by Rosie Clarke
‘Oh, Sally…’ Maureen’s throat felt tight. No wonder her friend had got so upset when Pam was killed. It must seem to her that anyone she cared for died or stopped caring for her. ‘Let’s go and see Peggy,’ she said and tucked her arm through the other girl’s. ‘She’s a really good friend and I know she will like you, love.’ Maureen saw the headlines on a newsstand and stopped to buy a paper. ‘It looks as if we’ve been pushed out of Greece,’ she said. ‘The news gets worse – and only last month the Bismarck sunk HMS Hood…’
‘Why you even bother to read it, I don’t know,’ Sally said. ‘Throw it away, Maureen, I can’t take any more bad news.’
*
‘Your friend is knocking the gin back a bit, isn’t she?’ Peggy said to Maureen as she fetched another round of drinks. Maureen had stuck to fizzy orange after one small gin and orange, but Sally had swallowed several gin and tonics quickly. ‘I know it was her brother’s funeral, but… I don’t like to see a young woman drink too much. If she has any more she’ll never get home tonight.’
‘She has a rotten home life,’ Maureen said. ‘I don’t think she can bear going back to that house.’
‘Poor girl,’ Peggy said and looked more sympathetic. ‘It’s a good thing she has you, love.’
‘I’m not sure I could’ve stuck it the first few months at the hospital if it hadn’t been for Sally. I think anyone is entitled to let go after so much bad luck – she lost someone she cared about right at the start of the war…’
‘This damned war!’ Peggy said fiercely. ‘This round is on me, Maureen – and if your friend can’t walk out of here, you can both stay the night…’
Even as she spoke they heard the siren wail and Peggy groaned. It was the second attack they’d had that day, the first was on the Docks in the middle of the afternoon, and it meant she had to take as many customers as she could down to the cellar. Some people decided to leave their drinks and make a dash for the shelters, others moaned when she insisted that they all go down into the cellars, but most picked up their glasses and carried them down.
Peggy, Janet and Maureen took some of the food and the coffee pot, which Janet had refilled in the kitchen.
It was crowded down in the cellars and someone suggested a sing-song, which Sally joined in enthusiastically if not very tunefully. She’d brought her glass, but it was empty and she shook her head at the offer of coffee, mooching around the cellar until she found a dusty bottle of wine, which she bore back to Peggy triumphantly.
‘Can you open this for us? I’ll pay…’
‘I don’t have a corkscrew with me,’ Peggy said and then the huge bang made them all jump and Sally dropped the wine. It smashed and the rich red liquid spread out on the floor.
‘I’m sorry,’ Sally said and suddenly burst into tears. ‘I’m so sorry…’
‘It doesn’t matter, love,’ Peggy said and put an arm about her, drawing her away from the curious eyes into a shadowy corner. ‘It’s only a bottle of wine…’
Sally shook her head, saying between sobs, ‘It’s me. Nothing I do is ever right. Billy always protected me and took the blame, but it’s my fault. I should be dead – he should be here, because everyone loved him.’
‘It’s not your fault,’ Peggy soothed, letting the girl weep into her shoulder and holding her close. ‘You didn’t force him to join up. He had to go and even if you were dead it wouldn’t bring him back…’
Somewhere close at hand there was another loud bang and then the sound of glass shattering. Peggy felt the girl shudder and knew that she was terrified, like most of them. It was the closest the bombs had come to the pub and she wondered what would be left when they went back upstairs.
Sally stopped crying as Maureen put an arm about her shoulders and squeezed. She looked subdued as she took the hanky Peggy offered.
‘I think you should stop here tonight,’ Peggy told her. ‘You and Maureen can share a room. When the all-clear goes, I’ll take you up and get you a warm milky drink…’
‘Yeah, we’ll be all right together,’ Maureen said. ‘We’re safe enough here in Peggy’s cellar – besides the Germans daren’t bomb Peggy’s place. She’d give them what for…’
‘I believe you.’ Sally gave her a watery smile. ‘I wish you were my mum, Peggy. Maureen is lucky to have you as a friend.’
