by Duncan Pile
“Yes sir,” Gaspi said. “It was the Brock and Jakko; the blacksmith and his son.”
“And would you say that they were picking on you?”
Gaspi paused for a long moment before answering. “Yes. Brock was picking on Jonn, and Jakko was always bullying me.”
“I see,” Hephistole said. “It seems you have a history of being mistreated, and it’s not a surprise that you are sensitive about it. It also seems that our Everand has been carrying on that grand tradition.” Gaspi, feeling embarrassed by the feebleness of his excuses, merely shrugged. “Well, Gaspi,” Hephistole continued, “I want you to know I can imagine something of how this might make you feel. We are vulnerable in some ways, and there are those who would exploit our weak spots. But Voltan is right. The past haunts all of us, but you must put it aside. You have inherited a mighty gift, and it cannot be used without maturity. The other students just don’t have the same kind of firepower...something Everand learned the hard way today.” Hephistole leaned forward, holding Gaspi’s attention with his piercing green eyes. “Gaspi,” he said gravely, “like it or not, with power comes responsibility. Do you understand?” He held Gaspi’s gaze, giving his words time to sink in.
Gaspi was unable to avoid the truth of his words. “Yes sir,” he said, after a pause. Somehow the usual informality seemed inappropriate, and he gave the Chancellor his proper honorific title.
“Good,” Hephistole said, leaning back in his chair. “Then try and understand this, also. There may come a day when you have to fight side by side with Everand, or with any of the other students. Not everyone can be friends, but I’m asking you to be the peacemaker here. Will you do what you can to put this animosity aside?”
Gaspi felt that Hephistole was trying to communicate something to him, but wasn’t sure exactly what it was. He was so captured by the older man’s sincerity that he found it much easier to agree than he would have believed possible half an hour previously.
“I’ll try,” he said, and found that he meant it. His own power had shocked him today, and however much he wanted everyone to see Everand for the idiot he was, he didn’t actually want to hurt him. He even started to feel a little ashamed.
“Good man,” Hephistole said, radiating approval. “Voltan I agree that Gaspi must be punished for this, but let’s not make it too arduous. Repairing the containment cages?”
“That sounds fair,” Voltan responded. He looked at Gaspi again, and Gaspi was relieved to see his mentor’s face showing only its usual sternness. “Cancel whatever you had planned this afternoon. I’ll meet you in the main classroom in an hour. Now, go and have your lunch.”
Chapter 27
Gaspi left the room in thoughtful silence. Walking back to the refectory, he ran the events of the morning through his head. The most important thing was making things right with Emea. He knew she was upset with him, but not knowing exactly how upset gave him an uncomfortable, squirming sensation in his stomach. That feeling injected a sense of urgency into his thoughts, and he broke into a jog. She would probably be in the refectory with Lydia, maybe nearing the end of their lunch, and if he rushed he just might catch her.
When Gaspi reached the refectory he wrenched open the doors, looking round for Emea. He heard her tinkling laugh and, turning to see where she was, found her sitting with Everand and his usual crowd of followers. Gaspi’s insides turned to ice, all of his good intentions to make peace with Everand blown out of his mind by an unstoppable surge of jealousy. Lydia spotted him, and nudged Emea. When she saw him Emea flushed, looking sheepish for a moment, but then some kind of resolve seemed to kick in and she tilted her chin up in defiance, a flush still showing on her pale cheeks. Gaspi couldn’t think of anything except getting away from the scene in front of him, and without saying a word he turned and fled the room. The last thing he heard as the doors shut behind him was another wave of laughter erupting from Everand’s table. Gaspi felt tears start in his eyes. Not wanting anyone to see him, Gaspi broke into a run, angrily wiping away the tears that wouldn’t stop pouring down his face. He didn’t know where he was going until he found himself in his meditation garden. Relieved to find it empty, Gaspi walked numbly to the spot he always meditated in, and sank to the ground. He stared into space for a long moment, haunted by the image of Emea sitting with Everand, laughing at his jokes; and before he knew what was happening, he broke into uncontrollable sobbing.
