“It does!” she cried. “But…I can understand – sort of – why they did it. And…it didn’t turn out all that bad, right?” She placed a hand on his arm and gently squeezed. “I’ll admit I don’t like the idea of being the last to know but I’m really glad we got to know each other. This last month has been wonderful. I…I thought you felt the same way.”
He raked a hand through his hair in frustration. “That’s not the point! They manipulated us and…and…is Sean even hurt?” Growling with frustration, he turned away from her and began to pace. “I was so damn worried about him. Was it all for nothing?”
“I asked him the same thing and he claims that part is true. Everything else just sort of fell into place.”
“This is unbelievable,” he muttered.
For a minute, Tricia thought he was going to go back into the house and confront his family, but he didn’t. With one last look of disgust at the house, he began to walk away. “I’m heading back to the ferry.”
She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do. Part of her wanted to go back inside and hash things out with Sean. In all their years of friendship, they’d never walked away from an argument, never stayed mad. But the need to go with Ryan and make sure they were okay was stronger. Helplessly, she looked back at the house before taking off after Ryan.
They didn’t speak the entire way home. Tricia was even afraid that Ryan was simply going to drop her off and leave. Then she remembered he still had his luggage in the house and sighed with relief knowing she still had a few more minutes to figure out what to say.
When he stormed into the house and up to the bedroom, she followed. At the sight of him throwing his things together, she finally snapped.
“Hey!”
Ryan looked up at her, his expression angry, but he didn’t speak.
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like?” he asked, tossing item after item back into his bag.
“Why are you mad at me over this? I was just as much in the dark as you were!”
He straightened and looked at her with disbelief. “I’m finding that a little hard to believe.”
“Excuse me?” she asked incredulously. “Where the hell did that even come from?”
He sighed loudly with frustration. “You and my brother are closer than any people I know. You tell each other everything! You can’t honestly expect me to stand here and believe that he didn’t tell you any of this?”
“That’s exactly what I’m telling you!”
“And yet I still don’t believe it,” he said and went back to his packing.
Reaching over, Tricia pulled the duffle bag away and tossed it across the room and for a minute, felt a bit of shock at her behavior. “After everything we’ve shared this last month, you can stand here and think I lied to you?” He didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to. His expression said it all. And then the devastation of that hit her. Tears welled in her eyes and she quickly turned away so he wouldn’t see them. “Yeah, so…if that’s what you believe, then you really should go.”
She walked out of the room and down the stairs. By the time she was outside on the back deck, the tears flowed freely. How could he possibly believe that she’d lie to him? Adding to that misery was the fact that Sean had lied to her. How did it all go so wrong so fast? In a few hours she’d managed to lose all the people who mattered most to her.
Looking at the fish in the pond, she sat down on the deck. In the back of her mind she really believed Ryan was going to realize he was wrong and come down to talk to her.
But he didn’t.
In the distance she heard his car door slam and then the engine start. It didn’t take a genius to know he was leaving.
Without even saying goodbye.
Bastard. That was it? After everything they had shared, he was able to simply pack up and leave without a word? She wasn’t sure if she should scream with rage or continue to cry with heartache.
She did both.
It took a while but when she finally pulled herself together, she was completely spent. It was hard to figure out what it was she was crying for most. Ryan leaving without saying goodbye? The fact he thought she’d lied to him? Or being lied to by Sean? The answer wasn’t clear and Tricia knew it would be a while before it actually was.
“Mental health day,” she muttered as she walked back into the house. When she found her purse, she pulled out her phone, hit a couple of screens to turn off her voicemail and shut it off. She was one of the few people who still also had a house phone and she went and unplugged it too. Walking around, she closed the French doors and locked them before doing the same to the front door – and bolting it – before closing all the blinds.
For now, she just wanted to make the world go away.
****
Ryan drove as if he were trying to escape something.
And in his own mind, he was.
Maybe he was overreacting, or maybe he was starting to get a little spooked by how fast he had fallen for Tricia and subconsciously needed an excuse to walk away.
“Bullshit,” he murmured. Ryan knew he wasn’t a coward even though his current actions said otherwise. So his mother and brother set him up? Was it really such a bad thing? It wasn’t as if they’d set him up with a stranger or with the date from hell; it was Tricia. He’d always liked her, so why was he so upset?
Because they made you look like a fool.
Did they? Thinking back over the last six weeks, Ryan realized that every minute he had spent with Tricia, he’d enjoyed. And other than his worry over Sean and his accident, things had been good. Really good.
And then he went and screwed them up.
Did Sean tell Tricia what he was doing? Wracking his brain he couldn’t find any trace or memory of anything she said or did that would prove that. She was a sweet and honest person and from everything he ever knew about her, she certainly wasn’t a manipulator. If anything, Ryan knew people tended to take advantage of her because she was too nice. He didn’t think she would have gone along with this plan even if she’d had a crush on him long before now.
