by Zoey Draven
“Tev,” he said, mirroring her hesitation.
Erin swallowed. “Have you ever heard of a fated pair not giving in?” She turned her head slightly, angling a look at him, searching for the answer in his eyes before he spoke it. “Have there ever been any that could resist it?”
Erin was making it sound like a sickness, a disease. Coupled with the memory of the love-struck faces of her friends with their mates, of observing them with one another, wanting that too, envious over that kind of love, made her feel even more torn.
If she gave in, would she have that kind of love with Jaxor? If they both accepted this and nourished it and watched it grow?
Erin had the feeling that they could have that kind of love. With time and trust.
Her hands shook with that realization and she stared down at them.
Finally, he said, “I do not know.”
“Tell me,” she said, because she heard something in his voice, reading him so easily.
He blew out a harsh breath. “There have been a few pairings over history, but they are stories. I do not know if they are true.”
A few? Over history?
Her gut sank, even as her heartbeat sped in relief.
“What happens if we deny it?”
He hesitated again. He didn’t want to tell her?
“Is it that bad?” she whispered.
“You are human,” he said instead. “There is a very good chance that you will not be as affected.”
Her brows pulled together, her lips pulling down into a frown. “And you? You aren’t human,” she pointed out needlessly. “You have the Instinct. Inside you, right?”
“Tev,” was what he replied with, which only served to frustrate her because he said nothing else.
“Jaxor.”
“I do not wish to lie to you,” he rasped, dropping his gaze towards the fire. Erin’s breath hitched. He sounded so…pained. “I do not know what will happen to me. I cannot predict that.”
Erin’s shoulders dropped. She couldn’t think of anything to say, so she simply nodded.
The fire crackled, smoke rising into the sky. Overhead, it was a clear night, alien stars and constellations she didn’t recognize shining down. Beautiful.
“I’m going to bathe now,” she whispered, standing from the fire. There was a knot lodged in her chest from their conversation. She’d hoped to find clarity from it, but in reality, she was more confused than ever.
Jaxor nodded. “I will go to the cave.”
He didn’t trust himself with her close and naked, it seemed.
“Okay,” she said, watching as he rose, putting out the fire. The base was still lit by a variety of lanterns, so Erin wasn’t worried about it being too dark to see.
Once he disappeared from sight, Erin stripped and bathed quickly, scrubbing at her skin and hair with the lathered soap granules. She shivered wildly in the falls, her nipples painful from how hardened they were. She leaped out as soon as she could and dried off, dressing in a fresh tunic from one of Jaxor’s chests.
When she made her way up to the cave, Jaxor was lying on his back, staring up at the cave ceiling. He had a lantern lit, but the flame was small.
When he saw her, he gestured for her to come. Biting her lip, Erin stepped over him and dropped down in her usual place against the cave wall, furthest from the door, on a plush little stretch of furs. When she lay down, Jaxor’s arms came around her.
Desperate relief made her eyes close. She was still shivering from the falls and Jaxor dragged more furs over them. Even though they’d avoided touching each other all day, they both shook with contentedness as he held her.
It surprised her how addicted she’d grown to his touch. She felt like she’d been going through withdrawals and when she finally got her fix, it made her reckless. It made her daring.
His cock was pressed against her back. She turned in his arms and pressed her face into the space between his neck and shoulder, using his bicep as a pillow. She inhaled his scent, heady and warm and intoxicating. She pressed her lips to his skin there, just a taste, a tease.
It would have to be enough. For now.
Had it only been last night when she kissed him in a much different place? When she’d drawn that thick cock into her mouth and then begged him for more?
“Sleep, rixella,” he murmured, his voice guttural and husky, as if remembering the same thing she was.
“One more question,” she whispered.
“Tev?”
“Would you ask me to stay if you could?”
The muscles in his arm tightened. She felt a short breath rustle through her hair.
“Would you stay if I asked you to?” he countered instead.
Her throat tightened and burned. Tears pricked her eyes.
She felt him press a small kiss to her still-wet hair.
“Sleep, rixella,” he said again, his voice gruffer now. Neither of them answered their respective question.
Finally, she did as he told her.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Strange dreams plagued her that night but when Erin woke the next morning, she felt surprisingly…all right. Refreshed. And the dreams she had were erased from her mind, leaving her to wonder if whatever she had dreamt had given her a sense of peace…and if so, what had they been of?
Jaxor was gone again that morning. Erin noticed it was raining. Not like the torrential downpour that had occurred a few days prior, but a soft trickle. The air felt sticky but cold with it. When she rose and peeked out into the base, he wasn’t there and the pulley was once again lowered. He’d probably be gone for some time. He’d stayed out yesterday until early afternoon.
Her gaze went to the tunnel where the hovercraft was landed. Erin bit her lip, feeling strangely guilty for even considering taking advantage of her time alone.
