Some of these thoughts must have shown in her face, as Jen suddenly looked confused. “What is it? I thought you and Darcy were getting along now. We all had such fun when we hung out together in Estes. Did something happen?”
Erin hadn’t told anyone about what went on that night, and she didn’t want to. But she couldn’t possibly avoid Darcy today without drawing attention to herself and giving something away. At the very least, she could, as Jen had suggested, talk to Charlie about beer for an hour or two until the end of the competition.
She gave Jen a reassuring smile. “It’s fine. We can go find them together if you want.”
Jen’s happy response calmed some of Erin’s nerves, and they set off through the crowds. Jen tried calling them a couple of times, but the nearly deafening sound of the merrymakers made it impossible to hear a phone ringing. Erin finally decided to climb up to a small balcony that ran the length of one wall and spotted Charlie and Darcy almost immediately. She pointed them out to her sister below. Jen ran toward him when she spotted him, and they embraced and kissed.
Erin climbed down from the balcony and met the three of them, and immediately, Jen and Charlie moved to walk in front of them, their two heads close as they whispered and giggled. Erin was left with Darcy—exactly what she had wanted to avoid. She decided to maintain silence as long as she could and ignore her. She felt Darcy’s eyes on her occasionally as they strolled along, and it was all she could do not to turn and meet them. Just when she thought she couldn’t take it anymore, she heard Jen shriek a greeting over the noise and saw Lottie and Will coming toward them. Jen gave Will and Lottie a tight hug, and soon all six of them were standing together in a little circle.
Lottie and Will were holding hands, and once again Erin was struck by something like horror. When she’d seen them in Estes, she’d been both shocked and dismayed, but she was beginning to feel angry now, too. Why would Lottie want to date this repulsive man? After running into her in Estes, Lottie had completely avoided Erin, even at the gym. She hadn’t stopped by the brewery at all and hadn’t returned a single phone call. Considering that they’d seen each other just about every day since childhood, it was obvious what, or rather who, had caused the change. Erin should have apologized for her coldness to Lottie up in Estes, but she couldn’t make herself do it. She still felt about Will as she had then, so an apology would be a complete lie. Erin had never been the kind of person who could lie easily, even when it meant saving someone’s feelings, and she wouldn’t try now. She still thought Lottie deserved better, and she hoped Lottie would see that herself, soon.
Jen seemed oblivious to Will’s repulsiveness and was chatting with him freely. Erin suddenly realized that Darcy was still staring at her, and when their eyes met briefly, she saw a hint of concern. It was almost as if Darcy was reading her mind. Erin felt a flash of embarrassed anger. She hated the fact that this woman could see through her so easily. It made her feel cheap.
Jen elbowed Lottie in the ribs. “I was just telling Erin on the way here that we haven’t seen the two of you around since Erin ran into you in Estes. Have you guys been honeymooning?”
Both Lottie and Will went a scarlet shade of red, and Erin’s dread deepened into a real alarm. She’d been hoping that the two of them would be having, at most, a kind of dalliance, but judging from their reaction, this was something more.
Will gripped Lottie’s hand a little tighter and laughed uncomfortably. “Something like that.”
“I’m sorry I haven’t been around lately, Jen,” Lottie said. “But yeah—we’ve been busy.”
She and Will shared a loving glance, and Jen laughed out loud. “I just bet you have. I’m so happy for you both.”
Erin could hardly believe her ears. Jen liked Will about as much as she did. How could she lie like that? Again, some of this reaction must have shown in her expression as, when Lottie finally looked over at her, her face fell a little with regret.
“Anyway,” Lottie said, glancing away, “we should get going. We don’t want to intrude.”
Jen waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t be ridiculous. Come with us. We’re heading over to the booth of one of our favorite breweries. Charlie and Darcy haven’t tried it yet.”
“You don’t mind?” Lottie asked. Her eyes strayed back to Erin, and for a moment Erin felt genuine remorse. She was about to say something to reassure her, but Will jumped in.
