by Amy Sumida
That would explain so much. But I hadn't felt anything for Banning. No dreams, no tight sensation in my chest. Nothing. I had let the blooder walk away, and the only regret I'd felt was over hurting him. I actually liked Banning now. I counted him as a friend, and that was a miracle in my world. That I should think so highly of him, and yet remain unaffected by the removal of the spell separating us, seemed odd. Perhaps it would be a slower process with me, since I was the source of the spell. Torin's affection for Oonagh had obviously come back in full force. Maybe my dreams of Banning would start again. Hell, maybe I should give him a shot. Or even Declan.
I looked at the Shining One with speculation.
“No.” Declan held up a hand. “I see anger in your eyes, Elaria. Anger and betrayal. Please don't include me in it. I confess that I am half in love with you already, and I would allow it. Nay, I would encourage your ardor, and then I would regret it when you turned away from me.”
“Who says I would turn away?” I lifted a brow.
“The humans call it a rebound, correct?” Declan asked. “What is a rebound, but a force compelling you away from something and into something else? If you are compelled hard enough, you bounce off that other surface as well. And we both know how hard you're being compelled right now.”
“You really are a gentleman, aren't you?” I gave him a lopsided smile, liking him even more.
“I try to be,” Declan sighed. “It's taking all of my control at the moment. But honestly, Elaria, this is not really about being proper with you. This is about the long game. My goal is your heart, and I won't get that if I take your body now. I'll wait and see this through. Now”-he held out his arm-“may I offer you my assistance, Your Majesty?”
“You know I'm no longer a queen.”
“Once a queen, always a queen,” he declared.
I took his arm. “I want to go home.”
“I know, dearest.” He tucked my hand into his arm. “And it would be my honor to escort you there. I happen to have a traveling stone with me.”
“A traveling stone.” I chuckled. “I should have remembered. I have one too. A gift from Torin.”
“Such a fool.” Declan's amethyst eyes darkened to iolite. “Will you still allow me to see you home?”
“Of course.” I pushed the door to my guest room open, and left his side in search of my traveling stone.
I found it on a desk. There were writing implements and paper there as well. I paused as I considered leaving Torin a letter. It shouldn't be too hard for him to figure out why I left, but it might be cathartic for me to get it down on paper. To let him know exactly why he didn't get a proper goodbye, and exactly what I thought of him.
So I did. I wrote him a brief, but clear, letter about catching him with Oonagh, and how he could have come to me, and simply told me it was over instead of being such a douche. He should have known that I wasn't the type to throw a fit like Nila. I had more class than that. I may have made the “class” comment seem ironic by adding some suggestions about where Torin could stick his penis next, since it was never getting near me again. But this was a fuck you letter after all. I signed my name at the bottom and smiled at it. It did feel good to get it out, and even better to leave the letter on my pillow for Sara to find. The entire castle would know I left before Torin did.
I scooped up my bag, and started yanking out the clothes Torin had bought me. I didn't want to take anything with Torin's taint on it. Then I came to the steel and onyx, magic-grounding bracelets, and paused. Those things could be useful, not just for pleasure, but for work. They went back into the bag. I may be sentimental about some things, but I wasn't a fool.
“All right; I'm ready.” I held up the traveling stone and peered at it. “How do I work this?”
“Just focus on where you want to go,” Declan pulled a similar stone out of his pocket. “As long as it's in another realm, there shouldn't be a problem. The stone can't travel within one plane of existence. It's made specifically to pierce the Veil.”
“Okay.” I closed my fist around it, and held my hand out to him.
“I'll just follow your lead.” He took my hand, and I found myself admiring him.
Declan might not be as massive as Torin, but he wasn't exactly slim either. He was actually quite muscular, and I'd seen him use those muscles to his advantage on the battlefield. He was a powerful man and a handsome one- a deadly combination. Declan's features were regal, and his deep auburn hair complemented his eyes. Eyes so similar to my own.
“Elaria?” Declan cocked his head at me.
“Sorry.” I blushed. “Yes, that's fine.”
