by Jessie Rosen
I am alive, Lexi. And right now that’s all I can tell you.
Sasha felt her left arm reach out and grab the ledge of the desk, saving her from falling right off her chair. She held on as she read the words over and over and over again: I am alive.
After the shock subsided, Sasha was filled with an overwhelming sense of joy. Her sister was not gone. All the sadness her family struggled through over the past years would be lifted. Sarah would come home, and they would start to rebuild.
But that excitement was fleeting. Sasha couldn’t do any celebrating. In fact, she couldn’t tell a single person. Sarah’s email was very clear about that fact. Her sister needed her to stay quiet, and as frustrating as that was to Sasha, she knew that whatever had driven Sarah away in the first place—what happened to get her to wherever she now was—would only push her farther if Sasha defied her orders. Sarah’s email was the most exciting thing that Sasha had read since the day she came home four months ago to find the chat exchange between those two Englewood High girls who first mentioned Sarah’s name, but it was also the most terrifying.
Dear Sasha (aka Lexi),
Hi, Lex. I know it’s you. I’ve known since the night we were supposed to meet in the park. Again, I’m sorry about that. I saw you from afar and knew that if you saw me, I would be in trouble. I wasn’t ready for you to know I’m alive. Yes it’s me, Sarah. I am alive, Lexi. And right now that’s all I can tell you.
The reason I’m writing to you is because I need you to do something for me. Please call off whatever you have going on the night of my disappearance. I’ve been planning a little something of my own, and I can’t have you interfering. I’m sorry, and thank you, I guess? It sounds like you were trying to let certain people know that they did something very wrong. But don’t worry about that because I have it all under control. They will know, but first I’m going to get everything out of them that I’ve always wanted. I need to do this to make everything better, and I hope you understand.
Maybe someday we’ll see each other again, Lex. I would like that, but I’m not sure it’s possible. I just want you to know that what I did was for a lot of really good reasons—reasons that are going to help people in the long run. And you know better than anyone how unhappy I was before I “went away.” You know how hard it was to be me with Mom and Dad and everyone else seeing me the way that they did. I needed to do something to stop all that, and I did, and it has been absolutely amazing. So, please, try not to be mad. I’m happy and I’m safe, and everything is going to be just fine.
Please, though, don’t make me do anything to force you to stop what you’re doing on the twenty-second. I’m asking nicely and I hope you’ll listen because you’re my sister. And because I’m your sister. If you listen to me, this email is all I’ll have to do.
Oh, and one final thing: I know about Becca. I’m sorry you couldn’t tell me then, but I want you to know that I hope you can find happiness now.
Thank you. Love you. Miss you.
–Sarah
That was three days ago, and that night, Lexi obeyed. She sent the email to Charlie, Amanda, Kit, and Sean calling off their meeting. She didn’t feel like she had a choice.
But that didn’t mean her search for her sister was over. Lexi had worked too hard for too long to find out what happened to let Sarah herself stand in the way of the answer. It wasn’t fair. If Sarah was alive and planning something then she had to be near Englewood. Lexi decided that unless Sarah was also a hacker—which she obviously wasn’t or she would have found Lexi out far sooner—she wouldn’t have any way of knowing if she was being tracked. Lexi didn’t want anything from her sister; she just needed to see her with her own eyes. She needed to know that Sarah was alive and this wasn’t some elaborate hoax by CO.
It would take long hours and hard work, but with a little help from Syke, Lexi could track absolutely anyone. Now that she knew Sarah was alive, Lexi was going to find her, whether she liked it or not.
Chapter 17
December 23
Laura
It was hard to concentrate on anything but the night ahead as they drove up to Beacon, but Laura didn’t have a choice. Charlie kept asking her questions about all the roadside stops they’d make when she was going up to visit her grandmother as a child, and she kept having to make up lies.
“Yes, we used to go to that Stewart’s Drive-In all the time, and my dad would get a float but with chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla, and my mom thought it was super gross,” Laura said as they passed the old stand. Or, “I don’t know this stretch as well; Gram used to take some country back road that she never told anyone about because she was afraid it would get filled with traffic.”
The truth was that Laura had never been to Beacon, New York, in her entire life. She picked it because it was far enough away for Charlie to have trouble getting home if he wanted to run away—or rather, when. There wasn’t a bus stop in town and the trains stopped running at nine o’clock in the evenings. The cabin she found might have belonged to someone’s grandmother, at some point, but her own Gram died long before Sarah and Lexi were born and ironically lived in California for her entire life. This was a small cabin at a good price on a remote piece of land where there was no cellphone reception. That last detail had been the selling point for Laura when she searched for weekend rentals online—that and the fact that there weren’t any photos of the owner’s family in the pictures she could see online. Laura would tell Charlie that her family rented the property out when they could so they didn’t keep any photos of themselves around, for safety. She would also tell him that this was her first time coming up alone, so she didn’t know exactly how to open the house or turn everything on—her parents or Gram always did those tasks. Otherwise she had taken care of studying the map to the grocery store, pizza place, lake area, and The Roundhouse for their dinner date so she would seem like a total local.
