Not quite sure how he was breathing, Eli reached around to move the popping bacon to the back burner, then wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her back against his chest. “Then you don’t get it,” he said softly. “Because you already are who I want. You don’t have to do a blessed thing except just be yourself. Now,” he said, setting her aside and returning the pan to the still-hot burner, “you like your bacon crisp or chewy?”
Tess stumbled slightly, then frowned at him. “What?”
“Crisp or chewy?”
“No, I mean…” She wrenched a paper napkin out of a plastic holder by the stove and blew her nose. Sniffed again. “Why aren’t you already out the door?”
Deciding the bacon was as done as it was gonna get, Eli lifted out each slice and set it on a wad of paper towels to drain. “Because I haven’t had my breakfast yet,” he said, setting the plate of bacon in the center of the table, “So you want to make these omelets or should I just scramble up a mess of eggs in this grease and call it good?”
Instead of answering, Tess slowly moved in to thread her arms around his ribs and lay her head on his chest, where she stayed so long the bacon got cold. But it wasn’t an It’s okay hug. Not by a long shot.
What it was, was the kind of hug you give somebody when you’re saying goodbye.
Chapter Twelve
“Honestly, you boys will drive me to an early grave yet,” Eli’s mother said on a what-did-I-do-to-deserve-this? sigh as she plunked a huge slice of warm, fragrant apple pie in front of him. “How do you get yourselves into these messes?”
What Eli couldn’t figure out was how he’d gone to the house to pick up something for his father and ended up spilling his guts about Tess to his mother. Most of it anyway. The parts a guy can share with the woman who birthed him. Who, Eli had no doubt, was perfectly capable of filling in the missing pieces on her own.
Ironically, if it hadn’t’ve been for the whole Tess fiasco, the past couple of weeks would have been okay. Business was picking up again, from both repeat customers and a few folks who’d seen his stuff when Tess or other agents had shown the Coyote Trail house. And it’d felt good, getting back to doing what he felt born to do. But the chasm growing between him and Tess—they’d barely even seen each other since the “sleepover”—was killing him, plain and simple.
He forked in a bite of pie, mumbling, “At least I finally got the message that my ‘being there’ for Tess was having the exact opposite effect I’d intended. Instead of reassuring her, it’s just making her feel crowded. So I’m backing off.”
Sighing, his mother sat in the chair opposite his, concern brimming in her dark eyes. She’d been baking all day, evident by her messy face and hair. “Has she said she loves you?”
“No.” Eli’s mouth thinned. “But when she looks at me…” Blowing out a breath, he stuffed another chunk of pie in his mouth before rattling the fork onto the plate. “Dammit, Mom—I feel like the densest person on the planet. What am I missing?”
His mother tapped her fingers on the table for a couple of seconds, then said, “Honey, there’s two kinds of people—the ones who never give up hope, no matter how many times they get screwed over, and the ones whose hurt goes so deep they can’t trust a good thing even when it’s right in front of their noses. From what you’ve told me, I’m guessing Tess is a card-carrying member of the second group.”
“But she wasn’t always like that! When we were in school, she was the funniest, most outgoing gal you’d ever want to meet.”
“And did it ever occur to you all that was a mask for how she was really feeling?” his mother said gently. She sank her chin in her hand, pressing stray crumbs off the vinyl tablecloth with the pad of her thumb and releasing them onto Eli’s plate. “I remember, when you’d bring her over here all those years ago, how she’d watch us like we were some kind of crazy reality show. Half of her was appalled, but the other half…oh, my, those big, brown eyes were filled with such longing. I was so mad at you for pulling that fast one on her, knowing how tender her heart was. Not that I didn’t understand things from your point of view,” she said at Eli’s jerk. “But that didn’t stop me from aching for her anyway.”
Eli leaned back, his arms crossed over his chest. “Did you know her mother?”
“Not really, no. Marie was one of those women not inclined to put herself out there. Still. If I’d had any idea…” Another sigh. “My take on it is that Tess might be coping fine, just as she has all along. That gal has a spine of steel. But now you’re asking her to trust something that’s always let her down before. To take a huge leap of faith. If she’s not ready to do that, there’s nothing you or anybody else can do or say to convince her otherwise. Just like…”
“What?”
