by Rosie Clarke
This pub was her home and her children’s home. Janet had nowhere else to go and she wanted to bring Mike here when he left hospital, because it was almost impossible to find a house in London now. The bombing had left a severe shortage of accommodation, and even a room was like gold dust. Peggy had told Janet it was fine; and although Pip was away with the Air force, he liked to come home on leave.
What was Pip going to say when he discovered she was having another man’s child? He’d been upset and angry when he realised she’d been away with Able for a weekend – she could imagine the disgust in his eyes if she told him that she was having Able’s child. He would hate her for it and that hurt, but it couldn’t be helped.
Both Pip and Laurie would probably say she should get rid of it, but Peggy would die rather than do such a thing. Worry started to niggle at the back of her mind. She was plenty old enough to be having a child, forty-one and a bit, and it could be dangerous for both her and the baby…
Peggy fought down her panic. She would visit the doctor and hear what he had to say before she started in with the worry beads… in the meantime she had to find something she could wear and carry on as usual.
*
It was confirmed! Peggy’s head was spinning as she left the doctor’s surgery two days later. He’d told her she was having a child after an examination and patted her kindly on the shoulder before she got dressed.
‘Well, I don’t think I need to advise you what to do, Mrs Ashley,’ he said as she emerged from behind the curtain. ‘Eat and drink normally and take plenty of exercise – but I imagine you already get plenty of that at the pub. In the last stages you may need to get help in, but I don’t see why you should change your life just yet…’
‘I’m over forty now, doctor…’
‘Yes, but you’ve kept yourself fit and healthy, which can’t be said for all my patients, Mrs Ashley. You will of course want to tell your husband, but there’s no need for him to come rushing home. I don’t foresee any problems at this stage…’
‘Thank you…’ Peggy picked up her gloves and put her hat on. ‘Shall I get extra rations now?’
‘Orange juice and milk I expect, but I’ll give you all the relevant information…’ He picked up some leaflets and offered them to her. ‘I’m not sure if you will need to go into hospital for the birth…’
‘I had the other two at home…’
‘Yes, and it is what we hope for this time, Mrs Ashley. The hospitals are trying not to take in maternity cases where it isn’t strictly necessary, for obvious reasons. However, in your case, it may not be possible for you to manage at home. I want you to come for your prenatal appointments – don’t miss them just because you feel fine. Despite what I just said, we do need to keep an eye on you until the birth.’
Peggy thanked him and walked home. He’d taken it for granted that the child was her husband’s, as would most people, unless things changed between her and Laurie. She was fortunate in having a little money put by and she would use it to go away to have the child, if Laurie insisted. She ought to be able to find work of some kind, cooking or as a housekeeper – her thoughts were so busy that she walked right past one of her customers until he called out to her.
‘All right, Peggy – nothing wrong is there?’
‘No, nothing at all,’ she said and beamed at him. ‘How are you, Mr Parish?’
‘I’m fine thanks, love. I’ll be round on Saturday night for a pint – so keep some for me, Peggy.’
‘Yes, of course. We had a delivery this mornin’ so you’re all right,’ Peggy said and smiled.
She smothered a sigh as she pushed her personal worries to the back of her mind. The first person she had to tell was Janet, but then she was going to have to write that letter to Laurie – and goodness knows what he would think of her then!
*
‘Oh, Mum, you’re not havin’ another baby at your age!’ Janet cried, staring at her with a mixture of anxiety and disapproval. ‘Couldn’t you have – well, taken precautions or done something to get rid of it?’
‘We didn’t think about it,’ Peggy admitted, feeling a little foolish. ‘Able was as careful as he could be, but once or twice we were careless – but I didn’t think it mattered. I told him I couldn’t have another baby… I didn’t think I could - and although it was a shock at first, now I’ve thought about it, I’m delighted.’
‘Isn’t it dangerous for women of your age? I mean there could be all sorts of complications.’
‘I’m not in my dotage, Janet.’
