by Karen Gordon
She thought about walking to the gas station, but it was a long way to go alone, and she wasn’t sure what she would say to Chuck when she got there. She mostly just lay in bed reading the steamy romance novels MG gave her before she left. She was pretty sure she had found her most secret place. It took some patience, but if she rubbed for a while she could build up to the most wonderful tingling release that made her whole body shake. It felt too good to stop, but she was sure she was breaking some commandment or committing some sort of sin. At least she felt guilty for it. That had to count for something.
At sunset on Saturday night, she was lying in bed, trying to decide if she should repaint the stars on her walls a brighter yellow, when she heard the Gorman’s garage door. She could just make out the outline of Ben, rummaging through his dad’s tool bench, loudly. When did he get back from camp? Ben pulled and tugged on something behind the large metal bench. The door to their house opened, and Carrie could just barely see Sissy’s dress shoes standing in the doorway. Ben finally pulled the tool he wanted from a pile. He turned and started marching into the backyard. Sissy shut the door and Carrie turned over so she could see where Ben was going with a big axe. When he passed the elm tree she couldn’t see him anymore, but, she could hear the crack of him using the axe on something.
♥ ♪ ♥ Ben had most of the roof of the little fort chopped off when Carrie walked up. He was sweating and swinging the axe wildly. Carrie was careful not to approach him from behind. She made a wide arc and stood on the far side of the fort, out of range of the flying wood chips. Ben didn’t even notice her, he just kept pounding away with the axe on the split timber roof of the fort. A large chip flew up and hit him on his cheek. He stopped mid-swing, and slapped his hand over the spot that was starting to bleed, “SHIT!!”
It was the first time she had ever heard him cuss. She considered going back inside, leaving him alone with his anger, but he noticed her. He looked down, embarrassed, rubbing his cheek and breathing hard.
“What’s up?” The question sounded really stupid considering the situation, but she couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“My dad is a fuck head, that’s what’s up.” He practically spit the words out, shouting in her direction, but not at her. His cuss word vocabulary was bigger than she ever imagined.
“Shit,” Carrie now felt free to cuss around him, “What did he do?” Ben picked up the axe and swung at the roof again, one violent chop punctuating each word, “He. Brought. His. Whore. Girlfriend. To. My. Birthday.”
Carrie’s hand flew to her mouth, “Oh, crap!” Ben swung extra hard, and the blade of the axe stuck in the wood, “My mom was there,” he struggled to remove the blade, “and my grandparents.”
Carrie could just picture the scene, and it made her sick. What the hell was wrong with his dad? “We went to The Grove House. My mom said he might come by to bring me a gift, but he couldn’t stay.” Ben had given up on the axe and sat on the ground breathing hard. He was still holding his cheek which was bleeding a little between his fingers. As she was looking around for something to wipe the blood with, Carrie remembered her stash of clothes was still under the table in the fort. She bent over and reached in through the large hole in the roof and pulled out her shirt. She walked toward him to wipe his cheek, then reconsidered and tossed him the shirt. He glanced at her, shook wood chips off the shirt and pressed it to the cut.
As she leaned against the fort wall, she started to formulate a plan. “Go tell your mom we are going to get ice cream for your birthday.”
“Huh?” Ben was as perplexed as she thought he might be, but that was part her plan. She needed him thrown off his structured, rule-following life to get him to let loose and have some fun. She was determined to give him a super fun birthday.
“Never mind, if you go in there she’ll insist on putting band aids all over your cut. I’ll go.” Ben watched Carrie walk to his back door and knock. His mom answered, Carrie talked to her, then waved and said, “We’ll just be gone a few hours,” as she walked back across the grass toward him.
Ben guessed his mother was so worried about him she would agree to anything that might cheer him up. Walking to get ice cream with Carrie didn’t seem like such a bad idea. It might be better if he could run, but there is no way she could keep up with him.