I closed my eyes and pulled a Dorothy. There's no place like home. The soothing monotony of waves on sand. The air thick with the scent of mangoes, guavas, and plumerias. A sharp base note of salt beneath the sweetness. Stone walls, such a rarity in Hawaiian homes, supported a series of sharply angled roofs. Beneath those angles, sunshine reflected off thick window panes, catching in faceted stained glass. Speckled patches of white and cream sand spotted the back lawn, tracked up from the nearby beach over the years. And around it all rose ponderous walls, heavy with age and covered in a spiderweb of vines- the perfect neighbors.
“Beautiful,” Declan whispered, and I opened my eyes.
I hadn't even felt a pull. Nothing, no movement at all. Yet there we were, standing before the bleached wood gate that led out to my private slice of heaven. Huge boulders rose up to either side of my bit of beach, making it inaccessible to anyone else. I'd paid a fortune for the private access rights, which normally weren't sold in Hawaii, but it was worth it.
“Yes, I think so.” I turned determinedly away from the ocean path. This wasn't the time for that. “Welcome to Hawaii, Your Majesty.”
“Thank you.” Declan offered to take my bag. “Do you think I could return sometime? Maybe you could show me more of your paradise?”
“I think I'd like that.” I led him up to the back door, and then into my home. As soon as I crossed the threshold, I closed my eyes and breathed it in. Sanctuary. The sense of solace was so much stronger when I was wounded. “Just put the bag there, please.” I gestured to a leather sofa. “How about some coffee?”
“Coffee?” Declan smiled. “That's the human drink with the drug in it, correct?”
“Ah . . .” I blinked. “I guess that's technically accurate, but it's just a minor stimulant. I think I may have some without caffeine in it, if you prefer.”
“Oh no, I'd like the stimulant please.” Declan followed me into the kitchen and took a seat at a dining set placed within the curves of a picture window. It gave him a clear view of the ocean, which he immediately praised. “Why do you ever leave this place?”
“That's a very good question.” I busied myself with making coffee as I internally screamed.
I didn't want to hurry Declan out, but if I wasn't rebounding with him, I needed him to leave so I could have the necessary break-down. I had loved Torin, still loved him, and although I could put up a good front, I was falling apart inside. I had finally trusted a man enough to give him my heart, and he had used me, then tossed me aside. Torin's prophecy was fulfilled. I had lifted him up, stronger than he'd been before, and now he didn't need me anymore. That stung something fierce. I needed a good cry, then a nice swim, and then possibly a good cry while swimming.
“Damn the stones!” Declan growled from behind me. I looked up to find him standing very close to me, and before I could say anything, he grabbed me and swung me into his arms. “I can't sit here and watch you torment yourself. Just one kiss to remind you that there will be love in your life again. One kiss.” He lowered his lips to mine.
Declan knew what he was doing. I had no idea how old the Shining One was, but he'd obviously had loads of practice kissing. I sighed into the delicious sensations his lips and tongue created with mine. I welcomed the heat of his hands sliding over my back, and released the rising pain of Torin's betrayal. Declan was right, this wasn't the end fo
r me. There would be other men, other loves, and I wouldn't let Torin sour them. I would give my heart once more.
Chapter Forty-Eight
I did allow myself a good cry after Declan left. I had to. I couldn't just leave all that pent up inside me. Then I ate a lot of ice cream. I watched some romantic movies and cried some more. Then I watched some horror films to get over the romance. It took me about a week to work out my Torin issues, during which time, Cerberus came to visit.
“You look like shit, El,” he said as soon as I opened the door.
“Thanks, asshole.” I walked back into the house, letting him come in or not as he pleased.
I had been in the apathetic stage at that point. In my limited experience, heartbreak came in stages. You began with shock, then denial; no, he couldn't possibly have done this to me. Rage quickly followed this, which is why I'd left Tír na nÓg instead of confronting Torin. I have too much pride to show any man how much he'd hurt me. A fight may appear to be strength on the surface, but everyone knows that you wouldn't be so angry, if you didn't care so much. You'll wound a man deeper by acting unaffected.
