“I want to tell you, Lottie. I do. But I just can’t. Not right now. Ask me again in a month or two.”
Lottie peered at her critically for a moment, as if deciding whether she should wait. She finally sighed. “Okay. I’ll let you sit on it for now, if you need to—forever, if that’s how you want it. Just tell me one thing. Did she hurt you, Erin?”
Erin thought about this for a long moment and then nodded. “Yes. But I think I hurt her, too. And I feel worse about that than my own hurt. How stupid is that?”
“It’s not stupid, Erin. It’s just human. What kind of world would it be if we didn’t feel badly for other people?”
Erin hugged her again and couldn’t help but start to cry again.
Much later, Erin still lay awake, twisting around in her bed. Was Darcy awake now, too? Was she thinking of her?
Chapter Thirteen
Jen and Aunt Eddie returned the morning of Christmas Eve. Erin still had to work for a few hours in the late morning and early afternoon, and Jen and Eddie surprised her by stopping by the brewery for a few minutes once they were in town. The last she’d heard, they’d been forced to fly in Christmas morning, but Aunt Eddie explained that they’d wanted to surprise everyone. Erin couldn’t have received a better present, and when she and Jen saw each other, both of them starting crying and hugged each other fiercely.
“Jeez,” Lydia said, rolling her eyes. “I didn’t get that kind of greeting when you saw me in the tasting room.”
“I’m sorry, Lydia,” Jen said, laughing and wiping her eyes. “I didn’t mean to make you feel left out.” She gave their younger sister a similar hug.
“God, it’s good to see you, Jen,” Erin said. She was still blinking back tears.
“You, too. I had such a nice trip, but I was ready to come home ages ago.”
“You’d have thought I was keeping her locked up in a dungeon,” Aunt Eddie said. “She couldn’t wait to leave New England.”
Jen threw her a sad grin. “I’m sorry, Eddie. I know you were hoping for a better companion.”
Eddie raised her palms. “Not at all! I’m not complaining. I’m so glad you could get away for so long. Goodness knows the next time we’ll be able to do anything like that.”
Erin had used this exchange to give herself some time to observe her older sister, and, as she’d suspected, she didn’t like what she saw. Rather than revived and energized, Jen look tired and worn. Her normally rosy face was still pale, still wan, and her sweater was hanging on her frame in an alarming manner. Her smiles were slow to surface and obviously forced. She seemed to have closed in on herself a little, her shoulders hunched and small.
Jen, sensing Erin’s stare, met her eyes and gave her another weak smile. Erin’s heart wrenched at the sight. They made eye contact and Jen nodded slightly, as if following Erin’s thoughts. She wasn’t over Charlie. If anything, the trip had made things worse. Erin was desperate to get her sister alone and talk it out, but with everyone else here, this simply wasn’t the time. They were both staying over at their father’s place tonight and sharing the guest room, so perhaps they’d get an opportunity a little later.
“Are you ready to head over to Dad’s?” Jen asked.
“Yes. Just give me a minute to get my stuff. I brought an overnight bag.”
“You can ride with us in my car,” Eddie offered. “We picked it up in Boulder on the way here.”
By the time they’d made it to their father’s place, his house was warm and heady with the scents of Christmas Eve dinner. He greeted them briefly before disappearing into the kitchen, and Erin helped Jen carry one of her suitcases upstairs. Erin and Jen rejoined Eddie and Lydia in the living room, chatting and catching up for a few minutes as they relaxed.
Jen suddenly rose to her feet. “Between traveling and getting up so early this morning, I feel disgusting. I’m going to take a bath before dinner.”
Erin couldn’t help but notice the concern that flashed across her aunt’s face, but it was quickly suppressed. Eddie squeezed Jen’s hand.
“Sure, honey. You do that. I could use a shower myself when you’re done.”
