by Rosie Clarke
She took a deep breath of the fresh air, deciding to go for a long walk before she returned to the hotel. Mike was getting better in himself; she’d seen a big improvement since her last visit, but that metal in his head was causing him a problem and one that he had to live with, because it was never going to go away…
*
‘So, you’re goin’ to visit Mike more often now?’ Peggy said when Janet told her about the trip to the hospital. ‘I’m sorry it has turned out like this for you, my dearest. I hoped you would be happy, and I was sure Mike would come to accept you and perhaps remember in time… I even wondered if you’d fallen for Ryan.’
Janet looked her in the eyes. ‘If you’re askin’ – yes, I do care for Ryan, Mum, and it wouldn’t have been hard to give in and have an affair, but we haven’t – even though he stayed here overnight and we have kissed. Ryan wants me, but Mike needs me and he’s my husband…’ There was a little sob in her voice. ‘I have to give us a chance to be happy again, don’t I, Mum?’
‘Yes, my darling, you do,’ Peggy agreed. ‘Mike has been through a lot – seen things we have no idea of – and we have to make allowances. You told him he was welcome here, of course?’
‘Just for a start,’ Janet said. ‘I don’t think I could cope alone. You don’t mind?’
‘I should’ve been upset if you hadn’t wanted to stay,’ Peggy said. ‘All I want now is to see my children happy – and my little Maggie too, of course…’
‘Have you heard from Dad since he went back?’
‘He sent a card for my birthday and five pounds to buy myself a present…’
‘He might have bought you a gift…’ Janet looked disgusted.
‘I can’t recall the last time your father actually bought me a present other than food,’ Peggy said. ‘It was before you kids were born. He says he doesn’t know what to get and it’s best I have the money – and in a way that’s good, because I can choose what I like…’
‘But he should know after all this time,’ Janet said. ‘I should be disappointed if Mike gave me money…’
‘He may not be able to give you anythin’ this year,’ Peggy reminded her and then apologised. ‘Sorry love, but stuck in hospital like that it might not be possible, even if he remembered the date…’
‘I know…’ Janet faltered and looked sad. ‘Ryan bought me a silk scarf on my last birthday…’
‘Have you decided not to see Ryan again?’
‘I shan’t see him for a while, Mum.’
‘And do you regret it?’
‘Yes, in some ways, but not in others – and the longer we went on seeing each other the harder it would’ve been to part. I don’t know how it’s possible but I love both of them in different ways.’
‘Ryan has been good to you. He’s a friend and it’s natural you should feel some affection for him…’
‘It isn’t just affection…’ Janet said and sighed as she went to take Maggie from her cot.
Peggy watched her daughter change the little girl’s nappy and her heart ached, because she knew what Janet was going through. She’d struggled when Laurie was away in the first war. He’d come home a changed man and for almost two years he’d suffered from nightmares, terrifying dreams that would cause him to start up in the night and sometimes he kicked and fought and if she got in his way he hit her, but he’d been abjectly apologetic afterwards and Peggy had learned to leave him alone to come out of the darkness. In time he’d got over the bad dreams and put his war experiences behind him, but she knew it had scarred him inside. Perhaps even then they’d started to grow away from each other…
When was this damned war going to finish? Peggy couldn’t see an end to the suffering and misery it had caused and sometimes she felt it was hardly worth getting up for, especially now Able wasn’t here… and yet there was Pip and Janet and little Maggie.
Straightening her shoulders, Peggy gave herself a mental telling-off. She was luckier than some and she should stop feeling sorry for herself, even if Able’s loss had left an empty space in her heart…
*
Feeling unbearably lonely, Peggy opened Able’s last letter that night as she lay in bed. It had taken her a long time to get to this stage, but at last she felt that she could face the words she’d longed, and yet dreaded, to read:
If you’re reading this, my own darling, it means I’m dead. I decided to put my feelings down on paper, because I know you worry about being a bit older, but I really don’t see it, Peggy. You’re lovely, sexy and the most loving lady I’ve ever known – and I do see you as a lady, my love. No other woman has ever come close to you in my heart and mind, and I wanted you to know that I hoped we’d have all our lives together.
I wouldn’t have taken you away from your country. I like London and I think we could’ve found a place to be happy here, though I wouldn’t have minded living in the country with you – maybe I could’ve run a country hotel and we could’ve made a new life somewhere.
Obviously, this is just dreams now, but I wanted you to know what was in my mind. You were always more than just a flirtation to me. You’ve given me more than you can imagine and I want you to have a good life, my love. I have some money in an account in London and it’s yours, Peggy. If you ever need to find a life of your own or just as a safeguard for whatever life throws at you. It isn’t a huge amount but it might be useful.
I hope you will remember me with love in your heart and know that you were truly loved, and perhaps if Paradise really exists we’ll meet there.
Your ever loving Able.
PS. There is a will, so my London lawyer will contact you in due course.
Peggy’s eyes were wet with tears as she folded the letter and replaced it in its envelope. She would put it away with some other small things Able had given her and keep it always. It would lift her spirits when she was feeling miserable, though nothing would ever take away the emptiness his loss had created inside her. She might not have known him long, but he’d given her a taste of a different life, a life that might have been hers had his plane not gone into the sea.