Gaspi didn’t know exactly how long he stayed there, but with a flicker of panic he realised it had to be way past the time he was meant to meet Voltan for his punishment. The momentary panic was submerged by a much more powerful wave of self-pity. What did it matter what Voltan thought? He’d probably just lost the girl he loved. Thinking of Emmy brought more tears to his eyes, and he fiercely brushed them away. He couldn’t just sit there and cry, but what should he do? Then, suddenly, he knew. He’d go and speak to Jonn. He’d know what to do, and down in the barracks he’d not bump into Everand or Voltan, or anyone else he didn’t want to see.
Gaspi managed to avoid being seen as he left the college, but when he arrived at the barracks Jonn wasn’t there. He looked around for Taurnil instead, and after asking a guard where he might be, found him sharpening swords in the armoury.
Taurnil looked up as Gaspi entered. “What’s the matter, Gasp?” he asked, sensing his friend’s distress straightaway.
Gaspi told him all the details, somehow managing to hold back his tears until he’d finished. “I think I’ve lost her, Taurn,” he said in utter despair. Suddenly he couldn’t fight it anymore, and broke down into wracking sobs. Taurnil patted him awkwardly on the back, clearly not knowing what to do in this situation. It took a couple of moments for Gaspi to get a hold of himself, but he eventually managed, and looked at Taurnil plaintively.
“What do I do, Taurn?” he asked.
Taurnil looked thoughtful. “Well, Gasp,” he said. “I don’t think you’ve lost her, but you probably have some making up to do.” He paused for thought. “You know what Emmy is like. Remember the time she found that lame duck back home, and nursed it all spring?”
Gaspi couldn’t help smiling. “Yeah. It was obviously a goner but she wouldn’t let Jonn put it down. And when it died we had to have that ceremony.”
Taurnil laughed. “She’s a soft person, Gaspi. She just can’t cope with any kind of violence.”
“Well, she managed okay at the tournament,” Gaspi said, with a touch of indignation.
“But that was an organised event. No-one was out to get anyone else for the sake of it. She doesn’t like the fact that you deliberately used your powers to harm someone, just because you felt like it.”
Gaspi was quiet for a moment. “I get that, but she should know I don’t like being bullied. If I lose my temper because some toe-rag won’t leave me alone, why can’t she understand that?”
“I dunno, mate. You’re gonna to have to talk to Emmy about it. But for what it’s worth, I really don’t think you’ve lost her.”
“You think?” Gaspi asked hopefully.
“Yeah. But it’s probably best not to leave it. It’ll only get harder if you do.”
Gaspi peered at his friend as if seeing him for the first time. “When did you get so wise?”
Taurnil pulled a wry face. “I’m not wise. Remember the fool I made of myself at the gypsy dance? It’s just easier to see when it’s not you.”
Gaspi felt sure that Taurnil had the right of it, and decided not to wait for Jonn. He went back up to the college, anxious to find Emmy. When he reached the campus he headed for the girls’ dorm, but as he crossed the courtyard he saw the silhouette of Voltan standing in the doorway of a classroom. He didn’t even try to pretend he hadn’t seen him, and, changing his course, walked with his head hung down towards his mentor.
Without saying a word, Voltan stood aside to let Gaspi through the door. Closing it behind them, Voltan took a seat, indicating with a gesture that Gaspi should do likewise.
“Where
were you this afternoon?” Voltan asked without preamble.
“I’m sorry sir,” Gaspi said, anxious to get it all out in the open. “I had a bit of a problem.” Gaspi told Voltan what had happened, just about managing not to get upset again. Gaspi knew Voltan was strict, but hoped he would be able to appeal to a well-hidden, softer, side of the warrior Mage. “It wasn’t deliberate, I promise,” Gaspi finished. “I just lost it.”
“Okay, Gaspi,” Voltan said in an even tone. “I’m not going to add anything to your punishment for not turning up today. I understand that matters of the heart are…difficult, and you seem to be having a hard time at the moment. But don’t let it happen again.” That last statement sounded very much like a command, and Gaspi knew that a line had been drawn that he would be unwise to cross.
“Thank you sir. I won’t, I promise,” he said, with sincerity.
