by Rosie Clarke
‘I don’t think so, Sister…’ Maureen swallowed hard as she saw the anger in the senior nurse’s eyes. ‘I’ve seen it before…’
‘Have you indeed?’ Sister’s eyebrows shot up in disbelief.
‘Perhaps we should just take a look,’ the young doctor said and smiled at Maureen. ‘Better to be safe than sorry…’
Sister barged past Maureen, striding down the ward with Maureen and the doctor in tow. As the curtain was swept aside, the sickly-sweet smell of gangrene hit them and Maureen saw the doctor’s nostrils twitch. He looked at her with respect in his eyes and nodded once.
Following the doctor into the cubicle, Maureen pulled the curtains to give the patient some privacy. The doctor was bending over Mrs Titmarsh, gently examining the leg.
‘Well, this is unfortunate for you, Annie,’ he said in a voice as soft as his hands. ‘I imagine you’ve been in pain all night with this?’
‘Yes, doctor. I did tell the nurse and she gave me a pill, but she was busy, poor girl. It’s bad, isn’t it, Doctor Phillips?’
‘I’m afraid we’re going to have to take the leg off up to just below the knee,’ he replied. ‘I’m sorry it has come to this. I did warn you last year not to leave it so long before you came in, Annie. We performed small miracles on the infection presented back then, but I’m afraid it’s the leg or your life this time.’
Maureen drew a shocked breath because he was so direct, but Doctor Phillips knew his patient well. Her trusting eyes remained unflinching as she looked into his face.
‘You’d better ’ave the bugger orf then,’ Annie said. ‘My Alfie can’t manage without me. I’ll use them crutches yer give me the last time.’
‘We’ll probably have you in a bath chair for a start,’ he said. ‘You’ll cause a sensation in that, Annie.’ He touched her hand and gave her his warm smile. ‘Trust me, you’ll be as good as new afterwards and once you get fitted up with a new leg there will be no stopping you.’
‘Yer can fit me up wiv a new engine an’ all if yer like,’ Annie said and cackled with laughter. ‘Orf wiv yer then, Doc. I’ll be all right…’
‘Thanks to the quick eyes of this young nurse,’ he said and went out, followed by Sister, who gave her a quick nod.
‘That was quick thinking, Nurse Jackson. Not every trainee nurse recognises the symptoms. Mrs Titmarsh was sent in by her doctor for an infected ulcer late last night and was not examined by a doctor. She has been in many times before with ulcers and no one thought it particularly urgent. What made you suspect it?’ Sister asked when she reported to her later.
‘I’ve smelled it before. Some of the wounded men came in with it at the military hospital, and I knew it could mean an amputation,’ Maureen said, ‘and that suppuration was a clue that something was badly wrong, as well as the discolouration.’
‘Unfortunately, it must have been happening for a while before she was admitted, but her doctor didn’t report it to us. Well done!’ A thin smile touched her lips. ‘It seems that we were luckier than we realised to get you, nurse.’
‘Thank you, Sister.’ Maureen drew a breath of relief. She’d passed her first test and perhaps her time here need not be as unpleasant as she’d feared – for as long as she was able to work.
*
‘I can’t believe the change in Shirley,’ Gordon said, when Maureen poured him a cup of tea the following afternoon. ‘She is so much happier here than she was on the farm, and yet she loves animals…’
‘I think Mrs Hunter was rather strict,’ Maureen said. ‘Children need discipline but…’ she shook her head and smiled at him. ‘No, it doesn’t matter. That is all over, Gordon. Gran looks after her and I’m goin’ to be around to do my bit – so whatever happens, you don’t need to worry, because we’ll all look after Shirley.’
‘I know and I’m more than grateful,’ Gordon said, his gaze bringing a blush to her cheeks. ‘I know you always said you would look after her if anythin’ happened to Ma, but you’re a nurse now – and you’ve got Rory. What does he say about you taking responsibility for Shirley?’
‘Rory wasn’t too pleased over it,’ Maureen said, deciding that the truth was best. ‘However, his opinion doesn’t matter, because we’re over.’
‘You didn’t quarrel because of my daughter?’ Gordon looked startled.
