by Jerry Cole
That was a big thing to admit to trusting someone. And if Lee did do anything, he had a feeling that Andrew wouldn’t stop him. Not if the way he had been looking at him was anything to go by.
Lee looked at the laptop, now silent on the coffee table.
“How’s the laptop?”
“Great. Pretty much the same as my last one, only with no greasy keys.” Andrew lifted his head and smiled. “Thanks. I think it’s helped calm me down.”
“That’s good.” Lee paused. He was still staring at the laptop. “Can I ask you a question, Andrew?”
“Depends what you want to ask.”
“Why do you write romance? I don’t think I’ve ever asked.”
Andrew’s mouth twitched.
“I don’t think you’ve ever read them, either.”
“Who says I haven’t?”
“Come on, I can see your library.” Andrew gestured at the bookcases lining the wall behind Lee. “There are no romance titles on that shelf. You’re an action man, and it shows.”
Lee chuckled.
“Maybe you’re right. But I have wondered why romance.”
Andrew sighed. He sat forward and rubbed his hands over his face.
“I guess it was something that drew me in. I found myself eyeing my mother’s romance novels.”
Lee shook his head. Andrew grinned.
“You’ve not lived if you haven’t read one.”
“How do you know?”
“I know.” Andrew yawned, barely covering it with his hand. “One day, I borrowed one of my mother’s books and I just couldn’t put it down. It sucked me into a new world, and I realized that I didn’t want to leave. Then when I knew I wanted to be a writer during junior high, it’s what I gravitated to. I started out with crime, but I became more focused on the relationships.” Andrew spread his hands. “I have to admit, love does keep things interesting more so than crime. You can play love in as many different directions as you want. The combinations, the stories, everything. Crime had a very specific formula. Romance is a lot looser.”
Lee had never thought of it like that.
“I don’t think I’ve met a male romance writer before.”
“There are quite a few of them about, but it is something populated by women.” Andrew sighed. “And technically, I’m classed as a ghostwriter. Claire’s name is on the books. She’s my editor, works it with the publishers, the marketing, everything. I just write them.”
“But to be a ghostwriter, you sign away your rights and get nothing from royalties.” Lee pointed out. “From what you’ve told me, you get royalties for your books.”
“Well, they go to Claire, but she sends them directly to me. The publishers don’t know that I’m actually the author, and I prefer to keep it that way. They know that Claire is the cover name for someone, but they believe it’s for a celebrity who doesn’t want to be linked with this work.”
Publishers would believe anything. Lee wouldn’t be surprised if they thought that at all. He shifted, his erection feeling very uncomfortable.
“Why did you go for straight romance?”
Andrew frowned.
“Because I’m gay, I should write about gay romance or something LGBT.”
“Sorry.” Lee flinched. “That came out the wrong way.”
“It’s fine. If it’s coming from you, I can handle it.” Andrew folded his arms. He was still frowning. “Claire’s asked me about it before, but I’ve said that I’m not comfortable with it.”
“But you’re comfortable writing straight romance?”
“Trust me, writing sex between a man and a woman when the only time I’ve seen a woman’s vagina is when my mother gave birth to me is not easy.” Andrew shrugged. “But I’ve written about it often enough and I’ve watched porn to get the general idea.”
That had Lee bursting out laughing.
“Porn? You?”
“Doesn’t everyone watch it?”
“Yeah, but...I never thought you’d be one of those people.” Lee tried to find the word, but it wasn’t easy. “You’re just...well, I don’t know...someone with a pure aura. You’re someone who seems uncorrupted despite everything that’s happened.”
Andrew stared. Lee then realized what he had just said. It wasn’t like him at all to say something so...flowery. Andrew licked his lips before biting his lip. Lee found himself staring at his mouth. Was it as soft as he looked?
