by Nat Burns
As a physician, we find early on that we have to hold our emotion and our true self in check. Patients could be amazing manipulators, and I had encountered my fair share while interning in Texas. We had to remain aloof and maybe even be a bit intimidating. Drug and emotional addicts were what we cut our doctoring teeth on, and you learned to ferret these folks out right away. And to never encourage them in these practices. We were the saviors of health, not enablers. Ella seemed to understand this and wasn’t so in awe of me as a physician. She saw the person underneath, and I was grateful for that.
My one worry was that I would inadvertently lead her on, encouraging a relationship that really could never be. This was my only reservation about spending time with her. I frowned as I drove. That and the fact being so close to her made my blood pound under my skin.
After lunch, we drove the next three hours in a nonstop chatter exchange. I learned about her two sisters and her niece and nephew, even down to their favorite colors. Her parents, though, were a different matter indeed.
“But don’t you ever see them?” I asked, thinking of how I’d give anything to have both my parents close again. I glanced at her to find her lips set in a grim line.
“No. They have made it clear that they want no part of my life. They live in New Mexico, so I’m as far from them as I can be. We both like it that way.”
“So you left there, when? After high school?” I gave a signal and shifted into the right lane so I could slow my speed.
“No, after college. I worked my way through CNM for my basics, then my physician assistant studies through UNM. I moved away right after and went to my sister’s place in Virginia.” She fell into a thoughtful silence. “I liked it there, and my sister’s family was great, really welcoming. But…well, there was just nothing for me there.”
“So, how did you get to Alabama?” I was curious about her life and the problem with her parents.
“It was the ad you listed in the APPA journal. I saw it in Virginia and thought that Maypearl, Alabama seemed like a nice little town.”
“Oh, that’s right!” I mentally thanked Sandy for the listing and then grunted and called Ella on this. “You were running away, weren’t you? Trying to strike out on your own.”
She shrugged. “I guess.”
“What is it with your parents?” I asked finally.
She didn’t say anything for a long beat, and I thought maybe she wouldn’t answer.
“Let’s just say we have a fundamental difference in values and lifestyle,” she said sullenly.
“Ahh, conservatives!” I offered. “They don’t like the fact that you’re…vegetarian! Yes, that’s it. The carnivores! How dare they?”
Luckily, she got my humor and laughed along with me, effectively dispelling the gloom from before.
“So, why are you in Alabama?” she asked.
I told her about meeting Richard while I was still in school and about how he had invited me into his practice.
“Wow, talk about being in the right place at the right time,” she exclaimed.
“I guess so.” I shrugged. “My father passed back in ninety-nine and my mother started developing dementia at right about the same time. She’s been on preventative medications since, and though we managed to slow progression, she’s had to move into a full care facility. When I accepted Richard’s offer, I moved her down here a few months later. She’s over at Baldwin County Elder Care.”
“That’s a beautiful place.”
“Yes, and she seems happy there. I go see her every Saturday, unless I have an emergency on call.” I didn’t go into detail about her now-vacant eyes and about how much I missed the person she had been.
“That’s good that you brought her here. Anything could have happened to her in New York with no one to look out for her,” Ella said, leaning to turn down the air conditioning fan on her side.
I nodded. “I have an aunt here in Alabama too. My father’s brother’s wife. Uncle Thomas passed, as well, so we are sort of all that’s left, though she has three kids and a pile of grandchildren scattered over in Mississippi. She goes to see my mother some, too.”
Ella studied me. “Are you close?”
I sighed. “As close as I can be to anyone, I guess. Oh, wait, that sounded pitiful. I mean with my job. It’s demanding.” I backpedaled desperately as Ella laughed.
“I guess that’s true,” Ella said wistfully. I found myself wondering what she was thinking. “It must be hard to have any life when you are the only doctor in a whole town.”
I nodded thoughtfully. “True. Though to be honest…”
She turned to me. “Though to be honest, what?”