‘Well, now you’re my friend too,’ Peggy said. ‘You’re welcome to come here whenever you need a bed for the night – and I’ll help you in whatever way I can.’
‘Thanks…’ Sally looked at the soggy handkerchief. ‘Shall I wash this or do you want it back?’
‘Why don’t you keep it for now?’
Suddenly, they all heard the signal that the raid was over and everyone started to make their way back up the cellar stairs. Peggy was shocked when she entered the bar and saw the damage. Every window in the pub had been shattered and the floor was covered with glass from broken drinking glasses and bottles. She groaned as she saw how many bottles had smashed, because they were irreplaceable these days and it wasn’t just the loss of profits they represented, but the fact that she had to tell people they couldn’t have their favourite drinks. She’d stored as many as she could under the counter in old wooden crates and those were mostly intact, but everything on the back of the bar had gone down in the blast, and the front door was off its hinges. Even as she tried to take in the devastation, the door swung back and an ARP warden wearing a tin hat entered.
‘Everyone all right here?’ he asked, looking around him at the devastation. ‘It looks bad, but a few houses down from you they’ve taken a direct hit, and there’s a whole row gone over that way…’ He pointed over his shoulder.
‘No…’ Peggy looked at him in horror. ‘Nellie lives there – my friend. She helps me out in the pub – Oh no! Did you say the whole row has gone?’
‘Sorry love, but they caught several hits – but we’re not sure if anyone was inside. She might have been in the shelters…’
‘I’ll pop round and see if she’s about…’ Janet said and grabbed her coat, but at that moment the front door lurched opened again and a familiar figure walked in. ‘Nellie! Thank God…’
‘I thought I’d best come round, love, and let you know I was all right. Your pub sign is hanging by a thread and there’s a great hole in the road just down the lane. That lawyer’s office next door to the hairdresser’s is a right mess, half of the building has gone and the rest was burning, but the fire brigade has it under control; it’s a good thing no one lives there. The hairdresser’s and Mrs Tandy’s place are all right though; I saw Mrs T puttin’ her cat out,’ Nellie said, looking about her. ‘Cor blimey! By the looks of things it’s just as well I did come. We shall be all night clearing this lot up.’
Peggy rushed to her and hugged her. ‘You’ll stay here until you get sorted,’ she said, ‘and we’ll find you some clothes to wear, love – don’t you worry about anything…’
‘Lord bless you, Peggy,’ Nellie said cheerfully. ‘I’m not bothered about my few bits. I always take me papers and me photos down the underground wiv me of a night just in case. Weren’t nuthin’ else as mattered – and I’ve got me post office book in me bag…’ She beamed cheerfully at Peggy. ‘I think you’d best call early hours, Peggy. You can’t carry on in the middle of this lot; they could come back again yet, ’sides it must be long past closing…’
‘Yes, you’re right. Can everyone please leave,’ Peggy said. ‘I’ll try to be open tomorrow but it may take a while…’
‘I’ll stop and give yer a ’and,’ one of her regulars offered. ‘And my son ’ere will get them winders boarded up for yer, love.’
The offer to help clear up was endorsed by several others, and the warden warned her to be careful and give him a call quick if she smelled gas, in case there might be a leak in the area.
‘I’ll be in again before long to keep an eye on things,’ he said. ‘I should take that offer, Mrs Ashley. My men will be run off their feet tonight and I�
��m not sure when we’ll get to you – we’ve got worse to deal with…’
He went out and Peggy realised that it was quite light out there – and then she guessed that the bright red and gold of the sky was from fires all over London. She thought it might have been one of the worst nights of the year and shuddered as it suddenly came home to her that it could have been the pub that had gone up in flames. Everything she and Laurie had worked for all these years would have gone just like that; it made her feel thankful they’d got off so lightly and she set to work clearing up with a will. This sort of damage could be put right and although she’d suffered a loss she and her friends were still alive – still defiant and determined to get on with their lives despite all that Hitler’s Luftwaffe could throw at them.