“So, why don’t I write gay romance?” Andrew went on. “I guess it’s because I don’t feel adequate enough to write it.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Now Andrew’s face was going red. He stood and went over to the window. Lee momentarily tensed. If Andrew went to that side of the house, he would be easily seen from the road. But then he remembered the alarm system and relaxed. Even if he paraded himself in front of the windows naked, Andrew would be safe.
Naked. What would be look like naked? Lee’s cock twitched at the thought.
“I don’t know what I mean, if I’m honest.” Andrew stood with his back to Lee, his arms wrapped around his waist. “I just don’t feel justified in writing about sex between two men.”
“You make it sound like it’s alien to you.”
“Not really. Close enough.” Andrew’s shoulders tensed and he let out a heavy sigh. “I’ve had lovers, but they’ve been brief. More like flings than relationships. And that was all my fault.”
Lee stood and walked towards him. Andrew didn’t turn around. He knew that Andrew had been with other men and his sexuality wasn’t a secret, but Andrew barely spoke about any of the guys involved. It was like that part of his life was ringed off, a place that no one was allowed to venture into. Lee could respect that.
“How is it your fault?”
“I…” Andrew swallowed hard. He lowered his head. “I don’t know how to behave in a relationship. I guess my paranoia that people who went to school with me are going to tell them what happened went over the top.”
“You thought they would believe it all.”
“It has happened before.”
Lee had not realized any of this. He wished Andrew had confided in him. He could have helped.
No. He couldn’t have helped. This was something emotional, and Lee didn’t fix the emotional cases. He swallowed.
“You have abandonment issues.”
“I wouldn’t call them abandonment issues.” Andrew grimaced. “Not exactly. I just don’t trust easily enough to be with someone longer than a few weeks. Like you with allowing certain people into your home, I’ve let very few people into my life over the last few years. Which includes you, the guy who made me feel less like a victim.”
“I’m flattered.” Lee had to put his hands behind his back, in case he reached out for Andrew. He didn’t look like he wanted to be touched right now. “But you trust your gut about what you are.”
“You mean do I know that I prefer men? Absolutely. I’ve known since I was about thirteen.”
“That’s something.” Lee grunted. “I wish I could trust my gut.”
“How do you mean?”
Andrew was now looking at him. Lee sighed and leaned against the window frame, staring out into the dark. All he could see was the outline of his truck. Here it came.
“I thought I preferred women. Over the years, I’ve had several female relationships, but in recent years those have dwindled. I’ve found myself gravitating towards men, that women aren’t as attractive as they once were. I…” This felt enlightening as well as embarrassing. “I just couldn’t bring myself to have a relationship. I don’t know what’s happening or why, but things are changing.”
There is was. Laid out on the table. The first time Lee had said it aloud. And to Andrew, who had slowly become the object of his desires. Lee couldn’t hide that part anymore, not after Andrew’s confession. He had come to realize over the last few hours, even while engrossed in his reading, that what he really wanted was Andrew but he had pushed this away. Aro
und the same time their paths crossed the first time was when his attraction for women waned. There had to be a connection in it.
Lee was just beginning to understand the connection.
“Do you still find women attractive?” Andrew asked.
“I... I can find them attractive and appreciate an attractive woman. But they’re not as arousing as before.”
“Maybe you’re bisexual.” Andrew tilted his head to the side. “You like both genders but you lean more towards men. Or maybe you’re gay yourself.”
“I’m thirty-five. Surely I would have figured out my sexuality by now.”
Andrew’s mouth twitched.
“Some people know exactly what they are when they’re young, others go with what is socially acceptable even though something tells them it doesn’t feel right. Quite a few, like yourself, don’t come to terms with what they are sexually until they’re approaching old age or already there.”
“Hey! Less of the old!”
Andrew chuckled.
“I’m just saying that coming to terms with knowing you’re gay or bisexual in your thirties is not as uncommon as you think.”
