNeil
‘All of my allies and you? Together, Mateli wouldn’t dream of attacking! You’ve come out here, to the middle of nowhere, alone. You’re vulnerable! He knows that! Sapora knows that!’
‘I am not fighting Sapora!’
‘You are! He is fighting us! All of us! That means you! You can’t run from that!’ Lathri was almost screaming now. ‘I may not be able to get to you if you run again! Farther into the wilderness. You can’t expect me to drop everything and find you every time you get into trouble!’
He growled. ‘I am sorry for…for…inconveniencing you…’ He struggled around the word, but he could think of no other to make his point clear.
‘You want to be with me? You want to get back together, to how it was before?’ Lathri asked, her voice a little calmer.
‘You know this is what I want.’
‘Then come back to Taban Yul. Stand by my side. Fight with me.’
He knew she’d ask that.
He knew he’d have to say no when she did.
‘My answer is same as before. I cannot.’
She trembled. ‘Then there’s nothing left for us.’
He stood silently for a moment, waiting to see if she’d say anything else, and not trusting himself to respond.
When she transformed back and flew out the window, he roared into the hearth with a cold fury that scared him a little.
She was wrong.
She was so wrong.
He wasn’t a coward. He had fought.
He’d pushed through twenty years of fear and denial to return to his village; he’d met with his father, talked to him, eaten with him.
Solvi now saw him as part of her family.
He’d fought his greatest enemy and kept him from harming Solvi or the village.
Rage boiled up in him, and he roared again, screaming until he had no air left in his lungs.
What was the point of it all if Lathri couldn’t see what he’d done? Didn’t care what he’d done.
What was the point of any of it?
He grabbed his Valta Forinja, its power pulsing, and slashed it at his bed, the walls, the floor. It carved into the wood, splintering it and sending the linen flying.
He’d tried!
Rhea knew, he’d tried.
And it still wasn’t enough.
Why wasn’t it enough?
He threw the weapon through the window, the blade careening into the forest, sending sparks of energy in all directions, slicing through the trees and burning the ground until it came to a stop.
He collapsed on the floor, head in his hands, and wept.
Everything he tried, he failed in.
Even when he tried to make things right, he still messed it up.
What good was a tiger without a purpose?
How could he be worth anything to anyone?
Everyone he’d tried to protect had died, fuelling his desire to defend even more.
A vicious circle that he had no way to escape.
Palom decided to leave.
He couldn’t stay here, in this place of death and mistakes.
He’d do just as Lathri suggested—go deeper into Val Sharis, lose himself in the wilderness of winter.
Perhaps then he’d figure out what it was all for.
As he stood to grab his belongings, the smallest of noises caught his attention. A chirp, like a bird. A tiny one.
He looked out the window, but the damage caused by the Valta Forinja had cleared the area of any wildlife. Palom strained to listen, when he heard it again—behind him, this time.
The hearth.
Eyes wide, Palom watched as the once dormant dragon egg twitched, rocking ever so slightly where it sat on the dead embers. A tiny crack appeared, then another, then another, all along the top of the egg.
‘You are alive…’ Palom said, too stunned to react in any other way.
He watched as a tiny black talon protruded from the gap, and the hatchling within took its first breath outside the egg.
Chapter Eighteen
Cold. So damned cold.
Amarah shivered.
‘Why…why’s it dark?’
‘You were badly injured. I had to cover your eyes.’
Kohl’s voice.
Where the fuck was Jato?
‘Take off the cover. I feel fine. Where’s Jato hiding?’
‘She’s gone.’
His voice seemed quieter than usual.
She lifted her hands, felt around her face, and picked at the fabric wrapped around her eyes.
Kohl moved somewhere to her left, sending a cold breeze over her.
Amarah shivered again and yanked the fabric off over the top of her head, the static sending loose hair in all directions.
She blinked.
Something wasn’t right.
Firstly, she appeared to be sat on the broken floor of Jato’s tower—somewhere she did not want to be.
Secondly—and this was the main problem—why could she only see out of her left eye?