Yet, she had to consider all the possibilities and weigh them carefully. For example, what if Jaxor decided that he wouldn’t let her go, after all? She’d been planning to broach the subject of them returning to the Golden City together, but now she wasn’t so sure he would take her back since he’d told her he would be punished if he was caught there. She still didn’t know their future. He’d continued to keep quiet about what he planned for her, though she no longer believed the Mevirax were as big a threat as she assumed, given what he’d told her about them.
It was the responsible thing to have a way out, right? Just in the case? The logical part of Erin knew that. Yet, it still felt like a huge betrayal. A heavy pit was in her stomach.
But if life had taught her one thing, it was this: never rely on anyone but yourself.
Erin had been independent nearly her entire life.
She wouldn’t give that independence up for anyone. Not even her alleged fated mate.
Which was why she made up her mind and headed towards the tunnel.
Her adrenaline was racing, churning her stomach, making her feel like her skin was buzzing as she slowly lowered the hovercraft from the opening at the top of the mountain down to the floor of the tunnel. She was shivering. Not because of her wet hair and damp skin from the rain, but with accomplishment.
She’d done it. She’d actually done it. She’d piloted the hovercraft, making a small loop around the entrance of the tunnel in the thick fog bank. Not once did she take her eyes off the entrance she’d come from, in fear that she’d lose sight of it forever. When she’d made her loop, she slowly navigated back down, descending into her landing. Then she did it again, her fingers becoming more comfortable with the controls, with the looping movements she had to make with her fingers, movements she’d memorized when Jaxor had taken her to the Lopitax Sea.
Erin grinned, blowing out a long breath that seemed to push from her lungs. She laughed, her head falling back, staring up at the entrance that seemed miles above her.
She was trembling with excitement, with victory. But when she powered down the engine and turned, all that excitement left her, turning to cold dread when she saw Jax
or standing at the tunnel mouth.
Furious.
“Shit,” she breathed, too shocked to filter the curse that fell from her lips.
Jaxor straightened and then he stalked over to the hovercraft, stepping up until he was inches from her.
“What the fuck do you think you are doing?”
Erin flinched at his tone, staring up at him. His body was trembling too, but most likely from rage, not adrenaline, like hers was. This was the Jaxor she’d first met, the angry one, the crazed one, the cold one. His eyes were like flint, or like sharp shards of ice that could pierce her clean through.
When she didn’t answer, he turned to the wall of the cave—as if he couldn’t bear to look at her—raking both hands through his shorn, inky hair. He let out a short bellow of anger, the sound echoing through the mountain, stirring the kekevir, who gave responding hisses.
Erin tried to stop her hands from shaking, squeezing them into fists at her sides.
“Tell me now!” he roared, his eyes pinning her back in place.
Her temper pricked, but she forced it back. “Only when you calm down.”
Which only seemed to enrage him more. Erin actually saw the way his eyes unfocused with that wild beast that was always lurking inside him. Her heart thudded in her chest. This was what he’d become. Her lonely, slightly mad, devastatingly handsome male. He made her hurt when she looked at him. He made her heart stutter and her toes curl too.
She liked him more than she should, Erin realized. She remembered the night they’d talked about love and he’d asked her if she’d ever loved anyone in singular moments…and she realized that she had. Him. She’d joked about it at the time, but a part of her had fallen a little in love with him in small moments.
And all she wanted to do right then was wrap her arms around him, even though he looked like he wanted to tie her up again.
“Jaxor—”
“How long?”
She swallowed but didn’t say anything.
When he realized she wouldn’t answer, he clutched one of his horns, his claw curling into it, leaving a small mark, making her wonder if it hurt.
She went to him, taking his hand away. “Jaxor, stop,” she said gently, trying to keep calm. Trying to keep her temper in check, especially given the state he was in. He needed her to be the calm one here.
He didn’t hear her.
“Do you know how dangerous that is?” he bellowed, barely looking at her, his gaze going to the tunnel entrance. “What would have happened had you…vrax!”
Realization went through her. “You’re mad because I could’ve gotten hurt?” she asked dumbly.
“What the fuck were you thinking?” he hissed, turning those wild eyes on her. He came forward, gripping the back of her neck, his thumb coming to the pulse that was pounding hard in her throat. As if he needed to ensure it still beat.
He was worried for her. Insane with it, even though she stood in front of him, safe, unharmed. Erin swallowed, her hand coming to his wrist. He shook his head, growling like he was trying to keep something back, like he was trying to maintain his own sanity.
“Leaving me too,” he murmured, his pupils dilating, his eyes seeing her but also not. “Leaving me. Of course, she is.”
Her heart throbbed. “Jaxor,” she whispered softly, reaching out to touch his cheek, feeling his claws prick her slightly. It wasn’t hard enough to hurt, but given the state he was in, he might cut her accidentally and he might not realize it. “Your claws.”
He laughed, the sound bitter and sad. It left her aching. Even still, he heard her. His grip loosened even as he leaned down and bit the side of her neck.
Erin gasped, stiffening, her body pulsing.
Not fair, she thought, feeling arousal flow from that claiming bite. And that was what it was. He was deliberately marking her as his in one of the most animalistic and primal ways she could think of, short of sex.
