by D. Kelly
Over and over she repeats this while sobbing hysterically. She’s breaking; this is Lila all over again for her. Vanessa had an embolism and Lila had an aneurysm and both died right in front of us. Daniel looks lost and I have no idea how I’m going to get the five of us out of here. None of them are in any condition to drive home.
“Kate? What’s going on, you guys?” Jess rushes to Kate and relief immediately floods through me. I’m not going to have to do this alone. Daniel must have called Connor, too.
“What’s going on? You were frantic when you called. What happened?” Connor asks Daniel as he surveys all of us carefully.
“Vanessa didn’t make it.” There’s no way for me to say it other than to just say it and Connor’s shoulders immediately slump in defeat.
“Oh no, I’m so sorry, you guys.” Jess says the words automatically, but she’s not paying attention to the rest of us; she’s locked onto Kate and her words.
“Where’s Chad?” Connor asks.
“He’s with Vanessa,” Kate responds, finally saying something other than the saddest words I’ve ever heard.
“Why don’t I take Jess and Kate back to the house and, Connor, you can drive Daniel and Chad when he’s ready.”
Connor nods as he pats Daniel’s shoulder. Daniel has a car seat in his truck so Connor can just drive that and come back to get his car later. Jess tries to get Kate up but she’s not moving; she’s in complete shock. Just as I’m about to pick Kate up and carry her out, Daniel passes Lucas to Jess and picks her up himself.
About fucking time.
Daniel follows us to the car and tenderly sets Kate down in the backseat and straps her in. Suddenly, Kate grabs his arm and begs him, “Daniel please don’t take Lucas back to Connor’s. Vanessa would want him home with his things. Please don’t leave. He needs to be home right now.”
Daniel kneels down and kisses her on the top of her head. “I know, Kate, we won’t go anywhere yet. Let’s give it a few days and see what happens.”
Kate sniffles and nods in agreement. Jess hands Lucas back to Daniel and climbs in the backseat next to Kate. On the way home, I realize one of us will have to come back for Vanessa’s car soon. And then an even sadder thought crosses my mind that has me fighting back tears. Daniel is now a single father with a newborn baby. Kate’s right; Lucas deserves so much more and so does Daniel.
Back at the house, Jess gives Kate an anti-anxiety pill and she falls asleep quickly after. I know I said I wasn’t getting back in her bed with her again but this is an extenuating circumstance. I’m not going anywhere but first, I need to talk to Jess.
“Connor just texted me that they’re on their way home,” she tells me as I come down the stairs. “What are we going to do about her, Mike? This is just like Lila all over again.”
I pull her in for a hug and kiss her softly on the head. “You don’t even know the half of it, Jess. It happened right in front of us, on the stairs, almost exactly how it happened the day Lila died. It was…eerie.”
“Oh no,” she gasps, her body sagging in defeat. “No wonder she’s falling apart. She’s reliving that day.”
“Yeah, that and she’s worried about Lucas. Kate knows all too well what it’s like to lose your mom at a young age.”
Jess is crying again. “I just can’t believe she’s gone. She had her whole life ahead of her. Poor Chad. My heart breaks for him and Lucas. I know this sounds bad, but at least he’s young. He won’t even remember what he lost. We’ll just fill him with tons of good memories.”
“Unless that makes it worse somehow because he’ll always wonder.” The thought saddens me. And the thought of Daniel now being a single parent is still weighing heavily on my mind.
When Connor finally comes back, he looks exhausted. “How’s Kate doing?” he asks, concerned.
“She’s knocked out on some Xanax. How are Chad and Daniel?” she asks as she curls up onto his lap on the couch.
“Honestly, I’m not sure Daniel has processed it. He seems okay. He was extra attentive to Lucas and kept asking about Kate. Chad called his parents from the car and they’re flying in. He insisted we drop him off at his house. He said he just couldn’t be at Vanessa’s right now. But to say he was devastated would be an understatement.”