Amarah brought her hands up to her face, felt the swollen skin, felt scabs over her wounds. Her fingers trembled. ‘Kohl…’
‘I got there as fast as I could,’ he said, still not looking at her ‘A few seconds longer and she’d have killed you. Jato’s so strong…’
She heard what he said but couldn’t process it. ‘Kohl. Tell me…what the fuck happened.’ She touched her brittle hair, and clumps of it came away in her fingers.
Then she smelled the burning, like a fire left as embers for too long. Her Arillian robes had been singed, the edges of her sleeves burned away.
‘It was a direct hit, Amarah,’ Kohl continued. ‘Not even that scythe of yours could absorb her attack.’
Amarah stormed over to him, grabbed his shoulder, and turned him to face her. ‘I’m alive, ain’t I?’
He pulled away from her, and Amarah grabbed him more forcefully. ‘Kohl, look at me!’
‘You’ve been unconscious for nearly a week. I…I didn’t think you’d survive.’
That stopped her in her tracks.
It felt as though she’d been fighting Jato only five minutes ago. How could she have been out for a week?
She traced her fingers over her face again.
That explained the scabs.
But her vision…?
She closed her left eye, and her breath caught.
Nothing.
She could see absolutely nothing.
‘What did she do?’ Amarah screamed, her hands running over her face. ‘Where is she?’
Kohl just watched as she cried out, and that angered her even more. Why wouldn’t he tell her?
‘Amarah…I’m sorry…’
‘Tell me where she is! I’ll find her! I’ll hunt her across Linaria!’ She didn’t care that she only had one eye, didn’t care that flying Khanna would be hard.
She could fly with her eyes closed if she had to.
‘Where’s my scythe? I’ll get her back for this, mark my words, I’ll get her back!’ Spittle flew in her rage, but Kohl still looked like a kicked puppy. ‘Fine. Don’t tell me. I’ll find her myself. I’m used to hunting down things that are hard to find!’
Amarah saw her scythe leaning against what was left of the entrance to the tower. She took a step forward, the rock uneven underfoot, and wobbled.
‘Be careful, Amarah. Your balance without both eyes…’
She stumbled, flailed, and grasped at the air as she fell. She caught her knee on the rocks, grazing it, and cursed again.
‘Amarah, you…you can’t…’
‘Don’t give me that “good father” rubbish, Kohl!’ She heaved herself up and pressed on, using the wall to balance as she moved towards her scythe.
‘It has nothing to do with that. You can’t follow her,’ he said, fluttering his wings to catch up to her. He landed beside the tower’s entrance. ‘Khanna…Khanna’s destroyed. Jato…She…Her attack…’
Amarah wobbled again.
‘I’m sorry.
There’s nothing left, there’s only splinters…’
She dry-heaved. ‘You’ve got…that’s a sick joke. You still love her but…I’m going after her. Don’t come up with pig-shit to…make me not.’
He rested a hand on her shoulder. ‘I’m not making it up. Amarah, I’m sorry.’
She coughed, began to hyperventilate. ‘Don’t joke! Don’t you dare joke about Khanna!’
‘I’ll show you…’ He said, taking her hand and leading her out of the ruins of the tower and onto the snowy field.
Amarah recognised the fire pit—the flames now extinguished—and a small crater beside it. The dip in the ground was full of snow, and when she peered over the lip of the crater, tears streamed down her face. There were only a few wooden boards and a bit of fabric from her sails left.
She tried to swallow, spat it out.
Coughed again.
‘Khanna…What have you done to my Khanna!’ Amarah collapsed onto her knees, fists pounding the ground. ‘I trusted you, Kohl! What a damned mistake that was! I should have gone to Berel! Should have gone to Topeko!’
Kohl sat on the edge of the crater and said nothing.
‘What a fucking waste. Came out here to do some good and look what happened!’ She cried, letting out her grief.
What was she going to do without Khanna?
She’d been through everything with that ship.
Khanna was her freedom, her life.
