He shows me on the electronic panel. Whatever happened to hot and cold knobs?
“Hang on a sec.” He runs out of the room and returns with his arms full of bath and beauty products … things from my past that I long for. “I needed to grab these out of the other bathroom. I’m not sure what you like so take your pick. All the towels you’ll need are in the closet over there.”
“Thank you. I feel so spoiled.”
He smiles and I want to kiss him.
“Juliette, don’t look at me like that or you won’t be taking a shower alone.”
Would that be so bad? Gah, to see him naked, wet, and my hands all over him would be more than I could ask for. My scrambled thoughts beat around like eggs in a frying pan and when his chest is inches from mine I link my arms around his neck and lean into him.
“As perfect as that sounds, I’d like some time alone. And don’t take this the wrong way.”
He kisses the top of my head and says, “I understand.”
Did I just give up the opportunity of a lifetime? My friends from college would kick my ass if they could see me now. It’s been a long time since I’ve allowed myself the pleasure of thinking about them.
His hands are on my shoulders when he takes a step back. “I’ll be downstairs. And Juliette, you’re going to want to use up all the hot water, but don’t worry, I have one of those endless tanks,” he says with a smirk and leaves.
The shower is amazing. Water shoots out everywhere, soaking my aching body from head to toe, not missing a thing. Kade was right. I could stay in here for days. Weeks even. Maybe he could leave food outside and I could sneak it in without it getting soggy. And the bath products. They’re the beyond expensive kind. The type that I would have to spend a year of my income on. And the scent. Holy mother of God. I’m surrounded by a bouquet of exotic flowers from some far away island that I’ll never see. But I can dream about it because right in this very instance, as I close my eyes, I can see their beautiful blossoms as they surround me with their velvety soft petals. When I squeeze a blob of shampoo in my palm, the aroma envelops me again, and I’m transported to a magical world beyond my senses. I don’t want to open my eyes to my harsh existence. I want to move to Kade’s shower, a place where fairies exist.
It’s sheer will that forces me to turn the water off. But once more, when I wrap myself in the fluffiness of white marshmallows, I sigh. Is it weird that I want to curl up like a boiled shrimp and stay here until I get cold? Luxury has a new meaning for me. I never knew it before now. Going back to the convent is going to depress me in ways I hadn’t imagined.
I must’ve been gone a while because Kade’s voice interrupts my musings.
“Knock knock.”
“Enter at your own risk.”
When he sees me on the floor he asks, “What the hell are you doing?”
“I’m in heaven. That shower. Those bath products. That shampoo and conditioner. And these towels. Bliss. You have ruined me, sir.”
He lets out a hearty laugh. “If I had known it took so little …”
“Your towels are like Fluff.”
“Fluff?”
You know, the marshmallow stuff. So soft and fluffy. I just want to lie on them forever. I’m ruined.”
“I would think that floor would be hard.”
“I think it’s softer than my bed at the convent. And the towels there are like sandpaper.”
“Here.”
Forcing my eyes open, I see a hand in front of them. I reluctantly take it.
“Can I comb your hair?”
“Sure. There’s not much of it and it’s not great hair.”
“It’s lovely hair.”
My brow quirks. “Kade, my hair hasn’t been professionally cut since before I graduated from college. It’s a crap-cut. I whack it off myself so Sister Helena stays off my back. She deplores long hair. And if I keep it above my shoulders, she won’t make me go get a boy cut. I look awful in those.”
“How can you think that? You would look great any way you wore your hair. Your eyes are enormous with thick lashes, and your high cheekbones make you model-worthy. Juliette, you would look good bald. Seriously. You are beautiful. So shut it.”
“Well, thank you for the kind compliment, but I’m plain as Jane. My sister, on the other hand, was pretty. And the sweetest thing. You know how some really pretty girls are just yucky? Not Sylvie. Sweet as pecan pie she was. Wouldn’t hurt a flea.” Sadness rips through me like the blade of a knife, slashing my chest open and digging my heart right out of the cavity in which it beats. Air is suctioned out of my lungs and the pressure on my chest won’t allow me to inhale. Everything constricts. The harder I try the worse it becomes.