Though, so far, none of that prep seemed like it was going to matter. Charlie believed every word of what Laura was saying. She assumed that was because all he could really focus on was what he thought was going to happen that night. Laura had been hinting at the fireplace, the wine she’d smuggled, and the little, red something she was going to wear after dinner…the hints worked. The truth was that Laura was planning for a little, red, lace surprise before dinner. She had a feeling that Charlie wouldn’t exactly be in the mood after their meal.
Charlie’s reaction was the one wild card in this entire plan. Laura could not predict it, but she decided that, no matter what happened after she said everything she planned to say, it didn’t matter. She could vanish just as easily as she arrived if need be. But deep down Laura didn’t think there would be the need. She had crafted a pretty impressive offer for Charlie, and she did not believe he would refuse.
Laura slouched down in the passenger seat of her car and covered her shoulders with the blankets Charlie brought. He insisted that they drive the whole way with the top down even though it was the end of December. She insisted that they drive her car because it was new and more reliable—and because she would be holding the keys if his reaction was to try and escape.
The heat was blasting and they were both wearing sleeping bag-style coats and hats with the floppy fuzzy ears and gloves. Charlie had on one of those ridiculous face guards that covered everything but his eyes, nose, and mouth, but as Laura looked over at him, she could still see his big, goofy smile. It hadn’t changed since the day she met him in Mrs. Berenson’s seventh grade class—aside from these past four months, of course.
Sorry, Charlie, Laura thought to herself. That smile will probably be wiped away again for a few months more, but eventually it will be back, and you’ll realize I was right all along.
Charlie
Laura’s grandmother’s house was simple, but nice. Something about it actually reminded him of the house he and his mom lived in before they moved to their apartment in Englewood. It was yet another reminder that Laura was more like the
Charlie that existed before he got so wrapped up in Amanda’s world.
“There’s a really pretty waterfall that we can hike up to about ten minutes away,” Laura said as they tossed their bags down in the living room. “Do you want to maybe go there before dinner?”
Charlie grabbed Laura into a hug, then lifted her up and spun her around. Before she could wiggle free, he carried her over to the big, puffy, brown couch, tossed her down, and jumped on top.
“Or not…” she said as she leaned her face up for a kiss.
“I’m not sure why we’d leave this cabin when we have it all to ourselves,” Charlie said, “but I’ll do whatever you want. I just want to be with you.”
“Perfect,” Laura said, “Because that’s exactly what I want, too.” She somehow managed to shift underneath him and flip his body over so that she was on top instead. Laura kissed Charlie’s slightly scruffy chin softly and sweetly. Then she moved her mouth over to his neck and did the same, moving up with little pecks until she got to his ears where she lingered for a second, using her tongue to trace the outline of that crazy sensitive part of his body. Charlie felt like he was going to scream, but instead three very unexpected words flew out of his mouth.
“I love you,” he said.
It was something he’d secretly felt for a long time, but this special moment and the feelings moving through him made him confess. He couldn’t remember a time where he’d felt more comfortable, and he didn’t want to let it pass by.
Laura didn’t even move from where her mouth was directly next to Charlie’s ear. She just whispered, “I love you back,” kissed him one more time, and then hoisted herself off of his body.
“Wait. Where are you going?” Charlie asked.
“You’ll see,” Laura said as she grabbed her overnight bag and walked toward an open door at the back of the cabin.
“So are we staying here, or going hiking?” he asked.
“You’ll see,” she said again, and then she slipped behind the door.
Laura
Laura stood in front of the full-length mirror in the bedroom where she had just changed and stared into her own eyes. “This is it,” she whispered.
Of course, she didn’t really know if that was true. Laura had a plan for how the entire evening would unfold, but that relied on one very key component. Charlie had to confess the one piece of information that she needed in order to really, truly control him and, more importantly, Amanda. If that didn’t happen, then the rest of the mission would have to wait. Laura would be disappointed because the plan had been for this all to come together on the anniversary of her death, but it was not worth taking the next step unless she had all the pieces to make sure it would completely work. Though, if what happened between them on the couch a few minutes ago was any indication, things were going to come together perfectly.
“Good luck,” she said to the mirror before opening the door that led back out into the living room. But Laura didn’t really believe that luck had anything to do with it at this moment. It was will, strength, and a lot of pure genius.
“Sorry about that,” Laura said as she approached Charlie, who was waiting patiently on the couch.
From the look on his face, he didn’t mind whatever confusion he’d felt when she left him for that back room. Laura watched as his eyes went from the top of her little, red negligee to the bottom, clocking every piece of skin he could see through the very sheer lace inserts at the chest, ribs, and hemline.
“You look…I…wow,” was all Charlie could get out.
