Elizabeth was unable to say anything at first. As he spoke, her eyes widened and she instinctively shrank into herself. When she didn’t respond, Darcy leaned even closer. His voice dropped to a soft tone and he repeated, “Do you understand, Elizabeth?”
She nodded, her breath caught in her throat, making it difficult to speak. She was afraid she would stutter and humiliate herself if she tried to respond, so she stayed quiet. Darcy continued to stare at her for a few more moments, his eyes moving from one of hers to the other. Finally, he nodded so slightly she barely saw the movement. He sat back as if satisfied, turning his eyes to the green landscape and the blue skies above.
Shaken, Elizabeth was quiet for the rest of the ride.
Chapter 18
They arrived at Longbourn on a bright and beautiful Easter Sunday. Elizabeth had put on the prettiest spring dress she could find and her hat was adorned with flowers and ribbons in the colors of the season. It would be a grand party. Elizabeth was secretly looking forward to it because she loved seeing the beautiful outfits and hats the ladies would be wearing. It was a secret, because she knew telling Darcy would be useless. He didn’t care about such things. He never had.
Darcy was in quite different spirits the day they arrived at Longbourn. He wasn’t quite what Elizabeth was used to. His behavior with her was gentle and kind, his voice soft, and his countenance was calm.
After the day in early spring, Elizabeth rarely talked to Darcy about her family or Wickham. She regularly corresponded with Wickham, Jane, Mary, and her mother. Her family kept her updated on the trials of her younger sisters, who were still eyeing the militia officers staying in town. There were several—Mrs. Bennet declined to name them—who had reciprocated the girls’ advances but she, Mrs. Bennet, didn’t approve of them. They had only joined the military to get away from their small hometowns and what Mrs. Bennet thought of as actual work. She was impressed with most of the officers, but gave Elizabeth an earful about these few low-class militia members who couldn’t seem to remember what bathing was.
Elizabeth read the letter about the officers to Darcy with laughter in her voice, and the two of them found humor in it together. She enjoyed seeing Darcy laugh. She thought he was much more handsome when he smiled, which was not often enough for her tastes. She enjoyed positive feelings, and Darcy gave off very few of those.
She found herself enjoying his company nearly all the time, even though she sometimes couldn’t get him to smile, even if she teased him and prodded him to just lift the corners of his lips in a pretend smile. His sour attitude did nothing to deter her natural positive nature. When she found herself slipping into negativity, she simply talked herself out of it. She made up happy, funny stories in her mind, sang to herself, and visited Charlotte or Georgiana to talk. They kept her spirits up when Darcy was bringing them down.
She enjoyed every moment she could spend at Longbourn, although she had come to consider Pemberley to be her home. It had been long enough and Darcy had given her leeway to change a few things, add some decorations of her own, portraits she enjoyed, new sculptures, vases filled with beautiful flowers, and new rugs with beautiful patterns and designs. She was comfortable at Pemberley now, and grateful that Darcy had agreed to the marriage.
Her family at Longbourn were thriving, as well. Darcy was generous with his money, which surprised all, especially his aunt, Lady Catherine. And the distinguished lady made it known how she felt about him lowering his standards and marrying a poor Bennet girl, despite Elizabeth’s beauty, good reputation, and high intelligence.
When they arrived, the party was already started. The Bennet girls had each chosen a young man to spend the afternoon with them, Lydia and Kitty choosing officers that their mother approved of.
Charlotte Lucas, their cousin Mr. Collins was in attendance, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner—her aunt and uncle on her mother’s side —and Lady Catherine, were all gathered in the parlor.
The moment she saw her, Elizabeth ran to her aunt and threw her arms around her, not caring if she was too old to behave in such a manner. “Oh, Auntie!” she cried in a delighted voice. “I’m so pleased to see you! I’m so glad you’re here!”
“Lizzie, my darling,” Mrs. Gardiner responded, placing a kiss on Elizabeth’s cheeks. “Here you are, grown up and married, jumping into my arms as if you were still a child.”
