by Karen Gordon
She called MG to give her the update … that she had a date.
“Finally, this should have happened like last year!” Carrie smiled at MG’s support. “Did you tell your mom?”
“No. I think she is a little suspicious, but …”
“Why not tell her? Ben is like every parent’s wet dream of a boyfriend. She’ll be all happy.”
“She’ll tell me to leave him alone. God forbid her rank daughter ruin him.”
“You are planning to ruin him, aren’t you? Tell me you are.”
Carrie laughed.
“Seriously! I never thought too much about him before, but now, sheeeit, he looks good, too good to be unruined.”
“I’ll get there.”
“Well, OK, not tonight. I mean, you’ve got to ease him into the fabulousness that is Carrie Gould.”
Carrie was silent.
“What?”
“I just … I don’t know … what if he …?” MG knew where she was going and cut her off, “No! None of this shit. Have you been listening to your mother again?” Ironically, MG sounded like a mother scolding her. “Carrie, DO NOT do that! You are great for Ben; you are who he wants. He broke up with Joelle so he could have you.”
Her pep talk was having the opposite effect. Carrie felt a lump in her throat. Shit! Why did she have to be so weird? Why couldn’t she just be happy when someone was nice to her? MG’s caring words completely unnerved her, and she got all teary. There was nothing she hated more than crying in front of anyone. She swallowed a few times.
MG was used to it. She waited though the silence then said, “Go, and have fun.”
Carrie nodded, still unable to get a grip enough to speak.
“And give him a big kiss from me.”
That made her laugh, “OK. Any place specific?”
“Anywhere but the lips, girl. I’ll let you figure it out from there. And call me tomorrow. I want details.”
“You got it.” Chapter 21 They decided to go to a new Mexican restaurant in the next town. It was a chance to try the food, and there was no chance of running into Joelle, or really anyone from school. In some ways it was super easy being together. They had a million inside jokes and stories between them already. In other ways it was new and exciting; sitting close on one side of the booth, holding hands, flirting. Carrie never knew that Ben was so physically affectionate and attentive. While they waited for their food and talked, he rubbed his thumb over a small scar on the back of her hand.
“So you’ve been on the honor roll every year? Kindergarten through now?”
“Yeah.” Ben shrugged and didn’t seem overly excited or proud of this accomplishment.
“Do you even study?”
“I usually don’t have to study for tests, but I do homework.” “You could get a college scholarship, couldn’t you?” “Yeah, but why? The Army will pay for college, same difference. I would rather get started on my military career than waste four years at some university.”
“You knew what you wanted to do when you were six.” Carrie felt a pang of jealousy. “Must be nice.” “It keeps me focused. You just need to figure out what direction you want to go in …” Ben stopped mid sentence, realizing he was starting to sound like a parent, and she hated that. “Have you thought about design school, for decorating?”
Carrie caught his change in direction and smiled. He had always been so authoritarian and bossy, even when they were just kids. He was always telling her what to do. It was sweet that he was trying not to. “I don’t think my parents would pay for that, and I’m pretty sure they don’t have scholarships for that either.”
“Have they ever talked to you about what you want to do after high school?” Carrie breathed out a little laugh. “No.” She said it like it was a silly question, and in a way it was. But Ben was hoping that maybe they talked to her or cared about her future more than he had seen from the outside. No such luck.
The only thing he could think to do was wrap an arm around her and pull her close. The desire to fix things for her was so strong, and he knew it would only make her mad. Pity pissed her off. So he played it off as lust, which wasn’t hard to do.
After dinner Carrie talked him into taking the top off the jeep so they could go for a drive. Coeur du Monde Lake was about an hour drive if you took the back roads, which seemed like a perfect idea tonight. There was a waning crescent moon, and they could see the stars pretty well once they got away from the city lights. Carrie turned the radio up loud and sang along and danced in her seat. Her hair was half in and half out of the rubber band she got from the hostess at the restaurant. She was just so funny and happy over all kinds of little stuff, never calculating and safe. He was mesmerized by her.