Without another word, Jen left the three of them alone, and Erin and Eddie shared a long, silent look. Eddie clearly knew that things were not yet right with Jen. Erin opened her mouth to ask about the situation, but Lydia suddenly starting talking to their aunt about a band, and, too polite to cut her off, Eddie turned her full attention to her. Erin decided that, like her talk with Jen, she’d have to wait to grill her aunt for details about the trip. She excused herself and left the living room.
Their father had been in on the early surprise return, in part because he was cooking the meal. Tonight, unlike Christmas Day, was for family only, and this was Erin’s first time at this dinner since their mother died. Rather than avoid him as she would any other time she’d visited in recent years, Erin went into the kitchen on purpose to talk to him. He set down his spatula, grinned at her, and gave her a solid hug.
They pulled apart, and he shook a finger. “You’ve been avoiding me this month, little lady.”
Erin laughed. “I know, Dad, but not on purpose.” He’d called once a week or so to arrange the talk she’d promised to have with him after Thanksgiving, but she’d been too swamped this month to find the time.
“That’s good to hear,” he said. He maneuvered around her and, like the last time she’d been here, held up a bottle of wine. Erin nodded, and he poured them both a glass.
“A nice crisp white this time to go with the fish. Will recommended it, and I’ve almost gone through a whole case this month on my own.”
Erin made herself ignore Will’s name and took a glass. It was perfectly chilled and tasted like citrus and sunshine. “It’s really good.”
“I think so. Anyway,” her father said, setting down his glass, “now that you’ve seen your sister, what do you think?”
A lump in her throat suddenly made her speechless. She turned away to hide her upset.
He looked at her evenly and took another deep drink of his wine. He cleared his throat. “I see we’re in agreement. I don’t like it, Erin, that’s for sure. She’s a wreck. She seems more upset now than when that good-for-nothing Jacob left her at the altar.”
Erin rolled his eyes. “He didn’t ‘leave her at the altar,’ Dad. He cancelled the wedding weeks in advance.”
“Potayto, potahto. Anyway, that whole thing with Jacob really messed her up, and it seems like this Charlie guy has done the job again. I was halfway convinced she might try to meet up with him in Boston again and mend fences, but, from what your aunt said, she refused to even consider the idea when they were there. And, apparently, he didn’t bother calling on her, either.”
“Did he know she was in town?”
“According to your aunt, yes. She sent him an email or something.”
Erin raised her eyebrows and then continued drinking her wine. Despite everything, this news still surprised her. With Darcy here in Colorado, Charlie would have been out from under her influence and free to visit Jen, yet he hadn’t. It appeared that all her earlier worries about him had, in fact, been real. He’d used her sister and was done with her now.
Erin shook her head. “At this point, there’s nothing we can do about it. Once she’s back to work, things should be better. They are—I mean they always are for me.” Erin flushed with the little slip. As far as anyone knew, the Bostonians had hurt only Jen.
Her father raised an eyebrow but clearly decided to let it go. He turned to the food on the stovetop, and Erin watched him silently for a while. Many of her childhood memories resembled this moment—watching her father cook as they talked about her day and whatever else was on her mind. Those times had taken place in their childhood home, in a much older and smaller kitchen, but the setting was still similar enough to give her a deep sense of calming nostalgia. They talked a little about the food, but the rest of their conversation was light. Erin didn’t want to discuss Jen any mor
e than he did. It was too painful.
Jen eventually joined them. She was dressed in a thick bathrobe and bunny slippers, her wet hair up under a towel on her head.
“Sorry, Dad,” she said. “I’ll get dressed in a minute for dinner. I just need a glass of water.”
“Hey—no apology necessary, pumpkin. We can keep it casual this year, if you want. You and your aunt must be exhausted.”
She nodded but didn’t say anything, sipping her water and staring into space with faraway eyes. She was so distracted, she didn’t notice Erin and her father, who shared a pained glance.
“Say,” her father said, “this rice dish needs to simmer a while longer, and I wanted to talk to the both of you while it was just the three of us.”
Jen looked confused. “What about?”