“Hey, babe, she said it was fine. We’ve been wandering around long enough. Let’s let the experts show us the good stuff.”
“Okay,” Lottie said. She threw Erin another hurt glance and took Jen’s arm.
Once again, Erin and Darcy brought up the rear as they traveled across the rest of the warehouse. Jen and Lottie were in front, chatting away, and Charlie and Will were talking, seemingly with ease. The universe appeared to be conspiring against her today. No matter what she did, she knew she’d end up next to Darcy all afternoon. Further, Erin was angry with herself now. It simply wouldn’t do to hate Will—it would drive Lottie away. She needed to figure out how to hide her repugnance a little more convincingly.
“You seem upset,” Darcy said, breaking her reverie.
Erin looked at her, surprised. She frowned and shook her head before shrugging. “Sort of. I mean, I know I shouldn’t be—I should be happy for Lottie, but…”
“But you can’t stand him?”
Erin’s stomach dropped. “Is it that obvious?”
Darcy laughed. “That’s one of the things I like about you. You’re easy to read.”
Erin blushed. She’d said one of things she liked—implying there were more. She cleared her throat, a little nervous. They weren’t drunk, yet Darcy was flirting again. “I don’t mean to be. Easy to read, I mean.”
“It’s not a bad thing—really. I like that there’s no bullshit with you. It’s nice.”
They walked in silence for a while longer, the crowds making it difficult to get anywhere quickly. Erin reflected on what Darcy had said and had to admit that it was true. Being easy to read was one of her primary character traits. It had made growing up with her father so difficult—he could read her anger and dislike in just about every interaction with him since puberty.
“So why don’t you like Will?” Darcy asked. “I mean, other than the obvious fact that he’s a bore and kind of pig-like, somehow.”
Erin couldn’t help but laugh, and she clapped a hand over her mouth to silence herself. The two of them paused there, letting the others move ahead a little, and Erin removed her hand and giggled a couple of times until she calmed down. Darcy looked pleased with her reaction, and Erin couldn’t help but give her a wide grin.
“He’s right in front of us!” she whispered.
Darcy shrugged. “Don’t worry—he didn’t hear us. He’s too busy talking to Charlie, who’s too nice to tell him to shut up.”
Erin grinned again. “Charlie is nice, isn’t he?”
Darcy nodded, almost gravely. “He’s the best.”
Erin had a wild compulsion to grill her about him, but she quickly suppressed it. This was neither the time nor the place. She’d do it soon, once she found out what was going to happen between him and her sister. Right now, everything was still up in the air. They were clearly falling for each other—anyone could see that—but would it go anywhere? Jen and Charlie still lived thousands of miles apart.
“We should catch up to the others,” Erin said, waving at them as they disappeared into the crowd. Darcy nodded and they started walking again.
“You didn’t answer my question,” Darcy said.
“About what?”
“Why you don’t like him. Will, I mean. Other than the obvious.”
Erin sighed. “He was awful to me when we were kids. I know it’s not fair to hold that against him—a lot of kids are little shits, and he was going through a rough time. But it’s hard to let go. Jen remembers part of it, but she doesn’t know all the details. She just thinks he was your everyday, average bully
.”
“He was more than that?”
Erin stared at the ground in front of them. Even now, over twenty years later, she felt a desperate flash of terror and anxiety at the memory. She’d rarely been as scared. For a moment, Erin was tempted to tell Darcy about it. After all, she would go away soon, and the secret would still be safely between her and Will.
Darcy paused again, and when Erin met her eyes, she seemed genuinely concerned. She touched her shoulder. “Hey—are you okay? I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Her face suddenly hardened, and her voice went darkly quiet. “Did he hurt you somehow?”
Erin suddenly felt like she might cry. Darcy looked around quickly and then put her arm around her shoulders. She steered them toward an empty table by a large potted plant. There was only one small bench-style chair, so they had to sit almost on top of each other, their legs and the side of their bodies touching. Darcy kept her arm around her as Erin desperately worked to stop herself from crying.