‘I’ll put the kettle on when we’ve done,’ she said. ‘I’ve got some bubble and squeak and a bit of bacon. I’ll do a fry-up with fried bread, tomatoes and the lot. This deserves a celebration – celebration of life and good friends…’
A little cheer went up from the people still busily carting broken glass to the bin someone had fetched in from the yard, and although one or two refused the offer, most of them accepted gratefully. After a night like the one that had just gone, everyone felt glad to be alive and amongst friends…
*
Sally smiled and hugged Peggy before she left the next morning. ‘I’m glad I was here last night, and I feel so much better. I want to thank you for everything you did for me, Peggy.’
‘I didn’t do anything, except feed you and send you to bed when you were nearly out on your feet,’ Peggy said and laughed. ‘I was glad of an extra pair of hands. Take care of yourself, love – you and Maureen. Keep in touch and come and see me when you visit London…’
‘Yes, I shall,’ Sally said and impulsively kissed her cheek. She smiled as Maureen gave Peggy a hug and then they left together.
They were shocked by the devastation they saw in the lanes. Peggy’s pub sign had fallen off now and debris from someone’s roof was strewn across the path. A large hole was in the road in front of what had been the lawyer’s office and that was just a blackened shell, its door blown off and the windows gone in the blast. A pall of thick smoke still lingered over it and Sally could see nothing inside but charred ruins and realised they were lucky that the fire hadn’t spread to other shops and houses in the lane.
‘We were lucky the pub wasn’t hit,’ Maureen said, because several of the houses had suffered damage. She shivered because they’d all been closer to death than they’d realised. Peggy and her customers had made light of it, but seeing the awful devastation that morning brought it home to the girls as they arrived at Maureen’ s bus stop and parted. She was off to visit Rory again before meeting Sally at her home so they could travel back to the hospital together.
‘See you later,’ Sally said as they went their separate ways.
*
When she walked in the front door, Sally’s mother rushed out of the kitchen wearing an enveloping floral apron and clutching a tea towel.
‘Where have you been all night?’ she demanded. ‘We were worried to death. Your father was very angry with you, Sally – surely you could’ve let us know where you were?’
‘I was caught in a raid in the East End,’ Sally said a little uncertainly. ‘I was in a cellar with a lot of other people, Mum, and I didn’t have access to a phone, because the lines were down for the rest of the night…’
‘Well, I still think you could’ve made an effort to get home,’ her mother grumbled. ‘I don’t see why you were even there. I suppose you went somewhere with that girl you brought home. I can’t think why you brought her here at such a time – when you knew it was a service for Billy…’ she sniffed into her lace hanky that smelled heavily of lavender water. ‘Your father was furious. How could you do such a thing? And then just go off without a word to either of us.’
‘Maureen is a good friend and I care about her. We help each other and I don’t think it matters that she comes from the East End – we’re nothing special…’
‘Your father is a professional man and he has certain standards to maintain. He told me to ask you not to bring a girl like that here again…’
‘Couldn’t he say it to my face?’ Sally was furious but trying not to show it. ‘Where is he?’
‘He went to work as usual,’ her mother said. ‘Where would you expect him to be at this hour of the day?’
Sally stared at her, no longer able to hide her disgust. ‘Surely he didn’t go back to work straight after Billy’s funeral?’
‘It was a memorial service not a funeral,’ her mother said primly. ‘Your father has never been given to displays of emotion; he finds them unseemly…’
‘Yes, I’m sure he does,’ Sally said and turned away. ‘I’m going upstairs to pack, Mum. I’ll be taking everything I care about and I shan’t be coming back to this mausoleum…’
‘Sally! How dare you?’ There was both shock and anger in Mrs Barnes’ voice as she spoke. ‘I don’t know how you can say such things to me – not come back? This is your home…’
‘No, not anymore,’ Sally said and turned to look at her. ‘It was a home while Billy lived here, but without him it’s an empty shell. He was the only one here that ever cared about me, and I doubt you’ll even miss me…’
Sally walked upstairs and began to pack her clothes. Maureen’s stuff lay where she’d left it the previous day and when she’d finished her own packing, Sally did Maureen’s as well, checking that everything had been retrieved from the wardrobe and chest of drawers. She checked her watch. Maureen would be here in half an hour. By the time she got everything downstairs, she wouldn’t have long to wait and the sooner she could leave the better.