He rasped against her skin, “Leave me then. Fucking go.”
She called his bluff. “You don’t want that. And I wasn’t leaving.”
Not yet at least, she silently added, feeling insanely guilty for it since his body seemed to relax slightly at her words. The fact was that she’d been caught red-handed.
Only…
Why feel bad about it?
He wasn’t giving her a lot of options here.
Pulling away, she felt her temper prick again. “If you tell me nothing, what else am I supposed to do? Wait until you decide my future? Wait and see if I’ll have any choices left after you’ve taken them away?”
“If you left right now, I would tear this planet apart searching for you,” he threatened, descending into his anger once more, his eyes burning with it.
“You just told me to leave,” she challenged, knowing she was pushing him and equally wanting to. This was the madness in both of them, that sometimes they liked fighting, that sometimes they needed to do this.
“So I could find you and punish you, rixella! Which is no less than what you deserve!”
“You’re insane,” she said, even as she felt hot excitement light in her belly. This was wrong, wasn’t it? To feel this way with someone, much less someone who was a potential life partner?
“And you fucking like it,” he roared.
She was breathing hard. He was too. Her body was pulsing with awareness. With guilt and lust and feelings she didn’t want to unpack.
Her instinct was to deny his words. That was what her old self would’ve done. But now she knew better. She’d always worked so hard to be the woman people believed she was—the stable friend, the responsible sister, the teacher dressed in pencil skirts and cardigans, who never did anything to be embarrassed about—that she hid parts of herself that she thought would bring her shame.
Now, she didn’t fucking care anymore.
Jaxor saw her for who she was, not who she thought she should be.
And the truth was…she was the daughter of a recovering addict, one she used to stitch up after her husband beat her, someone who sometimes envied her siblings so much it was difficult to breathe, who had harbored so much anger year after year, who had formed herself into someone she’d always wanted to be, even while feeling like she was living a lie. She was someone who had been captured by aliens, who had lived her life one day at a time since then, and now she was standing in front of an enraged alien male that made her physically ache.
The truth was…all she wanted was to be weak for once. She wanted someone else to take care of her for once. She was tired of thinking all the time, of planning. She wanted to be selfish and do what felt good, not what was right or even smart. In fact, she wanted to do something entirely stupid.
Do it then.
That was what Jaxor had told her in the cave the night she’d gotten drunk.
“What would you have done?” she asked, eyeing him.
A steady rumbling growl was emerging from his chest, as if he couldn’t stop.
“What would you have done if I had left?” she asked, trembling.
“Come after you. Always.”
“Why?” she challenged.
“Because you are mine,” he hissed, as if it were obvious.
Erin swallowed, her lips parting. “And when you found me?”
“Tev?”
“What would you have done then?”
His jaw hardened, his voice unyielding as he rasped, “Mated you on the earth like a beast. So you never forget what this is.” He thumped his chest, his eyes still wild. “So you never forget me! Us.”
As if she could ever forget him. She knew that if she closed her eyes, she would see him there. She would hear his voice, smell his scent. He would never be gone from her. She didn’t know how she knew that. But she did.
Do something bad to me. I know you want to, he’d challenged her that night in the cave.
“Jaxor.”
That rumbling, purring growl was all she heard.
Bite me again. Mark me. Make me yours. Th
ose thoughts made her burn, made her want him so fiercely she shook with it.
But she didn’t voice them.
Instead, she whispered, almost frightened, “Let’s do something bad together.”
And then she took a chance, knowing the reaction it would elicit, knowing what she wanted at that moment.
Without a second thought, she jumped from the hovercraft…
And then she ran from him.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
His roar made the kekevir screech, but he hardly heard them over the racing of his blood.
Running from me?
His Instinct was close to the surface and it had taken everything in Jaxor to keep it controlled. But that panic, at seeing his fated mate running from him, had unleashed it. He thought of nothing else but getting her back. And when he did…
She had made it halfway down the tunnel back to the base by the time he catapulted off the hovercraft after her. His ears were ringing, his cock thick and straining beneath his pants. His horns were straightening right off the crown of his head and already, the muscles under his skin grew and strengthened.
He saw the outline of her through the haze in his vision, darting through the base. Where did she think to go? There was no escape. There was no escape from this. Never had it been more clear.
Still, he chased her. He needed to catch her. He needed to show her that nothing would keep them apart, even though he’d only just realized it himself.
His breath came out in rough pants, like a snarling beast. She’d thought to leave him? Nix! In that single moment, when he’d seen her in the hovercraft, he’d felt a million things in a flash. But the one that stood out in his memory, like a brand on his skin, was that he would never let her go.
He thought to give her to the Mevirax? The deadline Tavar had given him was looming tomorrow. He wanted to laugh with bitterness now. He wanted to howl like an animal at his own failings, knowing he was still a disappointment to his people, selfish and single-minded.
He’d mourned in that moment, realizing he never would have given her up. He’d felt sickening relief that made him dizzy. He’d felt a thousand vonnes lift off his shoulders. He’d raged and lusted and came close to the brink of his madness in that moment.