by Karen Gordon
Carrie tried to remember what Chuck had told her; no teeth, hand at the base, put it all the way in, but all that thinking was just getting in her way. She licked and sucked and teased the smooth skin on the head while her hand wrapped around the hardness at the base and pumped. Damn, she was loving this. She felt powerful, and sexy, and safe. She wanted to feel him come, to taste it. Everything they had done up to now, all his sweet acceptance and adoration, let her forget about how she ‘should’ behave. She knew when he was close from the hand jobs she had given him, so she sped up and sucked harder, letting him know she had no intention of letting go when he came. His breathing sped up, he said her name with a few ‘oh, gods’ in between, all his gorgeous muscles bunched and tensed, and he came.
It was salty and warm and came out in several spurts. She kept gently sucking till the spurts slowed and his cock stopped jumping in her hand. His arms and legs went lax. His eyes were closed, and he had the most beautiful, contented smile.
When his breathing returned to normal he bent his arm to pull her in close. With her chin on his chest she looked up at him and smiled. “That was fun.”
He chuckled, “You’re telling me?” As he rubbed her back he studied her face, memorizing how amazing she looked at this moment, wanting to hold on to the connection he was feeling with her. She didn’t play games with him. She opened herself, her heart, and loved him … even if she didn’t say the words. Right now, those words were dying to come out. He wanted to tell her. But that would end this moment. After her reaction to the rose, he knew that him loving her would crush her wall and there would be after-shocks. He could handle them – they would get there.
♥ ♪ ♥ He had no trouble convincing her to help set up the tent because the mosquitoes were starting to bite. He moved all their stuff inside, including the food. If he had his way, they weren’t coming out for a long time.
He fished around in the cooler for her next surprise while she sat in the center of their sleeping-bag bed. He made her close her eyes as he tipped the bottle of chilled Boone’s Farm Peach wine to her lips. She drank, some dribbled down her chin and she giggled. Ben kissed the drips of wine from her neck.
“It’s peach,” she smacked her lips, “Peach wine?” She opened her eyes. “Oh, my god, I don’t think I’ve had that since your 14th birthday.”
Ben took a big swig, “Me neither.” He passed her the bottle, and she took a drink.
“Not your best birthday, huh?” she grimaced at the memory of him nearly drowning.
“Actually,” he drank again, “it was one of the best.”
“Ben, you almost drowned!”
He nodded like he remembered, but it wasn’t a big deal, “yeah, but you stripped for me.”
“Huh?”
“At the pool, before you got in, you took off your top and jeans.” Carrie thought back. That wasn’t the part of the evening that stood out most for her. “Yeah,” she shrugged, “I guess I did.”
They passed the wine and drank again.
“Why didn’t you swim?” Carrie was staring into space, remembering the terrifying night. He shrugged, took a drink, and looked at the floor of the tent. “I don’t know … my clothes and shoes weighed a lot wet … the wine made me confused …” his voice trailed off quiet at the end.
She touched his chest and ran her finger down the middle of it. “I thought I had lost you,” she looked him in the eyes. “I was so scared.”
He pulled her in closer to him so they were touching, “I’m sorry.”
“You were so mad at me … you didn’t talk to me for weeks.”
He looked down again, feeling guilty, “I wasn’t mad. I was embarrassed.”
“What? Why?” “Because I’m not a strong swimmer. I’m still not.” He fiddled with the edge of the label on the bottle, “and you had to save me. That night, I knew you would never want to go out with me.”
Carrie seemed confused, “You wanted to go out with me then?” “Yeah,” he breathed out a small laugh, “I was 5-footnothing and full of myself,” he looked at her, “And I wanted you.”
“Why?” Now he really laughed. He lay back and looked up, “Oh, let’s see. You were, and still are, beautiful, daring, funny, sexy, smart, you don’t put up with my bull shit, and you cared about me … that summer when my dad left, you worked so hard to make things better for me.”