“Look how long it took you to get over that gal in Taos, to even think about dating a woman with children. So you know yourself that you can’t rush these things. If she needs time, all you can do is give it to her.”
“Says the woman who tried to fix up her own son with Sally Perkins.”
“And when it didn’t take, I let go. I do know how to bow out gracefully.”
Eli chuckled, then released a breath. “And if Tess doesn’t come around?”
His mother curled her fingers around his hand. “All you can do is let her know she’s in your thoughts, that you care. Anything more gets into stalking territory,” she said with a slight smile. “But you know, if it’s meant to be, nothing can stop it. And if not…” Shrugging, she got up to cover the pie. “Then the dear Lord must have something even better for you.” She turned. “And trust she’s hearing the same voice you are. Prayer’s not about asking, Elijah,” Mom said before he could open his mouth. “It’s about listening.”
Definitely not what Eli wanted to hear, even if his mother’s words nagged at him all the rest of the day and on into the evening. Especially the part about how long it’d taken him to move past his fears, which sure as heck had seemed valid enough to him. And not all that long ago, either. So who was he to judge whether or not Tess’s were justified? Especially considering what he’d gone through didn’t even compare with her experience.
He was still pondering all this when he swung by the Lone Star after making a delivery before heading home. The place was all gussied up for Christmas in colored lights and tacky tinsel garlands inside and out; the original Bobby Helms “Jingle Bell Rock” blared from the jukebox, adding to the holiday cheer. And good Lord, Ramon was wearing a Santa hat. Eli chuckled in spite of himself.
“Real fetching.”
“Wife made me do it. Said it’d bring in business.” He shrugged, a man who’d learned, after thirty years of marriage, to just go with the flow. “Tap okay?”
“Sure—”
“Well, look who the wind blew in,” Eli heard beside him, and he thought, Why me? Wearing something revealing and sparkly, Suze stretched for the bowl of peanuts. “Oh, don’t get that look on your face. I’m waiting for somebody, if you must know.”
“Glad to hear it.” In more ways than one.
“So what’s up with you and Tess?” When Eli flinched so hard he nearly spilled his beer, Suze barked out a laugh. “Hot damn, I was right! You two are an item.”
Eli frowned. “She say something?”
“Tess?” Suze blew out a short laugh, then tossed back a couple of peanuts. “Honey,” she said, making a funny face when a piece of peanut went down the wrong way, “that gal wouldn’t talk about her private life if you lit a fire under her feet. I, however, have remarkable powers of observation. So. What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” Suze snorted. Eli knocked back a swallow of beer and shook his head. “What I mean is, it never got off the ground.”
“Huh,” she said, picking the last nut from her palm, then brushing her hands together. “Only reason I asked is because she’s been real tetchy this past couple of weeks. Nothing seems to cheer her up. Even though—you probably don’t know this—I landed a major listing for a bun
ch of condos up in Taos that need some serious remodeling—God save me from eighties mauve and blue—” she shuddered “—so I was able to find jobs for those two carpenters she nearly drove me nuts about.”
He frowned. “Teo and Luis?”
“That’s right. Something about how the younger one was thinking the military was looking better and better as his path to financial security, unless he could find more work. It’s a big job, should keep ’em employed at least through the spring.”
Smiling, Eli lifted his beer to her. “Thank you,” he said, thinking, Yeah, just what I need—a reason to fall more in love with the woman.
Suze shrugged. “No skin off my nose. But Tess would not let up until she knew I’d put the contractor in touch with them. I think she was worried more about that than the house not selling.”
“Still?”
“You kidding? This time of year? Honey, we’d be talking Christmas miracle for sure if it did. Oh, there’s my date…Lord, look at me with peanut bits all over my bits,” she said, laughing and swiping at herself as she slid off the stool and into the crowd.