“Get going, then,” Voltan said, gesturing towards the door. “You can do your detention tomorrow.”
Not needing to be told twice, Gaspi picked up his things, and headed out of the door.
He knocked on the door of the girls’ dormitory, but the girl who answered told him frostily that Emea wasn’t there. Gaspi took off round the campus, desperately hoping to bump into her, but he couldn’t find her anywhere. Several times he caught sight of someone whose profile was similar, or who wore her hair the same way as Emmy, and his heart would start to thump, before he realised it wasn’t her. Suddenly, he remembered the compass he’d enchanted to point in her direction. Cursing himself for being an idiot, he set off at a jog back through the campus.
The light was failing by the time he reached the courtyard, dusk quickly passing into night. He was about to head into the dorm to get his compass when he saw her. He’d know that silhouette anywhere. She stood in the doorway of the girl’s dormitory, looking out into the night, framed in warm light spilling out through the door, her head turning slowly from side to side.
“Emmy!” he called out plaintively from the other side of the courtyard. She looked directly at him for a second, then turned around and headed back into the dorm. Gaspi’s heart sank in despair. He started to walk with heavy feet towards the door, trying not to give in to the gut-wrenching sadness that pulled at him. He’d just have to knock and call her name until she’d speak to him, even if it took all night. But as he neared the door she came out again, wearing a thick coat. The sharp edge of Gaspi’s pain diminished slightly. Maybe she would hear him out.
“Emmy, please listen to me. I need to talk to you,” he said, sounding desperate in his own ears.
Emmy placed a hand on his outstretched arm. “Don’t worry, Gaspi,” she said, her tone comforting, but more distant than he was used to. “We’re going to talk, but not here. Let’s go to the garden.”
Gaspi found some of the tightness in his chest easing. “Okay, the garden,” he said. Normally they would hold hands or link arms, but this time they walked apart and in silence. Gaspi was bursting to blurt out all his thoughts, but managed to wait while they walked.
The entrance to the garden was narrow, and as they passed through Emmy put her hand on his arm to steady herself. Gaspi realised in some distant part of his mind that he’d never been with anyone else in the garden before, but in the face of his demanding emotions, the thought didn’t hold his attention. Emea led him to the nearest bench, and they sat down two feet apart.
They both started talking at once, and then stopped awkwardly. “You go first, Gaspi,” Emea said after a moment, her manner quiet and reserved.
It was like taking the cork out of a bottle. “Emmy...I’m so sorry!” Gaspi began. “Sorry for upsetting you, sorry for storming out of the refectory, sorry for staying away all day…I’m even sorry for attacking Everand! All this – the fighting with Everand, my pride, jealousy, everything. It all means nothing. The only thing that matters to me is us. The only thing that matters to me is you.” His words spilled out in a rush. “I’ve acted like an idiot today because I’m terrified of losing you. Just thinking about it makes me go nuts! I can take anything you have to say as long as you don’t tell me it’s over.”
Gaspi was staring intently at Emea’s face as he spoke, anxiously searching for some clue about how she was feeling. Running out of steam, he sat dead still, waiting for words that might break his heart.
Emea let out a long sigh and her shoulders slumped, her posture losing the reserved rigidity she had maintained until that moment. “Gaspi, there’s no need to be so sorry,” she said, looking chagrined. “Or at least, I need to say sorry too.”
“Really?” Gaspi asked incredulously. “But…”
“Please, just let me talk for a few minutes,” Emea interrupted. “It’d be easier that way.” Gaspi nodded, and sat in silence.
“I should trust you more,” Emmy said. “I hate violence and what you did today really upset me, but I need to trust that even if you do things I don’t like, you are still the same big-hearted person I’ve always known.” Gaspi resisted the urge to respond, his heart inflating with hope as Emmy spoke.
“I know Everand winds you up, but I want you to understand how much it would mean to me, and how much I’d respect you, if you don’t fight back. But even if you do, I’m not going to dump you because I don’t like it. I might get angry with you, but there’s no need to get in such a panic. After all we’ve been through, how could you think that? I love you, Gaspi.”
