“Please, don’t go yet. I haven’t spoken to you in so long, it would be nice to catch up. Can you stay for a bit?” Kelley asked, his eyes beseeching.
Alex thought it was probably a bad idea. Him being around people usually didn’t go well. He wasn’t good with small talk. Simple things stopped being so simple when his life became so complicated. But for some reason with that man he was doing okay. Maybe that was down to Kelley’s self-possessed and cool-headed nature.
He turned and looked toward the patio door not able to see the table from there but wishing he’d decided to stay there instead of going to the bar. Being even further out of his comfort zone wasn’t where he wanted to be right now.
“Sure…okay…but only for a few more minutes. Like I said my friends might come looking for me since I was only supposed to step away for a few.” He sat back down and glanced up at Kelley, feeling a bit squirmy at the bright smile beaming from the man’s face. He could feel his cheeks getting red again and heat flooding his chest, which annoyed him.
“Okay. That’s fine. So, what’s your sister’s name?”
“Her name is Evie and she’s eight, almost nine now, and in third grade.” Alex smiled thinking about her but decided that if he responded with short concise answers it would hopefully cut the conversation short.
“Wow, almost nine already! I have a friend with a young son; they do grow up so fast.”
“Yeah, I agree they do. But it’s not like they can stop it,” Alex replied with a small sarcastic smile.
Kelley chuckled. “True they can’t. And what about you, Alex? Besides work and Evie what have you been up to the last three years? Is your boyfriend with you tonight?”
Alex answered cautiously, “Nothing really, my work always keeps me busy and Evie…Evie needs a lot of my attention, so that’s basically all I do.” He pointedly ignored the question about his boyfriend.
“Except tonight. Tonight, you’re out with friends?” Kelley asked.
If he was direct and told Kelley he really had to go and couldn’t sit and talk anymore it would get him to back off. It wasn’t like the man was hard to talk to. Kelley seemed to handle his sarcasm better than most. Maybe he could handle a few more minutes.
“Yeah, except tonight, I’m out with Ben and Kinsley. I’m sorry, Kelley, I don’t mean to sound rude but we haven’t seen each other in years. Why do you want to know all this stuff?” Alex asked curiously.
His mom would’ve slapped him upside the head for being impolite and with that thought came a wave of pain straight to his heart. Every time he thought of his mother the pain would shoot through his body, making it hard to breathe.
Alex looked away from his visitor, hoping beyond anything that Kelley hadn’t noticed. He locked the thoughts of his mom, and the pain that accompanied it, away. Bringing his eyes back, he looked right at Kelley. Relaxing when he didn’t see pity in his eyes.
“Who’s Ben?”
Really that’s it? Alex was basically rude and had nearly freaked out, and all he wanted to know was who was Ben?
“Ben?” Alex questioned.
“Yeah, you just mentioned Ben. I was wondering if he’s your boyfriend. I know you had one when you worked at the firm years ago.”
Yet another subject he refused to entertain. “Wait, so I just asked you why you want to know all this stuff about me and that’s the only question you have?”
Alex didn’t know how to handle the fact that Kelley hadn’t reacted to him like everyone else did.
Kelley laughed…again. “Alex, you aren’t being rude. At least I don’t think you are. I deal with much worse on a daily basis at work, as you can imagine. But to answer you…I want to know because through our email exchanges I at least considered us acquaintances, maybe at some level friends. No harm in catching up with each other’s lives. Right?”
Alex was shocked his terse attitude, both in person and through emails, hadn’t pushed Kelley away from wanting to talk with him. “I guess not. You aren’t like other people who run into me. I’m not good at small talk and I usually end up offending people or pissing them off.”
Kelley just smiled at him. “After sixty hours at work I’m pretty done with people but you’re doing very well on the small talk. It could use some improvement but that will take practice.” Kelley winked at him, then continued. “But back to my question, who’s Ben?”
“I’m Ben.”