‘Oh, Able,’ she whispered. ‘Rest in peace, my lovely man. I shall never forget you or what you gave me.’
Chapter 20
Maureen finished changing a bandage on one of the less seriously wounded men on the ward. It was only the third time she’d been allowed to do it without supervision and she felt pleased with herself when the patient thanked her and told her it felt much easier now.
‘You’re a good nurse,’ he said, ‘careful and kind, and I reckon you don’t get much thanks for what you do. That Sister never stops going on at you young nurses…’
‘Sister’s bark is worse than her bite,’ Maureen said and straightened his bed, knowing that the minute her back was turned he would have the sheets out at the corners again, because like most of the men he didn’t like being tucked in tightly, but Sister insisted and the nurses would catch it if sheets were hanging loose when Doctor made his round. Doctor’s round was sacrosanct and the ward had to be spotless and nothing out of place or Sister would go on the rampage afterwards.
‘Nurse Jackson…’
Maureen turned as she saw Sister coming towards her, a familiar lurch in her stomach. The formidable nurse was frowning and Maureen mentally reviewed her work of the last few days – had she done something unforgivable? Apart from going away with Rory for two days that was; Sister would not have approved of that, even though it had been heavenly for Maureen.
‘We’ve had news of an accident on one of the ships in port,’ Sister Martin said. ‘We have four seriously injured men coming in shortly, nurse. I want you to make up the beds in wards 3 and 4. They have all been badly burned and will need special treatment – and I’m going to ask you to special one of them. He’s a young lad and not as badly affected as the others, but he will still need watching. It means I shall expect you to stay longer this evening – until we can be sure he is out of danger…’
‘Yes, Siste
r,’ Maureen said and thought regretfully of her promise to meet Rory after she finished work. It would have been their first chance to go anywhere since their holiday – or honeymoon as Maureen privately thought of it. Rory had given her a gold wedding band to wear so that the hotel staff wouldn’t be suspicious, and she’d still got it in her handbag. He’d told her to keep it in case they wanted it another time and the way he’d looked at her made Maureen’s toes tingle, because she knew he wanted them to be together again.
Maureen wanted it too, very much, because Rory had been so sweet and tender and they’d made love over and over again. She’d been a little shy at first, but after the first time she’d really enjoyed herself, discovering her nature was more passionate than she’d ever dreamed. Rory was a wonderful lover and Maureen was happy that she’d given herself to him. Rory had told her that as far as he was concerned they were as good as married.
‘I love you, Molly,’ he’d said against her ear as he stroked her back with gentle hands, making her tremble with love for him and strain against him until they came together in the heat of desire.
They’d lain in bed late in the mornings, relishing the chance to get up when they liked and sending for breakfast in bed. When they did get up they went for long walks by a local river and ate at an inn situated in the bend of the river, returning to their hotel and sharing a bath before getting dressed for the evening. The hotel was a quiet country one and there was nowhere to go other than downstairs for dinner and a drink in the bar, but they didn’t mind and went early to bed, spending their time talking and making love as they sipped the sweet wine Rory had taken up to their room.
‘Are you listening to me?’ Sister Martin’s voice intruded into the pleasant memories and she jumped.
‘Yes, Sister, you want me to watch over the patient and change his drip when needed – and talk to him if he wakes. Was there anythin’ else?’
‘Not for the moment. He will have had treatment for the burns before he arrives, but he’s on strong medication, because there is a lot of pain, so you need to make sure that the right dose is administered every four hours…’
‘Yes, Sister,’ Maureen said and took her notebook out, making a few extra notes. She felt nervous as she set about making up the four beds, two to each room, because she hadn’t been asked to special a burns patient before and she knew the young man was going to be in terrible pain when he came round…
Her patient arrived two hours later. His head, hands and one leg had been badly affected and were heavily bandaged. His eyes were closed and she could see burn marks on one side of his face, but didn’t think they were as bad as some she’d seen previously. He had his eyes closed and she guessed he was sleeping, though he cried out once or twice in terror and Maureen bent over him whispering words of encouragement, though she wasn’t sure he could hear her.
‘It’s all right, George,’ she said. ‘It’s over now. You’re in hospital and I’m here to look after you…’
She couldn’t touch him because she wasn’t sure whether he was hurt anywhere else until Sister came to give her further instructions. All she’d been asked to do was watch, check the drips and make sure medication was administered when necessary, but her heart ached for him because he looked as if he couldn’t be much more than sixteen. She’d read his notes and gathered he was an apprentice engineer. It seemed he’d been working to repair damage to a ship’s engines when there was an explosion which quickly became a blazing inferno. Luckily, some of the older men had dragged him and the others out and there had been no fatalities, though she’d been told some of the casualties were in worse shape than her patient.
She saw the other patient assigned to this ward arrive, accompanied by a senior nurse. He looked to be very heavily bandaged, but Nurse Simons told her that he was the next least serious of the four.
‘We have the easy job, Nurse Jackson,’ she said. ‘The patients in room four are in much worse shape.’