The walk was long, and Ben was sure they passed the way to the ice cream place about a mile back. But, he didn’t really mind, he was telling Carrie all about camp and starting to forget about his dad. He asked her about her summer, and she was strangely silent and turned the conversation back to him.
They passed the house where he and Carrie had gone to the party earlier in the summer, but just kept walking. An hour later they came to a dirty, old gas station and Carrie stopped.
“We’re getting ice cream here?”
“We are getting a treat. Do you like strawberry or peach?”
“Peach, but I don’t want any food from this place.” “Relax, it’s not food,” Carrie smirked that his keen sense of hygiene hadn’t left him. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.”
Ben started to follow her, “Where are you going?”
“In there to get part of your present. Now stay here, or it won’t be a surprise.” Carrie was pretty proud of her fast thinking. She wanted to get some wine, but she also wanted to be alone with Chuck for a few minutes.
Chuck was glad to see her and asked how her summer was going. She smiled and blushed and stammered. He rang up the bottle of peach wine then Carrie realized she hadn’t brought any money. Chuck’s smile was devious and flirty when he said, “That’s ok, you’ll just have to owe me.”
She almost stumbled out the door with the bottle of peach wine hidden in two brown bags.
“So that’s my present?” “Yep,” Carrie’s eyes twinkled, she loved stringing out the fun, “but you can’t have it here. We have to walk over there.” Carrie pointed to the dark parking spaces in back of the garage.
When they were safely away from any lights, she handed him the bag. He pulled the chilled bottle from the bags and looked confused, “Wine? You got me wine for my 14th birthday?”
She hated the way he made it sound like a stupid idea. Clearly, he wasn’t getting the big picture. “It tastes great! And, it will make you feel better. I swear.” Ben didn’t look convinced. “Just try some.”
He twisted off the cap and took a small sip. “Tastes pretty good.” He took another drink.
Carrie held out her hand for him to pass it to her.
“I thought it was my birthday gift.”
She shook her head at his lack of liquor knowledge, “You can’t drink the whole bottle, you’ll get sick. We’ll split it.” Ben reluctantly passed her the bottle. She took a few swigs, wiped her mouth on her sleeve, then passed it back to him. When she started walking toward home, Ben followed. They traded sips of wine. When they reached MG’s house, Carrie stopped and encouraged him to finish the last of the wine. She was just starting to feel her buzz, and she hoped he was too. He was definitely more talkative than ever before.
As she walked across the lawn toward the back yard gate of MG’s house, Ben followed, whispering questions about where they were going.
Carrie reached over the gate, unlatched it, pushed it open very quietly and tip toed over to a lounger. Ben was still at the gate, stuck in place with shock. Carrie motioned for him to come in. He didn’t.
She had to pull him inside the fence and push him over to a lounger. He finally spoke, “Carrie!” he whispered loudly, “We are going to get caught! Let’s get out of here.”
She laughed, and Ben shoved his hand over her mouth to quiet her. She pushed his hand aside. “It’s MG’s house. She and her mom are out of town. No one will see us.”
Ben looked at the pool and back at her. “We’re going swimming?”
Carrie smiled wide, very proud of her super fun birthday plan. “Yeah.”
“But I don’t have a swim suit.” “Neither do I.” Carrie peel
ed off her tee shirt and shorts and loved the fact that Ben seemed to have stopped breathing. With Ben, she didn’t care that her bra was ugly, and she had on boring white cotton panties. The way he looked at her made her feel beautiful.
She dove into the pool in her bra and panties, surfaced and faced Ben. “Come on.” “We could get arrested!” Ben looked down at the empty bottle of wine still in his hand. He set it on the ground and moved away from the incriminating evidence.
Carrie chuckled. “I’ve done this a bunch of times before. The neighbors won’t know as long as we are quiet. Come on.” She could see him considering his options, so she started to walk up the steps on the shallow end then towards him. If she got him wet, he might be more willing to get in. He backed away from her, “Carrie don’t.” But he was starting to smile. Carrie got closer and started moving faster.
