“This isn’t easy for me to admit. Like I said opening myself up…I just don’t do it. Lack of trust in people or something, I guess. Plus, I haven’t done the dating thing since my ex broke if off with me over three years ago, but you’ve become a good friend to me and I would hate to lose that.” As he spoke he kept darting his eyes from Kelley to a couple of other people in the coffee shop.
“I understand. I don’t want to lose our friendship either, it has become very important to me,” he replied. “I know what I said the other night maybe implied otherwise but…” He hesitated to give in so easily but he didn’t want Alex thinking he only wanted sex from him. “…I don’t want just a physical relationship with you. I want to know you, not just your body. But I’m also willing to just stay friends, if that is what you need.”
“I know that. I know that you’re not the type to stop being friends with a guy just because they turn you down for more than that. But you do have a way with …words.” Alex’s voice dipped low at that last word.
Kelley chuckled, knowing Alex was telling him it wasn’t just his words that affected him the other night. “I’d say thank you for that, but I think that’s too much like patting myself on the back.”
He had a small smile, much more relaxed than when he first walked in. There was a sense of determination about him. Kelley thought he needed a little happy, a little life put back into him, and a little excitement wouldn’t hurt either. Alex wasn’t really sad per say, but he did seem lonely. Kelley didn’t want that for him, not if he could help it.
“I was thinking a lot about this…us since the other night. And I came to the conclusion that we get along and the fact that you tolerate my moods and prickly behavior when no one else seems to be able to helps with that a lot too. We also enjoy each other’s company and we work in the same field, so we have other things in common besides this”—Alex gestured between them—“attraction between us.” Alex stopped, cleared his throat, and sat straight, shoulders squared. “Nothing has changed about my life, Kelley. I’m still busy with work, work that is really important to me. But I also have Evie, and I need to be available to her and focused on her and her wellbeing. If that sounds like an excuse, it’s not. She’s my responsibility and she’s my family so she always comes first.”
“I don’t want to take you away from her, Alex, or your work, for that matter. That was not and never will be my intention. She’s your sister and you love her and that’s that. Though we have managed lots of time to talk even with that busy schedule you keep and my work schedule not being hurt by it.”
“Yes. We have and I’m glad, which I never thought I would say by the way, but I am. I haven’t had a friend in a long time. Ben has been it and as you well know things are tense between us, to say the least.”
“I get that. I swear I’ve had the same four friends for so long. David has been a friend for over a decade and the other three since college. I won’t mention how long ago that was since it makes me feel old,” Kelley replied on a chuckle.
“You are not old.,” Alex shot back while rolling his eyes. “There is only a thirteen-year age difference between us, but if I listen to Ben I’m older than you since I’m such a homebody and prude.”
“Good thing we don’t have to listen to anyone but ourselves. I love being at home. I admit when my friends and I get together it is to go out to eat but most times we meet up at one of our houses, usually Peter’s so he can’t escape back to work. Why does Ben call you a prude?”
“Because I haven’t dated in a long time and I refuse to take my focus off Evie or my work long enough to jump into bed with every guy that crosses my path.”
“Well, good thing you’re an adult and can make those decisions for yourself. Being choosy about who you sleep with isn’t a bad thing, Alex. Don’t make him let you feel like it is.” Kelley shot back.
“Yeah, well, it’s more not choosing anyone than being choosy, but I hear what you’re saying. Sorry, I keep bringing him up. I guess my situation with him is bothering me more than I thought.”
“Understandable, he’s your best friend and family, from what you’ve mentioned about him, so having a rift between you is going to be a huge deal. No need to apologize.”
“Yeah, okay. Anyway, back to what I was saying. What I want is something casual. Something that is still fun, like we’ve had, but also not something serious. I just don’t want anything that will take too much time from my current routine. More like…a friend with benefits?”
Kelley didn’t know what to say. Here he thought Alex was going to say no because all he had implied was a physical thing, but no. The stubborn man wanted exactly that.