‘We did, but that wasn’t the reason we split up…’ Maureen drew a deep breath. ‘I discovered that he’d been seein’ another nurse when I was workin’. She was very young and she was dazzled by him, thought he was a war hero…’
‘He cheated on you? After all that fuss he made about you leavin’ your job to get married? The stupid fool!’ Gordon looked furious. ‘Do you want me to thrash him for you?’
Maureen laughed and declined. ‘He finished himself in my eyes, Gordon. I thought the first time it happened it was Velma’s fault and partly mine. I should’ve known then that he was a liar and a cheat, but I thought I was in love with him – and when he was injured I couldn’t let him down. He claimed he loved me and I thought perhaps I still loved him…’
‘Now you know you don’t?’
‘Yes.’ Maureen lifted her head and looked into his eyes. She had to be straight with him now even though it was hard to say the words. ‘I was an innocent fool. Stuck in the shop, I knew nothin’ of life. I’ve learned so much since I took up nursin’, Gordon. I’ve lost so many friends and I’ve seen death and sufferin’ – and it’s made me realise that people are human and they have lots of failings. Rory is just that sort of man. He says he loves me and perhaps he does, but he can’t be faithful – and I’m lucky I found it out before I married him.’
‘Yes.’ Gordon looked serious. ‘I’d be lyin’ if I said I was sorry you’d broken up with him. I’m sorry you were hurt though, Maureen. I care for you deeply – I think you know that?’
‘Yes…’ Maureen looked at him and saw how intent he was. Her heart gave a little flutter. ‘When you first spoke to me about Shirley I knew you wanted a mother for her but I thought that was all…’
‘It probably was at the start. I grieved for my wife, Maureen, but as I got to know you better, I felt more and more for you. I’ve wished so many times I could go back and start at the beginning – ask you out and court you.’
‘Well, you can if you wish,’ she said a little hesitantly, because she wasn’t sure how he would feel when she told him her news, and if he turned from her it was going to hurt. ‘I’m willin’ to go out with you and with Shirley, as a family… and just see how we go on.’
‘Maureen, you know I want to marry you – the sooner the better.’
Maureen met his fervent gaze steadily. It was now or never and her nerves fluttered as she met his steady look. ‘I’m goin’ to tell you somethin’ that may change your mind,’ she said and took a deep breath. ‘I thought Rory loved me and I expected we would marry one day – so I slept with him. I’m havin’ his child, Gordon. I intend to keep the baby, but I’ve finished with Rory and I don’t intend to tell him about the child – ever.’
Gordon sat looking at her, a maelstrom of feelings rushing through his expressive eyes. She saw it all: shock, anger, sadness, compassion and disappointment, but in the end there was just a gentle kindness as he reached out to take her hand.
‘You are certain it’s over with Rory?’
‘Quite sure. I feel nothing for him now – not even anger.’
‘Then marry me, Maureen. You know I love you. It’s the perfect solution, my dearest, and would make me very happy.’
Maureen looked at him sadly, because she knew that her news must have hurt him. ‘Are you sure you wouldn’t resent the child, Gordon? I’m goin’ to keep my baby.’ His offer was so generous and loving, and it would mean so much to her, but was it selfish of her to take advantage of him?
‘I wouldn’t expect you to do anythin’ else,’ he said and held her hand tighter. ‘I know you don’t love me, but I think we could be happy. Shirley would be delighted to have yo
u as her mum, and it’s all I want. I mean it, Maureen. I’m not just comin’ to the rescue. I want you for my wife.’
‘May I think about it for a few days?’ Maureen asked, though she felt a little breathless and believed she already knew what she wanted. Yet would it be fair to him when she was pregnant with Rory’s child? ‘If we can spend as much time together and with Shirley – get to know each other a little better. I’m not workin’ such manic hours at the London. I get three nights on and one night off. It means I can take Shirley to the zoo with you on Saturday or Sunday… and we can go somewhere on my evenin’ off. Talk about things…’
‘Yes, of course, but it would be so much better for all of us,’ Gordon said. ‘I’m not goin’ to throw stones, Maureen love, but others will. If we’re married, only the most spiteful ones will count the days.’