“Wow, the way you describe me, I might like me.” He set the wine on top of the cooler and pulled her to him, “I’m not joking, Carrie.” He looked directly into her eyes, but she looked down. It was too intense. He brought her face to his and kissed her gently, slowly. He whispered, “I want to make love to you.” She still wouldn’t look at him, but she didn’t pull away. “I don’t want to fuck you, or screw you, I want to love you.” She was starting to crack, but he wouldn’t let go. “Are you going to cry?”
She shrugged, but tears were already falling on his chest. He brushed some off her cheeks with this thumbs. “It’s OK.” She was crying silently, like she always did. Never let anyone see. Never let anyone hear.
He reached over and turned off the lantern and lay down with her head pillowed on his arm, facing her. He handed her a paper napkin that she used to wipe her eyes and blow her nose.
“Sexy,” she joked as she set the balled-up napkin aside.
He felt for her cheek in the dark, then caressed it with the pad of his thumb before he leaned in to kiss her.
♥ ♪ ♥ The darkness helped. It felt like she was wrapped in it as well as Ben’s warmth, and that helped while her wall was down and she was feeling exposed.
His lips touched hers in that gentle way that both relaxed and excited her. He was in no hurry. The way he explored her lips and tongue, let her relax into him. She felt no rush to ‘get to the next step’, but that same gentle, slow kiss built up a powerful lust that fired nerves throughout her body. Her hands wanted to touch his hair, arms, chest and work their way down his entire muscled body. Her nipples hardened, and she arched toward his chest, needing to feel his warm skin on hers.
Ben responded by sliding his hand up her ribs, feeling each one, bringing her tee shirt with him. She helped pull it over her head, and he tossed it aside. The night air felt harsh on her exposed skin, but only for a minute, then Ben lay partially on her, warming her skin with his. Her top leg naturally wound around his, drawn to his warmth and the feel of the muscles in his thigh, flexing as he moved. He was slowly flexing his hips, pushing the hardness of his erection against her clit.
They found a rhythm that was like dancing, she tilted into him where he met her, both of them feeling the stunning, aching pressure building.
He trailed small kisses down her neck and across the top of her chest before his hand followed then slid below her breast, mapping the weight, curve, softness. Her nipples were already tender. He licked across one, then circled it with the tip of his tongue as he lightly pinched the other. The jolt she felt from her nipples straight to her pussy made her whimper and breath deeper into the feeling.
“You like that?” He wasn’t so far gone that he forgot the advice column steps; Number two - talk to her.
Carrie was so far gone that all she could do was moan and nod her head. “Um, hum.” She reached down and fumbled with the stupid button on his jeans. For the second time today it was keeping her from what she wanted. She was about to just rip the damn thing off when Ben pushed her frantic fingers away and opened the button and his fly. He pushed his own jeans and briefs down his legs, so Carrie arched onto her shoulders and slid her panties off and tossed them into the darkness of the tent.
She couldn’t see what he was doing, but she could hear the crackling of the plastic wrapper as he opened the condom and slid it on. When he rolled back onto her he was as warm as always, everywhere except his cock. The rubber was cooler against her heated lips, and it brought more of her attention to the hard, solid weight she wanted to feel inside her.
His kisses were becoming harder, wetter, more anxious an
d she met his excitement with her own frenzied licking, kissing and sucking.
He slid one of his long fingers into her and she moaned out at the relief that brought. He pressed the base of his hand into her clit and circled. She pushed into him, feeling the start of an orgasm build, needing to push herself to that peak. He circled his finger in her and kept the pressure on her clit but she couldn’t get there. She was afraid to speak, but she needed more, so she whined in frustration.
“What? Tell me?” he asked between fast, short breaths.
He had to be close too. She didn’t want him to have to wait for her but she knew he would, so she dug deep and got honest. “Another finger, faster.” He obeyed, and that did the trick. She tensed and felt the jolt then waves of euphoria as she reached her peak. She also felt her inner muscles contracting around his fingers, pulling at them, and it felt fanfucking-tastic. She let go of all her nagging, criticizing thoughts and completely immersed herself in his scent, and warmth and weight. By just focusing on him, she could go to this bliss-filled place where she felt something, something amazing and calm at the same time, something that grabbed at her heart, something that had to be love.