He wanted someone to talk to and have fun with but with the added bonus of sex. But nothing else. Kelley wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Actually, he did know. He was kind of hurt. Like all he was good for was sex to Alex. Enough to let close physically but not enough to get close any other way, at least no closer than they already were.
He paused, realizing what Alex was doing. He was acting like he was opening up, but in reality, he was making boundaries and rules so he could have his cake and eat it too. Being no more open than he already allowed himself to be, but making it look like it was more.
Now he just had to figure out what to do with that. Give up, walk away, and lose what could be if he’d only tried. Or push a little to show he wasn’t giving in so easily to Alex’s demands, but in the end, show that man what he was worth. Show him that he needed more than what he had in his life.
More than just work and Evie.
More than just walls and mistrust.
Maybe that wouldn’t go as far as love for them, but Kelley knew he had strong feelings and cared about Alex already. If he could help him, show him someone cared about him, another man wanted to share a life with him, maybe that would help him open his eyes to the life he was letting pass him by.
Maybe.
Remembering to keep his face and voice neutral, he said, “You basically want to keep our friendship the way it is, adding in hanging out together, I hope, and fucking? Is that the proposal?”
Alex looked embarrassed by his assessment of what he had said, but what else was it? He was talking about fuck buddies, not boyfriends, or partners. “Yes…I mean no. Just…let’s be smart about this. I’m not sure how much time I can find in my schedule for a full-time boyfriend. Plus, I know you’re busy with your work schedule and your friends and we’re compatible so it makes sense. Whenever either of us need a plus one or just wanted company we would have each other. And, we have fun so it’ll be good and we have chemistry. It makes perfect sense.”
“We make perfect sense? Like pieces to a puzzle? Are we talking set boundaries or is our time together flexible? I assume this is an exclusive…arrangement?” He was trying to tread carefully, making sure he asked the right questions and pushed back a little, but not so much Alex would run.
“Like I said time constraints are an issue for me. Evie takes a lot of my attention. She needs me there. We do homework, and dinner, and clean up, and now her play. I…there are things that you don’t know. She needs me. Plus, my work.”
“I understand that I don’t know everything. I’m not trying to pretend I do, but, Alex, that shouldn’t stop you from finding time for yourself. I’m not suggesting we be together every night, but I can help with the load you’re under. Maybe cooking or bringing food over a couple nights a week or even -”
“I don’t need any help, Kelley. I’ve been doing this long enough to have it all in hand by now,” Alex said with a stubborn tilt to his chin.
Kelley replied, shaking his head, “I’m not suggesting you don’t, but I know you forget to eat and I’m a better cook than you. I also have a friend, she’s a chef who just started her own business. She comes over with all the ingredients for a meal and cooks it in your kitchen. Healthy meals, Alex. You both need to eat better than all that frozen processed food.”
“No. I don’t want someone I don’t know in
my apartment. I just explained to you that it was hard for you to be in my house and I know you,” Alex stated vehemently.
“I should’ve clarified. I’m sorry. She cooks the food at my house, often cooking enough for more than just me, and I end up bringing it to work or to my friends’ houses for them to eat, but I would gladly bring it over for you two.”
“I don’t know. I think we’re fine the way we are. There’s nothing wrong with frozen food.”
“You’re being stubborn for stubbornness’ sake, Alex. There’s nothing wrong with having someone help you, someone to lean on when you need it.” He raised his hand stopping Alex from interrupting him. “Yes, you’re doing just fine, but there’s always room for improvement, in business or in life, you know that. It’s one of our mottos at the firm, one you used to love, I might add.” Kelley obviously needed to keep on his toes with Alex. He would fight against every nice gesture out of pure pride and stubbornness.
“Why would you want to help? It’s not like you’d be getting anything out of it.”
Kelley could see that his resolve was breaking. Probably knowing he had no valid reason to object to it. “Because, for one, doing something nice for a friend, or a boyfriend, doesn’t have the caveat of getting something in return. I do nice things for those I care about all the time. Does that make sense?” Alex barely nodded his head, as though the very last thing he wanted to do was agree with him.