That was something Lee hadn’t thought about. He had grown up with liberal parents who didn’t mind if he was black, white, pink or purple, whether he wanted to cross-dress or become a woman later in life. But he had always strived to make himself someone they could be proud of. Had he ignored who he really was to please everyone around him? Lee hadn’t realized that.
“You think I could be bisexual?”
“You could be. I’m not an expert.” Andrew shrugged. “Or you could be gay and you’re getting tired of ignoring it.”
“It’s possible.” Lee pushed himself off the wall. Andrew was close enough to touch now. He appeared to have been moving closer to Lee as they talked. “That might explain why I keep wanting to do this whenever you’re around.”
“What?”
“This.”
Lee reached out and cupped Andrew’s head, tilting his head up as he pressed his mouth to Andrew’s.
***
For a moment, Andrew had frozen. He had been aware of Lee watching him while they talked, and he had been very aware of how Lee was trying to hide his erection. He was aroused, and he was getting itchy about it.
His conversation about querying his sexuality was one thing. Actually, kissing him was something else. Andrew hadn’t expected that.
But, damn, it felt good. Delicious. Andrew relaxed and kissed him back, allowing Lee to keep control of the kiss. He touched Lee’s waist, tugging him close. Lee groaned, breaking the kiss but not pulling away. His dark eyes had darkened even more. Andrew’s mouth went dry at the sight. Just one look from Lee could have him melting.
“You...you’ve wanted to do that for a long time?”
“Pretty much.”
They had known each other for five years. For five years, Andrew’s thoughts about Lee had grown. Recently, they had built to a point where Andrew couldn’t think about Lee without thinking about something in particular. Lee, naked, in bed with him.
Now he had it in his hands. Andrew slid his hands under Lee’s shirt, brushing his fingers over the soft, warm skin. Lee shivered.
“Want to know what I’ve been wanting to do to you for a long time?” He whispered.
“Show me.” Lee growled.
His erection was pressing against Andrew’s belly. God, he was huge. Andrew wanted to get his hands on the man’s cock as well as the man himself. He kissed Lee again before nodding towards the hall.
“Might need to go somewhere a little more comfortable. And access a few extra...supplies.”
Lee smirked. Then he took Andrew’s hand.
“Come on, then. Show me.”
Hand-in-hand, Andrew followed Lee upstairs. Normally, something like this would have Andrew full of nerves, wondering if he was going to mess this up and end up with another failed moment in his life. But with Lee, it was something else. Lee was a rock for him, someone Andrew had always leaned on since he managed to find Joseph Gulliver. And Lee had made the move first. He was giving Andrew the reins now.
Andrew intended to make the most of it.
Lee had barely opened the door to his bedroom before Andrew was pushing him in. Lee knocked the door closed behind him before pushing back, pressing Andrew against the door as he kissed him again. His hands went under Andrew’s sweater, pushing it up his chest. Then he was lowering himself to his knees, pressing kisses to Andrew’s chest. Andrew moaned.
“You’re well and truly coming out, aren’t you?”
Lee’s chuckle vibrated across Andrew’s skin.
“Might as well see what’s waiting for me.” He traced Andrew’s sculpted abs with his tongue. “You working out, has made some nice changes.”
“Good to know.” Andrew found himself panting. “But I thought I was going to show you what I wanted to do to you?”
“You’re right.” Lee grinned as he sat back on his haunches. His hand brushed over Andrew’s erection. “What do you want?”
“You, naked, on the bed.” Andrew nodded at the huge bed across from them. “Now.”
Still grinning, Lee eased back and rose to his feet. Then he started backing towards the bed, still smirking as he undressed. Andrew could barely move as he watched Lee strip off his clothing, kicking his sneakers off and even tugging off his socks. Soon, Lee was easing himself onto the bed, kneeling on the mattress.
God, he could have been sculpted out of marble. Long, lean with rippling muscles that Andrew hadn’t been aware of. A long black tattoo with Celtic symbols snaked down his left arm, a spider’s web flaring out over his right hip. And his cock stood up long, thick and proud from his groin.