I know my face was flushed. “Um, well. I think you might not be the only one running from something.”
She fell silent. After a long beat, I looked over and saw that she was smiling to herself. I was seriously confused.
I spied the exit to the hotel and we soon entered a wide drive bordered by huge mounds of green, tropical foliage on either side. The big chain hotel had been engaged by the Furth College Medical Assistant Training Center for The Southeastern Society for Family Physicians’ annual conference.
A cadre of my contemporaries greeted us raucously as soon as we entered the lobby. The SSFP, made up of more than two hundred sixty family physicians working in the lower southeastern states, was responsible for setting policy and providing support for practitioners in my field. I’d been a member since Richard had introduced them to me nine years ago. They provided a good, informative newsletter, filled with fascinating case studies and innovative advances in the discipline of family medicine.
I guessed the reason I liked family medicine so much was the sheer amount of variety I encountered. Most other specialties saw the same issues day after day. Family practitioners were able to deal with the full gamut of medicine, from infants to geriatric patients. Not that the work we did wasn’t repetitive and predictable. It was. An upper respiratory infection was an upper respiratory infection. Except when it was pneumonia, bronchitis or even an aspect of pulmonary hypertension. We had to ferret out that information. I’d worked with some horribly jaded family physicians, true, but when you met one who was still excited by a challenge, it was special and rewarding.
“A lot of people are still looking at you,” Ella said at my elbow. We had just checked in and had relinquished our bags to the bellhop.
I smiled at her. “Nope, looking at you. They are used to Sandy, so I know they are all wondering who you are.”
“Oh, great,” she muttered.
“Don’t worry. I’ll introduce you to everyone. You can skirt all the interrogative questions if you want to. I won’t mind.”
“So, if I’m a complete rude boor, it won’t reflect badly on you?” she responded teasingly.
I was enchanted by her sparkly, smiling eyes. How could one person be so…cute?
I could only shake my head, overwhelmed by my attraction to her.
“Maddie! How are you?” Oscar hailed me as he approached. “How was the drive over?”
I shook his outstretched hand. “It was good, went quickly. Ella, allow me to introduce you to Dr Oscar Quillen. He has a practice outside Jackson, Mississippi. Oscar, Ella Lewis, my new medical assistant.”
“Ahh, is Sandy well?” he asked, mild alarm etched on his features.
Ella stepped forward and offered her hand. “Oh yes, she’s fine. It was just a family commitment that she didn’t want to miss. Hopefully, I’ll be able to walk in her big old shoes, at least temporarily.”
Quillen was as enchanted by Ella as I was. After studying her with admiring eyes, he smiled and graciously took her hand, bending to press his lips to the back of it. “Miss Lewis. It’s delightful to meet you,” he said.
I saw Mrs. Quillen approaching so jumped in quickly. “Ella, this is Priscilla, Dr Quillen’s lovely wife.”
Priscilla, a very attractive middle-aged woman, pressed one palm to Oscar’s back as she extended her
hand to Ella. “Very nice to meet you, Ella. From where do you know our dear Maddie?”
She smiled at Ella, and I could see the gears in her mind whirring, wondering if there was a new scandal brewing.
“Ella is our newest medical assistant at the office. She’s been with us about six months now, I think.” I looked to Ella for confirmation.
“Yes. I, luckily, answered an ad, and I’m very glad to be part of Doctor Maddie’s team,” Ella offered.
“We hear great things about Maddie’s practice. Don’t we, Oscar?” She looked to her husband.
Oscar nodded. “Yes, that piece she published on geriatric medication management was an eye-opener.” Oscar and Priscilla were both beaming at me like proud parents, making me decidedly uncomfortable.
“Hmm, I haven’t read that one yet,” Ella interjected. “Can you tell me what it was about?”
Effectively, thankfully, diverting them from me, she looped an arm in each of their elbows and walked them leisurely to one side.
I admired her technique with a broad smile as I took a seat in the lobby and checked my phone for messages.