“We’re in our twenties and we just lost a friend. Out of all the random, horrific ways to die and Kate and I had to watch her struggle for air, fighting as hard as she could for every last breath, until her heart just couldn’t take it anymore. She was in so much pain and there was nothing we could do. NOTHING.” I’m so frustrated. I just don’t understand how this beautiful, young mother just dies.
“It was painful for her?” Jess asks, horrified, and I nod.
“Kate tried to talk her through it. She made sure she told Vanessa how much she was loved by all of us. She kept trying to get her to fight for Chad and Lucas. It was heartbreaking.”
“You guys know I wasn’t her biggest fan, but she changed after she was pregnant. I was able to see what Daniel saw in her…even if I never admitted it. I could have been nicer to her. I should have been nicer to her. She was my nephew’s mother for Christ’s sake.”
“Connor, stop. She knew you cared for her. We all did. This was just a tragic thing no one could have predicted.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” he says sullenly. “Oh, and my parents cancelled the graduation party. We all thought it was best.”
“That makes sense but you guys still....” Before I finish my thoughts, Daniel walks in with the diaper bag.
“Do you guys think we can crash on your couch tonight? I just don’t think I can sleep in that house right now. There’s still stuff from the medics that needs to be cleaned up and I just don’t have it in me to do it tonight.”
“Of course you can. We’ll pull out the bed. And, Mike, I don’t know about tomorrow. Maybe we’ll all just skip graduation.”
“Absolutely not!” Daniel practically yells at her. “You guys have waited four years for this day and Vanessa was so excited to share it with you,” he says, his voice cracking. “You have to go. You have to do it for her.”
“He’s right, you guys. That’s what I was going to say before he walked in. This is something Vanessa won’t ever get to do but you can do it to honor her,” I tell them with a sigh, and they both nod in agreement. Kate isn’t going to be so easily convinced, though.
“I’m going to go get the stuff to make up the couch. Connor, can you please help me?” Jess asks him sweetly
When they go upstairs it’s the first chance I’ve had to be alone with Daniel. “How are you really holding up?”
He spreads a blanket on the couch and lays Lucas on it, trapping him in with pillows. “I’m in shock, I just can’t believe she’s gone. I loved Vanessa and she’s…Lucas isn’t going to have his mom. I adore my mom, Mike.” He sobs loudly, but thankfully, Lucas sleeps through it. “How is Lucas not going to ever have a mom?”
“He will, Daniel. Lucas will have the next best thing to Vanessa, he’ll have Kate.”
Daniel bends over with his head in his hands shaking it. “I can’t expect her to do this with me. It was one thing being a part time mom, but asking her to take on this responsibility full time? It’s not fair to her and she would feel obligated. I think I really am going to have to let her go.”
“If Lila Hope had lived and I died in some accident, would you have raised her with Kate?” He nods. “Would it have felt like an obligation?” He shakes his head.
“Not at all. It would have been an honor.”
“Exactly, so why would it be any different for Kate? She loves you and she adores Lucas. I’m not saying Kate can replace Vanessa. No one can ever do that, but if you had to have someone I couldn’t picture anyone more suited for the job than her. She’s been there every step of the way. She accepted him before either of us did.”
“I’ll think about it,” he replies sincerely.
“Don’t take too long, Daniel. You guys need each
other right now. As a matter of fact, I was going to stay with her tonight, but if you want to instead…”
“Like stay in her bed?”
Ha! I think he’s kind of pissed.
“Yes, she needs someone to take care of her.” He’s glaring at me. “Look, like I said, you can do it, but if you aren’t then I will. But you need to get a grip. I’m in love with Misty, not Kate.”
“Holy shit!” Jess screams from behind me. “Did you just say you’re in love with Misty?”
Her jaw is literally hanging open, waiting for my reply. Connor and Daniel are both equally intrigued.
“Yes, that’s what I said.”
Jess lunges onto me and gives me a big hug with huge tears rolling down her face. “I’m so happy for you. I never knew if you’d actually be able to move on from Kate and I was so super worried. I’m proud of you, Mikey. You’re all growed up now.” She hasn’t called me Mikey since we were kids.
“Does she know?” Daniel asks while he pulls out the couch bed.