His heart ached with the memory of the look on her face when they’d gotten back to the house. How the hell was he supposed to make it up to her? The last thing he wanted to do was be one of those people who took advantage of her kindness.
He was clueless as to how to get out of this. Sure there was begging and groveling, but…being who Tricia was, she’d forgive him even if she was still hurting. He cursed himself and his short temper. He was angry with his mother and brother, not Tricia. She’d just been the closest one when he unloaded. A convenient punching bag.
And that made him loathe himself even more.
A look at the dashboard clock showed he had another hour on the road before he got home. The only decision he could make was to give Tricia a little space.
He’d deal with his family first.
****
By Tuesday, Ryan was ready to climb the walls. Thirteen times he’d called Tricia. Thirteen! No answer, no answering machine and no voicemail. What the hell was she doing? In his frustration, he punched the kitchen wall and cursed. He knew she was upset but he didn’t expect a complete shutout like this. How the hell was he supposed to apologize when she wouldn’t answer her phone?
He collapsed on his sofa, ran his hands over his face and sighed with frustration. Sunday morning, he thought he had it all – Tricia in his arms, a beautiful day outside and thoughts of a future together that weren’t overly freaking him out. And now where was he? Alone, pissed off and everything looked like shit.
Coward.
Yeah, that pretty much was the only way to describe himself. After talking for hours with his mother and brother, he knew now what they did was truly done out of love. His mother was a bit scary in her ability to know when people were meant to be together and he knew how much she believed in the connection he and Tricia had.
Had.
Hard to tell if there was still a conn
ection when she wouldn’t talk to him. The thought of jumping in the car and going to her was appealing but it was also impossible. His work schedule was jam-packed and even now he was running late for a meeting because he was sitting here obsessing about the whole situation.
With nothing left to do, he got himself ready and out the door. He owned a company and he had work to do and as much as it pained him, he’d have to wait to take that drive until Friday.
****
You know, you can take a dozen showers, wash the sheets and put all the little mementos away, but there was no way to cleanse your heart and mind, Tricia thought to herself as she walked in the door after work late Tuesday afternoon.
She used to love coming home to this house, but now it just made her sad. All the things she’d loved about it – her connection to the Petersons – were just more reasons to make her heart ache.
In the kitchen she glanced in the refrigerator for inspiration for dinner and then glanced over at the unplugged phone. For days she’d managed to turn off the voicemail on her cell phone but knew that wouldn’t last much longer. Her clients needed a way to get in touch with her and it really was childish to keep avoiding everyone. She hadn’t done anything wrong so really, it was time to be a big girl and deal with reality.
As soon as the plug was back in, her phone rang and she let the answering machine pick up.
She’d deal with being a big girl later.
“Tricia? Are you there?” Ryan’s voice filled the room. “I’ve been calling all day. Well, for several days and…I um…look, I’m at home so please call me when you get this, okay?” He paused. “Please.” And then he hung up.
Her heart was hammering so fiercely in her chest she almost had herself convinced she was having a heart attack. After a few deep breaths, things went back to normal. The fact was she wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. She needed more time.
In an attempt to distract herself, she went back to the refrigerator to find something to eat, but her eyes kept going back to the damn blinking light on the answering machine. “I can’t deal with this right now,” she muttered, grabbing her purse and walking out of the kitchen. “I prefer takeout anyway.”
****
When Tricia pulled into her driveway Friday evening, she saw a car parked there and recognized it immediately as Steph’s. She supposed out of the three Petersons, she was feeling the most kindly toward her. And for the first time since Tricia had moved in, Steph was waiting outside rather than using her key.
“Hey,” Tricia said cautiously as she climbed from her car. “What are you doing here?”
“I figured it might be best if I showed up unannounced, especially after the way things went last weekend.” She looked contrite and smiled weakly. “May I come in?”
“Of course.”
Once inside, Tricia realized she wasn’t angry anymore, not really. So Steph and Sean had set her up with Ryan. What was the big deal? Sure, she would have preferred it if they had talked to her about it first but in the long run, she had really enjoyed herself, had loved getting to know him. It wasn’t their fault he turned out to be a big jerk.
“So what brings you here, Steph?” Placing her purse down on the living room sofa, she sat and waited.
“I hate the way we left things on Sunday, Trish. You have to know we did this with the best of intentions. Ryan’s not overly social and you tend to be shy and when Sean had his accident and he told me about the weddings, well…I just sort of planted the idea with him to set the two of you up.” She shook her head. “That didn’t come out right, what I meant is…”
“I know what you meant,” Tricia said softly, “and believe it or not, I’m glad you did.”
“You are?”
Tricia nodded. “I’m more upset that you didn’t talk to me first.” She shrugged. “I really enjoyed the time Ryan and I spent together.”