Alex jumped when Ben came up behind him and put his arm around his shoulders. He turned slightly and looked over his shoulder, giving Ben a withering look.
“Is Alex talking about me again? The guy does love me.” Ben turned and winked at him, smiling broadly. He was going to kill his best friend. No one would blame him after the abuse and torture he’d put up with for years. They might even give him a medal or an award.
Kelley reached around him to shake Ben’s hand as he spoke. “Hello, Ben. I guess I’ll get going, Alex, so you can get back to your Ben. Maybe we can chat again soon.”
“No need to hurry off. I was just coming to find him, but since he’s very obviously”—Ben looked at Kelley then Alex waving his hand between them—“busy, I’m just going to take Kinsley home to cuddle on the couch like she asked. You know you’ve got to give the ladies what they want or they get cranky.”
Alex could see Kinsley had approached Ben from behind just as the words left his mouth. Smiling over Ben’s shoulder Alex said, “Well, hello, Kinsley.”
Ben plastered a smile on his face. Looking nervous, he turned to look at Kinsley. “Hey, sweets. I was just, you know…talking and making a joke.”
Luckily for Ben, Kinsley still had a smile on her face, with only a hint of mischief in it. But Alex was still enjoying the squirming that Ben was doing while she just looked at him.
“That’s okay. But I’m pretty sure you were the one who asked to go home and cuddle.” Lifting her hand to cover her mouth, she continued, “Oops, should I have not said that in front of your friends?” Kinsley had a mischievous streak, Alex loved it. She seemed to be handling his best friend better than most.
Alex had his lips pressed tightly together trying to prevent any laughter from spilling out but he really needed to say something. “Kinsley…” Alex was just about to talk when Ben cut him off. “Okay! It’s time for Kinsley and me to go now, Alex, so I will call you tomorrow…” and low enough only Alex could hear him Ben said, “…and I want details.”
Alex had no idea what he was talking about. What details? About Kinsley?
Alex really needed to get home anyway so he could recoup from the stress of the outing. Ben hugged him and they said their goodbyes.
“So that’s Ben, your friend. Seems like a very fun and likable guy.”
“Yeah, he’s alright. I mean we’ve been friends since we were kids so I guess he’d have to be. His pushiness isn’t a fun thing to tolerate, but it does seem he found his match in Kinsley.”
“I couldn’t imagine him being pushy. He seems pretty laid back and funny, but you obviously know him better so I’ll take your word for it.”
Alex was actually starting to see that Kelley was very easy going and had an unruffled but fun way about him. He actually might be having…a good time. Not something he thought would’ve happened that night. Evie would be proud.
Looking over at Kelley facing him from the other bar stool, he could see that he seemed to be enjoying himself too. Which meant it was time to go. Ending the conversation on a high note before he fucked it up was the smart choice.
Plus, that smile had that nervous feeling coming back and he was sure that was a disaster waiting to happen.
“Well, this has been fun but I really do have to get going. I need to make a call and get home. But…you know…it was nice catching up…and all that stuff.” Alex stood up from the stool, phone in hand trying to order a car service but Kelley didn’t move, so Alex ended up nearly between his legs. He could feel his face getting hot.
Alex really didn’t want Kelley
to think he was hitting on him. As far as he knew Kelley was straight and even if he wasn’t, no sense sending out mixed signals. Stepping away from the stool he turned back to Kelley to say goodnight and noticed he too had stood up, which made it so he was once again looking right into those green eyes that mesmerized him.
“Alex, it was nice seeing you again and I hope we can actually catch up some more the next time we talk. Maybe even have dinner or coffee next time?” See that was why Alex didn’t interact with people they just expected more.
Alex quickly replied, “I will definitely keep that in mind. Like I said, busy with work and Evie. I’ll let you know, though. See you!” Alex was out of there as fast as he could go while trying not to look like he was running away.
Kelley had a way about him that while he seemed larger than life he was also so focused, he seemed like he could see right through him. It unsettled Alex and it didn’t help that the man was fucking gorgeous and had a voice that sounded deliciously sexy.