Her dad walked across the room and rummaged around in a pile of papers on a small credenza in the corner. A moment later, he pulled out a magazine, and Erin knew what it was immediately: the recent edition of Food and Beverage. He waved it around once and then came over to their side of the kitchen.
“What’s that?” Jen asked.
Their father was shocked. “You haven’t seen it?”
“I was waiting until she got home,” Erin explained.
Their father opened the magazine to the review and handed it to Jen. “Read that.”
Jen’s eyebrows shot up when she read the title of the article, and a moment later, she was completely absorbed, her brow knit in concentration. Erin had managed to make herself read the review on her own yesterday, and she knew exactly how it felt to see those words the first time.
When she was finished, Jen seemed even more surprised than before. “This is incredible!”
Their father gave them both a hug, and when he stepped away he had tears in his eyes. “I’ve never been prouder of the two of you in my entire life. I know I was probably your biggest skeptic when you told me you planned to open a brewery, and I regret that now more than I can say.”
Jen opened her mouth, and he held up a hand. “Let me finish, honey. It’s hard to eat crow, and I want to get through it. It’s not just that you won the Brewing Festival and now this review.” He cleared his throat. “It’s also that I should have supported you from the beginning. I should have remembered what it was like to go out on a limb for your dreams. My first restaurant almost didn’t get off the ground, and my father was a complete ass about it at the time. I should have known better than to treat you the same way. I’m sorry I did.”
Tears were streaming down Jen’s face, and she gave him a hug. “Thanks, Dad. It means a lot to hear you say that.”
Erin was fighting back her emotion, her vision blurry. “Yes, Dad. It really does.”
“I think I was even more unfair to you, Erin. I blamed you for getting your sister involved in the brewery to begin with. I’m so very glad it’s a success.”
They hugged tightly, and a weight that had been dragging down Erin’s heart was finally lifted for good.
“Let’s rejoin the others,” their dad suggested. “I have an announcement to make, and I want to tell them, too.”
They followed him into the living room, and Aunt Eddie looked up at them with seeming relief. Lydia had obviously been talking this whole time, and she clearly needed a break.
“Girls, please sit down for a moment,” their father said, gesturing.
Erin and Jen shared a confused glance and then sat down on the love seat. Everyone was waiting on their father now. He’d brought his wineglass in with him and twirled it nervously in his hands.
“As you all know, I’m moving toward retirement now. Will is set to take on management starting, well, now, in the new quarter after the holidays.”
Everyone nodded. None of this was news.
“What you don’t know is that I decided to sell one of my restaurants after all. Will is a great kid, and an excellent manager, but like anyone in a new field, he has some kooky ideas. I’m all for kooky, myself, most of the time, but there was one restaurant I decided I simply couldn’t let him get his hands on. He wanted to change just about everything about it, and I thought it was a bad idea. It’s popular as it is. At most it needs some updates to the dining room, but very little beyond that. I’m talking about The Steak Lodge, of course.”
Erin sat up a little in pleased surprise. The Lodge was her father’s first restaurant and his pride and joy. She’d been stunned that he’d thought of letting someone else change and manage it, so it made sense that he’d kept it separate from the negotiations.
“Anyway, I purposefully left The Lodge out of my initial contract with Will until he pitched his ideas to me, and I’m glad I did. I told him a couple of weeks ago that I’d found a seller that plans to renovate and keep it running as is, and the sale was finalized yesterday.”
“That’s great news, Daddy!” Lydia said, rocketing to her feet. She gave him a long hug and shook her fists in the air. “The Steak Lodge will live on!”
He laughed and patted her shoulder. “Thanks, honey. I don’t know how it will feel to go there when I no longer run it, but I’m very pleased to have found the buyers I did. They might, in the end, decide to change things, and I’ll have no control over that, but that should be years down the road. Hopefully, by then, I won’t care.”
Everyone got up and hugged him in congratulations, and Aunt Eddie offered to open one of the bottles of champagne she’d brought from her most recent trip to France.