“I remember when I was a child and did just that very thing, Auntie.”
“I remember it very well, my dear.”
“And you’ve seen me as a married woman already,” Elizabeth laughed, stepping back a little but still holding on to her aunt’s hand. “This should be no surprise.”
“You look stunning, Lizzie, what a beautiful dress! And your hat.” Mrs. Gardiner shook her head. “Simply beautiful, my dear. You never cease to amaze me.”
“Everyone knows Jane has the beauty in this family,” Elizabeth giggled, putting her arm through her aunt’s and turning to walk with her around the room. “I’m blessed with just a moderation.”
“I dare say that’s not true, Lizzie,” her aunt scolded her softly with a smile. “You’re a beauty of your own. Though no one can deny Jane is a true beauty inside and out, you have your own unique style and beauty that cannot be matched.”
“Thank you, Auntie,” Elizabeth squeezed her arm. “I knew I could count on you to lift my spirits.”
Her aunt frowned, looking concerned. “Are you in need of having your spirits lifted, my dear? What ‘s the problem? Is Darcy giving you fits?” She turned and looked at Darcy, who had crossed the room and was speaking with one of the militia officers Mrs. Bennet had invited.
“Oh no, that’s not how I meant it, Auntie. I’m doing all right and Darcy isn’t bothering me as much as he used to.” Elizabeth was embarrassed that she was blushing, which made her blush harder.
“You look strange,” her aunt said, scanning her niece’s face. “Are you feeling ill?”
Elizabeth laughed softly. “Yes. Yes, I am. I just… I’m not as bothered by Darcy. I’ve gotten used to his odd behavior and he’s spoken less and less of negative things that bring me into depression. He’s… he’s gotten better.”
“Oh? I find this hard to believe.”
“Ah, but it’s true, my dear aunt.”
“If you believe it to be true, I will as well.” Mrs. Gardiner sounded doubtful, and was still gazing closely at Elizabeth to gauge her reactions. “I only want to see you happy and thriving.” She leaned her head in to speak in a lower voice. “I do wish your sisters would find the same comfort as you do in being married.”
“They have a long way to go before they’ll be able to do that, Auntie.” Elizabeth also used a low tone of voice. They had come to the end of the long room and turned to make a circle around it. “Why, none of them have found suitors yet. Not since Bingley has Jane ventured out. She’s gone to the balls and parties, mind you. But she doesn’t show interest in finding a husband. I do hope Bingley didn’t completely ruin her for all other men.”
“He certainly doesn’t deserve that kind of power,” Mrs. Gardiner agreed, nodding. She moved her eyes to look at Jane, who was sitting on the window seat, her hands clasped in her lap and a soft smile on her face. She was chatting with Mary and a friend Elizabeth didn’t recognize. She looked happy enough. But Elizabeth knew, on the inside, Jane was still very unhappy. She had let herself fall in love too deeply, and when that love was betrayed she found herself unable to recover.
Elizabeth prayed constantly for her sister to let go of the past and move on. She had been in their presence a few times when Lydia had openly insisted her sister move on with her life. Lydia and Kitty both told Jane that Bingley wasn’t worth another moment of sadness, though Lydia was a bit more forceful. It surprised Elizabeth that their mother wasn’t more vocal about it. In the beginning, she’d heard her mother complain often that Jane wouldn’t let go of her love for Bingley, but lately she hadn’t mentioned it in her letters, nor did Elizabeth hear her sayin
g anything out loud about it.
“I feel the same way,” Elizabeth replied. “But it seems no one can get through to Jane.”
“She doesn’t look unhappy right now,” Mrs. Gardiner said in a thoughtful voice. “I’m glad to see her smiling, even if it’s not a big smile to speak of. You see?”
“Yes, she seems content right now,” Elizabeth agreed. “Perhaps the gentleman Mother brought to be her companion is treating her nicely and showing her respect and concern.”