“Secondly, I’ll be the one delivering those meals to you three or four times a week so I’ll also be enjoying her food with you. Which means I’ll be able to see you and maybe sometimes you two can come over to my house. Of course, if you agree that is.” Kelley knew as much as he wanted to state unequivocally that he was staying he had to give the choice to Alex so he wouldn’t push him away. The situation with Ben taught him that.
“You want to eat with me and Evie that many times a week? But it’s boring. You must have better things to do than spend time with me and my kid sister.” The quiet surprise in his voice actually shocked Kelley. The beautiful man was clueless. Alex was so blind to the things that sat right in front of him. Or maybe he was purposely not looking, afraid what he might see.
“Of course, I want to eat with you both. You said so yourself we get along, we have fun, and Evie is very entertaining. Why wouldn’t I want to do that more often? Especially, if I get your lips on mine at some point in the evening.” Kelley waggled his eyebrows at him.
“Oh.” The lust was evident in his eyes. “Uh, okay, then I guess that’s fine. If you’re sure.”
Alex was fiddling with the napkin that had been on the table and wouldn’t look up at Kelley when he spoke. Kelley wanted so badly to kiss him. And why not? Alex had said that they were dating now. And the idea of finally being able to touch Alex, feel his skin, taste his smiles was an exhilarating thought that wouldn’t stop running through his mind.
Kelley reached over with his left hand, cupping Alex’s chin, gently turning his face toward him. For a brief, second he saw some emotion he couldn’t name flit across his face before Alex closed it down. He’d have to work on that with him, stop him from bringing up those walls, but just knowing that he was finally getting what he wanted was a rush. Knowing that at any second, those gorgeous, full lips he’d been craving would be pressed against his was a heady feeling. The same lips he nearly said fuck it and kissed the other night.
“I’m going to kiss you, Alex,” Kelley said in a low voice just for him. He waited, just enjoying having those amber eyes locked on him. His eyes lit with heat that Kelley was all too happy to flame. Effortlessly pulling his chin toward him, their lips met. Taking a second to enjoy the sensation of the moment, of having the amazing man that close, finally being able to taste him, he didn’t do more than just press them together.
Separating their lips for one brief second, he licked out to taste him. The sweet taste of Alex burst into his mouth. He slid his hand to the back of his neck, firming his grip on the man he’d wanted for so long. The kiss wasn’t frantic, but slow and sensual. An exploration of each other, learning the feel of Alex’s lips on his, the warmth of his breath every time they parted. A low moan escaped Alex’s mouth, pouring more heat into Kelley’s body. He needed to slow it down or he’d forget where they were and take his mouth the way he really wanted to. And if that happened Alex would end up flat on his back.
Pulling back slowly he placed a final kiss to the corner of Alex’s mouth, leaned away, but didn’t let him go. No, he wasn’t ready for that yet. When he spoke, it was quiet enough for only Alex to hear. “You taste so good, Alex. I want more, but we aren’t in the right place for that. Next time though, count on it.” Staring into those eyes filled with want, Kelley could see that there was also a bit of fear in them. Alex was probably feeling out of his depth. And Kelley needed to back away. And he needed to start asking questions, slowly, about Alex’s past and what had him so skittish when it came to them.
As they sat back from each other Kelley put his hand on Alex’s thigh, still in awe of being able to do that, as Alex turned to face the front of the coffee shop. Alex had tensed at the physical display, but relaxed a second later without a word. Kelley let him have some space, giving Alex, and himself, time to calm down after that mind-blowing kiss.
He knew he shouldn’t push him too hard. Alex hated it and he’d already seemed like he’d barely agreed to spend the time together as it was.
“Alex, outside of the meals we’ll all eat together, do you think we can find some…private time together? I can’t very well molest you when Evie is there and I’m sure me sleeping over with her room right next door is not an option.”