“That sounds lovely, Eddie, but hold on a minute, everyone. I have some more news to tell you. Please, sit back down again.”
Everyone shared a look, but they sat, waiting expectantly.
“Professionally, I’ve been a lucky man. My restaurants have all thrived in a difficult market in a pretty small city. People have always seemed to like what I cook for them.”
“Hear, hear!” Eddie shouted. Everyone laughed.
He grinned. “The point is, I’ve made a lot of money, and since I’ll be more or less retired now, my expenses are getting smaller. This house is paid off and I have no other debts. I like to travel as much as the next man, but my savings will easily cover the trips I still plan on taking.” He paused and held up his glass to Erin and Jen. “Erin, Jen, I want to take the money from the sale and invest it in your brewery.”
Erin felt like she’d been dropped from a tall building. Her stomach flopped and her face heated with emotion. Jen clasped Erin’s hands and squeezed them so hard it hurt. Erin barely noticed.
“Are you serious?” Erin asked. She could hardly get the words out of her mouth.
“I’m completely serious, Erin,” her father said. “I want you girls to have the kind of success I’ve enjoyed, and from what I’ve seen of the place and the crowds, you need to expand. I had one of my lawyers look into it, and you should be able to expand right where you are on either side of the current brewery.”
Erin nodded. “That’s what we’ve been wanting to do for over a year now.”
“Well, good! I was hoping you’d say that.”
Jen finally seemed to snap into reality, and when she got up to hug their father, she was sobbing. Their father rubbed her back as she cried into his shoulder, and he and Erin shared a wide smile.
They might have had one of the nicest holidays they’d shared since childhood if Lydia had been capable of being an adult, but she wasn’t. After Aunt Eddie, Jen, Erin, and their father had all hugged and cried themselves out, Erin realized that Lydia was still sitting down, scowling.
“What’s up, Lydia?” she asked, trying not to sound annoyed.
Lydia jumped to her feet so suddenly everyone flinched in startled surprise. “So you finally noticed me? I know it’s hard to remember you have another daughter, Dad, but I am actually still here.”
“What’s this, now?” their dad said, scowling.
Lydia was crying freely now. “I can’t believe you. How could you?”
“How could I what?” His voice contained some heat now.
“How could you do that in front of me? You had to know how much it would hurt me. Don’t you care about me at all?”
“You’re not making sense, Lydia. What are you talking about?”
“Giving them all that money! What about me? Don’t I matter to you at all?”
He shook his head. “I’m not giving them the money, Lydia. I’m investing my money in their business. I’d do the same thing if you had your own successful business.”
“But I don’t! What I am supposed to do, work as a barmaid the rest of my life?”
Erin was already out of patience and couldn’t keep from breaking in. “You could have plenty of roles in the brewery that would lead to advancement, Lydia. I’d be happy to steer you that direction if you were a better employee.”
Lydia’s face closed in anger, and she went rigid. “I never wanted to work in a brewery, Erin. It’s stupid. I only did it to make Dad happy.”
Erin shook her head. “That’s not true, Lydia. You begged to work with us, and it was Jen who convinced me to give you a chance. You’ve done nothing but blow it since you started.”
“That’s fine, then, ’cause I quit.”
“Lydia—” Jen said.
“No, really, Jen. I don’t want to work there anymore, and no one can make me.”
“It’s fine with me,” Erin said.
Jen threw her a dirty look and then grabbed Lydia’s arm. “Honey, listen to reason—”
“I don’t want to.”
“You’re acting like a child, Lydia,” their dad said. “And you’re not helping, Erin.”
Erin sighed and then nodded. She shouldn’t have risen to the bait.
“What are you going to do if you don’t work there?” their dad asked. “You have to have a job to live under this roof.”
“Then maybe I won’t live under it. Geo asked me to move in with him. I was going to tell you all about it tonight before you stabbed me in the back.”
Pride and Porters Page 18