I park next to the house, beside the Mercedes. The car reminds me of Avery’s father, and I have doubts about being able to handle going inside the house where he used to live.
It hurts to know that I was so self-centered that I didn’t stick around to be there for Avery when things got tough for her—for the times when she needed me the most. I wasn’t strong enough to be there for her then, but I’m praying that all the soul-searching I’ve done since I left will help me find the strength to be here for her now, for as much as she will let me.
Avery opens the screen door and she pokes her head outside and waves me in, so I know sitting in this car and debating if I can make it through this dinner is out.
I hop out of the car and grab the bouquet of flowers I picked up on the way over for Avery’s grandmother as a thank-you for the dinner she’s fixing tonight. I won’t know what to do when I go back onto the road after having all these home-cooked meals. I won’t be able to stomach fast food again for a while.
I make it to the top of the third step on the porch and Avery greets me by holding open the screen door while wearing a smile. “You made it.”
Her relieved tone sets me at ease. Maybe just like last night, this dinner will be easier to get through than I anticipate. The only thing that will cause me to lose my shit right now is a lot of talk about her dad.
I step inside and the place is almost as I remember, only with hardwood floors throughout the house and more modern furniture. “Wow. It really looks nice in here.”
She nods. “Thanks. We like it.”
“Looks like they got that addition done too,” I add.
“Oh yeah, we just had them include the construction cost of adding a new bedroom to the renovation budget, so it worked out quite well.”
A high-pitched, shrill scream erupts from the back of the house, which catches me off guard. I wasn’t aware this was a family event. “Are there more people here than just you and Granny?”
Avery twists her pouty pink lips. “You could say that.”
“Oh,” is all I say. “If you’re having family over, I don’t want to impose.”
“Don’t be silly, Tyler. You’re our guest of honor.”
“I—I am?”
“Yes. Now come on. We don’t want to keep them waiting.” Avery takes me by the hand and pulls me through the house, but stops me just short of reaching the kitchen.
She pauses for a moment to take a deep breath.
I give her hand a squeeze. “You okay?”
She turns toward me and sighs. “I’m sorry. I thought I could do this, but I don’t think I can.”
There’s a change in her demeanor. She’s gone from overly happy to see me to apprehensive.
I furrow my brow. “You’re not making any sense, Avery. Can’t go through with what?”
She opens her mouth to say something, but quickly closes it as two little bare feet slapping against the wood floor come charging toward us.
A little girl wearing a pink dress stretches her hands up into the air as she runs toward us. Her two blond pigtails bounce as Avery scoops her up into her arms. “Momeeee. Whet’s eat.”
“We have to wait a minute, Maddie.” Avery’s voice softens when she speaks to her. “I want you to meet someone special. Can you tell the nice man, hello?”
Maddie looks at me, smiles, and greets me. “Helwhoa.”
My mouth drops open as I stare at the little girl who is now in Avery’s arms. She can’t be more than two or three years old, but I’m not really good with kids’ ages so that’s a total guess.
Avery stands there, holding the girl, while staring at my face, gauging my reaction. I don’t know what she expects me to say. Once I quickly do the math, it takes me back that she would have a child with someone else so quickly after I left, but I’m in no place to judge her for her actions.
“She’s beautiful,” I tell Avery.
“Thank you. I think she looks a lot like her daddy.” Avery’s eyes meet mine and for some reason I just know.
There’s a ping of acknowledgment down deep in my gut that hits me hard in that moment. It’s not difficult to figure out why Avery was so nervous moments ago and nearly changed her mind about me staying for dinner.
I might as well ask the obvious question that I know Avery’s waiting for me to say.
I lick my suddenly dry lips, as I stand there still in shock. “Is she . . . mine?”
Avery swallows hard, then nods. “Yes.”
“How . . . When . . .” So many questions rage through my mind that I don’t even know where to begin, but I can’t hold back the biggest question on my mind. “Why didn’t you tell me about her? Didn’t you think I had the right to know that I had a daughter?”
“Of course I should’ve told you.” She bites her lower lip. “I guess I was afraid that you’d reject her like you did me and I couldn’t risk my little girl’s heart getting crushed like mine did. I’ll do anything to protect Maddie, but she’s getting older and now that she’s beginning to talk pretty well, she’s been asking more and more about you. She deserves to know her father. You and I both know how important a father is.”
Those words are like a solid punch to the gut and make me feel even more like a piece of shit for leaving than I did before.
“Avery . . . I’m . . . I . . .” It’s hard for me to express exactly what I’m feeling.
I’m angry with Avery for not telling me about our daughter, but I’m also scared shitless that this little girl in front of me now owns my heart completely and she doesn’t even know me yet.
But that’s going to change. From this point on, I’m going to be there for her—for both of them.
“I know this is a lot, and I want you to know that I don’t expect anything from you. I just wanted you to meet her.” Avery reaches over and places her hand on my forearm. “Come on. Let’s eat and I swear I’ll answer any question you have.”