She fished though his collection of CD’s. “We have a problem.”
“What?”
“Someone took all your good CD’s and left you a bunch of country music.”
He laughed. “No, I bought those.”
“On purpose?”
“Very funny,” he rolled his eyes at her. “Find the Vince Gill CD and put that in; you’ll like it.” She found the CD and pushed the disc into the player then studied the box. “He’s pretty easy on the eyes,” she looked skeptical, “I’ll give him a chance.”
Ben turned up the music and let Vince’s velvety voice sing ‘Pretty Little Adrianna’ to Carrie in a way he wished he could. She sat back and let the music float over her and smiled.
At the lake he found a parking spot in the farthest parking lot. They walked to the water’s edge where Carrie sat on top of a picnic table and looked out over the water.
“I love this place.”
“You’ve been here before?” “Yeah, MG and I come up here to chase boys and swim.” She stopped when she remembered that she was talking to her date, “Oops, sorry.”
Ben chuckled and shook his head, “You and MG flirting? I’m shocked.” He stepped in front of her and came in close, “Were you wearing a bikini?”
“Maybe,” she gave him a coy smile.
He rested his forehead on hers, “I am so sorry I missed that.” He kissed her. “What color?” He kissed her again.
Carrie giggled into his kiss, “Blue.”
He pulled her in close, brushed the stray hairs off her shoulder and kissed her neck. “Blue, huh?” Carrie nuzzled into his neck then kissed along the muscle that ran from his shoulder to his ear. “With yellow and black polka dots.”
Ben moved in closer between her legs, “String bikini?” He looked so hopeful. Carrie laughed, “Yes.” She hooked her legs around his. “Is this doing something for you?” She looked up at him with a suggestive glint.
“Yeah,” he was a little defensive. “What can I say, I’m a visual guy. Just picturing you in a bikini does something for me.”
Carrie wrapped her arms around his neck and slid forward on the table, “If you want a picture, I’ll have MG take one.”
The wind was blowing the hairs that had come loose from her ponytail into her face. Ben pushed them aside and held them back, “I leave for camp in two weeks, can I have one to take with me?”
“To put inside your locker?” “No,” he played with the outer edge of her ear which made her shiver, “I’m putting it on the outside; make all the plebes jealous.”
“Plebes?”
“Young guys.”
Carrie nodded, “Corrupting them?”
“Just giving them something to shoot for,” his grin was both cocky and love sick. Ben lifted her by her hips and turned around so he was sitting on the table. He laid back, taking her with him. He kissed her once, slowly, then turned half way and let her roll off so she was next to him; his arm as her pillow. He breathed out a contented sigh and looked up.
“What do you see?”
“Centaurus, Antila, Hydra.”
Carrie squinted and looked up, “I was thinking more like the big dipper or a bunny.”
Ben laughed. “Centaurus is half man half horse.” “You see that up there?” Carrie continue
d squinting, studying the spot where Ben was looking. She tilted her head, looking for the image.
“It’s a rough outline.”
They lay in companionable silence, studying the stars, both excited and relaxed to be lying close together.
“Two weeks, huh?” Carrie finally spoke.
“Yeah,” Ben turned his head so he could look at her, “This is the first year I would rather stay here.”
That made her smile, “Thanks,” she looked at him briefly, then turned back to the sky, avoiding the intensity. “Did I tell you I got a job?”
“No, what are you going to do?”
“I’m babysitting everyday for the Burtons.”
Ben squinted, trying to place the name.
“They live on Womack, they have a 2-year-old girl.” He shook his head.
“I can walk there and I figure I can take Two-fer with me sometimes.”
“Do you know how to drive?”
“What?”
“You said you were walking. Is that because you don’t have a car or because you never got your license?”
Carrie leaned up on her arm, stacking it on his, “Don’t know how, and no license, and no car.”
“I’m going to teach you to drive before I leave.” He said it as if it were settled. “It’s too dark tonight.”