“I know I said I was gonna spend the night in Santa Fe,” said a vaguely familiar, deep male voice behind him. “Changed my mind. There’s a little B and B not far from here. It’ll do for now…”
God, why did he know that voice? Eli casually glanced over his shoulder to catch a glimpse, but the guy was facing away. Broad back. Dark blond, shaggy hair. White cowboy hat on the table.
“…and I told you, I’m sick of Nashville. It’s not home. Never was…. Yeah, I thought so, too, when I was twenty. I was wrong.” He laughed. “Y’know, Al, strange as it might seem, not everything’s about you…. When have I ever said I was ungrateful for everything you’ve done for me? I just need to get back to my roots is all. To recharge. And anyway, it’s all over the Internet, how you just signed that hottie from one of those reality shows, so why on earth would you still need an old warhorse like me?”
Sipping his beer, the man turned, although Eli’d long since figured out who he was. Hell, Eli had a whole stack of Cash Cochran’s CDs, even his first album right after Cash’d burst onto the Nashville scene. He’d almost forgotten the singer’d been born and raised right here—
“…not anticipating a problem, it’s a buyer’s market up here, same as it is everywhere else. Just have to hook up with a Realtor and I’m good.” The country star chuckled. “Now you know why I refused to let those finance geniuses talk me into investing in the stock market. At least I still got my money…No, sir, I am not promising anything to anybody. Did that for more than half my life. Now it’s all about me, what I want for a change.”
His foot jiggling on the barstool rung, Eli frowned at his glass, telling himself it was none of his business, the man could find a house on his own, there was no way he could approach him without looking like some stupid fan….
Cochran stood and tossed some bills on the table, then headed for the door. Eli sprang from the stool, catching up with the other man in the small parking lot outside, patches of leftover snow from the day before glowing red from the Christmas lights, like God had spilled His Slurpee.
“Excuse me?”
The singer turned, a mixture of curiosity and annoyance glittering in his famous silver eyes. Eli held up his hands. “Sorry, don’t mean to butt in, but I couldn’t help but overhear…I take it you’re lookin’ for a house?”
The man relaxed. “Might be. Why? You lookin’ to sell one?”
“Not me. A…friend of mine. It’s no mansion, but it’s got four bedrooms and really pretty views. Real private, too. Here…” He handed over Tess’s card, an old one still showing her with long hair. “That’s the Realtor. Ask her about the Coyote Trail place. Of course, she can show you other houses, too, if that one doesn’t work for you.”
The man angled the card to get a better look in the red glow. “Tess Montoya. Pretty gal. Thanks,” he said, tucking the card in his jacket pocket. “And who shall I say recommended her?”
“Doesn’t matter,” Eli said, backing toward his own truck. “Doesn’t matter at all.”
Fortunately for Tess, everybody had been so crazy busy with kid stuff and work stuff and Christmas stuff it was halfway into December before her girlfriends and aunt were able to get together to hear about Florita’s and Winnie’s Excellent Adventure. Not that it still hadn’t taken a supreme effort for Tess to drag her butt—and the two little butts she’d spawned—to Winnie’s and Aidan’s glass-and-wood mountain hideaway, but begging off would have only brought on a barrage of questions. Especially from her aunt, who Tess had avoided since Flo’s return like a bad eighties mixed tape. Because those eyes, they saw things…things Tess did not want Flo, or the three irritatingly cheerful, happily married women currently oohing and ahhing over Winnie’s and Flo’s Big Apple haul, to see.
While the menfolk attached to the women watched over assorted little people downstairs, the estrogenized among them congregated in Winnie’s huge, cathedral-ceilinged bedroom with its star-studded skylights, the cheerful fire snapping and hissing in the eight-foot-tall stone fireplace. Rachel, Thea’s nineteen-year-old stepdaughter, sprawled on her stomach across Winnie’s patchwork-quilt-covered, four-poster bed, while Thea sat cross-legged beside her, stuffing her face with various goodies brought back from the Land to the East. Beside her lay Annabelle, Winnie’s Border collie, all verklempt that Thea was, just at the moment, too distracted by her new hot-pink leather Kate Spade handbag to rub the dog’s fluffy white tummy.