Khanna was as much a part of her as her arms and legs. ‘And I’m stuck on this damned rock without a ship to get away!’ She sniffed and shook her head.
It would be funny if it wasn’t so bloody depressing.
She sobbed for a while. A handful of Arillians flew overhead and looked down at her.
She didn’t need their pity.
Or were they afraid she’d attack again?
When her tears dried, and her nose ran, she sniffed and wiped her face. She didn’t care about her eye, her skin, her hair.
She was angry at herself for coming out here on the strength of Kohl’s promises.
Amarah sat back on her knees and looked at him. ‘Be honest with me. Could you ever have helped? Your Arillian magic? The Golems? Would any of it actually worked?’
‘I think there’s a chance. But I needed Jato to work with me to ask them, to use her leadership to try…’ he said.
‘So, she’d rather mope about her dead boyfriend than do anything about it.’ Amarah sniffed, wiping the last of her tears from her face. ‘Great, just fucking great.’
‘I tried to convince her.’
Amarah licked her lips. ‘You haven’t got a hope of convincing that one of anything.’ She shuddered and looked up, trying to halt the sudden wave of tears which threatened. ‘So, where’d she go?’
Kohl sighed. ‘I don’t know. There are still Arillians who’re loyal to her. She took them and flew off. She wants revenge for what happened to Aciel…She…She holds a deeper love for him than she does for me.’
‘I could’ve told you that,’ Amarah said, suddenly feeling empty.
He shook his head. ‘I’ll never speak to her again…’
‘You’re better off. Trust me.’
She slumped where she sat, dizzy from her compromised vision, and half-raging, half-grieving over the loss of Khanna. ‘What a bloody wasted trip.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Kohl said.
Amarah shrugged. ‘I should’ve known it.’
This put her back to square one—how to get Moroda out.
Without an airship.
While blind in one eye.
‘What else is stronger than a Sevastos?’ She asked. ‘Other than your Golems, which are about as useless as the ice they’re from.’ She raised her hands, then let them drop to her thighs with a slap.
Kohl didn’t bother to rise to her insult. ‘Nothing, as far as I know. Rhea herself, if you believe in her.’
Amarah didn’t much care for gods and fairy stories.
She pinched the bridge of her nose, thinking. She’d always had her ship to get out of whatever mess she’d found herself in.
Always.
‘If a Sevastos sealed Moroda. Maybe another one can break the seal?’
‘I…I suppose?’
She bit her lip, thinking. One of those ereven spheres would be nice. That’d help her track down another Sevastos same way Moroda had.
‘You’re good at hunting dragons, aren’t you? Maybe you can make up for this fuck up by offering to help track a Sevastos for me.’
Kohl frowned. ‘I wouldn’t have the first idea how to find a Sevastos.’
Amarah rolled her eyes. ‘Dragons above, use your brain! How did you track normal dragons before? What can you take from that to apply to a Sevastos? Come on, Kohl, I know you’re upset. Damn, so am I—like you wouldn’t believe—but sitting on this icy rock moaning about it ain’t gonna change anything!’
She saw him wince. ‘What else were you gonna do? Sit here and hope one day Jato would come back and hug you? I tell you know, she ain’t like that. The sooner you move on, the better.’
She was doing it again. Covering her fear and pain with anger. Pretending she was stronger than she felt.
‘Amarah can you just…can you just not? For once?’
She pushed herself to her feet. ‘No! I’m not sitting around waiting for you to stop feeling sorry for yourself. If Jato’s on the warpath again, people will die. I’m here to sort out Moroda. Are you gonna sort out your daughter?’
He covered his face with his hands, rubbed at his eyelids.
‘I came here for one reason. That’s blown apart, so I’m looking at my options, doing what I can.’
‘Amarah, you don’t even have a ship. How are you planning on finding a Sevastos?’ There was a bite in his tone.
‘I don’t have my Khanna thanks to your brat,’ she huffed. ‘Wanna know what I’m gonna do about it?’ She put her hands on her hips.
‘…What?’