“Breathe, Juliette. Come on, baby doe, breathe for me. Slowly. Not big deep ones. Relax.”
Following his instructions, I take tiny breaths and it helps.
“That’s right. Again.”
I keep doing it and eventually my chest expands fully and I’m fine. He runs his thumb down my cheek.
“Better?”
“Yeah.”
“Wanna tell me what brought that on?”
“Sylvie. Thinking about her.”
Strong arms wrap around me and walk me to the bedroom. “It’s hard losing someone you love so much, I suspect. Last year when my mom died, I was sad, but I wasn’t close to her. She hid in her room when I was growing up. She was afraid of my father, like I was. My brothers tell me she was just coming out of her shell when she died. That’s what made me the saddest. Most of her life was spent in the shadow of fear and finally when she’s set free, some asshole shoots her. So I can’t imagine what you felt, losing your sister that you loved so much.”
“It felt like losing my arms and legs. I had to learn how to walk again, and didn’t know how.”
“Anytime you need to talk about it, I’m here for you. My shoulder is damn sturdy, you know.”
I don’t know why I do it, but I crawl on his lap. He’s so large and comforting, I just want to be held. “I think I need that shoulder for a minute.”
“Only a minute? I kinda like you here.”
“What are we doing, Kade?”
“I think we’re two people who need each other. Do we need to analyze it any further than that?”
“What’s going to happen after the roads clear? When I go back to my life in the convent?”
Time came to a stop for the two of us. We had built our little nest and managed to push the rest of the world away. Or at least I did. Well, that’s not exactly true. My shadows invaded my thoughts, but I succeeded in ignoring them for the last hour or so. I did, however, sweep all thoughts of living at the convent under the proverbial carpet until now. My harsh existence slaps me in the face, reminding me of who and what I am.
Kade leans back and asks, “Do you want to go back? Be honest, Juliette. I want the God’s honest truth from your lips … not what you think you need to do.”
It takes me no time at all to respond. “Of course I don’t want to go back. But what other choice do I have?”
“You always have a choice. Stay here—with me.”
“No. That’s not a remote option for me.”
“Why not?”
“You know why. I refuse to leech off of you.”
“You won’t be. I’ll put you to work. I’ll pay you and charge you rent. It won’t be a free for all.”
“Kade, I can’t. This is too new. I’m not going to jump into anything with you. What if you start to hate me after a week? Where does that leave me?”
His features harden. “Do you actually think I would throw you out?”
“I don’t know what you’d do. I don’t even know you. We only met a month or two ago and suddenly we’re crushing on each other.”
He lifts me off his lap and sets me on the bed. Heated anger pours off him. I know I’ve pissed him off, but he wanted honesty so I’m giving it to him.
“Can you do me a favor and get dressed? It’s not easy having this conver
sation with you pretty much naked.” Then he stalks out of the room, leaving me alone in my fluffy towel.
Since I don’t want a repeat of finding him in conflict with his urges like I did earlier, I hurry and get dressed. The sweatpants and sweatshirt are huge, but cozy, and I confess to myself that I love wearing his clothes. Even though he said I could borrow his sister-in-law’s, I’d rather be wrapped in Kade’s scent. I’m back downstairs in no time. He waits for me in the den.
He gives me no opportunity to speak.
“Lets get one thing straight. I like you. A lot. Am I in love with you? No. Not yet anyway. I’m not even sure what that feels like because other than my brothers, I’ve never loved or been loved by anyone. I didn’t grow up surrounded by it and when my brothers left for school, I was alone in a loveless environment. That’s when my drug use escalated.
“Sometimes I wonder if I’m capable of love. And where you and I are concerned, I think it would take a hell of a lot of time for it to manifest. Are you following me?”