Once he was outside he only had to wait for a few more minutes for his ride to appear. He got into the car and took out his phone again checking the time, seeing it was already eight o’clock he dialed Evie’s friend Ivy’s house to check in with his sister. “Hello?”
“Hi, Mrs. Tran, this is Alex, Evie’s brother. I was just calling to check in with her.”
“Alex, I know who you are, dear. You don’t need to tell me every time you call. Evie and Ivy are playing but let me just go get her for you. Hold on.” Alex could hear Mrs. Tran in the background calling for Evie to come downstairs. He hoped she wasn’t still as mad as she was earlier about not being able to go with him and Ben. Maybe to make it up to her I should take her to her favorite breakfast place for some scrambled eggs and bacon.
“Hey, Alex.”
“Hi, Evie. Having fun playing with Ivy?”
“Yeah, she has some new Shopkins that we’re playing with and this new van that they can go inside of! Can I have some new Shopkins too?!”
“We can definitely talk about it when you come home. Are you staying overnight tonight or coming home with me?”
“Umm well, I’m having fun but…umm…I don’t know.” Evie was being super quiet and that told Alex she was trying to not let her friend overhear what she was saying. She may be much better with her panic attacks and nightmares but that also meant that she’d worry it would happen when she was at a friend’s house. She was worried she’d lose a friend if they witnessed her panicking.
“It’s up to you, Evie. You can stay or come home and I’m sure Ivy would be okay with either. And you know I’ll be good with whatever you decide. You just make that decision for you.”
“Do you think I will have a nightmare like I did the other night? I don’t like having them at other people’s houses.”
“Oh, sweet girl. I know and I’m sure you’ll be fine. You have your Lovey but if you’re stressing about it, you can come home now and try another night. Stress can make things worse. You remember that from what Dr. Cove said, right?”
He knew she struggled with worry after her panic attacks or nightmares happened. Which was why he vowed he would make sure she understood her own boundaries and had full control over how to handle them. Just because Alex knew they would come back didn’t mean he would stop making she sure used the tools to keep it from happening.
“Okay. You’re right. I think I’ll be fine, though. But if I need to…”
“I will come right over and get you anytime of the night you know that. I’ll see you tomorrow when Ivy’s mom drops you off in the morning before school, okay?”
They said their goodbyes and five minutes later he was getting out of the car and heading up to his apartment alone. After the long night, it was time for a shower and crashing on his super soft bed. Just before he fell asleep a memory flashed in his mind of Kelley laughing and smiling with joy reflected on his face brightening up the room and filling Alex with a little bit of jealousy.
Why can’t I be like that again?
Kelley had been sitting at his desk staring out his office window for the past half hour daydreaming about Alex, thoughts filled with gorgeous gold-flecked brown eyes, and as silly as that made him feel, he didn’t want to stop. Seeing those eyes up close after years of only memories and distant glances was something to be excited about.
Kelley was giddy and happy. He was not going to berate himself for those feelings. He believed in living every happy emotion to its fullest.
I wonder if I should email him today.
Maybe that was too soon. Kelley might scare Alex away. That was one thing he noticed about Alex, he had a way of verbally trying to put distance between them.
Now Alex was different with his friend Ben, even with the obvious playful glaring he was doing. Of course, if they were friends for as long as Alex had said then he must’ve trusted Ben enough to allow him to get close.
All that time he had assumed that Alex really had been too busy with his work, his little sister, and his boyfriend to make time for Kelley. What if Alex said he was too busy, but really, he was just too closed off? Or just didn’t want anything to do with Kelley? Yikes, that wouldn’t be good, especially with the attraction he had on the guy already.
And where was his boyfriend? Kelley knew they had been dating when Alex had started interning at Vivid because he had heard through the office grapevine that Alex was gay and lived with a guy. Because of course, the rumor mill at any office was always running on overdrive especially when new employees started. Add that Alex was cute and smart, combined with the fact that he had that happy approach-me glimmer, just added to the need for all to know.