“Yes, she knows, and the feeling is mutual. There are a few things we’re still trying to get past and some things she needs to tell me about the time we were apart, but we’re not in any rush. We’re both fine with taking this extra slow, especially with our past. I want to do this right this time. She deserves to be romanced.”
“Oh, gag me. Just bang her and get that wooing shit out of your system already.”
Fucking Connor. Jess takes a slap at his arm. “And you wonder why I’m not ready to settle down. You’ve got a lot of growing up to do first.”
“Uh-huh and so do you Miss ‘How many strip clubs do you think we can visit in a day?’ You like to have fun just as much as I do.”
“Totally true.” Jess giggles and blushes at the same time.
Daniel yawns and looks me over carefully “You can sleep with Kate but keep your fucking clothes on.”
Finally. He’s being possessive again. If one good thing can come from this day, maybe it will be that Kate and Daniel will make their way back to each other.
Kate
I’m so tired and groggy, even opening my eyes hurts. Or maybe that’s from all the tears I shed yesterday. Losing Vanessa has cracked open a broken piece of my soul I didn’t even realize existed anymore. Suddenly, I have the overwhelming need to see Marc. He’s the only one who truly gets this part of me. I’m groaning as I try to sit up when I’m pulled right back down and wrapped in strong arms from behind. This time I do open my eyes and when I do I see Mike’s tattoos. At least now I know who’s in my bed.
Mike. He knows what it’s like to lose a parent. Not as a young child but I’m not so sure the age difference matters. He and Grant were as close as best friends. For some reason, that thought comforts me and I let myself relax in his arms. His jeans brush against my legs.
That’s odd. He always sleeps in his boxers.
“You’re fully dressed,” I state sleepily, trying to stifle a yawn.
“Well, I was ordered to keep my fucking clothes on.” He chuckles as he squeezes me tighter.
“By who?” I ask him, feeling irritated he would do that. He must have been uncomfortable all night.
“Daniel,” he states simply, but I can hear the smile in his tone.
“Why does Daniel care if you’re in my bed? He’s obviously not interested.”
Mike places a kiss on the back of my head and snickers. “You keep telling yourself that, Katie Grace”
There’s a knock at the door and as usual, Jess opens it without waiting for a reply. “Wake up sleepy head. We’ve got a graduation to get to,” she sings in an obnoxiously loud voice.
I need coffee, like now. Mike climbs over me and gets out of bed, trying to pull me up in the process. Instead, I flop back down. They’re crazy. I’m too sad to go to graduation and they should be, too.
What’s wrong with them?
“I’m not going and I can’t believe you guys are, either. We all lost a friend yesterday, or did you all suddenly get amnesia overnight?”
The scent of coffee reaches my nostrils at the same time I hear his voice. “Kate, get your pretty little ass out of bed, drink this coffee, and go to graduation.”
As I sit up and face the door, Jess and Mike duck out and Daniel strides in, coffee in one hand and Lucas in the other. I’m trying to blink back the tears as I look at them. It’s hard because I’m so sad—for me, for them, for Chad but most of all I’m sad for Vanessa. She’s never going to have another morning like this. She’s never going to get to enjoy waking up to Lucas babbling and cooing from his crib over the baby monitor. She won’t get to kiss his boo-boos, or tease him about girls, and she’ll never see him get married and have kids of his own. Then those tears I was holding back flood from my eyes in massive torrents. My friend is going to miss out on her life and I would trade places with her in an instant if I could.
Daniel places the coffee on the dresser and sits down next to me on the bed. Lucas is smiling up at him without a care in the world and I’m so glad he has no idea what’s going on.
“Don’t do this, Kate. Not today. You get to be sad. Hell, we’re all sad. But today is something you guys have worked so hard for. Vanessa would be pissed at you guys if you didn’t go because of her.”
After wiping my nose on my sleeve, I sniff loudly and try to stop my chest from heaving so deeply. “There’s so much to do and figure out,” I try to explain to him.
“And we will, but not today.”
“But the funeral…”
He cuts me off. “Is being paid for by me and set up by Chad and his parents.”