‘I need a ship. I’m going on an old-fashioned treasure hunt, ‘cept it’s a dragon I’ll be hunting. Lucky for me I’ve got allies who know a thing or two about treasure hunts.’
‘You have allies?’ Kohl raised an eyebrow.
‘I have friends in all sorts of places,’ she said. ‘I’ll see if I can call on some of my old pirating partners. See if we can strike a deal. You gonna help me out on this hunt? Pay me back for destroying my ship?’
Kohl looked at her, incredulous. ‘You just said you didn’t trust me?’
‘I don’t need to trust you to benefit from you. Right now, I could do with someone who hunted dragons for a living. An’ you owe me a ship. So, if you feel bad about this,’ she pointed to her right eye, ‘you can call it paying me back.’
‘Amarah, I don’t…’ Kohl hesitated.
‘You told me you were a leader once. Lead, damn you!’ She hobbled back to the remnants of Jato’s tower and picked up her scythe. ‘Or don’t. If you’d rather sit here and mope, I can’t stop you. I’ll get another Arillian to help me. They want me gone. They’ll help me get off this bloody rock.’
She wanted to cry again. Wanted to scream.
Khanna destroyed because of his damned daughter. Why couldn’t he see how toxic she was? That Linaria would be better off without her? The he would be better off without her?
Amarah widened her stance, twirled the scythe a little slower than usual. She’d have to push through—somehow.
‘I’ll come with you,’ Kohl said. ‘But you should rest. You’ve been hurt, badly. Heading to the mainland is too much—’
‘I’m not waiting,’ she snapped.
He raised his hands defensively. ‘Okay. Sorry for having consideration.’
She cackled at that. ‘Don’t make me laugh. The only thing you care about is Jato.’
‘I used to. There’s nothing left for me here, now.’
She frowned. ‘Look, you’re actually listening to me now!’
‘Could it…could it be a chance at
redemption? You and I have a second chance to do something right?’
Amarah rolled her eyes. ‘It’s taking opportunities when they come along.’
‘I…Have I been on the wrong path this whole time? I wanted to save Jato. Even if she didn’t understand, didn’t want to be saved.’
Amarah trudged away, leaving Kohl to mutter about his change of heart. He’d said he’d help her, that was all she needed. So long as he got her away from Oren, she didn’t care what else he did.
She’d find her allies, get a new ship, and free Moroda.
Then she’d hunt down Jato and cut her into so many pieces even Kohl wouldn’t recognise her.
‘Amarah, hold on!’ Kohl called, flying after her when he’d realised she’d headed off alone. ‘I’ll carry you back to the others. You’ll need supplies if we’re to be on foot down there.’
She considered for a moment, then nodded. She didn’t even mind the indignity of being picked up and flown by Kohl. Anything to get moving faster.
*
‘I think it is best that you’re leaving,’ Tymē said when Amarah told her what she planned to do. ‘Things with Jato are still unsettled. Those under Aciel’s compulsion are still unwell. It may be years before they come back to their senses. But so many loved the prestige he won us, and that’s why they follow Jato.’
Amarah huffed. ‘I don’t care why they follow her. They’re idiots to think she’s gonna get them any respect.’
Tymē shook her head and handed her the bundle of robes and furs that Kohl had asked if she could provide. ‘These are all we can spare. I have never walked to the mainland, but you know how long it took to fly…’
‘I’m not worried,’ Amarah said, wrapping the linens around her and pulling on a new pair of fur-lined boots. ‘Kohl will fly me as much as he can. I only need to get to Tum Metsa.’
‘She is very optimistic,’ Kohl said to Tymē.
‘I know. Goodness knows we could do with a little positivity.’
‘Will you be okay?’ Kohl asked.
Tymē shrugged. ‘We’ve been on our own since your exile. I’m sure we’ll manage.’ She smiled sadly at him, and Amarah sensed a longing in her body language.
With a bag full of cold meat and vegetables, about the only food that would last, and bundled up in thick clothing, Amarah finally felt ready to return to the mainland.