“I hadn’t thought of that. Can I let you know how we can handle that part? I’m not sure right now. The only time I have apart from Evie is when she goes to her friends or rehearsal for the play she’s in. I guess it’ll take some planning. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, we can’t expect to have all the answers right from the start. We can talk more about it later. But now I think you have a visitor coming in the door.” Kelley nodded his head toward the door of the shop.
That time when Alex smiled it was a soft smile—one that spoke of such deep affection—and it wasn’t directed at Kelley. No, it was the little girl that just stormed into the coffee shop and was running right for Alex. His first thought at seeing that, obviously rare but beautiful smile was how can I get him to smile at me like that?
Alex stood just in time to scoop Evie up in a quick, fierce hug before setting her down. Kelley really did like that little girl. He saw Ben making a much slower path to where they all were. The surprise on Ben’s face was amusing, if a bit over the top. He knew Ben thought Alex incapable of handling his own life, but he couldn’t be further from the truth. He nodded in Ben’s direction and said hello, but stayed back to allow the makeshift family their time.
Evie talked a mile a minute about all the fun things they’d done together and how much she liked Kinsley. Ben helped her remember it all and smiled and laughed. On the outside, it all looked fine, but you could see the strain between the friends. Especially in Alex with that stiff smile he’d give Ben. It probably wasn’t enough for Evie to notice, but Kelley wouldn’t put it past her.
He wished he could have more time with Alex, but he knew it was time for him to make his way home and try to get some work done. Kelley stood, walked around the table. “Alex, I’m going to go. I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Oh, uh yeah, that’s fine.” Alex gestured toward Ben. “Kelley, you remember Ben.”
Kelley reached out and shook hands with Ben. “Yes, from the night at Silent Vine. It’s nice to see you again.”
Ben smiled, returning the handshake. “Yeah, that’s me. You don’t have to go. I’m going to be taking off anyway, Kinsley’s in the car.”
“Yeah, Kelley, you should stay, please!” Evie’s excited little voice cut into the conversation.
“And as much as I’d love to do that, Evie, I have s
ome work and things to do tonight, but I’m sure I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“Is Alex being a better friend to you or do I have to talk to him again?” Evie asked in all seriousness, which made Kelley want to laugh.
“Nope, I think the last time you spoke to him he learned his lesson.” The little girl just beamed with the knowledge. “Alright, enjoy the rest of your night, everyone.” He looked at Alex one last time and walked out of the coffee shop, feeling way better about things between them than when he’d walked in.
“Evie, come on, you can’t keep leaving your toys all around the apartment. When you’re done with them, pick them up.”
Alex felt like he’d been following her around all day, cleaning up mess after mess. For a smart child, she still didn’t listen worth shit most times, and man he still hadn’t figured out where her laziness had come from. Evie shuffled into the room, turning what could’ve been a five-minute pick up into well over twenty. But he didn’t doubt her mood was in part because of the anniversary coming up in a couple of weeks.
He tried not to think about it at all, but with Evie’s mood swings and all out grumpiness he had no choice.
Alex always tried to distract her as much as he could from remembering that the anniversary was coming. Not just for himself, but for her. But it was almost as if the change in her mood happened on instinct, not knowledge.
The day before had been good with Kelley. He seemed to understand where Alex was coming from, which was rare, given his friendship with Ben was all fucked up. But even with the strain that had been pushed between Ben and himself their interaction hadn’t been all that bad after Kelley had left. He could see that Ben had lots of questions, but for whatever reason for once in his life, he had held back. And Alex would be forever grateful for that.
He walked out of the living room and down the hall to Evie’s room, needing to speak to her about Kelley. Alex knew it probably wasn’t the best day to have the dating conversation with Evie, but he had no choice. After he settled down for the night the previous evening, Kelley had called and asked him out on a date. Like a real dinner date thing. He shouldn’t be nervous about it because obviously he knew Kelley already, but since when did his emotions listen to him? Which meant he had to explain it to Evie since he had to ask either Ben or Ivy’s mom to pick her up from play rehearsal and bring her home. Preferably not Ben. Alex had no desire to explain to him about Kelley, at all. Maybe never.
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