♥ ♪ ♥ Ben was seriously dizzy with need. He had held off long enough to make her come, and for that he felt like he had won a gold medal. Now he was dying to get inside her, to feel her clenching muscles pull at his cock. He was prepared for it to be difficult, but it wasn’t. It was a tight fit, but her wetness let him slide in past her contracting muscles. When he was all the way in he was still for a moment. He slowed his breathing and just felt: her tight warmth, her strong thighs wrapped around his back, pulling him into her, her arms, clinging to his neck, stretching to span his shoulders.
As his orgasm started to rise from deep in his gut, he took a deep breath in, inhaling the smells of sex and Carrie. Then all his ideas about going slow flew out the window. He pulled out and pushed back into her, harder than he had planned. But it felt so damn good. And she was meeting his thrusts, not backing away. He hoped he wasn’t bruising her because he was using all the strength in his thigh and butt muscles to push in, before quickly pulling out, and doing it again. He clasped his hands on the top of her head to keep from pushing her away, and picked up the pace. He was sweating with exertion, pumping into her, reaching for a higher peak than he had ever felt before. Coming felt like diving into a pool of relief as emotion coursed through him. He couldn’t speak, he just clung to her, breathing hard into her neck, touching as much of her body as possible, hoping she could feel how much he loved her.
Chapter 25
Just when Ben thought he was starting to figure her out, Carrie threw him for a loop. They made love, fucked, and had tree sex that weekend, and she didn’t cry once … except at breakfast. He brought out a box of cherry Pop-tarts then handed her a diet coke, with a bendy straw, and she lost it. This was some of her favorite stuff, he knew that, but her reaction still surprised him.
He handed her another fast-food napkin and scooted next to her on the bed to rub her back and kiss the top of her bent head.
“I feel like such an idiot,” she sniffed.
“You know it doesn’t bother me, but talk to me, tell me why.” She shrugged and took a bite of Pop-tart to avoid talking. He wasn’t going to let it go, but he also didn’t need to push her right now. There would be time later.
♥ ♪ ♥
They were half submerged in the creek that afternoon, lying together on a folding lounger, when she finally answered.
“You know I almost never cry when I’m not around you, right?”
He rolled to his side so he could see her face, “Yeah.”
“I mean, I’m not saying it’s your fault … “
“I know.” “I used to cry, at home, years ago. “She lay her head on his arm so their faces were inches apart, “but,” she shrugged, “it made her madder. If I fell off my bike, and skinned my knee, she would get mad about the blood getting on my clothes, then she would tell me to stop being so dramatic and that I was just putting on a show with my tears.” Carrie looked up at the sky, “no one seemed to care if I was crying, or wanted to be around me … ‘til you.”
Ben held her hand and rubbed the back of it but didn’t want to speak, to stop her train of thought. “When you’re sweet to me, when you care …,” she swallowed down the lump in her throat, “I know you see me, really see me. I get scared … cause you might not like what you see.” She took a shaky breath to continue, “Then these tears, these stupid tears … it’s like I’ve got a million of them stored up behind some floodgate. When you’re nice, it just, opens.”
He was smiling when he wrapped himself around her, “I’m not going to stop being nice to you,” he dipped his hand into the water and dribbled a little onto her red cheek. She smiled. “As long as I know that I didn’t make you sad, I can handle your tears.”
♥ ♪ ♥ School started a few days after their trip, and they settled back into the routine of classes and homework and friends. It was a lot of the same, but under it all, it was different.
Carrie and Ben weren’t the only ones to cross the social group lines. Pat and Casey were still dating. It turns out Casey had a geek side she never knew about. After one summer she could almost out geek-speak Pat when they talked about computers. Wayne and Laura started spending some time with Carrie and Ben. Joelle lost interest in hating Carrie when she started dating the new Assistant Pastor at her church. He was 25 and very ambitious to lead his own church. She came to school, but couldn’t really care about pep rallies and dances and cliques when she had a bigger calling with her potential, future husband. There was still some tension on both sides from things said in the past, but Laura was part of their group now, so the girls called a truce.