Desperately needing answers, I follow her into the kitchen while attempting to reconstruct the shattered parts of my mind and wrap my head around the fact that I’m a father.
AVERY
I fully expected Tyler to go ballistic on me once he discovered I’ve kept our daughter a secret from him. I know I would’ve gone nuts if I were him, but I hope he understands that I did what I thought was right at the time. I was afraid of him hurting Maddie if he ran out on her someday like he did on me.
His life seems so busy, and I’m not sure how much time he’ll have for her, but at least now the decision is on him. If he chooses not to be a part of her life, I will understand. It will hurt like hell, but I won’t force him to be around her if he doesn’t want to be.
I’ve been supporting the two of us for years, and I plan on keeping that up no matter what happens. I like standing on my two feet, and proving to myself that I can be an independent woman. That’s really important to me because I don’t want to be anything like my mother.
Going back to school was no longer an option those first couple of years after my little girl was born. Luckily Granny was there every step of the way with me. She’s taught me how to be a good mother—how to really take care of someone other than myself. She and I have raised Maddie together.
Granny’s at the stove, pouring all the food out of pots and into bowls. She turns and notices Tyler standing there.
A smile crosses her face and she opens her arms to him without any reservations. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes? It’s good to see you, honey. I hope you’re hungry because I went all out today. We’ve got fried chicken, mashed potatoes—the works.”
Tyler laughs. “I’m starving and it sounds amazing. Between you and my mom, if you guys keep feeding me like this, I’ll be five hundred pounds when it’s time for me to go back out on the road.”
Granny waves him off. “Pfft. Now you’re startin’ to sound like Avery when she first came here a few years back—worried about maintaining her girlie figure. Ain’t nothing wrong with having a little meat on your
bones. It’s healthy. It took me a while to convince Avery that it was okay to eat more than a goddamn salad.”
“Granny,” I scold her while I set Maddie down in her booster seat and push her up to the table. “Language.”
Granny grimaces. “Sorry. Old habits and all that are hard to break. I’ve been doing my best though to cut out the cursing completely now that we have a little set of ears takin’ in everything we’re sayin’.”
Tyler laughs because he’s been around my granny enough to know that’s no easy feat for her. I think her favorite word in the world is damn.
I chuckle to myself as I turn around and grab the plate of chicken off the counter and place it on the table.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” Tyler asks me.
“We got this, but it would be great if you could keep Maddie entertained until we’re ready.”
He bites his lip and looks hesitantly down at the daughter he’s only just met. It’s like he needs a bit of reassurance to talk with her. “You sure?”
I smile. “Of course. You’re her father. She’ll love getting to know you.”
Tyler pulls out the chair next to Maddie and sits down next to her. “Hi, Maddie. How are you?”
“Good,” she answers but never really looks at him as her eyes are trained on the lock-and-key toy sitting on the table in front of her. She bites her tongue—something she’s been doing more and more of lately as she focuses on whatever task is at hand. She tries to stick the key in the lock, but it won’t budge. “Fix it, Daddy.”
My eyes widen and my heart does a double thump behind my ribcage. The use of the word daddy is so natural that it takes me back a bit.
Tyler’s eyes widen and then flick up to mine. “Did she . . .”
I set a bowl of mashed potatoes on the table. “She did.”
“How did she know that I’m her dad?”
I stare down and watch Maddie as she continues to work on the toy in front of her. “When we were getting dressed for dinner, I explained to her that she would be meeting someone special, and when she asked me who it was, I simply told her that she would be meeting her daddy. I never dreamed that she would call you that right away.”
“Child’s smart,” Granny says, butting into our conversation. “Hopefully even smarter than you two.”
“Granny,” I warn, not ready for her to start preaching to us about all the mistakes Tyler and I have been making and how we haven’t been fair to Maddie. “Now’s not the time. I didn’t invite Tyler over here so you could give him the third degree.”
“It’s not just Tyler who needs to hear what I’ve got to say—both of you have done a lot of wrong, and I think it’s high time you work out some way to fix it.”
“That’s what I’m trying to do, Granny—fix everything. It was wrong of me to not tell Tyler the moment I found out I was pregnant. I know that’s how you feel, but at the time, I thought I was making a good choice by not telling him.”
“Well, you were wrong. Both of you. You were wrong for not telling him and you—” She flicks her gaze from me to Tyler. “—You were wrong for just leaving her behind like that. Did you ever plan on contacting her again to see how she was doing with everything?”
Tyler’s face blanches. “I meant to, but I didn’t think she would want to hear an apology from me so soon after I left, and I was too busy running to hear what she had to say to me. The passage of time doesn’t make me any less sorry for what happened though.”
She nods. “That’s good to hear. Now that you’ve both admitted that you were wrong for ending things the way you did, the two of you can start working things out. You both need to get on the same page and stick there for the sake of Maddie. The little angle deserves the best from both of you.”
I sigh, and as many times as I’ve heard similar speeches from her over the last three years, it doesn’t make hearing it again this time with Tyler any less impactful. She’s always been right—deep down I’ve known that.
