I couldn’t help but catch Reed’s eye to see what he thought of it all. It was a good thing we weren’t serious. He would have bailed on me. Was this part of the reason Neil left me?
Reed pressed his lips together with brows raised. I could tell he didn’t want to linger too long on me, but his eyes said we would talk later.
We all focused on Ma to see what she was going to do. She, too, stood. “I did not teach my children to talk to me this way.” So much for her doing the right thing. “And I know when people are keeping secrets, so be careful, son, about which side you choose.”
Families shouldn’t have sides.
The table erupted. Dad was now up, telling Ma to apologize, which didn’t go over well at all. Mimsy was snapping pictures of this Kodak moment. I prayed she didn’t know how to get on any social media sites. Oh, have mercy if she did. James and Avery were also trying to talk some sense into Ma, who now had marched out of the room in tears muttering how ungrateful we all were.
Peter and Delanie walked out hand in hand without another word to any of us. I couldn’t blame them. To be honest, it was a long time coming, but there had never been a rift in our family. Deckers were loud and obnoxious, but we stuck together through thick and thin. I prayed Ma came to her senses. This was not worth losing family over. We had already lost too many.
All that was left at the table was Reed, Mimsy, and me. Reed smiled at me before Mimsy added to the joy of the day.
“Samantha Marie, you never did say whether you were having sex or not.”
Reed chuckled under his breath.
I stabbed my pie with my fork. “No, Mimsy, I never did.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
“Have you talked to Delanie or Peter?”
I curled into one of the decorative pillows on my sectional, taking a breather before I went to bed. “Neither will answer their phone,” I lamented to Avery.
“We tried over here too.”
“I feel awful. I should have said more tonight, or a long time ago.” I had tried, but Ma was dismissive.
“Poor Delanie came into the family right before we hit our low points.”
“I know. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own head that I didn’t pay attention to her like I should have. And I should have been more forceful with Ma when I talked to her a few weeks ago.”
“You know that wouldn’t have gone over well.”
“You’re right. I just don’t understand what she has against her. It wasn’t like she made Peter leave the priesthood. And I don’t think he broke any vows before he decided to leave.”
Avery paused. “I agree with you, but . . . don’t you find it odd that they are building such an expensive home?”
“Yes,” I admitted. “Maybe Delanie makes more money than we assumed, or maybe her parents are wealthy.”
We had only met them once. Cat and Ron were both psychologists. They lived a very free kind of lifestyle. So much so that Delanie called them by their first names. They didn’t want to be defined by any label. They even combined their last names to create Monfort. I couldn’t remember what two names they’d meshed together. Though Delanie never said anything, I believed her parents embarrassed her.
They certainly didn’t blend well with my parents. The one get-together we all had a couple of years ago was filled with awkward silence. And I was pretty sure that Delanie’s parents feared for her emotional well-being now that she was a Decker. Especially when Ma had a fit when Peter informed us they, too, were thinking of combining their last names and becoming either the Deckmons or the Mondecks. I’m not going to lie, I thought that was weird. Ma flat-out said it would break her heart and she wouldn’t hear of it. To make peace, Delanie remained a Decker. She was probably regretting that now.
“I guess they could be,” Avery didn’t sound convinced.
“What’s wrong?” Avery wasn’t sounding like herself.
“James is upset.”
“About what happened tonight?”
She inhaled and exhaled. “He’s got this complex. He gets in these moods where he feels like he should be a better provider, that he should have gone to college like you and Peter.”
“James?” I never knew those kinds of things bothered him. He was lovable, but always acted self-assured. I called it arrogant when we were younger.
“Tonight only drove that point home.”
“You guys have a nice house and he’s happy doing what he does. A lot of people can’t say that. And hey, if it makes him feel better, you can tell him that neither Peter nor I use our degrees.”
Not to say Peter hadn’t used his master’s in theology once upon a time. But not once had I used my degree in English, unless you counted editing my blogs and Cody’s school papers.
“He would say your house is nicer and you both have something to fall back on.”
“I would counter that his house comes with a gorgeous wife, and if he’s worried, he should go back to school. But you know Dad’s going to leave him the business. That is, if he ever retires. Honestly, if anyone has to worry, it’s me. Alimony won’t last forever, and if I think about it too much it kind of makes me feel like vomiting knowing I’m still dependent on Neil.”
“Delanie and Gelaire are right, you could take the Sidelined Wife and run with it. How many companies have contacted you now to be sponsors on your site or offered to market products related to it? And you have how many followers now?”
The answer was a lot. More than I ever thought or dreamed possible. “Isn’t it weird?”
“Completely, but it’s also amazing. Take the bull by the horns and run with it. Delanie seemed to know who was reputable to work with.”
“I’m beginning to think there is so much we don’t know about her. I’m going to redouble my efforts to get to know her better.”
“Me too. I’ll invite her to have lunch with us this week and you guys can help me plan my Halloween extravaganza. By the way, Gary, our neighbor, remembers you from last year and is interested.”