A tear or two slid out anyway, and she laughed, wryly. “Christ, I’m sorry,” she said, wiping at her face furiously. “I can’t believe I’m crying about it after all this time.”
“Don’t apologize,” Darcy said, her voice quiet and soothing. “You can feel however you need to feel about it—whatever it is.”
Erin gave her a pained grin. Their faces were very close, and Erin caught a whiff of her perfume again, faint and almost citrusy. She’d never denied that the woman was beautiful. And now, gazing into the depths of her gray eyes, Erin saw something there. She couldn’t quite tell what it was, but Darcy was clearly and genuinely concerned.
Erin began to feel humiliated. She shook her head. “You’re going to laugh when I tell you what happened. It’s stupid, really. Kids’ stuff.”
Darcy remained quiet, gazing at her evenly and patiently, and Erin had to glance away. She felt teary again.
“I’ve never told anyone about it.”
Darcy stayed quiet to let her speak. Erin felt a little ray of hope. She’d repressed the memory of that day for so long, she almost couldn’t believe she was going to tell someone, let alone Darcy. But Darcy’s eyes were not judging her and wouldn’t, no matter what she said—Erin knew that without asking.
She took a deep breath and let it out. “I was eleven or twelve. Billy—that was Will’s childhood name—was staying with us that week with his dad.” She swallowed the lump in her throat.
“One day, my friend Lisa was over. She was my first, sort-of girlfriend. I mean, we didn’t really know what we were, but we liked to kiss each other and hold hands, that kind of thing. Neither of us knew what it meant, but we knew enough not to do it in front of anyone.”
Darcy nodded.
Erin cleared her throat again, surprised by how nervous she was to say this out loud. “Anyway, one day Lisa was over, and we were in my room when Billy waltzed in on us. He’d been doing it all week—hoping to catch me or my sisters naked, I think. Me, Jen, and Lydia had told on him to our parents several times, and he’d gotten in trouble for it, but he was still doing it. That day, he didn’t knock or anything, so when he came in, he saw everything. I mean, it was fairly innocent, but we were kissing on my bed.”
“Shit,” Darcy said.
Erin shook her head at the memory. “Lisa was so scared, she starting crying and carrying on. Eventually, I talked Billy into letting her leave to go home.” She paused, flushing at the memory. “He was so smug. He told me he would tell my parents, her parents, my sisters, everyone. And I believed him.”
“How old was he then?”
“A couple of years older—maybe thirteen or fourteen. His voice was changing. I remember that.”
“So he knew what it meant—at least more than you did.”
“I mean, I knew Lisa and I could get into trouble, but I didn’t really know why yet, either. Does that make sense?”
Darcy nodded.
Erin closed her eyes, remembering that biting terror. She opened them and looked up at Darcy again. “Anyway, he lorded it over me the next few days. He loved having me in his power. First he wanted all my desserts, and then he took my allowance, and then I was doing all his chores, including the ones he made up.”
She was quiet long enough after this that Darcy finally said, “Was that all?”
Erin hesitated and finally shook her head. Her voice, when she said it, was almost a whisper. “He made me undress in front of him. I had to stand there for thirty seconds while he looked at me.” She shuddered. “That was the last straw, and he knew it. I think he realized he’d gone too far, that I had just as much dirt on him as he had on me. After that, he ignored me.” She shook her head. “I was still scared for a while after that—even after he and his dad left. Scared that he would tell, I mean. But he never did.”
They were quiet for a long time, both of them staring out at the crowd. Darcy still had her arm around her shoulders, and Erin didn’t feel the least bit uncomfortable about it. Telling her had made them closer—at least for the moment. It didn’t need to mean anything more than that right now.
Darcy finally released her and took one of her hands. She waited until Erin met her eyes before saying, “I’m so very sorry, Erin. You didn’t do anything to deserve that, you know.”