“Or perhaps he’s treating her as though there’s nothing wrong with her. Without any concern but with light-hearted friendliness. Sometimes, when a person is constantly treated like they’re concerned about, they’ll continue their depressed mood simply because they’re not getting the positivity they need to pull out of it.”
“That’s very wise, Auntie. I will try from now on not to be as concerned about caring for Jane’s moods as I am caring about Jane’s happiness.”
“That’s a good way to put it, my dear.” Her aunt patted her hand and smiled at her. “We will both try to bring up Jane’s spirits at all times. We will simply act as though the matter is settled and we will speak no more of it.”
Chapter 19
Despite their efforts on Easter Sunday, Jane didn’t come out of her moods easily. Elizabeth agreed to meet with her sister at the home of Charlotte Lucas about a week after Easter, but Jane never came. She sent a messenger with a note saying she wasn’t feeling well and would be spending the day in bed. Elizabeth was highly disappointed.
“I don’t see how she can prolong this for so long,” Elizabeth complained over tea with Charlotte. They had planned to take a picnic, but when Jane didn’t show they decided to have tea inside and then go for a walk in the garden to enjoy the bright sun and the warm breeze. Clouds were beckoning but they didn’t look like rain to Elizabeth, not enough to keep them from taking their walk anyway. “There’s no way I would mourn for a man so long. She must learn to live with what’s happened and find another man.”
“I agree.” Charlotte nodded, sipping from her cup and gazing out the large window behind Elizabeth. “I’ve had such an experience before. I thought I was in love so deeply that I would never pull out of it. I’m sure you remember.”
“I do.”
“I didn’t mourn forever, that’s certain.”
“Of course not. Sometimes things don’t work out as we would like, as we would have planned. And that’s life. We must carry on until the next good thing happens.”
“Have you found comfort with Darcy, then? Are you settling into a good life with him?”
“I am. He’s a very strong man. I feel protected by him. I don’t know about the love, but I do know that he makes me feel secure and safe.”
“You’re not worried that his eyes will stray?”
“His eyes may stray but his hands never will. He has too much dignity to take on a lover. And no real need for one anyway.” Elizabeth was hoping they wouldn’t stay on that subject for long. “I give him the companionship he needs and desires. There’s no need to look elsewhere.”
“Some men don’t need a reason. They do as they please regardless of the consequences.”
“That’s not Darcy’s way. He’s too proud to do something like that.”
“His pride is what made me question his marriage to you in the first place.” Charlotte shook her head, picking up a small cookie and taking a bite of it. She looked thoughtful as she chewed. “I mean no offense, but your family isn’t well-off. It had to be some type of attraction to you as a person. Though I never saw him treat you or anyone in your family with a great deal of respect.”
“Perhaps my father cast a spell on him,” Elizabeth joked. “He agreed to the arrangement only after Father spoke with him in private. Their conversation must have taken hours. I don’t know. I wasn’t there.”
“What do you suppose your father told him that would make him decide to go along with it? The last thing I remember him saying about your family was that you had little money and little purpose.”
Elizabeth felt a jolt of humiliation and hurt at hearing the words. “When did he say that?”
Charlotte looked alarmed, and put out one hand in her direction. “Oh, I didn’t mean to bring up a nasty moment from the past, my dear. This was long before you married him. Long before the thought even came into your mind that you might have to. Your opinion of him was no better than his opinion of you, but for much different reasons. Don’t dwell on the words he said in the past. Concentrate on his behavior now. I know that you’re feeling much better about him now, aren’t you? You seemed at ease with him when I saw you at Easter.”
“Yes, things have come around for us. We’re getting along much better than we did before.”
“And it continues to get better?” Charlotte asked.
“Yes, it does seem to.”
Charlotte nodded in satisfaction, sitting back and finishing the tea in her cup. “That’s good to hear. I’m glad you’re feeling better about the marriage.”
“It’s been almost a year,” Elizabeth said. “If I wasn’t feeling more comfortable with the marriage, I probably never would. That would prove to be a very unhappy life. I don’t want to be unhappy. It’s not in my nature to be unhappy.”