‘I know and I have thought of it, because it would make me happy,’ Maureen said. ‘You’re a lovely man, and I do like you a lot – perhaps more than that if I’m honest. If Rory hadn’t come back into my life and you’d asked me again I might have said yes before this… but I want to be fair to you. I want to be sure that I can make you happy.’
‘Think about it, my darling,’ he said. ‘Your letters have meant so much to me and it would mean the world if you became my wife. I never thought I would be happy again after Shirley’s mother died, but then there was you… You and Shirley – you’re my reason for comin’ back after this horror is over.’
‘You must come back,’ Maureen said and squeezed his hand. She leaned towards him and kissed him softly on the mouth. ‘If we marry it will be a proper marriage, Gordon. I want to be your wife and to share everythin’ – if you’d been in love with me I think I might have married you in 1939.’
‘I’ve wasted nearly three years because I didn’t know my own heart,’ Gordon said ruefully. ‘If I bought a special licence we could get married before I report back to my unit.’
‘Yes, I know,’ Maureen agreed. ‘I’ll give you my answer on Sunday. Is that all right?’
‘Yes, of course it is. You know I’d wait forever – I want you to be sure, love. Your happiness means everythin’ to me. You mustn’t say yes just for me and Shirley. What you want matters too.’
‘You’re the nicest man I know,’ Maureen said, acknowledging in her heart how much his letters had meant to her all this time. It was Gordon she’d written to when she was coping with Sally’s death, and his letters that had comforted her. It was he she’d turned to when she’d been uncertain how to respond to Rory’s demands that she return to London. Why hadn’t she realised how much she’d come to respect and rely on him? ‘And now you have to leave. I need to get ready for work. One of my patients had her leg off this morning. She will have been transferred to a surgical ward, but I want to visit her and I need to be on my toes on Sister Morrison’s ward…’
*
Maureen slept well despite the decision she had to make. It was a big step to take, because she wasn’t the kind of girl to break a promise once it was made; marriage was forever and she had to be sure that she could make a life with Gordon.
Shirley was no problem these days, and Maureen liked Gordon for himself. He was a little slow making up his mind at times and some years older than she was – but those things were not a barrier to happiness. Maureen had been very much in love with Rory and she was aware that she didn’t feel anything like that for Gordon, but she did feel something; it had been growing for some months now without her realising it – and perhaps it would grow into the kind of love she’d hoped she had with the man whose child she was carrying.
Maureen had made up her mind that Rory would never know she’d had his child. Her love for him had died when Carol told her they’d been sleeping together. It was such a cruel careless betrayal and it had hurt for a while, but the pain had soon eased and become just a nagging ache of regret. Why had she ever loved a man who took cheating and lying in his stride?
Well, that was over. Whether or not she married Gordon, her affair with Rory was finished. Even if she’d wanted him to wed her, it was too late, because he’d gone home with Carol and was probably already married to her…
Busy on the ward, caring for her patients and tending their boils, ulcers and upset stomachs, Maureen’s mind kept going over and over Gordon’s proposal. It hadn’t come as a surprise. She’d known when she told him the truth that he might ask her, because although it might hurt him to know she had conceived another man’s child, he really did want her to be his wife. A part of it was Shirley, of course. He was grateful for what she’d done, and he wanted a mother for his daughter – but he did love her. His letters had told her that time and time again, even though he didn’t always write the words. She’d known it instinctively the last time they’d met briefly in Peggy’s pub – and it made her feel wanted and quietly happy.
Yet something nagged at the back of her mind, making her hesitate. Gordon deserved love. Could she ever give him the kind of loving warmth any man was entitled to find in his wife?
*
Maureen left the hospital at ten o’clock on Sunday morning after a busy night on the wards. Two new patients had been admitted with vomiting and stomach pain and she’d been late coming off shift. As she emerged into the cool of the autumn morning, Maureen didn’t see the man until he put himself in her way, obstructing her passage along the pavement.
‘Maureen. Rita told me I’d find you here. She didn’t want to, but I told her I had to see you…’
‘Rory!’ Maureen stared at him in surprise. ‘I should’ve thought you would be on your honeymoon. Carol told me you were goin’ to marry her.’