In his laid-back, mellow way, Steve was fine hanging around with Ben and his friends and the girls. As long as he was with MG, he was a happy camper. She was still planning to move to NY with her mom after graduation and talked about it all the time; which part of the city they would live in, places she wanted to see, how expensive it was to live there. She suspiciously left Carrie out of those plans too.
One thing hadn’t changed, Carrie still found herself in the same boat with Steve. They both had one year before the person they loved was going to leave, possibly for good. They tried not to think about it or talk about it too often. In study hall one day they made a pact to not waste the year moping about what was coming. They would cross that bridge when they came to it, and then at least they would have each other to understand.
Ben’s new stature could have bought him a ticket to be one of the popular kids. He was 6’2”, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, muscle-bound and one hell of a fast runner. At the beginning of the year Coach Reynolds approached him about playing football. A few of the cheerleaders started shamelessly flirting with him too. Carrie wondered if they were part of the incentive package to try to get him on the team.
What they didn’t know, was that he was still Ben. He was driven, smart, dedicated and loyal. To him, football was just a game, and there was no way he was going to risk injuring himself playing a game when an injury could mess with his chances of becoming a Ranger. Cheerleaders held no interest for him. He had Carrie.
And he lived up to his promise to keep doing nice things for her, whether she cried or not (and she was getting better at not crying.) He drove her to school, and every morning he would have a cherry Pop-tart (still warm and wrapped in a napkin) and a Diet Coke with a bendy straw waiting for her in the jeep. She rode home with MG, who was getting irritated (and maybe a little jealous) of the love notes and roses Ben left for Carrie on MG’s windshield. It was hard, but Carrie resisted the urge to tell her that she could have all that stuff too, if she would just let Steve in, for now, for the time they had.
Carrie stored up all the mementos and memories that she could. She had a box, hidden under her bed, with all the notes, all the dried roses, and every bendy straw Ben gave her. She put movie ticket stubs in t
here and pictures, lots of pictures. She had never been one to take pictures before this year. If she had had any pictures of Chuck, she would have burned them by now anyway. But the pictures of her and Ben and all their friends, having fun; they meant a lot to her now, and she had a gut feeling that they would mean even more later.
They didn’t get as much time alone as they did during the summer, but his bedroom was still their place to be together, when they could, for as long as they could. Carrie was making and storing up memories there too. She had to resist the urge to break out her camera every time she got him naked. She figured the ladies over at Walgreens would either call the cops or steal the pictures if she tried to have them developed. When he was asleep, naked or dressed, she would study him, carving all of his perfection into her head and her heart.
As fall turned into winter they spent more time there, studying, making love, fucking, playing around, watching TV, sleeping. When it came to sex they liked the opposite of what she thought they might. He loved to take his time, explore her, hold-off ‘til she came first. He read about, then played around with the idea of keeping her on the edge of coming, building up for an even bigger peak. She couldn’t get his clothes off fast enough and liked sex fast and hard. If he was scooting her across the bed or across the floor with the force of his thrusts, she was in heaven.
Carrie always felt welcome at Ben’s house. If Ben was studying or working, Carrie would find Sissy. They would watch a TV show together or Sissy would bake her something chocolaty and wonderful and teach her how. Sissy taught them both to dance on a very silly Sunday afternoon when they found her childhood record player and records in the basement. They started with Saturday Night Fever disco and ended with a toe-smashing attempt at swing to one of his grandma’s old 45’s.
♥ ♪ ♥ Christmas presented a huge dilemma for both of them. Carrie had no idea what to get Ben. He truly had everything he wanted or needed and she had no clue about any of the electronic stuff he liked so much. He had already told her that he could take almost nothing with him to basic training, no pictures, no CD’s, no jewelry, not even a watch. It kind of crushed her heart when he talked about how it was part of the plan that he was supposed to try to forget about home and her and only focus on the Army.