“Carrie,” he turned and ran, but he was definitely smiling. She chased him till he was near the deep end of the pool. He looked at her over his shoulder and smiled wide just before he jumped to avoid being pushed in, Carrie followed. When she surfaced she was laughing, ready to keep playing with Ben and cheering him up. She looked around to see where he had come up. She didn’t see him, and she felt a sudden jolt of fear. In her gut she knew something was wrong. “Ben!” she whisper-screamed. “Ben!”
He didn’t answer. The pool was completely dark and quiet. She quickly dove straight down and felt with her hands, but couldn’t feel anything before she had to surface for air. Her heart was pounding in her ears, and she tried to listen past it to hear any sign of Ben.
She dove again. This time she felt a rush of water moving to her right. She pushed herself harder and reached out. She felt some fabric, then Ben’s flailing hands slapped hers, and she couldn’t get a grip. She surfaced quickly, took in a huge gulp of air, and dove to what she prayed was the same spot again. When she felt the fabric she grabbed on tight and tugged with all her might. She reached up as she struggled to reach the surface, trapped air burning in her lungs. She felt a rung of the metal ladder and grabbed on with her free hand. This gave her enough leverage to pull him up. He seemed to be working with her instead of against her now as they both moved painstakingly slowly toward air. When they broke the surface, Carrie gasped in a big gulp of air, but Ben only sucked in a shallow one. Carrie wrapped her legs tight around his waist and squeezed with all her might to keep him from sliding down again.
She flopped the top half of her body over the edge of the pool then jacked her knees, pulling Ben a little more out of the water. She scooted farther up on the pool deck then reached for his shoulders and pulled him half way out of the water. “Ben!” she screamed. “Oh god! Ben!” She slapped him lightly because he was barely moving. He rolled to his side and started spitting up water. Not knowing what else to do, she held on tight to him, coaxing him to live, “That’s it, breathe Ben, breathe.” He half sat up and pulled his legs out of the water, still coughing up water and gasping in between. Carrie lay on the pool deck next to him, panting hard, her adrenaline spent. “Oh, god, Ben. I thought I lost you.” She wailed. “Why didn’t you swim?”
Ben glared at her, unable to speak. He got on his hands and knees, coughing still, but with no water coming out.
“Ben, talk to me. Are you OK?”
Slowly he pulled himself to standing, waivered a little, then stopped to glare at Carrie again.
“What? Why didn’t you swim? You scared the shit out of me! I thought I had lost you!” He pulled in one deep breath, coughed a little then propelled himself toward the gate. He half jogged the whole way home, through the woods, stopping briefly to breathe and cough; always staying ahead of Carrie.
Carrie had to pull her clothes on over her wet underwear before she could follow him. She left the bottle of wine near the lounger and the gate open, her only thought was making sure Ben didn’t die along the path on the way home. She emerged from the woods and was about to jump the creek when she saw him open the back door to his house and go inside. At least he was safe. She stumbled through the creek, not caring about getting any wetter, then slumped next to the half destroyed fort. She was still breathing hard from running through the woods, but as her breath slowed, gasping sobs took over. She lay in the dirt and wood chips and cried ‘til all the fear left her, and she was completely exhausted.
FLASHBACKS OVER: BACK TO CARRIE’S REGULARLY SCHEDULED LIFE
Chapter 9 The first meeting of the Homecoming decorating committee wasn’t so bad. The theme was castles, which Carrie thought was sort of lame, but considering the school mascot was a knight and there was a bunch of castle decorating stuff left over from other events, it made sense.
By the third meeting, Carrie wanted to bail. Joelle and her friends were also on the committee, and Ben must have told her Carrie went with him to Dutzow, because they went out of their way to talk bad about her and her friends anytime she was within earshot. Michelle Wagner noticed the tension and assigned Carrie to work with her and the preppy girls on decorating the stage. She assigned the Jesus freaks to the refreshment area, at the other end of the gym.
