by Deen, Shulem
I am fortunate to have been a part of Footsteps, a small organization with enormous impact. Thank you, Malkie Schwartz, Lani Santo, Michael Jenkins, Rachel Berger, Betsy Fabricant, Chani Getter, and all other current and former staff and board members. Special thanks to Adina Kadden and Leah Vincent, fellow participants and board members, for their dedication to our community’s needs. Many thanks also to Ella Kohn, Anouk Markovits, Alan Lerner, and Monette de Botton for their generosity and support to OTD families.
To my friends in the OTD community: You have given me hope, strength, and love. Together, we have formed the vanguard of a movement. May we continue to grow, to inspire others, and to tell our stories with clarity and strength.
I am enormously thankful to my agent, Rob McQuilkin, for his faith in this project; I could not have hoped for a more tireless and fearsome champion. Thank you, Hella Winston, for the introductions. My deepest gratitude to my editor, Katie Dublinski, for her remarkable patience, insight, and guidance throughout. Thanks also to Fiona McCrae, Erin Kottke, and everyone else at Graywolf; I feel humbled to have been accepted into the “den.”
My mother, Bracha Din, has endured much in her life, but her spirit remains one of the strongest, noblest, and most gracious I have known. My siblings, Chani, Avrumi, and Mendy, have shown me nothing but love and acceptance. I know it couldn’t have been easy, and I am grateful all the more for it. Much love to you all.
I cannot know what my father would’ve said about my path in life, had he lived. No doubt, he would’ve been troubled. No doubt, he would’ve loved me as fiercely as he always had. He would’ve called me shayfele, even now. His memory is always with me.
Shulem Deen, a former Skverer Hasid, is the founding editor of the website Unpious. His work has appeared in the Jewish Daily Forward, Tablet, and Salon. He lives in Brooklyn, New York.
Book design by Ann Sudmeier. Composition by Bookmobile Design & Digital Publisher Services, Minneapolis, Minnesota. Manufactured by Versa Press on acid-free, 30 percent postconsumer wastepaper.
Table of Contents
Half Title Page
Title Page
Copyright
Note on the Uses of Yiddish and Hebrew
Part I Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Part II Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Part III Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Part IV Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Epilogue
Author’s Note
A Very Brief Reading List
Acknowledgments
About the Author