After the anger, comes a good swim, preferably in the ocean, and for a minimum of half an hour. Though that may just be a siren thing. Then comes crying till you can't breathe because your nose is full of snot. When you're clear and dry again, the next stage was to consume vast amounts of food- anything premade or that someone was willing to bring to you. All this was done while watching movies that either made you hope, feel inadequate, or want to kill something male. Sprinkled into this consumption and couch potato stage, came mini-stages of apathy, a total lack of concern for anything or anyone. I think it's the body's way of coping with the emotional roller coaster. It needs to go numb or die.
Cerberus walked into my dark, dirty living room during one of those numb stages. He cringed at the chaos of discarded fast food containers, empty ice cream cartons, and piles of used tissues. His nose wrinkled at the stench of stale air mixed with even staler Elaria. Then he turned to me with a look of abject horror.
“What the fuck?”
“It's a process,” I told him as I scratched my ass through my yoga pants.
“What happened between you and Torin?” Cerberus grabbed my upper arm, and escorted me roughly out of the living room. He found a fairly clean place to sit in my library, and plopped me down in it. He then crouched before me and growled, “Tell me what that fucker did. The length of his torture will depend upon the severity of his stupidity.”
“He kissed Oonagh.” I shrugged. “Probably much more than that by now.”
“What?” Cerberus snarled. “That fairy fucker! I'll fucking kill him. That... that fuck! Slow it is then. I'll use claws instead of knives. Or maybe I'll just tap his forehead with my fist over and over, like water torture without the water. I'll keep going until his ugly face is flat.”
“Don't bother; it's fine.” I waved him down. “I'll get over it. I think it was the relic that kept us together anyway. When it went back to sleep, Torin and I went to sleep too. Or stopped sleeping together, rather.”
“But this . . .” Cerberus waved his hand back toward the living room. “Elaria, this is fucking insane. I've never seen you like this.”
“You've never seen me heartbroken,” I said, and then I did something truly pathetic. I burst into tears. Farewell, numb stage.
“El . . .” Cerberus sat back as he yanked me into his lap. “Oh, Elaria, please stop. Gods damn that shiny son of a slut. He doesn't deserve you, and he definitely doesn't deserve your tears. Forget him.”
Cerberus rocked me like a baby until I sniffled myself into silence.
“There you go,” he murmured. Then he made a disgusted sound, “Damn, girl, when was the last time you showered?”
“I don't remember,” I whispered.
“Shit.” Cerberus sighed and stood. “Come on then.”
He carried me upstairs to my bedroom, then into the master bath. Cerberus sat me on a vanity stool while he ran the bathwater. Then he searched through the army of bath products I had rallied around the tub's rim. He muttered to himself until he found a couple of options. Then he came over and stood me up. I finally overcame my stupor when he tried to take my top off.
“Hey.” I slapped at his hands.
“Elaria,” Cerberus grimaced, “I've known you since you were sixteen. Don't you think it's about time I saw you naked?”
“No.”
“Fine.” He sighed and turned around. “Get naked and get into the tub.”
“You'll still be able to see me”
“Get into the water, El!”
“All right!” I shouted back and stripped.
I climbed in the massive tub, and pulled my legs up to my chin. Cerberus turned around and huffed. He pulled over the little stool I'd been sitting on and used it to loom like a gargoyle behind me. Then he pushed me under the water. I came up sputtering.
“What the hell, Cer?”
“I needed to wet your hair,” he smirked.
Then he started washing my hair. I forgot all about being naked in front of my friend, and simply enjoyed the feeling of his massaging fingers on my scalp. The heat from the water soothed my tight muscles, and by the time Cer was done, I was ready to finish the rest of the bath by myself. I ordered him out, then scrubbed myself clean.
When I came out of the bathroom, I felt like a new woman. I got on the phone and called a cleaning crew. I wasn't up for dealing with the mess I'd made; I admit it, and I own my shortcomings. But hey, at least I could employ others and help the economy. After the call, I went downstairs to find Cerberus sitting at the dining table, eating a sandwich. He smiled brightly when he saw me.