‘Don’t look at me like that!’ Rory pleaded. ‘I know you’ve every right to hate me – but it was only once. I was in a mood and I got drunk…’
Maureen looked at him and felt nothing. He was lying again. His eyes couldn’t meet hers. Why hadn’t she seen him for what he really was all those years ago?
‘I’m sorry, I don’t believe you,’ she said. ‘Carol told me it happened several times – besides, once is enough. She’s havin’ your baby and her father will kill her if you don’t wed her.’
‘No, that was a mistake,’ Rory said. ‘The doctor says she’s anaemic because she hasn’t been eatin’ properly and she’s not havin’ a baby at all…’ He looked at her pleadingly. ‘You know I love you, Molly. I’m a bloody fool. I’ve got a wicked temper and I do stupid things when I’ve had too much to drink – but she didn’t mean anythin’ to me. I hardly remember touchin’ her…’
Maureen stared at him in disbelief, feeling the anger mount inside her. Did he think she was such a fool? Whether the story about Carol’s anaemia was true or the baby story had been a deliberate lie on the girl’s part, she had no idea, but what she did know was that she wasn’t interested. Nothing on this earth would make her trust Rory again.
‘Go away, Rory,’ she said coldly. ‘What makes you think I’m interested in your sordid little problems? I don’t care whether you marry Carol or not – she’s as bad as you. I’m finished with you. I never want to speak to or hear from you again.’
‘Maureen…’ Rory grabbed her by the upper arms, glaring at her fiercely as his fingers dug into her flesh. ‘You can’t just brush me off like this… I love you.’
‘Take your hands off me, Rory. I meant it, we’re finished.’
‘No… I shan’t take that answer!’ He started shaking her and Maureen tried to fight him off, but he was hurting her and she cried out in pain. ‘You love me, you know you do!’
‘No. It’s over…’
‘Are you all right, Nurse Jackson?’ Doctor Phillips asked, stopping to investigate.
She shook her head at him and he moved forward, laying a firm hand on Rory’s arm.
‘Now then, sir. I think you should allow Nurse Jackson to pass, don’t you? She’s had a long night and she’s tired.’
Rory glared at him and then Maureen. ‘All right, bitch,’ he said. ‘I don
’t know what I saw in you anyway…’
He strode off in a rage, leaving Maureen shaken and feeling unwell. For a moment she swayed and the doctor held her steady. He looked at her in concern.
‘Did that brute hurt you?’
‘No, it’s all right,’ she said as the faintness passed. ‘He has a nasty temper, but I don’t think he will bother me again.’
‘If he does, you should go to the police,’ Doctor Phillips said. ‘I have my car here; may I give you a lift – save you catching a bus?’
‘No, that’s fine,’ Maureen smiled at him. ‘You’ve already helped me, sir. I shall be perfectly all right now – I know exactly what I want to do…’
*
‘Can we feed the monkeys?’ Shirley asked as they passed a man selling buns. ‘Can we Mummy?’
‘Yes, I don’t see why not,’ Maureen laughed, feeling happy because Shirley had called her mummy. She bought a sixpenny bag of buns, passed it to her. ‘Mind your fingers, Shirley.’
‘She’s so happy,’ Gordon said as the child skipped off to push pieces of bun through the wire of the cage holding different kinds of chattering monkeys.’
‘Did you tell her I was going to be her new mummy?’ Maureen asked, looking up at him.
‘No, I think she’s just assumed that herself,’ Gordon said, smiling down at her. ‘But you are, aren’t you?’
‘Yes, I am.’ Maureen said, looking up at him, unable to hide her pleasure. ‘You’re sure you want us to marry this leave – you don’t want to think about it or wait until the baby…’
Gordon reached for her, pulled her close and kissed her so sweetly that Maureen subsided. Two soldiers passing by laughed and called out something ribald, but neither Maureen or Gordon took the least notice.
‘I’ve got the licence,’ Gordon said and tapped his jacket pocket. ‘As soon as you say the word, I’ll arrange it.’
‘I get next Friday and Saturday off,’ Maureen said, feeling excited as the realisation that she was getting married came over her. ‘I can’t ask for any longer than that, because I’ve only just been transferred here. We could get married on Friday, have Saturday and Sunday together – and then I have to work Sunday evenin’…’