‘Of course you’re not! You don’t look more than thirty but you are forty-one – and I don’t want to lose you. I love you, Mum…’
‘Thank you, darling…’ Peggy suddenly found it funny and started laughing. Janet looked bewildered and she shook her head. ‘Sorry, love, but the doctor says I’m fit and healthy, more so than a lot of women half my age. He’s goin’ to monitor me, but he doesn’t think I’ll have too much trouble – though I may have to go into hospital to have the baby.’
Janet nodded, relaxing and smiling as she recovered from the shock. ‘You’re happy about it, aren’t you?’
‘Yes, I am. I loved Able so much, Janet – and I thought I’d lost him. Now I’ll always have a part of him to love and that has given me so much to look forward to…’ She saw the look in Janet’s eyes and reached out to take her hand. ‘Of course I love you and Pip, and Maggie, and I’m just as interested in your futures – but Able made me feel young again. Just for a while I knew what it was like to be in love and to know that a man felt the same for me – to be wanted in a way Laurie hasn’t wanted me for years. I felt alive and really happy again and when they told me…’ her voice broke. ‘It took everythin’ for a while. I was comin’ back from that when I realised I was pregnant and now I feel on top of the world again. Can you understand that and not feel slighted or less loved?’
‘Of course I can, Mum. I’m a mother myself. Babies bring new love with them; they don’t take it from anyone else – your heart just gets bigger to let them in…’
‘Oh darling,’ Peggy said and they embraced, both with tears on their cheeks. ‘It will make more noise and mess about the place – and a lot of work. I shan’t have as much time for the pub…’
‘You’ll have to get someone in…’ Janet frowned as she began to think of the consequences. ‘What is Dad goin’ to say about this? He said he didn’t want a divorce – but he might change his mind now.’
‘If he does I shall have to think about findin’ a home and a job…’
‘He can’t turn you out. If he thinks I’ll take over here I won’t. We’ll simply refuse to move until we can find somewhere for all of us – after all your years as a landlady, you should get your own lease. I’ve heard of women who’ve lost their husbands to the war and are applyin’ to become the landlord, or should I say landlady? – Ryan said it should be easy in your case if you ever wanted…’
‘Well, that’s for the future. If Laurie is goin’ to be away for the duration, he might let me stay on here. Once the baby is born I can look for somethin’ – even if it’s workin’ for someone else as a cook or behind the bar of another pub…’
‘We should miss you, Maggie and me,’ Janet said. ‘I’ll tell Dad he’s got to be reasonable – after all, he’s not blameless in this. You need time to sort yourselves out that’s all…’ She hesitated then, ‘Are you goin’ to tell Pip?’
‘I think that’s harder than tellin’ your father,’ Peggy said. ‘Laurie will be angry, but he’ll cope – your brother will hate me…’
‘He couldn’t, Mum. He really loves you, though he will be angry with you.’
‘Yes, I’m afraid he will,’ Peggy said. ‘I think I’ll tell him next time he’s home…’
‘Are you sure? Supposin’, he hears about it from someone else first?’ Janet smiled at her. ‘Be brave, Mum. I’ll write and tell him if you like…’
‘I’d better do it myself. I thought it would be bet
ter face to face – but you’re right, darling. Someone might tell him and he would hate that. I’ll write to them both. Put the kettle on and we’ll have a cup of tea to give me some courage…’
*
Laurence read the letter three times before he could believe it was true. His wife was having another man’s child and she had every intention of keeping it – reading between the lines, despite her apologies and her excuses, she was happy about it.
He’d thought she was past all that, though at the back of his mind he’d known she hadn’t actually gone through the change, but they’d had regular sex for years and he’d never taken any precautions. He wasn’t sure how that made him feel – as if he was the one who’d got old and couldn’t have children. It must surely be that way or Peggy wouldn’t have fallen just like that – unless she’d been lying about how long it had been going on, but even so… It couldn’t have been more than a few months at most and Peggy hadn’t even suspected she might be pregnant since Pip’s birth.