‘Sally – Sally, you can’t mean what you said…’ her mother said from the doorway as she saw the various cases and bags. ‘You’ve got nowhere to put all that stuff…’
‘I’ll put what I don’t need in a lock-up somewhere. They’ve got them on the station – and there’s a storeroom at the hospital.’
‘Sally, please, I don’t want you to go like this – you’re my daughter and I’ve got no one else…’ There were tears hovering on her lashes, but she blinked them away.
Sally looked at her and felt a twinge of sympathy for her. She’d lost her precious son, and her husband had never been a warm and loving man, though he’d smiled when Billy won his scholarship and when he’d seen him in his naval uniform.
‘I’m sorry if you’re lonely, Mum. I am too, but I can’t come back to this house. I don’t want to see Father – I can’t stand it here. I loved Billy as much as anyone else, but life is for the living. I have a job where I’m needed and even appreciated. I passed all my first exams with flying colours – did you even bother to write and congratulate me? No, but I didn’t expect it, so I wasn’t disappointed.’
‘I’m sorry you feel so bitter…’ Now the tears were on her cheeks, her eyes seeming to beg Sally to relent.
‘I’m not bitter, just angry. Maureen has shown me more love and affection in the short time I’ve known her than you or Father ever did – and so I’ll be staying elsewhere if I come to London, and I probably shan’t bother much…’
‘I’ll come and see you…’ her mother said, clutching at her arm. ‘Don’t go like this, Sally. I’m sorry about what I said concerning your friend. I’ll talk to your father – you can bring her if you really want to…’
Sally gave her a pitying look and picked up the first of the bags. ‘I’ll write now and then, if I have some news – and if you really want to come down that’s up to you. You’re my mother and I shan’t refuse to see you, but I never want to see him again as long as I live…’
Sally’s mother shook her head and picked up two of the bags, following her downstairs. She stood for a moment in the hall, watching as Sally went back up for the rest, but when Sally returned she’d gone into the kitchen.
Sally remembered that she’d left a scarf in th
e kitchen and went in search of it. Her mother hardly looked at her as she hunted in vain, speaking with her back turned to her.
‘If you’re looking for your scarf I washed it. I’m afraid it is still wet. I’ll send it to you…’ She turned then and stared at her. ‘Surely, you will have a cup of tea and a sandwich before you go?’
Sally heard the door knocker. ‘That will be Maureen, Mum. I’ll let her in and then we’ll go… We can get some food on the way down…’
‘Here, have this…’ A parcel of cake wrapped in greaseproof paper was shoved into her hands. ‘We had a lot of stuff left over from the reception. I’m sure you girls are always hungry.’
‘Thanks…’ Sally gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and then ran to open the door to her friend. ‘I’ve got everything packed,’ she told Maureen. ‘Come on, let’s go…’
‘Sally…’ Her mother came into the hall. ‘I’ll be expecting a letter…’
‘All right,’ Sally said and thrust Maureen ahead of her into the street. Her friend looked a bit startled and Sally smiled wryly. ‘I wanted to get away. We had words and then she turned on the tears. It’s emotional blackmail and she always does it, because I’m daft enough to give in – but not this time…’
‘Oh, I know all about emotional blackmail,’ Maureen said. ‘My dad did it all the time to get his own way. Every time I said I was going out with friends, he was ill. I don’t know how he managed it, but he would work himself up until he collapsed or couldn’t get his breath…’
Sally nodded wryly. ‘Mum has the headache or feels unwell, but she doesn’t ask the doctor to call. Father just stares at you until you wilt. I was always in trouble as a kid, because I was clumsy or too noisy or I upset my mother. Billy used to protect me as much as he could, but even if I didn’t get the strap I got the cold stares and the tears…’