‘Poor devils,’ Maureen whispered. ‘Mine seems quiet enough for now – is there anything you need?’
‘I can manage, thanks,’ the nurse said and smiled. ‘If you’re worried just ask me. Sister put me in with you just in case. This is your first time, isn’t it?’
‘Yes…’ Maureen drew a breath of relief. It was good to know an experienced nurse was just the other side of a curtain. ‘I was wondering what to do if he needs the pan or anything – should I touch him, help him?’
‘You will probably need to help because of his injury – but I don’t think he has any burns to his body so don’t be afraid to lift him. If I’m not busy I’ll give you a hand, but otherwise fetch another nurse. Even though you’re his special, you can’t do everything alone, so don’t be shy of asking for help.’
Maureen felt better then, and for several hours her patient was quiet, crying out only occasionally in his sleep. She needed to replace the drip bottle once, and to administer a painkilling drug to keep him sedated.
Nurse Simons watched her and nodded approval. ‘Well done, nurse. Just carry on like that and you will be fine…’
Maureen stayed with her patient until late into the evening when another nurse came to relieve her. She was reluctant to leave George even then and checked everything before she left, making certain she’d written down the drugs she’d given her patient.
He was in her thoughts as she walked back to the hut she shared. She’d asked Rita to meet Rory for her and explain why she couldn’t see him that evening. When she got in, both Carol and Rita were asleep, though she thought Carol stirred as she took off her shoes and fell into bed fully clothed, but she didn’t speak. Maureen fell asleep almost at once and didn’t wake until she heard an alarm the next morning.
She sat up groggily, rubbing at her eyes as saw that Rita was dressing. Carol was nowhere to be seen and her bed had been neatly made.
‘Is Carol on early shift?’
‘She didn’t say anything much to me, but I didn’t see her last night – she was asleep when I came home…’
‘Did you see Rory and tell him I’d had to work…’
‘Sorry, Maureen love. I had to rush off last night, my brother got an unexpected pass and wanted to meet before they ship him abroad – but I asked Carol if she would and she promised she’d give him the message.’
‘Oh… well, I expect he got it then,’ Maureen said. ‘It was a bit of a nuisance, but you can’t refuse extra duty when it’s for the sake of a patient…’
‘How did you get on? Burns are bloody painful…’
‘He was whimpering a bit in his sleep, but the drugs were keepin’ him sedated, so I don’t really know.’
‘They will probably bring him out of it later today,’ Rita said. ‘Depends on what degree they are… some of the worst are kept under for longer, until the pain becomes bearable.’
Maureen nodded, because Rita had been on the burns unit for a long time earlier in the year and knew what she was talking about. They walked to breakfast together, discussing saline baths and various treatments once the patient started to recover, and then parted after eating thick marmalade on crunchy toast washed down by large mugs of strong, lukewarm tea. Maureen was used to it now, though at home she would never have drunk her tea that way in a million years.
She collected her post and discovered one from Gordon, one from Gran and another from Rory. She put Gordon’s to one side, feeling slightly awkward. Rory wouldn’t like it if he discovered another man wrote her regular letters and Maureen knew that one of these days she would have to tell Gordon that she couldn’t continue, but she also knew what a blow that would be to him. Rory’s letter had been hand-delivered and expressed his disappointment at not being able to take her out the previous evening.
I took your friend for a drink, because she was a bit down, he’d written. She’s a bit of a little mouse, but I suppose she’s all right. I missed you, Molly. I want to get a night away again as soon as we can…
Maureen read the note and smiled. She sli
pped it into her pocket with Gordon’s and Gran’s, which she would read later…
*
Maureen was busy all day looking after her patient, who was still under the drugs for most of it, and helping Nurse Simmons change her patient’s bed twice. He was still drugged too and he’d wet his bed a couple of times, but it was only to be expected and the two nurses helped each other to change the sheet under him, which was folded in two and easy to pull out and replace without moving him excessively.
‘I’d rather have this job than see them in pain,’ Nurse Simmons said. ‘It’s when they wake up that things get harder…’
George was allowed to wake just around tea time and when he opened his eyes for the first time Maureen saw they were bright blue. He stared at her for a while in silence before he spoke.
‘Are you a nurse?’
‘Yes. There was an accident and you were caught in an explosion…’
‘Is that why I’m feeling so bloody groggy?’
‘Yes, we’ve got you on painkillers to help you, but they do knock you right out…’ Maureen bent over him and smiled. ‘I can’t offer you a cup of tea yet because you’re still nil by mouth. You’re receivin’ food and drink through this tube in your arm.’
‘I feel sick…’ George said and turned on his side and spewed up dark bile, most of which went on the floor, splashing both the sheets and Maureen’s shoes. ‘I’m sorry…’
‘It’s fine,’ she assured him. ‘I’m goin’ to wipe your face and you can rinse your mouth with water but please do not swallow – or you’ll be sick again.’
He obeyed her, spitting into the bowl she held. Maureen wiped his face and then removed the sheet, replacing it with a spare which she’d fetched earlier ready for the next change. Once he was settled, she wiped the floor and her shoes and had just finished cleaning up when the door to the side ward opened and a doctor entered, followed by Sister Martin.