Andrew licked his lips. He just had to get his hands on this man.
“You just going to stand there staring at me?” Lee said. “Or are you going to do something about it?”
For a moment, Andrew froze. This was a fantasy come true, and he had been given the reins. And Lee was happily letting him take charge. Not many people did that.
“You’re not going to leave me hanging, are you, Andrew?” Lee’s hand went to his cock and he started stroking himself. “Or am I going to jerk myself off in front of you? You like to watch?”
Andrew gritted his teeth.
“Fuck you.”
“Oh, I wish you would.” Lee grinned. Then he eased back and lay down, still stroking his cock. “You’d better hurry up, or I’m going to cum without you.”
“Do you want me to cum with you?”
“Oh, yes.”
Andrew’s hands were shaking as he stripped, tossing his clothes across the room. His sneakers clonked against the door in his haste. Then Andrew was crawling onto the bed, sliding up over Lee’s body. This felt so different from touching him with clothes on. It was something more raw, more intense. Andrew knocked Lee’s hand aside and stroked his cock. It twitched in his hand. Lee sighed, thrusting up into his hand.
“I’ve never done this before.”
“You’re not backing out now, are you?”
“No chance.”
“Good.” Andrew rose up onto his knees. “Because I haven’t started yet.”
Lee grinned.
“Hope you haven’t.” He reached out for him. “Come here.”
Andrew went willingly into his arms, falling into the kiss as Lee wrapped his arms around him. They became a tangle of arms and legs, rolling around the bed as they explored each other’s bodies. Lee’s hand went to Andrew’s cock and he started stroking him, moving his mouth down Andrew’s neck and down his chest.
“You want this?” He whispered, scraping his teeth over Andrew’s skin. “You want your cock in my mouth?”
Andrew had never expected dirty talk to turn him on so much. And he wanted Lee’s mouth on his cock. On every part of his body. But he was too tightly wound. He had to have Lee now. And Lee did say show him what he wanted to do.
“Later.” Andrew pushed
his hand away, tugging Lee’s head up. “You got any lube?”
It took a moment for Lee to catch on. He nodded towards the bedside cabinet.
“Top drawer. Condoms as well.”
“Good.” Andrew shifted out from under him and reached for the drawer. “On your hands and knees.”
“Yes, sir.”
Andrew found the lube and opened one of the condom packets. Then he turned to Lee. What he saw made him catch his breath. Lee was someone who took charge all the time. Someone who wanted to be in charge. And to see him on his hands and knees, waiting for him, was humbling. And very erotic.
Andrew swallowed and rolled the condom over his cock. Then he squirted some lube onto his hand as he climbed onto the bed. Lee tensed as Andrew’s hand touched his back.
“Just relax. Trust me.”
Lee tensed again as Andrew’s other hand went between his ass cheeks. Andrew rubbed his hand as he found Lee’s asshole and pressed a finger inside. Lee gasped and his muscles clenched around Andrew’s finger. Andrew groaned.
“Relax. I’m getting you ready.”
Lee was panting hard. Andrew took it slowly, gently thrusting into Lee’s ass with his finger. Then he managed to add another finger, stretching him. Lee’s ass took it, and then Lee was pushing back against him with a moan. Andrew could see his face in the mirror across the room. His eyes were closed, his mouth open with an expression of surprise and ecstasy across his face.
Andrew growled. He was more susceptible than Andrew realized.
Carefully pulling his hand away, which resulted in a grumble from Lee, Andrew picked up the lube again and squirted a generous amount onto his cock, slathering it over the condom.
“You ready?”
“Always.” Lee looked over his shoulder at him with hooded eyes. “Just take it easy to start with. This isn’t something I’m used to.”
“To start with.” Andrew nudged Lee’s knees out wider as took his cock in his hand. “Because I intend to do a lot with that tight ass of yours.”