“Thanks,” Laura said fake-shyly. “I’ve been wanting to wear this with you for a really long time. I actually bought it a long time ago, but then everything happened and…well…let’s not dwell on all that stuff.”
"Definitely not,” Charlie said. He stood up and pulled her into his arms, kissing her hard while he grabbed her hair with both hands. He wanted her, bad. The moment was perfect.
“Hold on one second,” Laura said.
“Is something wrong?” Charlie asked.
“Kind of. I’m sorry to stop you. It’s just, I was taking so long in there because I’m not sure about sleeping with you.”
“Oh,” Charlie said. There was a tone of obvious disappointment in his voice. “I mean, that’s fine, of course. But why?”
Laura fiddled in place for a second, just to make it seem like she was internally wrestling with the issue. “I feel like there’s no way to explain it to you unless I confess something I found out,” she finally said.
“Shit. That doesn’t sound good.”
“Can we sit down?”
Charlie felt all the air leave his lungs, but he tried his hardest to pretend it was fine. He was trying to be the good guy. Laura wondered how long that would last. “Yeah. That’s fine. Let’s sit.”
“Thanks. I’m trying to focus on the present and not the past so maybe I should just say what I know, and we’ll figure it out from there.”
“Please,” Charlie said. “Just say it.”
Laura could tell that she was making him incredibly nervous. A little shot of excitement coursed through her body at the realization of just how much more she had to share.
“Okay,” she said. “Here it goes… I know that you and Amanda had a baby together.”
Charlie was shocked—his eyes raised and his face kind of fluttered. But Laura felt like the look was actually more relief than terror.
“Oh, God, that,” he said. “I thought…never mind. How do you know that?”
“I feel awful telling you this now,” Laura said. “I never should have waited this long, now it’s so awkward—me sitting here, half naked.”
“Here,” Charlie said, wrapping the blanket from the couch around her bare shoulders. “Don’t feel awkward. It’s just me.”
“Thanks,” Laura said. She was genuinely impressed with Charlie’s show of chivalry. Maybe this wasn’t going to be as hard as she thought. “So…that person Sasha told me. She sent me an email like she was doing to all of you. I thought she was just trying to keep us apart, so I didn’t know whether or not to believe it, but she swore to God it was true.”
“Sasha knows,” Charlie said to himself. The news was obviously terrifying.
“I’m really sorry to be the one to tell you,” Laura said. “But there was something so weird about it that it made me worry about going any further with you. She said you did it for another guy, whatever that means.”
“What?” Charlie asked. Laura couldn’t tell for sure but she thought she could see his hands instantly start shaking.
“Those were her exact words. ‘Charlie did it for another guy,’” Laura said. Is someone controlling you, Charlie? Is all the stuff that happened with Sarah because of some friend you’re trying to protect? Or someone in Amanda’s family? Or maybe your father? I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since I got the email the other day. That’s why I wanted to cancel this trip and just stay home after your mom’s schedule changed. I was so scared. Because if this person is controlling you, and you’re with me, then maybe they’ll want to hurt me, too!”
Charlie wrapped her shaking body into a hug, though she could still feel his body vibrating as he held her. Little did Charlie know that she had practiced that speech over and over again, hoping for this exact reaction.
“No one is going to hurt you,” Charlie said. “The person who did this to me wasn’t after me. He wanted Amanda. And now that we protected his secret, he’ll never touch her or anyone else again, I hope.”
“That’s good,” Laura said. “Who was it?” She asked it casually, hoping the question would catch Charlie off guard and he’d forget that he wasn’t supposed to reveal the answer. But Charlie was silent. Laura started to panic. This was the name she needed to blackmail Charlie into doing everything she had intended to do next. If he didn't confess, then she had nothing.
There was a world in which she could beg for the answer. She had planned to tell him that she wouldn’t sleep w
ith him until he said the name, but now Laura wasn’t sure if that was going to work. He had his hands around her waist, but wasn’t trying to touch any other part of her body.
“Can I trust you, Laura?” he said after what felt like a whole sixty seconds.
“Of course,” she replied, hoping to God he couldn’t see the giant smile that had just crept onto her face.
“It was my soccer coach. Stanley.”
A warm calm came over Laura’s entire body. She had done it, finally.
“He raped her?!” Laura asked, making sure to stay fully in character. Though this time she truly wasn’t faking the response. Laura knew it was another man because Charlie told “Chelsea” all those years ago, but she didn’t know it was a teacher almost twenty years older than Amanda.
“Amanda thought they were in love, but what he did to her was not okay,” Charlie said, rubbing his forehead. “He doesn't know that he's the father, though.”
The second Laura heard that, everything made sense. Amanda couldn’t tell because it would destroy her entire family’s reputation—from her father the mayor to her grandfather the senator, everyone would be affected. It would destroy her world.
“You lied for her?” Laura asked. This was a genuine question. She’d always had a feeling that Charlie wasn’t telling the truth about the baby back when he told “Chelsea,” but she never really understood why he would protect Amanda after she did this with his coach, behind his back.