“That’s true, my dear. You’re a very happy person by nature. You recover from traumatic events much faster than your sister.”
“I’ve heard your dear friend Mr. Wickham has been seen with a certain Miss King. Had you heard about that? It seems to be going well.”
“I had heard, yes.” Elizabeth nodded, picking up the kettle to pour a bit more hot water into her tea cup, which had cooled considerably. She watched the steam rise from the end of the spout as the water poured out. “This kettle is wonderful! It keeps the water hot for a very long time.”
Charlotte smiled. “Yes, it does. It was one of my mother’s. I see that you’re trying to change the subject, my friend, and I’m wondering why. Are you no longer friends with Mr. Wickham?”
“Oh yes, I am.” Elizabeth nodded. “I’m just fearful…”
When she didn’t continue and her cheeks turned slightly red, Charlotte tilted her head to the side with a look of confusion on her face. “Tell me what you’re thinking, Lizzie. Is this about Darcy? The way he feels about Mr. Wickham?”
“No… and yes…” Elizabeth didn’t like the confusion that filled her mind. “It’s more about… my sister, Lydia.”
Charlotte frowned. “Lydia? What has she to do with this?”
“She went to a ball where Wickham and Miss King were in attendance. During that time, she had the opportunity to dance with Wickham. It seems they got along quite well.”
Charlotte raised her eyebrows. “Do you suspect more will come of that? I don’t see it.”
It was Elizabeth’s turn to frown. “Why don’t you see it?”
Charlotte gave her friend a knowing look. “Lizzie, I’ve told you in the past that Mr. Wickham has the reputation of being a seeker of wealthy women. It didn’t surprise me that he was seen in the company of Miss King, who is a woman of stature and countenance. I’m sure that Lady Catherine is in agreement with that match. However, she was very much against your marriage to Darcy. I know this. And she won’t be happy if Wickham also chooses a Bennet girl.” She leaned forward and placed a hand on Elizabeth’s. “Don’t mistake my blunt honesty for insult, Lizzie. You know me too well for that.”
“Yes, I do. And I understand what you mean. Lady Catherine was bound and determined to keep Darcy and me from marrying, and was thoroughly disgusted when he chose to do so anyway. It only furthers my confusion as to why he would do it. She could have easily cut off his allowance.”
Charlotte shook her head. “Darcy wouldn’t have let that happen. He’s a shrewd businessman. I have no doubt he would have found a way to ruin Lady Catherine’s reputation had she forced him to go against his own wishes.”
“But why did he wish to marry me?”
&n
bsp; Charlotte laughed. “You know why, Lizzie, surely.”
“No,” Elizabeth insisted. “I cannot imagine, even now, after nearly a year, why he decided that marrying me was a good idea.”
“His behavior has changed over this time,” Charlotte replied. “Perhaps he felt it would be life-changing in a good way. He must have seen something in you that made him desire you for who you are. He may have thought of you as a poor girl below his status, but you have an energy and a confidence that can’t be seen in many who have large, full accounts. You’re not shallow, you don’t lie, and you can be trusted. He knew from the beginning, just in the way you spoke to him, that you weren’t impressed by his wealth.”
“That’s true. I made it known to him in no uncertain terms that the size of his salary per annum didn’t make my head or heart turn toward him. There was barely time to court before we married. People may have thought bad of us, thinking that we were going to have a child and were forced to marry quickly.”
Charlotte raised her eyebrows again and popped the remaining bit of cookie into her mouth. “Well, it’s obvious now that it wasn’t the reason. Your belly would have grown by now.”
“This is very true.”
“So, the naysayers can have their time. But they weren’t correct, even if anyone chose to think that way. And I, for my part, never heard anything like that.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“You mustn’t worry about why Darcy married you in the beginning. All that matters now is that you’re married and his behavior improves daily. It does, doesn’t it?”
Elizabeth nodded. “It does.”
“Then you should be happy and not focus on anything negative.”
Elizabeth nodded again, turning to look through the large window beside her chair. “You’re right, Charlotte. You’re right.”
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