Carrie started to giggle, “Are you sure this is a good idea?”
“Yeah, why?” Ben sounded insulted.
“Let’s see, there was the time you tried to teach me to play monopoly …”
“You weren’t following the rules. They are written on the lid for a reason.”
“And the time you tried to teach me the right way to paint …”
“You were leaving brush marks.” She shook her head and shuttered at the memory. “What?” He tried not to look guilty, “I’m much more patient now, I swear.” He moved his hand so he could gently pull on the loose curls near her ear. “We’ll work it out. We’ll drive a little,” he leaned in and kissed her, “Kiss a little, drive a little,” he kissed her again. “I just need the right incentive.”
“So I should have kissed you in 4th grade and then you would have let me play Monopoly my way?”
He studied her face, trying to decide how much to tell her, “I might have.”
Carrie mouthed ‘Wow!’ “You would break rules for me?” “I would do a lot of things for you,” there was no teasing in his voice. His seriousness hinted that there was a lot behind that answer he wasn’t saying.
It took her a few minutes to work up the nerve, minutes that hung heavy between them, but she had to ask, “Why?” Ben crooked his arm so Carrie rolled onto her side, leaning against him, touching him from her head to her toes. He couldn’t look at her, so he rubbed the back of her head, easing her into his neck. He knew what she was asking, but he stalled, “Why what?”
“Why me?” He stared at the stars, thinking of his answer. He shook his head, “A lot of reasons, but, you’ve always been there for me … ” he hugged her tighter, “And I want to be there for you, with you.” He wasn’t great with words so he hoped that she understood all he implied.
Carrie swallowed a few times, fighting the emotions. She buried her head in his neck and hugged him tight. They lay on the picnic table, listening to the night sounds, holding each other, soaking in the feeling of being there for each other. Chapter 22
The two weeks before Ben left for camp flew by; the month that he was gone lasted forever. At least her days were busy taking care of Sophie and Christopher. It wasn’t hard. They played really well together, and they took a nap every afternoon, so she had an hour or two to talk to MG every day.
MG had her first job too. Not that she needed the money, but Vin set her up as a hostess showing new houses in a really rich new neighborhood he was building. She made twice what Carrie did an hour, and she spent most days watching TV and talking on the phone. She also had a lunch hour that usually became a lunch two-to-three hours because she would go shopping or bring fast food to Carrie.
In a mind-boggling show of trust, Ben left Carrie the keys to his jeep. It was parked in his driveway, and he let his mom know she might borrow it. So far she had only dared to use it once. She drove to MG’s to meet her friends for a night of swimming and grilling out. The sense of freedom made her head spin, but the deeper sense of trust Ben had in her kept her grounded. She only drank diet soda that night and made sure she put a towel on the seat so she wouldn’t get it wet on the drive home.
He called her most nights, but had to keep it friendly and short. He had to use a public phone in the hallway, and there was always a line of guys waiting their turn who could hear what he said. So far she knew that he was running, working out, eating, and shooting things. It sounded like he was in Ben heaven.
She hated to admit how much she was in heaven the day he was due home. Liking him this much just seemed like a bad idea. In her mind she had played out all the scenarios of how this could go bad: him going back to Joelle, him realizing that she wasn’t all that special, him leaving for boot camp and more training for years after that. The last one she knew was going to come true. It hurt the most to think about, so she couldn’t do it too often. Right now, today, he was hers.
She had no idea exactly what time he would be home, and she was antsy, so she decided to make him some cookies while she waited. Despite the fact that he had called almost every day, her mother still had not figured out that they were a couple. The first batch was in the oven when Lana walked though the kitchen on her way out the door.
“Are you making cookies?” she sniffed.
Carrie just nodded and pretended to be engrossed in a fashion magazine. “We have cookies. I just bought some last week,” she turned on the light and looked in the oven then at the box of cake mix Carrie used to make them. “You made them from this?” She held up the box. “Oh, those aren’t going to be any good. They’re always too soft and have that artificial aftertaste.”