Kelley remembered being amused by the gossip because every time a new employee started on their floor, the gossip started like they were all in high school. But his amusement had turned into awe when he finally met and saw Alex in action. He was beautiful. Alex had a light that sparked in his eyes whenever he spoke about his job or a project. The times Kelley had seen him when he talked about his boyfriend or his little sister, had made him jealous that he didn’t have that at home for himself. Kelley wanted nothing more than to have that with someone like Alex.
But Kelley’s awe was also centered in the joy that seemed to live on the surface of Alex. It was like a glow and warmth that just radiated off of him and if you were lucky to grab his attention, his happiness and excitement would rub off on you. He made friends so easily that almost everyone liked him. Of course, that type of demand on any one designer both work related and personally made for some jealousy to float around the office, but mostly everyone was just happy to be around Alex.
Toward the end of Alex’s time at the firm Kelley would see, on the occasion when Alex thought no one was looking, his smile would slip, the glow would die down, and a sad look would pass over his face before it would wash away when someone called his name. Kelley always wondered what came over him in those moments.
It wasn’t like they interacted all that much during the regular work day. Mainly it was for bigger projects, demanding clients, or meetings to catch both Kelley and Ian Brockington, the graphic design departments executive officer, up. Kelley sometimes would create reasons to leave his office and make his way to wherever Alex was, but his days were so busy that doing that didn’t come often.
And now it seemed that the once long-ago attraction Kelley had on Alex was back with a vengeance after just one chance meeting. He needed to find a way to see him again. Kelley knew he was being foolish, but he had such a strong desire to make Alex smile. He could at least become friends with Alex, having more friends wouldn’t hurt, and if he was able to make sure he was okay, then that would be a bonus.
Knocked out of his thoughts by the ringing phone on his desk, Kelley shook the thoughts away and pushed the speaker button. “Hello?”
“Yes, Mr. Matthews, you have a call on line six from David, but your meeting starts in ten minutes so I wasn’t sure if you wanted to take it or just wanted me to take a message
so you can call him back later.”
“Of course, the man couldn’t call when I’m not on my way out the door. Thank you, Delilah, I’ll take his call.” He could hear her laugh through the phone, since it wasn’t the first and most likely not the last time David would call when he was on his way out.
“You’re welcome, Mr. Matthews. Line six.”
Kelley immediately picked up the call, trying to answer with an annoyed voice but knew David saw right through him when he heard him chuckle on the other end of the line, “Oh shut up. One of these days you’ll call me when I’m not halfway out the door.”
“Probably not since I seem to have an internal sensor that goes off and tells me it’s the perfect time to call you. At least that’s what Charlie tells me anyway.” Charlie and David had recently gotten engaged, and he couldn’t be happier for his friend.
“Well, I agree with Charlie. Okay, since we are on a time crunch, what did you need from me?”
“I was just calling to see if you had time to meet with me sometime today. I needed to go over some news with you.”
Well, that was awfully cryptic. “If you are going to say you’re quitting don’t bother, just tell me how much they are going to pay you and I will match it then throw in an extra bonus.” Kelley chuckled because he knew David wouldn’t leave. He loved his job at the firm and was paid very well, but it was an inside joke they often played up.
David laughed. “Kelley, of course, I’ll have the numbers to you this afternoon. You should be warned there will be a list of things that my office will need along with a company car and my own personal butler.” Kelley could hear David trying not to laugh on the other end of the line. “But honestly, it’s a personal thing, and I wanted to deliver the news in person.”
“Oh, good! You had me nervous for a second. Let’s see…it looks like I have time around two today if that works for you.”
“Perfect. I’ll see you then! Have fun at that meeting.” David clicked off before he could respond and a few moments later Kelley bolted out the door to get to the conference room two floors up.
Letting Go Page 5