I nod. When I try to speak, his palm shoots out.
“Please, let me finish and then you’ll have your chance. So, you and I. What I’d like is for us to try. You should know you’re my first. Since my hard addiction. Since rehab. Since my brain resurfaced from its drug-induced haze it survived in for so many years. Don’t think it’s because there weren’t opportunities, because there have been plenty. But there’s something about you that speaks to me. I felt it that first day I saw you, fighting with that fucking root in your garden. Call it what you want, but I call it fate. All I want is a chance to explore whatever this is between us. If it doesn’t work, then so be it. And I’m no prize by any means, Juliette. I come with an assload of baggage, all twisted up inside of me. Just so you know.”
I say the only thing that comes to mind. “The convent is my life.”
He answers back in a voice filled with rage, “Liars and cheaters are the world’s depleters. They take and they break and they only leave heartache.”
The words pierce me. I’m speechless as I stare at him, openmouthed.
“You’re lying. I can see it in your eyes. I’ve become an expert at spotting liars a mile away. I used to be one and I grew up with one.” His accusation razors me.
“What you said—where did that come from?”
“Me. It’s what I used to say to myself when my father abused me. Don’t ever lie to me, Juliette. I’d rather you kill me with the truth than shred me with your lies.” He spins and leaves me standing there, staring at an empty space.
Eight
The Seven
Six men sit around a conference table, silent. They stare straight ahead, not daring to make eye contact with each other. Muscular thighs thump up and down as they wait. Minutes later, the door rams open as their commander stomps in. All heads turn as he pauses at the entrance, looking each one of them in the eye. Every one of them flinches when it’s their turn. Intimidation doesn’t even come close to what they feel, but that’s the least of their worries. Fury emanates off him, choking them with its fumes.
He moves to his place at the head of the table and doesn’t sit. Instead he slams his palms on the table and they all wince in their chairs. His lips curl with disgust.
“Are any of you deaf? Drey? Are you deaf?”
“No, sir.”
“Rafe, what about you?” An edge of impatience creeps in his voice.
“Not deaf, sir.”
“Edge?”
“No, sir.”
“Hmm.” Fingers thrum impatiently on the table. “Can all of you speak English?”
They all answer in unison that they can.
“Good. And exactly how many languages do you speak?” He clips off his questions, one right after the other.
They all respond, “All of them, sir.”
“Then, will somebody explain to me how the fuck this happened?” he roars. The walls reverberate with the thunder of his words.
They sit in silence, no one willing to answer. They know the first one who does will get an ass chewing never to be forgotten.
The leader begins to pace. Back and forth. Back and forth. He finally stops and says, “You were hand picked for a reason. Do you know what that reason is?”
Silence.
“Rafe, you’re my second in command. Will you fucking answer me?” He shoots Rafe a look that nearly burns him in his seat.
“Yes, sir. We were picked for our intelligence …”
The commander holds out his palm. “Stop right there. You were picked for your intelligence?” His voice carries a taunting edge to it. “Well then how in the hell could you so completely and adequately have fucked up this mission? I give you orders and you’re supposed to follow them. How could you let some slip of a girl best you like this? You’re supposed to stay dark. That means in-fucking-visible. And what happens? She fucking captures you on her boyfriend’s iPhone!” His body shakes with outrage. His eyes are black, solid black, and his face contorts with rage. “And what about those fucking footprints in the goddamned snow?” One hand grabs the edge of the table and flicks it like a feather, sending it flying. The other men leap to their feet to avoid the getting hit with the splintered debris.
The commander closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before continuing. In a barely controlled voice, he says through clenched jaws, “And then there’s the matter of your fucking dog fight.” He spins and punches his fist through the wall before turning back. Blood drips from scraped knuckles that he doesn’t appear to notice. His nostrils flare for a brief second as the tiny muscle in his cheek starts to twitch. In a low voice, he continues. “Did I not give clear instructions that if something like that occurred, that if they ever found her, none of them were to survive? You were to save the girl at all costs.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Then fucking act like it,” he yells. “Now we have three issues on our hands. The girl, the boyfriend, AND her fucking assailants—that you assured me weren’t anywhere NEAR her. What the bloody fucking hell are you doing out there? Are your dicks so far up your asses that you’re blind?”