Uh. That could be a problem. “You talked to him?”
“Maybe.” She giggled.
“Avery, I don’t want to be set up.”
“Think of it as exploration.”
I was already doing that, and I was more than happy with it. I laughed at her. “Call it what you want, but I’m happy with the way things are right now.”
“I was going to mention you do seem happier. Anything happen? Did Neil rip his boy band pants in public or something?”
Another laugh erupted at the thought. “That I wouldn’t know. Our only communication is when he tells me he’s going to disappoint our son and how sorry he is about it.”
“He’s going to regret that someday.”
“I just hope once he does, it isn’t too late. Cody won’t admit it, but he needs his dad. At the very least, he needs to know his dad cares and he’s trying. But if Neil can’t figure this out, Cody will never admit it to him.”
Speaking of Cody, he surprised me and appeared in his pajama pants, running his fingers through his hair.
“Avery, can I call you later or talk to you tomorrow?”
“Sure. Everything okay?”
I studied Cody. “I think so.”
“Call me if you need anything.”
I knew she meant that. I hung up and, for a moment, I saw the little boy I once knew in Cody’s brown eyes. “Everything okay, bud?”
He shuffled his bare feet around, unsure. “Can I ask you something?”
My heart thumped and jumped. “Anything.” I patted the seat next to me.
He didn’t hesitate and landed next to me.
I ruffled his hair. It was getting longer and the curl I loved was more prominent. “What’s going on?”
He leaned forward and rested his hands on his knees, making my heart go into overdrive. This couldn’t be good if he wouldn’t look at me.
“So, I was thinking about going to the homecoming dance since I’m on the team and all.”
He lifted his head and turned my way. “I, um, want to ask Rory if, you know, she wants to go with me.”
“Oh.” My heart may have stopped. “It’s kind of short notice, don’t you think? The dance is in six days.”
“Yeah, I know. But I know she’s not going with anyone.”
“You do?”
“Her friend, Jasmine, told me.”
“I suppose she mentioned Rory wants you to ask her.”
His crooked grin made an appearance. “Yeah.”
Not sure if it was because my baby was growing up or if I wasn’t ready for all this, but I had to hold back the tears. I took a deep, brave mom breath. “You should probably ask her tomorrow.”
He nodded. “I want to do something fun to ask her.”
“Do you need some ideas?”
He nodded more vigorously.
“I can help with that.”
I wasn’t sure I had ever seen him look more relieved or happy. Stab a knife in my heart. He was growing up, and I knew that meant someday I wouldn’t be the most important woman in his life. I wasn’t ready to relinquish that title. But I did what any good mother would.
“Let me go upstairs to get some poster board and markers. While I’m doing that, google some cute sayings we can work with.” I had a few in mind based on Reed’s candy notes, but I wanted Cody to own this.
Cody’s smile said he liked the plan.
While I walked away, I heard the faintest, “Love you, Mom.”
“I love you, too.” I was not quiet about it.
~*~
You have to keep an eye on Cody for me at the homecoming dance.
The offer for you to come with me is still on the table.
I was tempted, in light of the darling poster we made with some of Cody’s favorite candy we had on hand, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. The black poster had them plastered between the words written in white, Rory, I can’t Reese’s-ist asking you to homecoming. Cody was so proud of it.
Tempting.
I can work with that.
I snuggled into my bed under my thick covers, trying to avoid telling him no again. I couldn’t do that to Cody right now. I’m not ready for him to date.
How do you think Cody would feel about his mom dating?
So much for avoiding uncomfortable topics. I don’t know. And after everything he’s been through with his dad, I’m afraid to ask.
You’ll have to have that conversation with him at some point.
Or I’ll become a nun. That would make my mom happy.
That wouldn’t deter me.
Could he ever make me smile. Don’t worry, I don’t think a habit would look good on me.
I disagree, but I do prefer you in more form-fitting clothes.
I was thinking the same thing about you.
You’re making me blush, Samantha Decker.
I don’t know why, but I liked when he called me by my full name. Maybe it was a good reminder that I was Samantha Decker. And I was learning to kind of like her.
By the way, I’m sorry for the crazy Decker show today.
You should be. You were partaking of forbidden fruit and I missed it. Were you meeting other men at the orchard this weekend?
Yes. For that whole five minutes you left me to use the restroom.
I knew it.
You may want to rethink coming to my parents’ place. It’s like the insane asylum now.
All families are crazy. Besides, I have the best view at dinner.
I’m worried about Peter and Delanie.
I’ll talk to Peter. Don’t worry. It will all work out.
How was it that he always made me feel like it really would be okay? I hope so.
Tell me what your plans are for the week. I need to know what I’m working with.
Pretty much the same as always, except I imagine I will be helping Cody get ready for homecoming. I’m still selling tickets Friday at the school. And I have to get ready for that speech you convinced me to do. I’m treating myself to a pedicure to make myself feel better about it.
Pedicure? When?