Tears filled Erin’s eyes again, and she nodded before wiping them hard, with her palms. She took Darcy’s hand again. “I know. At the time, though, I felt really terrible. Dirty, even. What kind of asshole makes another kid feel that way?”
Darcy shook her head in sympathy. “I don’t know. And now he’s dating your best friend.”
“Exactly.”
“Have you thought about telling her?”
Erin shook her head. “Not really. It’s ancient history. I don’t even think he remembers—at least not the details. It was only traumatic for me.”
“Well, maybe you should tell her. Maybe it would help her understand why you don’t like him. Maybe she would see what she’s getting into.”
Erin shrugged. “Maybe.”
But that wasn’t true. No way could she tell Lottie now, or Jen, for that matter. She’d only told Darcy because Darcy was safe, removed from her real life. Jen and Lottie would be really upset, and what would it help? Nothing at all.
“There you are!”
Darcy and Erin jumped at the voice and turned to see Charlie and Jen grinning at them. They let go of each other’s hand almost instantly, and Erin couldn’t help but blush in embarrassment.
Jen was still grinning. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you two. The winners of the competition are about to be announced. Come on! Let’s go wait by the stage.”
Darcy slid out first, and Erin followed her, immediately missing the warmth of her body. Darcy and Charlie walked ahead this time, chatting, and Erin watched as he gave her his glass of beer to try. Darcy smelled and then tasted it, and Erin’s mouth almost watered in some strange kind of sympathy with the glass. She had a momentary impulse to take the glass from her and try the beer herself so she could taste what Darcy was tasting.
“Holy shit, Erin,” Jen said next to her. “You’ve got it bad.”
Erin’s cheeks flushed with heat. “What are you talking about?”
Jen lifted one eyebrow. “You can’t lie to me. I know when you like someone. When did this happen?”
Erin looked away before starting to follow the others again. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jen. I mean, I might have misjudged her a little, but I don’t like her like that.”
“Suuuure, you don’t. You just hold hands with every girl that gets near you.”
Erin couldn’t help but laugh. “Shut up.”
Jen shoved her playfully, and Erin laughed louder. Charlie and Darcy turned around, an identical expression of confusion on their faces, and Erin and Jen laughed harder, too amused to explain themselves. Charlie started to laugh along with them, and even Darcy was eventually smiling.
They finally made it up to the front of the wareh
ouse where the winners were being announced, and Jen spotted the others. Lydia and Geo had found Lottie and Will, and as they joined the others, Erin couldn’t help but notice Darcy’s dark, angry expression. At first Erin thought she was staring at Will, and she felt a momentary thrill of terror that Darcy might say something to him. Then, as they drew closer, Erin realized she was actually staring at Geo. She remembered then that same look in her eyes when they’d run into them after the Estes trip. Did Darcy and Geo know each other somehow?
But, before she could pull Darcy aside to ask her, the microphone gave a loud squeal. Everyone groaned and cringed, and the man onstage laughed.
“My apologies. I can never get these things to work right.”
The master of ceremonies was a typical beer guy with a bushy, almost alpine beard, a thick flannel shirt, and corduroy slacks with suspenders. He wouldn’t have been out of place in a logging town in the nineteenth century. He was accompanied on stage with the panel of judges, all of whom looked more or less like him, with varying degrees of beardedness or thick, seventies-style mustaches. The two women on the panel wore twee, vintage-style in terrible, gaudy patterns. The man at the microphone continued.
“I want to welcome you all to the closing winner’s circle at the twenty-fifth annual Northern Colorado Brewing Festival!”
A loud round of applause and cheering broke out, and the man let it continue for a while before speaking again.
“I’m here to announce the winners of the competition for each style of beer. Second-place winners will receive a five-hundred-dollar gift certificate to a local brewing supplier. All first-place winners will, as usual, receive entry to the Western States Microbrewery Festival. Western States is being held this year here in beautiful Colorado, up in Aspen, in January. First-place winners also receive lodging and lift tickets at an Aspen resort, as well as entry to several brewers’ parties.”
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