Marie had made him feel like a young man again. For a while he’d forgotten about his old life, the pub and Peggy and even the kids. Janet had her own family now and Pip was serving his country like a man. If he survived the war he would marry and leave home – but there would be another child in the house for years: a cuckoo in the nest. If he allowed Peggy to stay, that was – because he was well within his rights to throw her out.
He closed his eyes as the sick anger raged through him. If they’d been in the same room he thought he might have struck her, tried to beat the bastard out of her – but that was stupid and wrong. When he was younger he would have beaten her without a second thought if she’d cheated on him, but he was too old to bother these days. And tired. He felt ridiculously tired, as if life was just too much bother.
Shrugging, Laurence bent his head over his work. This was all that seemed real to him these days, the need to come up with better, safer codes to protect the men and women who risked their lives daily to save their country from defeat and invasion. Laurence knew it didn’t look like it from the reports in the newspapers that spoke of defeats and setbacks for the Allies, but he believed they were winning the war, the men and women who worked tirelessly, some in uniform in constant danger, and others at a desk.
He would give it a few days before he wrote to Peggy. Let her sweat over it for a while; she deserved that at least, but to be honest he didn’t see much sense in making trouble over this… She would have to pretend it was his child, of course. He wouldn’t stand for anyone knowing, because he wasn’t going to be mocked or pitied, and he didn’t need to have a lot to do with the kid – but Peggy was a good mother and a good landlady. They didn’t have to share the same bed, but otherwise they could go on as they always had – and if he felt like having an affair he would.
At the moment he hadn’t found anyone to replace Marie, but there was a new girl just being trained to take messages in code and he’d seen her looking at him a few times. She was in her twenties, blonde and pretty and she looked fantastic in uniform… he might just ask her out for a drink one night.
Chapter 23
‘Are you sure you don’t mind lookin’ after Shirley when she gets in from school?’ Hilda Jackson asked. ‘Maureen said you wouldn’t mind havin’ her occasionally. Only, I’ve promised I’ll visit Eddie Miller – I don’t know if you remember her? She used to be a close friend of Percy’s, your stepfather – and she’s in the infirmary. I got the message that she’s dyin’, poor woman, and asked for me special. Her family lived in Frying Pan Alley when she was younger – but she split wiv ’er ’usband and went orf wiv ’er fancy man. We all thought she was daft, ’cos it was as plain as the nose on me face that he was only after one thing…’
‘Oh, poor Eddie,’ Peggy said smiling at Maureen’s Gran. ‘I think I remember her a little – didn’t she have red hair?’
‘Out of a bottle maybe,’ Hilda said with a twinkle in her eye. ‘She was blonde or red, whatever took ’er fancy. Messed around wiv your Percy fer a while, but that came to nothin’. So she went after this ’ere soldier and run orf – but he left her after a few months. Still, she ’ad a good ’eart did Eddie, and she’d ’ave give yer the shirt orf her back if she liked yer…’
‘Well, I’ll look after Shirley. It will be a pleasure to have her, Mrs Jackson.’ Peggy hesitated, then, ‘I’m goin’ to see Tommy Barton in the London tomorrow. His ma hasn’t been to see him once – and she told me it was none of my business when I said she ought – so I’m goin’ tomorrow and you could come as well if you like.’
‘’Course I will, Peggy,’ Hilda said. ‘That boy has done me a good turn or two – and if his mum isn’t lookin’ out fer him some of us should.’
‘Yes, that’s what I think,’ Peggy agreed. ‘I’m goin’ to be talkin’ to a few people, Hilda, and I reckon we ought to try and do somethin’ about gettin’ his father home for a while – until Tom’s is on his feet again perhaps.’
‘Do yer think it’s possible?’
‘We shan’t know if we don’t try – but Tilly is like a dead thing. She just sits in her kitchen and stares at the wall. I’ve spoken to a doctor about her and he says they might let her husband home on compassionate grounds – someone’s got to bury Sam. Tilly won’t even talk about it – but I’m thinkin’ of gettin’ up a petition. If enough of us signed it, they might give him a few months off for compassionate leave.’
‘In that case, I’ll do whatever yer want, Peggy. I’ll talk to people I know – I reckon most folks round ’ere would sign in the circumstances.’