Gaspi’s self-control fled him completely in that moment. “I love you too, Emmy,” he said, choking on tears he couldn’t restrain. She reached out and cupped his face with her hand, drawing it smoothly along his jaw. With tears brimming in his eyes, he drew Emea into an embrace. They cried uncontrollably, hugging each other tightly for what felt like hours. When they separated, Emea’s hand remained in Gaspi’s.
“I came looking for you after you left the refectory,” Emmy said, “but you weren’t anywhere. I’ve been waiting for you all day.”
“I was with Taurn,” Gaspi said. “I reacted so badly to seeing you with Everand in the refectory. I was convinced I’d lost you, and needed to get away. Poor Taurn,” he said with a wry smile. “I cried like a baby, and he didn’t know what to do.”
Emea laughed. “What did Taurn say?” she asked.
“He told me I probably hadn’t lost you, but that I needed to find you as soon as possible, to sort things out,” Gaspi said.
“Sensible boy, that Taurnil,” Emea said. “Look, Gaspi, the thing that upsets me most about today is how you panicked. I hate the thought of you feeling so desperate and alone all day. Why did you react like that?”
Gaspi was quiet for a moment. “I really don’t know. It wasn’t deliberate. It just sort of…happened. It’s not something I can control,” he added. “I’ve never felt like I did today, and I never want to again.”
“Well - promise me that you will trust me not to dump you, even if we fall out, and I’m sure we can work through everything, Gasp. Okay?” Emea smiled as she spoke.
“Okay...I promise,” Gaspi responded, breaking into a warm smile that spread from ear to ear.
“Now...what are we going to do about you and Everand?” Emea asked, playfully, but with a hint of seriousness. Gaspi told her about his conversation with Hephistole and Voltan.
“I can’t mess around with this kind of power!” he said seriously. “Today showed me that pretty clearly. I even frightened myself!” he said. “I think Hephistole was trying to tell me something, you know. All that stuff about having to fight alongside my classmates. Something’s brewing. I know it!”
“What do you think it might be?” Emea asked, sounding a little nervous. Gaspi was surprised at how vulnerable she suddenly seemed. For someone who had showed much more strength and common sense than he had today, she certainly still made him feel protective. He put his arm around her.
“I don’t know, Emmy; maybe something to do with the thing that attacked us on the road. But even if it was, and one of those things was right here, righ
t now, it’d better think twice before attacking this time.”
Reassured by his confidence, Emmy wriggled in under his arm and rested her head on his shoulder. “Ah Gaspi,” she said softly. “How can I be scared, with you to look after me?”
Gaspi kissed the top of her head. “We’ll look after each other, Emmy,” he said, and there they stayed, sat together in the night, comfortable once more in the silence.
Everyone was surprised when Gaspi and Emea sat together at breakfast the next day. Everand looked annoyed, though he was trying to hide it; but not nearly as much as Ferast, whose eyes glinted with bitter fury whenever he looked their way. Gaspi had mentioned Ferast’s involvement in setting up the conflict with Everand in class the previous day, but Emea still wouldn’t hear anything of it. Not wishing to rock their newly stabilised boat, Gaspi wisely chose to leave it alone.
But every time Ferast glanced at them, he could feel his hateful scrutiny; a form of attention both boiling hot and icy cold at the same time. It made Gaspi shudder just thinking about it. More than ever, he couldn’t escape the conclusion that there was something very wrong with his mysterious classmate. He was worried about the time Emmy spent with him in their healing class, but he had no choice but to trust that Emelda would protect her if Ferast decided it was time to show his true colours.
That afternoon in his mentoring session, Voltan talked at great length about the use of air strikes in battles of the past. Gaspi found it much more interesting than usual, however, having seen first-hand how effective his own powerful strike had been the previous day. He could well imagine how useful it could be in the heat of battle, and as a Nature Mage he could tap into the strong currents moving in the skies above, harnessing them as no-one else could. The natural forces available to someone with his talent were phenomenally powerful, and the limits to their use were only defined by his own ability. Gaspi got so into his lesson that he completely forgot about detention. As he opened the door to leave his mentor’s study, hoping a game of football would even now be underway, an amused Voltan called him back and told him what the rest of his afternoon would involve.