“Daniel, I’d like to bury her by Lila Hope. Do you think Chad would be okay with that?”
He blinks back his own tears and kisses Lucas gently before responding. “I’m not sure but I can most definitely ask him. Are you sure that’s something you want to do?”
I nod affirmatively. “Very much so. It feels right somehow.”
He shakes his head gently. “You never cease to amaze me, gumdrop.”
Gumdrop.
He hasn’t called me that since before everything happened with Marc. My heart flares with hope but my mind immediately shuts it down. He’s vulnerable right now and he’s probably not thinking straight. There’s nothing to hope for here.
“So you really think Vanessa would want us to go to graduation?” I don’t want to go but I would do it for her.
He pulls out a small bag from the inside of Lucas’s blanket and hands it to me. “I found this sitting on her dresser last night. The card and wrapping paper are still sitting there. She didn’t get a chance to fill it out, but this was most definitely meant for you.”
It looks like a bracelet. I open the baggie and dump it into my hand. I’m overcome with emotion as I look at it and once again I’m crying. It’s a beautiful silver charm bracelet with a few charms. The first is two girls holding hands—one has a V over her chest and the other a K. It’s so tiny but the meaning is clear: this is us. The next is a graduation cap with 2014 etched on the top. Then there are two letter L’s—one with a pink outline and the other with a blue one.
Lila and Lucas.
The next charm is a heart with a K & D etched in the middle. God, she was ever hopeful we would get back together. And then last, but most meaningful, is a number one mom charm. My heart floods with a combination of grief, love, and overwhelming gratitude. I feel so blessed right now to have this part of her with me.
“I’m going to take this as a sign she wants us to go to graduation.”
Daniel smiles. “Good. Because she loved you and that is what she would want.”
I’m in full agreement with him now. “I loved her, too. How are you holding up anyway?” I’ve been so stuck on me today I haven’t even asked how he’s doing.
“I’m okay. I think it’s slowly sinking in. Last night was too much so we slept downstairs on the couch.”
My heart hurts for him. His world has completely shifted on him the past few mon
ths. First, everything that happened with us and then being a dad and now being a single dad.
“You can stay here as long as you need to.”
“Thanks, but we’ll be okay to go back today. Chad is coming over later and we’re going to talk and figure out some things.”
Good. That’s really good. I hope he keeps Chad in their lives; he doesn’t have anyone else.
“Are you coming to graduation, too?” My voice hits a high note and I blush a little. Why am I so nervous?
“No, I’m not. it’s just too hard with Lucas but since the party was cancelled, I’d love to see you after if you want to come over later.” Even though his eyes are sad, he’s smiling a beautiful smile at me.
“I’d like that very much.”
“Good. Now get ready. You don’t have much time. I’ll see you later.”
As he walks out of my room I can’t help but admire his ass. That man fills out a pair of jeans like no one I’ve ever seen. But suddenly, I hear two voices by the top of the stairs—Daniel’s and Marc’s. Fuck!
As I tiptoe over to the door, Jess is sticking her head out of her room, too, and shakes her head at me to stay put. We’re both hovering, trying to stay out of sight but listening to every word.
“What are you doing here?” Daniel all but growls at him. He does not sound happy.
“Nice to see you, too, Daniel. I’m just here to take Kate to graduation, not to start any trouble.”
Daniel doesn’t say anything, but I can just imagine the evil glare he’s giving Marc right about now.
“Look, man, I heard about Vanessa and I know it doesn’t mean much but I’m truly sorry for your loss. I can’t change whatever you might think of me, but there are two things I’m an expert in that might help you.”
I’m totally waiting for Mike or Daniel to take Marc down, but it’s still quiet. Jess shrugs her shoulders and stays hovering inside her door. When Daniel doesn’t say anything, Marc continues.
“I know what it’s like to grow up with a single dad. My dad did the best he could but our lives were a whole lot better when my mom was around. Your kid will be a lot better off with a mom in the picture. That’s not a slam against you, either. It’s a fact… sometimes boys just need their moms.”