I’m not sure yet. Maybe Thursday, if I have time.
Make time Thursday evening and I’ll come with you after practice is over.
I don’t have time to go two hours away to get a pedicure.
You don’t need to. I have a plan.
You always do.
I do what I have to do to clandestine with you.
That rhymed.
I have more where that came from.
I had no doubt that he did. My yawning was becoming uncontrollable. It was already eleven. I better go. Goodnight.
Goodnight, beautiful.
I held the phone to my chest, believing he meant every word.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Why is it when you feel like you are getting one part of your life settled, or at least in the managed-chaos stage, that colossal chaos comes your way? I’m partially blaming you all for my current dilemma. Apparently, there are people that think I may know a thing or two since so many of you follow me. If you are under that impression as well, please let me apologize. I’m not sure where they got their information.
But now I’ll be making my first public appearance. I’m supposed to string words together that sound intelligent and insightful. I’ve never ranked myself high on either scale. To top it off, my son is going on his first date this weekend. And not just any date, but a homecoming date. I’m gulping down my heart as I type.
I don’t know about you other single, divorced moms, but now I worry even more about being enough. Am I enough to show my son how to be a man? A better man than the one I chose for him?
Does he know that there is nothing more “manly” than showing his emotions or admitting when he’s made a mistake and then trying to do better? Does he know the influence he has to empower the future girls and women in his life? Have I empowered him? Will he know what it means to be a partner when I feel like I’m just learning that lesson now? Does he know that sometimes the strongest thing he can do is be gentle? Or that saying no to his own desires in place of another person’s shows strength beyond compare? Will he be brave enough in the tough moments to do the right thing? I know the man I trusted to be strong in the moments that truly counted wasn’t.
My hope is that my son sees what a destructive force selfishness is and chooses a better way. I hope that I will choose better. And I’m not talking about a man, though I do have a working list on the must-haves for the next husband, assuming there will be a next one. I’ll share that list in a later post, but spine-tingling kisses is a must.
As always, carry on, and don’t forget the important job we do on the sidelines. I especially love the support you all lend to each other and me on every thread. If you have any tips for how to make it through your son dating, or a good, stiff drink recommendation, send them my way. Just kidding. I should probably remain sober for this. So any non-alcoholic advice would be terrific.
Yours Truly,
Sidelined Wife in Chief
P.S. Return to Sender was riveting. I give it two thumbs up. Next up on the book club front is Midnight Promises. I’ll be sending out more info and the These Chicks Read Lit book club questions in my newsletter if you want to participate via Skype.
Yes, I had a newsletter. That was Delanie’s idea. And the Stepford Wives—aka These Chicks Read Lit—had assimilated me. The first book club had been last week, and I admit I enjoyed myself, even if we weren’t reading Hunter Black books. I even posted pictures on my blog and Facebook page of all my new artificial friends, who might turn into the real thing as long as they didn’t want to start braiding my hair or having sleepovers. I was afraid that was a possibility for some of them.
Did I mention one of the mean moms was a member? Her name was Clarice, as in Silence of the Lambs, though I pegged her more as the serial killer, not the heroine. Her beady-eyed stares all night bothered me. And every ti
me someone mentioned they loved my blog, she made ugh sort of sounds that she tried to pass off as clearing her throat. I was so proud of myself when I finally handed her a cough drop halfway through our discussion. She begrudgingly had to take it, but I could tell with every fiber of her being she wanted to shove it down my throat.
Good times.
I clicked publish on my post and checked the time. I probably shouldn’t be writing posts at work, but that was one of the perks when you worked for family. Delanie was meeting Avery and me for lunch at the office to help Avery plan her Halloween party, even though she had it mostly planned already. This was more of an excuse to let Delanie know we loved her.
Delanie offered to bring the food. I hoped she wasn’t making it. I loved her and wanted to do what we could to mend the gaping hole Ma created and was adding to every day by refusing to apologize. It had been four days now. At least Peter and Delanie weren’t cutting off ties with everyone, but I couldn’t imagine Sunday dinner without them. I hated that our numbers were shrinking. Well, Reed had filled a spot, but how long would that last?
Speaking of Reed, my phone buzzed. I looked down and saw this message.
I want to know if your spine tingles when I kiss you, and how does that feel? My spine has never tingled.
My Reed grin came out.
First, I’m disappointed your spine doesn’t tingle when we kiss. And second, aren’t you supposed to be educating the next generation right now instead of reading my blog?
Just like I should be working. I had to get our third quarter tax payment transferred to the state. How were we already well into October? That meant a baby would be born soon. I forced that thought out of my head. Reed helped me out.
If you weren’t such a lady and I wasn’t doing my best to be a gentleman to you, I would tell you some things that . . . never mind, just know I look forward to each and every touch. And by the way, it’s my planning period.
I hoped no one walked into my office. Not only was my spine tingling, but I felt the mother of all hot flashes—the good kind, not the menopausal kind.
That’s right. I forgot.
The Sidelined Wife Page 20