‘Thanks. You get off now. You don’t want to keep your friend waitin’…’
‘Right, then I’ll take a bottle of that stout for Eddie. She always liked it, so she might as well ’ave a drop afore she goes, if the nurses will let ’er…’
‘Yes, why not?’ Peggy handed the bottle over the bar. ‘Take it as a gift from me. I remember Eddie vistin’ my mother in hospital and takin’ her some flowers. You give her this and tell her we’re all thinkin’ of her...’
‘Right, I’ll get her five Woodbines an’ all – that might bring her round. She was always one for the fags and the stout – and if she’s goin’ out she might as well enjoy it.’
‘You’ll cheer her up,’ Peggy said and laughed, then, ‘Does Shirley know where to come?’
‘Anne said she’d bring her,’ Hilda said and grinned, because it showed she’d taken it for granted that Peggy would have the girl.
Peggy smiled inwardly. It was always the same in their little neighbourhood and she wouldn’t have had it any other way. It was like being one big family here in this little community; the folk of Mulberry Lane and the surrounding alleys and streets all knew each other’s business, and some of the women spent half the day gossiping. Yet in hard times they came together.
‘Good, then I shan’t have to fetch her myself,’ Peggy said.
‘I fetch her most days, but Anne brings her home sometimes; it’s on her way when she’s workin’ at the school. Did you know that her uncle’s bad again? Poor chap; I think it’s his heart and he might not ’ave much longer.’
‘Anne will be upset about that,’ Peggy said. ‘I know she’s fond of him and if anythin’ happens she’ll miss him.’
‘Yes, I expect so – it’s time young Anne found ’erself a ’usband. Otherwise, she’ll wake up one mornin’ and discover the world’s passed her by…’
‘Anne is only thirtyish,’ Peggy said and frowned. ‘I think she may be courtin’ now, but I’m not certain.’
‘There was a chap,’ Hilda said, obviously in the know. ‘He was an Inspector for the bloody Government, but she fell out wiv ’im ’cos he told on the father of one of her schoolkids. He was done for dealin’ in meat what fell off the back of a lorry – and now ’e’s in prison and the family is sufferin’…’
‘Oh, I hadn’t heard that,’ Peggy said, relieved that Anne’s friend was unlikely to pay her a visit and so stumble on the fact th
at she’d been using American whisky on her premises, but sorry that Anne had once again suffered a setback in her personal life.
However, when Anne brought Shirley round that afternoon she seemed perfectly happy. She stayed to have tea with them all. Shirley was on her best behaviour or that was how it seemed to Peggy, but later that evening, after Maureen’s Gran had popped round to fetch the girl home, Anne told her that Shirley was no trouble these days.
‘If anything she’s a bit on the quiet side,’ Anne said as they took the clean glasses through to the bar together. ‘I’d prefer to see a little more spirit in her, but she doesn’t laugh much and hardly ever runs about in the playground. It’s almost as if she’s afraid to raise her voice or get into mischief like the other kids.’
‘Maureen said she was shocked by the change in the girl,’ Peggy told her. ‘When she brought her home, they came to have their tea with me and Maureen said it was that woman at the farm. She thinks Shirley was bullied and made to work – apparently she spent all her free time from school doin’ chores on the farm. She’s only seven, Anne, and it’s hard on her to be passed from one person to the next. Maureen was spittin’ mad. She said if she’d known how Mrs Hunter was treatin’ her she would’ve fetched the girl home ages ago.’
‘But she can’t look after her now she’s nursing…’ Anne said and frowned.
‘She’s goin’ to ask them if she can transfer to a hospital nearer home,’ Peggy said. ‘I’ve told her she should stop where she is and that we’ll take care of Shirley for her, but she feels responsible.’
‘There’s not the least need,’ Anne said. ‘I’ve been told I shall be based in London for good now, Peggy. I’ll take my share of looking after the girl. I like Shirley and I liked her father, what I knew of him. I’m living in a small room now but I’m goin’ to try to get something more permanent round here…’