Carrie shrugged, “OK, I’ll just give them to Ben then.” Lana was expecting a fight or at least whining and was caught off guard by Carrie’s good mood. “You … you need to leave him alone.” She dug in her purse for her keys and walked toward the door to the garage, waiting to talk as she exited, so she could have the last word, “He has a girlfriend, you know.”
After the door shut Carrie said, “I know,” and smiled. Ben’s mom and grandparents had gone to pick him up, like they did every summer. Carrie saw them pull in the driveway, but she hesitated to go over, not wanting to get in the middle of his family time. She saw them all go in the house, and she was about to go back to trying to read the magazine when she saw Ben come right back out, having dropped his duffle bag inside. He was walking quickly toward her house. It felt like her heart actually flipped in her chest; he wanted to see her as much as she wanted to see him.
She met him at the door and jumped up into his arms. They were kissing before any hellos. The first thing she noticed was how warm his camos were from riding in the car. The tanned skin of his cheek was extra warm next to hers too. The regulation short hairs on the back of his head felt wonderful against the pads of her fingers as she clung to his neck and wouldn’t give up the kiss. He ended their lip lock, but bent low to kiss her neck and tickle her ear as he set her back on the ground. Out of necessity she switched her arms to his waist and hugged him tight. With his arms around her shoulders she was completely wrapped up in Ben, lost in his strength.
It suddenly dawned on her that she was hugging a lot more Ben. Before camp she easily wrapped her arms around his chest, now her hands just met on his back. She stepped back and ran her hands down his arms. OK, she was feeling some serious biceps there. Camp life had been very good to Ben and to her. It was incredibly hot on her back porch, so she was tempted to just unbutton his camo shirt and see what was underneath, but she stopped herself. There were all sorts of rules and regulations about his uniforms, and she knew he never broke any of them.
Of the million thi
ngs she wanted to say to him, “I made you cookies,” was all that came out. He smiled, “Cool,” it seemed he was a little at a loss for words too. He looked over toward his house, “Can you bring them over and say hi to my grandparents. They want to see you,” he stood looking at her for a second, then he
remembered, “Oh, and they wanted me to see if you would have dinner with us tonight.”
“Sure,” she wished she could wipe the goofy smile off her face. It helped some that he looked the same way, “Did you tell them … about us?” She was so hoping for a yes. His grandpa’s opinion mattered more than anyone’s.
“Yeah, of course.’ He was holding both of her hands, rubbing his thumb on her scar. “The Colonel said it was a smart move.”
“And your grandma?”
“She’s loved you ever since you did your ‘I shot a turkey’ victory dance.” The memory of spending time with his grandparents brought a wave of sweet comfort. She loved just being around them.
Having dinner at Ben’s house that night felt like the beginning of summer, or at least the part Carrie wanted to remember. They still couldn’t be together constantly, Carrie had to work and Ben had work to catch up on, and he was on some mega-training program. He explained it to her, but it all sounded pretty unreal. His commander at camp told Ben he believed he could be a Ranger. They were the best of the best in the Army. That part Carrie got. She knew Ben could be the best of the best in anything he did. It was the stuff he was training for that blew her mind. He had to be able to stay up for days on end, hardly eat anything and then run and carry men on his back and then do a super-hard obstacle course. It sounded like hell to Carrie, but Ben’s eyes lit up when he talked about it. He couldn’t go to school for it for a few years, but he was going to start training now and keep himself in optimum shape for it.
Every morning he would run with a weighted back pack. When he got back he would take a quick shower then drive Carrie to the Burton’s house. He did most of his weight training and work during the day and left his nights open for her. Most nights they didn’t do anything special, they would eat dinner at his house with his mom or go out for fast food. With all his training, eating became Ben’s other hobby. Carrie might have worried about getting fat, except Ben almost always consumed half of her food too. “You going to eat that?” was his catch phrase.