Chapter Fourteen
Ella
The hotel was spectacular. Located on a small man-crafted lake made from Cypress Creek, it fronted onto a large, resort-like landscape. It was actually far grander than anything I had seen in my thirty-two years. Well, American grand. Europe certainly offered more, but in a more compact package.
The Quillens had abandoned me finally. As Maddie was talking with a group of her peers, I had snuck away to wander the hotel by myself.
My first stop had been through huge glass doors and onto what was called—according to a mounted plaque—the Grand Terrace. The heat was palpable, even though the terrace was fully roofed and the ceiling peppered with slowly gyrating ceiling fans. They did amazingly little to dispel the heat. Even so, the terrace was well populated with tourists and apparently a number of those who were attending this medical conference.
The program I had filched from the concierge desk stated that Maddie’s presentation would be at ten the next morning. This would give us time for a leisurely breakfast. I hoped, anyway. I wasn’t sure what her preparatory procedures were and made a mental note to ask her at dinner.
“Hello.”
I turned and saw a classically beautiful woman. She was about my height, but slimmer, with long, frothing blond hair. Her eyes were crystal blue, and they regarded me with an amused expression laced with attraction. I looked at her full pink lips and felt my mouth go dry.
“Hello back,” I managed to choke out.
“Are you here for business or pleasure?”
The way she drawled the word pleasure intrigued me. My gaydar buzzed, and I wondered if she was really coming on to me.
“Umm, business, I guess. I’m here with my boss. For the family practice medical conference. How about you?”
She sighed and rolled her eyes. “My dad. He’s an admin over at Furth. I work for him part-time, and he insisted I be here. You know…to press the flesh.”
There was that inflection again. My heart started to race just a bit and I wondered if it was from fear or from attraction to this beautiful and certainly accommodating woman. “An administrator’s bailiwick,” I responded quietly.
“Exactly. How about you and I have a little iced tea and you can tell me all about yourself?” She tilted her head expectantly.
I was torn. I could feel Maddie, who I so wanted to fall in love with, in the hotel, oh-so close, but here was this warm and willing beauty. I looked deeply into her eyes and saw a social vulnerability lurking behind her bravado. It was an emotion I understood completely. I’d been there.
“Sure,” I said, nodding. “I’d love a glass of tea. What’s your name?”
She laughed and shook her head as she extended her hand. “Dixie Odelia.”
I grinned as I took her hand. “Ella Lewis.”
We moved to a nearby table that was laden with stacked stemware and several large glass dispensers of tea and lemonade. We chatted about the beautiful hotel as we prepared our beverages and then moved to a small table and seated ourselves.
“So, Dixie, have you always lived in Alabama?” I asked as we settled on the round metal chairs.
“Oh, Lordy no. I was born and brought up in Saint Mary Parish over in Louisiana, down on the Atchafalaya Bay. They tell me my daddy worked in a grocery store there until he decided to go to college. And look at him today,” she said with a dimpled smile.
“Is it hard being his kid and also working for him?”
She nodded. “It is. He’s a demanding fella, all the way around. I think, because he didn’t come from much, he’s always worried that he’s gonna topple off that pedestal he’s managed to climb up on.” She leaned forward. “Having a daughter like me…you know…hasn’t helped much.”
“Yeah, my parents just don’t get it either.”
“And get this, my brother’s gay. Big time.” She sat back and grinned like the cat that got the canary.
I laughed aloud. “Oh, no, poor Dad.”
She nodded grandly. “Yeah, and he’s like, always in trouble. Gay drama this, gay drama that. At least I am a bit more genteel about it.”
I studied her. “So, are you in a relationship right now?”
Her gaze lifted to mine, and she winked. “Not yet, sugar. Shall we give it a shot?”