“Much better,” he nodded. “There's my girl.”
“I feel better.” I sat down across from him. “Thank you, Cer.”
“Anytime,” Cerberus grinned. “Hey, I wanted to tell you. I went to check on Hades. I thought he'd be pissed about you yanking him into our battle.”
“And what did he say?”
“Didn't remember a damn thing.” Cerberus chortled. “It's good I sort of hinted at it instead of saying outright what had happened. He would have thought I'd lost my mind.”
“He has no memory of it?” I gaped at Cer. “Holy shit, things really did go back to normal after the relic went to sleep.”
“Well, not everything.” Cerberus shrugged. “The damage we wrought is still there. Lots of Shining Ones are still dead.”
“True,” I whispered, then looked up and declared, “I need a job, Cerberus. What you got?”
“Seriously?”
“I can't stay here.” I scowled at the pile of dishes in the kitchen sink. “I need to focus on something else.”
“I hear ya. The stench alone would send a weaker man running,” Cerberus said. “Believe it or not, I was in love once. She broke my heart too.”
“What? Who? When?”
“Never mind all that.” He swallowed hard, and looked out the window. “I threw myself into the job and got over her. You'll get over Torin too.” He looked back at me steadily. “I know you, Elaria. You're like me. Nothing holds you down for long.”
“Thanks, Cer.”
“No problem.” He stood and gave me a huge grin. “How does Switzerland sound?”
“Perfect.” I grinned back. “I could use some neutrality and chocolate right about now.”
“Pack for cold weather,” Cerberus suggested.
“Yeah, maybe the cold will do me some good too.”
Chapter Forty-Nine
I was on a job in Baltimore, Maryland, three weeks later. In a place called Angels Rock Bar. Up on their vibrantly painted stage, the glow of oval lights backlighting me and the band. A chandelier of pearl-colored beads spread out above me, and a matching beaded curtain shimmied on my right, caught in the vibration of the amps nearby. The promise of sex hung heavy in the air, a mix of perfume, Jose Cuervo, and sweat. It made the crowd anxious, as amped as my music, a
nd I could practically taste the anticipation on my tongue. Or maybe that was the brandy.
The onyx cuffs Torin had charged to imprison me were actually liberating. I'd never been able to take a cover job as a singer before. It would have been too much work to infuse each song with benign magic while I waited for my target to appear. Now I could hold the magic back until I needed it. Which opened up options for my work and made it all so much easier. I simply went into a bar that I knew the person frequented, “auditioned” my way into a job, and then performed until my mark appeared. In theory, I could even kill someone that way, though I hadn't tried it yet. Crowds were best for coercion.
My target on this particular night was a loup, a werewolf who had pissed off a whole flock of harpies. Let's just say this hound liked chasing pretty birds. As a half-siren woman, I took personal offense at his behavior, and I had wholeheartedly accepted this job. Frankly, he was lucky that the ladies decided to give him a little magical neutering rather than performing the real deal on him with their claws.
I had my magic grounding cuffs on for most of the performance before I spotted Jack Armstrong walking in. One more song to warm him up, relax him, then I'd take off the bracelets. I turned to tell the hired band which song we'd be playing next, completely missing the entrance of another familiar face. The music had already begun, when I lifted my head to the mic, began to sing, and saw him.
Banning Dalca.
I blinked in surprise, almost fumbling the lyrics. As the music moaned and sobbed its way into a sexy thump, I noted how appropriate the song was for his appearance. It was suddenly personal, and I found myself singing to him, my stare colliding with his, and then latching on. He looked amazing, as usual, and completely at home in the luxury rock scene. Banning strode past thick couches clad in crimson velvet tapestry and around the more sparsely clothed patrons, all with that sexy air most blooders possessed. He came to a casual stop at the wall on my left, leaning against it to watch me avidly, as I sang Banks's “Waiting Game.”