Michelle turned out to be really fun to work with. She was nice to everyone and knew a lot about paint and fabric and decorating in general. Carrie felt kind of bad that she still didn’t want to hang out with her. She had her friends, and they would be mad if she did anything more than help with decorating. She didn’t want to rock the boat.
The dance was on a Saturday night and set-up was the night before. Michelle told Carrie they would be working from after school till 9 or 10 p.m., so she asked MG to pick her up at 10 and bring her some clothes she could wear to Chuck’s. What she hadn’t planned on was Ben and his friends showing up to help.
It was mind-boggling how unaware Ben could be of the tension between Joelle and Carrie. When he got to the gym and saw Carrie, he came over to say hi immediately. Out of the corner of her eye, Carrie could see Jesus freak #2, Laura, go running to make sure Joelle knew. Shit. Carrie hated drama.
“It’s crooked, you know.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Carried shot back, “it’s not a real castle wall, Ben, no one is going to storm it.”
“It should still be straight.”
Carrie backed up a few steps to see how crooked it looked. “You do realize you are the only one who will notice.”
“I’d notice.” Pat, Ben’s best friend added. Carrie rolled her eyes. “Thanks for the help.” She turned Ben away from her wall and pushed him in the direction of Joelle.
“Happy to be of service,” he yelled back over his shoulder as he walked away. Joelle’s reaction to seeing Ben was as sappy as a Hallmark commercial. She ran to him and jumped into his arms, squealing with delight. He gave her a big hug, then let go and turned his attention to the refreshment table decorations. Carrie turned back to her crooked wall. It was already 8:40 and she needed to hurry up if she was going to finish by 10 and be waiting for MG in front of the school.
She had finished everything but hanging the big puffy purple and white things from the top of the archways. It was slow going because she had Pat and Wayne, Ben’s other friend, following her around, possibly flirting with her, but they were so bad at it, she couldn’t be sure.
“Wayne, move.” Carrie needed to put the step stool exactly where Wayne was standing. He moved only slightly to the right, still too close in her space. For the sake of speed, she ignored him. With a big fluffy ball of tulle in her hand she climbed up on the stool then on her tip toes to try and reach the top of the wall. Wayne reached over to hold her in place, and her irritation at running late only compounded how much it bugged her that he was touching her waist. She still couldn’t reach the top of the wall.
“I got it, Wayne. You can let go.”
He still held on, so she climbed off the stool and stepped away from him.
“I didn’t want you to fall.” OK, he meant well, but he needed to go find Ben and leave her alone. That gave her an idea, one that would stir an already boiling-o
ver pot, but she needed to both get rid of Wayne and finish. “Do me a favor,” she turned her attention to Wayne, “Go get Ben for me.”
He was obviously disappointed, but he did it.
“Still crooked,” Ben yelled as he walked toward her. She beat her head against the wall, almost knocking it over. Ben laughed. It really wasn’t that bad, but he knew his precision drove her nuts. “What’s up?”
“You,” she answered as she pulled him into place next to the step stool facing the wall. As she climbed back on the stool, she pulled him close to her. “Put your hand out for my foot. I’m going to get on your shoulders.” He looked at her like she was crazy, but did as he was told. She was always bossy when she was decorating, and he was used to it.
She effortlessly perched on his shoulders and wrapped her feet around his back for stability. “Pat, hand me one of those purple thingies.”
“This one?” Pat held up one of the puff balls. “No, the other one,” Ben teased. Pat looked down at the pile of them, then realized they were all the same and laughed along with Ben.
“Gorman, you are holding up the show. Pat, purple thing.” Pat tossed one up to Carrie.
“You are so bossy when you decorate,” Ben teased. “Well, if I wasn’t we’d spend all day getting the imaginary crooked out of the fake wall.” Carrie tied the ribbon that held the tulle in place. “Pat, another one. Ben, move down.”