Whoa. My pounding heart was definitely from fear this time. “Well, I’m sort of…involved.” I thought of Maddie’s soft brown eyes and about how very much I wanted them to look at me with love. Was I dreaming about what she and I could become? I looked at Dixie’s sweet face and faltered. Suppose Maddie never fell in love with me? Was I to be alone forever, waiting? “Well, maybe—” I started to speak but was interrupted.
“There you are!” Maddie said as she approached. Her eyes flicked to Dixie. “Well, I had no idea you knew Ms. Odelia,” she added quietly.
I noted her sudden tenseness and wondered at it. “Oh no, we just met,” I said, smiling at Dixie. “We thought we’d try to cool off. This heat is brutal.”
“Yes, it is,” Maddie muttered.
“Dr Salas, it’s very good to see you again,” Dixie said, her voice like a purr. “Won’t you come join us for a little iced tea?”
Maddie cleared her throat and looked decidedly uncomfortable. “Thank you for the offer, but your father sent us to our rooms to have a little rest before dinner. It was a long drive from Maypearl and I thought we should take advantage of that bit of downtime.”
“Well, pooh,” she replied. Her face brightened. “I guess I’ll just go up as well.” She stood and pulled me up, linking an arm in mine as she led the way into the hotel. Maddie filed along behind us, and I could feel her scowl. I didn’t need to see it.
We stepped into one of the luxurious mirrored elevators, and Maddie pressed a button.
“Omigosh! I see y’all are on six. I am too,” Dixie said brightly. “We should all get together and have a girls’ night.”
I saw Maddie’s discomfort and jumped in quickly. “That’s a great idea, but not tonight. The doc has a presentation in the morning, so it’s gonna be an early night.”
She actually pouted, shoving out her bottom lip. “But what about you, sugar? Surely you can have a little fun.”
I opened my mouth to speak but didn’t have the chance.
“She has to help me prepare,” Maddie said tersely. “This is a working trip, not a vacation.”
Dixie made a face and rolled her eyes behind Maddie’s back.
“Maybe some other time,” I said politely.
The elevator opened, and I followed Maddie rapidly along the hallway. Dixie veered off with a small wave.
Chapter Fifteen
Maddie
“Dinner is at seven but the mixer is at six thirty. Shall we meet here and go down together?” I couldn’t bring myself to look at her—for so many reasons.
“That sounds good,” Ella repl
ied. “I think I’ll go stretch out for a minute.” She turned away but turned back quickly. “You should too, Maddie. Dinner could run long.”
I nodded and stepped into my room. I held the door partially cracked until I heard her enter her room and shut the door.
Wearily, I slumped onto the bed. I was quickly coming to loathe these gatherings. Pretentious people acting especially pretentious. I wondered again why I even bothered attending. It was probably some publish-or-perish baggage lingering from my time in school. That and the team mentality of my medical training. I chided myself. I didn’t need that crap anymore. I kicked off my shoes, slid out of my blazer and draped it across a nearby chair.
During the past few months, I had been a voyeur, watching my discontent grow exponentially. I had agonized about it, wondering if the career path I’d chosen was no longer sustaining and challenging me. I had finally ruled that idea out. I was still obsessed by medicine. Indeed, if I had to name the one redeeming feature that salved my discontent, it would be medicine. Though I had no ready answers to explain my angst, I did know that seeing Ella with another woman had lit a strange fire under me that was exhausting and infuriating. I did not like it. Not one bit.
Acknowledging this fact caused me to realize that, just as the letter B followed the letter A, my feelings for Ella were at the root of my discontent. Longing for her passively just wasn’t going to be enough anymore. At any time, she could slip into another’s arms. And that might very well be my undoing.
I rose and walked to the floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over a small lake, the center fountain spraying water that misted into a rainbow in the late-afternoon sunlight. Men and women, in various stages of undress, mingled on the bright concrete below, and the business part of the town of Dothan stretched to the horizon.
Though I tried to tell myself that it didn’t matter, that I was too busy, too career focused, too worried about local gossip, deep in my heart I knew that I could not let her go. I could not let another have her.