“No, sir.”
“Then I want an explanation, Rafe. NOW. And no excuses.”
Rafe looked at all his men and shook his head. “Sabin, I don’t know how she sees us, but she does. She can pick us out of anything, day or night. She’s good. Really good.”
Sabin leans into Rafe until they are nose to nose and says, “Then you learn to be fucking better. Or they’ll grab her and when, not if they do, she’s a dead girl. That girl is walking Armageddon for this world and more. If you don’t do your fucking job, we’re all going up in one giant poof of smoke. You got that, buddy?”
“Yeah. What do we need to do?”
Sabin arches a brow and cocks his head. “What do you need to do? Do your bloody fucking jobs! Every goddamn one of you! The way you were trained! Do you get me?” The walls rattle.
“Yeah, I got you.”
“Tell me now if you don’t and I’ll get someone who can. I’m serious, Rafe. I need my best on this.”
Rafe peruses his men, one by one, and they nod. Then he says, “We got this, Sabin.”
“You better fucking have this. You were supposed to have had this for two, going on three years now. Get your fucking acts together.” Then Sabin turns and rips the door off the hinges as he leaves.
“Furious much?” Edge asks.
In one lethal bound, Rafe is in front of him, Edge’s shirt wrapped tightly in his hand and he grits out, “Edge, if you think this is to be taken lightly, you can skedaddle your pansy ass out of here now. Some of this fiasco is your fucking fault. I put you out as a team leader on a watch and this is what happens. I will not, I repeat not, cover for your sloppy fucked up shit again. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes, sir.”
Rafe releases Edge and turns to face Andros. “This goes for you too, Andros. I am done with you two. No more fucking excuses. Tell me now if you want out or are
incapable of executing this mission.”
Both of them demand to stay in.
“Do you need a fucking babysitter?”
“No, sir.”
Rafe rubs his neck and flexes his hands. “Verus, Helios, Drey, get back to your posts. Keep watch and contact me as soon as you see or hear anything unusual. And for fuck’s sake, don’t leave any damn footprints. You’re trained and know how to get rid of that shit. Go do it.”
“Got it sir.”
“And Verus, you’re in charge there for the next twenty-four.”
“Yes, sir,” Verus replies as they file out the door.
“Verus, wash out his goddamn computer.”
“Will do, sir.”
When Rafe is left alone with Edge and Andros, he says, “I want you two to explain to me why I should let you stay. And this better be fucking good.”
Andros and Edge look at each other and Edge talks. “We know we messed up, but you know how it is with her. I don’t understand how she can see us. We use every skill we have and she picks us out every time. Her eyes land on us almost immediately.”
Rafe eyes his two soldiers and says, “You’re gonna have to do better than that. Sabin is not gonna let this one go. He’s past pissed. And I’m going to have to account for it. I need concrete reasons on why you should stay. He’s ready to stick a damn boot up both your asses.”
“Tell him to come and see for himself,” Edge risks mentioning.
“Oh, Edge, you really don’t want that. He’ll run circles around every damn one of you and send you home with ‘Pussy’ in capital letters tattooed across your forehead.”
Edge pins Rafe with a stare and says, “I’ll risk it. I’ll admit the snow was a fuck up. Didn’t count on that. But the way she snagged us in the back yard. She’s unreal.”
“You better be damn glad you were able to veil those fucking photos. All I’m saying. And the next time you encounter those dickheads, take the motherfuckers out. I can’t believe you let them get away. That’s another SNAFU you are facing. I’ll mention to Sabin what you said. Be prepared for the fallout. As for that tattoo, you’re gonna look precious in pink, Edge. Now get the fuck out of my face.”
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