“Oh my word, Winnie—I cannot believe you did this!” Laughing, Thea hugged the bag to her stomach. “But I’m sure glad you did!”
“And these earrings are incredible,” Rachel said, flicking back a stripe of hair the same color as Thea’s new bag to reveal the cascading, interlocking gold loops. “Thanks!”
Curled up in a velvet armchair in front of the fire, Tess couldn’t stop stroking the soft-as-a-baby’s-cheek pashmina stole she’d just unwrapped. “Nobody expected you to bring us presents, you know.”
“Like I was gonna go to New York and not?” Winnie said with a laugh, still the same skinny, blue-jeaned country gal who’d blown into town from West Texas two years ago, despite her husband’s becoming one of the art world’s rock stars. “There’s gifts for all the kids, too, but they can’t open theirs until Christmas. And,” she said, her straight, shoulder-length dark blond hair gleaming red-gold in the firelight, “that’s not all.”
Amid protests from the other women, Winnie pulled three little boxes from an aqua Tiffany’s bag she’d been hiding in her closet. Holding the boxes to her chest, Winnie blushed and said, “I only hope these make as much sense to y’all as they did to me. But not ever really having girlfriends before I came here, I wanted some way to show how much our friendship means to me.”
She handed out the boxes, waiting until everyone else opened theirs before tugging out her own tiny, perfect silver teardrop pendant from underneath her Henley sweater. “Before somebody asks me what on earth I was thinking, giving y’all teardrops…” She blew out a breath. “Friendship’s all about sharing tears, of joy and laughter as well as heartbreak. And I’m more grateful than I can say to have found y’all to share those tears with.”
“Omigod, Winnie,” Thea said, grinning and holding up her hair while Rachel fastened the pendant, then twisting to the do the same for the younger woman. “They’re perfect. I am never, ever taking this off—”
“So what do you think?” Flo said, popping out of Winnie’s master bath in something short and tight and gold, her own teardrop softly glimmering against her breastbone. “Hot, right?”
As the women all laughed, giving Tess’s aunt a thumbs-up, Tess fingered the smooth, cool teardrop, her eyes stinging as she realized how much this little group meant to her, too. How much she loved them all.
And she knew they loved her.
The first sob exploded out of nowhere, followed by another, and another and another. After a
moment of shared shock, at least two sets of arms cradled her shoulders, the other two women at her knees, holding her hand or patting her legs, everybody talking at once.
“Omigod, honey…what is it?”
“Annabelle, no, she doesn’t need your sympathy—”
“Dude, eww…you’re all snotty…let me get you a tissue—”
“An’ maybe we should all jus’ shut up and let the woman talk, you know?” Flo said, crouching beside her. No small feat in that outfit. “What happened, carina?”
So out it all came, the whole miserable story, that here was this good, kind man offering her everything she’d ever wanted and she was petrified to take it and how messed up was that? When she was done—feeling a lot like the time when, as a kid, she’d eaten way too much junk at the State Fair and had barfed it all back up at two in the morning, her first and last experience with puking—she realized the room practically vibrated with the silence. Her mouth pulled tight, she blew her nose.
“Now I remember why I don’t do this.”
“Do what?” Winnie asked, frowning.
“Dump on my friends.”
“Oh, geez,” Thea said, rolling her eyes from the edge of the bed, where she’d returned to hear out the tirade. “Don’t make me come over there and smack you—”
“If I don’ get there first,” Flo said, then turned to the others. “Anyone up for hearing some of the background about this, raise your hands.”
“Flo, for God’s sake,” Tess said as three hands shot up. But she had about as much chance of stopping the woman as she would an earthquake. Flo turned back to Tess, shaking her head. “Even as a little girl you always had this big heart, you know? Always wanting to give, give, give. I sometimes think it was only because your heart was so big that you survived at all.”
“Did I?”
“Ha!” Thea erupted as Flo said, “Oh, my, yes. And then some. But as you got older, I could see caution start to take root in your eyes, even if not at first in your heart. Even now, you’re good at pretending everything’s fine when underneath your heart is breaking.”
A Marriage-Minded Man Page 18