“She’s right,” Tyler says. “We need to figure this out. I want the opportunity to get to know her—to be a part of her life—so I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make things work between us, Avery, so we can both be there for Maddie.”
“Daddy, fix it,” Maddie says to Tyler while holding up the pink plastic lock and key.
Tyler takes the toy from her tiny hands and sticks the key into the slot and then twists. “There you go.”
Maddie squeals with delight as the latch opens up and swings free from its locked position. “Yaya! Daddy fixed it!”
We all clap and focus our attention on the little girl who has completely stolen all of our hearts.
AVERY
Most of the dinner conversation tonight was centered on Maddie. I love seeing Tyler take a genuine interest in his daughter and it makes me feel guilty for not telling him about her sooner. It’s obvious now that I see the two of them together that he’s going to be a great father.
I stand up and grab my plate along with Maddie’s and put them on the counter next to the sink.
Granny smiles over at Maddie and says, “Let’s take a time-out for a potty break.”
The two of them scamper out of the room and I’m left with just Tyler.
He stands up and carries his plate to me. “She’s amazing. You’re doing a good job with her.”
That’s nice to hear from him and it makes my heart extremely happy to know that he wants to be a part of her life. “I’m so glad that the two of you have hit it off so well. I can’t tell you how nervous I was about bringing you here. I wasn’t sure how you were going to react to the news.”
Tyler nods and then runs his fingers through his shaggy blond hair. “I’ll admit, you caught me off guard, but I’ve been trying to really keep my temper in check and not run off when things get a little too hard.”
“That’s good to know. Hopefully that means you’ll be coming around more often.”
“I’ll be here to spend time with Maddie every chance I get—and maybe even with you, if you aren’t opposed to that.”
I bite my lower lip. “I’ll admit that I held a lot of anger toward you until Maddie actually got here. She taught me a lesson about how special the bond is between a child and their parents, so it helped me understand a little more about why keeping your promise to your dad was so important to you—no matter how crazy it sounded to anyone else.”
“Me leaving Wellston had nothing to do with you, Avery. I hope you know that. It had everything to do with me and my own fears and guilt. I couldn’t understand why you didn’t hate me and blame me for the loss of your father. I never imagined that you shared in that guilt with me. I wish I would’ve known that you felt that way. I would like to think even as fucked up as my head was back then, that I would’ve been here to comfort you and make sure that you knew that it wasn’t your fault—that you had nothing to feel guilty over—but honestly I was so raw about Dad’s death back then I’m not sure that knowing that you felt guilt too would’ve changed the way I reacted.”
“I could say the same thing to you,” I remind him. “I think if we’d communicated with each other a little more, everything would’ve been different.”
He leans his hip against the counter as he faces me. “We could wrestle with the what-ifs forever, but that won’t do us any good. It’ll only continue to make us hurt. Back then, I was just so sure that I was being punished for breaking my promise to my dad and that I was not only going to bring myself down, but I would’ve taken you down with me. I couldn’t imagine anything worse happening than causing your father’s death.”
“But that’s where you’re wrong, Tyler. You weren’t punished. Don’t you see? That night we were together may have turned into a tragedy, but something extraordinary came from it, too, and she’s got little blond curls and is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“I wish I could’ve been here for you. Maybe it would’ve made everything else feel a little less tragic if I had stayed b
ehind and seen the good that came from that night. I’m sorry that you had to go through it all alone, and I understand why you didn’t trust me enough to tell me about Maddie. The only thing I can ask for now is a chance to prove my loyalty to you and her.”
Tyler reaches up slowly and softly touches my cheek. “I’m sorry I left you, Avery.”
Tears sting my eyes as I lean into his touch and I know this road isn’t going to be an easy one. Trust is a hard bridge to mend. I just pray that he really has changed like he said.
Tyler wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his firm chest. We don’t say anything else—we don’t need too. We’ve said all we can and the only thing we can do now is move forward from this point and do our best to prove to one another that we’ve both learned from our mistakes.
“Can I take you out tomorrow night?” Tyler asks. “I want us to start over.”
I nod. “I’d like that.”
He smiles. “Great.”
The next day Tyler shows up promptly at six. It reminds me of old times when I come bounding down the stairs to meet Tyler. It’s nice to feel like we’ve picked up where we left off even though we both seem to have grown up quite a bit since the last time we saw each other.
I open the passenger door of the car and hop inside. “Hey.”
Tyler smiles at me. “Hey, beautiful. Hungry?”
“Starving.”
“I know just the place.” He winks at me.
When Tyler pulls into the drive-in diner that we used to frequent when we were together last, I’m immediately transported back three years, before everything went up in flames.
After we order, we spend the entire time catching up on what we’ve missed in each other’s lives. He tells me all about touring with Wicked White and how being a musician hasn’t been like he imagined. He doesn’t have any creative freedom when it comes to the kind of music they make. The record label creates all the music and lyrics, leaving the band members to perform as directed.
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