“But…?” Steph prompted.
“But…it’s over now.”
“What? Why?”
Tricia told her about the argument they’d had before he left. “The thing is, I really thought we had something serious. I…I was falling in love with him and the fact that he would accuse me of lying to him? Well…it just showed me we weren’t on the same page.”
“I see.” They sat in silence for a few minutes. “Do you miss him?”
Tricia nodded and willed herself not to cry. She had managed to go for all of sixteen hours without crying over the last week.
“Why don’t you call him? It seems to me like things just got out of hand and I take full responsibility for it. I talked to him on Sunday when he was driving home and I thought we were all good, but apparently not. He said he was going to call you…”
“He did,” Tricia said quietly. “I just haven’t answered any of his calls.”
“Ah…and how’s that working for you?”
Tricia couldn’t help but chuckle. Steph was never one for beating around the bush.
“Honestly? It’s not. But I know my own strengths and weaknesses and I know if I talk to him right now, he’ll convince me of how sorry he is. And I’m sure he is but…he really hurt me, Steph. I pride myself on being the type of person people can trust and the fact that he didn’t?” She sighed. “I…I just need some time.”
Steph took one of her hands in hers and squeezed. “Then you should take it.”
“I’m just not sure when it stops being what I need and starts being cowardly.”
“Only you can answer that.” Steph rose and went to the kitchen to pour them each something to drink. When she came back and handed Tricia the glass, she smiled. “Why don’t you come over to the island for the weekend and hang out with Sean? I have plans with some friends up in Vermont but I hate leaving him alone.”
“Vermont? That’s kind of a long haul for you, isn’t it?”
She nodded. “I know. And I almost canceled because I need to be there for Sean, but he insisted I go. He said he was tired of people fussing over him.”
“How is he feeling?”
“He’s getting along pretty well with the crutches – even with the small cast on his arm – but I don’t let him do too much. I know he’d love to see you.”
Part of her really wanted to see him too, but not yet, which is what she told Steph. “Actually, I was planning on going upstate to visit my mom and John this weekend. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t owe me an apology, sweetheart. I just thought it might work out and it would be a good time for you and Sean to have some uninterrupted time to sort things out.” She bent down and kissed the top of Tricia’s head. “When are you hitting the road for your mom’s?”
“Early tomorrow morning. It’s a three-hour drive – give or take – and if I leave early we’ll have the whole day together.”
“So you’re only going for the day?”
Tricia shook her head. “The weekend. Maybe more. I don’t have any clients until Tuesday but I was waiting to see how the weekend went before deciding when to come home.”
“Then how about you and I go and grab a bite to eat? It’s been a long time since we’ve gone out just the two of us.”
It was true and as much as Tricia wanted to bow out so she could pack and relax and continue to wallow in self-pity as she’d been doing for a week, she knew she needed to get out of the house and move on.
Ryan hadn’t tried to call her in a couple of days and she figured he’d finally given up. It was for the best. They’d tried something and it didn’t work. Not every relationship led to love, marriage and happily-ever-after.
No matter how much you wanted it.
“Tricia?” Steph prompted.
“What? Oh, dinner, right? Sure! That sounds great.” She stood and reached for her purse. “There’s a new Mexican place in town I know you’re going to love.”
Ten
It was after dark Sunday night and Ryan was sitting on the front steps of Tricia’s house with his head resting in his hands. It would have been easier to go insi
de, but he felt he no longer had the right to do that. So he waited.
When he’d arrived Saturday morning, he’d cursed himself when he saw she wasn’t home. His plan had been to arrive on Friday night like they always did but after his meeting with a difficult client went well into the night, he knew he needed to get a good night’s sleep before hitting the road.
He’d called his mother to see if she knew where Tricia was, but she didn’t. He wasn’t quite sure he believed her, but at the time, he didn’t have a choice. She herself was on her way to Vermont to visit some friends. Then he’d called Sean and talked to him for a while and he claimed he hadn’t seen or talked to Tricia since the previous weekend. With nothing to do but wait, Ryan had reluctantly agreed to take the ferry over to Fire Island to stay with his brother. It wasn’t ideal and it wouldn’t help him to know when Tricia would be home but again, he didn’t have much of a choice.
So here he sat. Waiting.
Looking at his watch he figured he’d give it another hour and then he’d have to head home. It was hard to believe she still wasn’t home and no one knew where she went. Worry for her nearly overwhelmed him and when he spotted headlights at the end of the block, he said a silent prayer it was her.
The car came to a stop a few feet away from him and Ryan instantly stood. He could see the frown on Tricia’s face and hated he was the reason for it. With his hands in his pockets, he watched as she climbed from the car, grocery bags in her hands. When he stepped forward to help her, she merely moved around him.
“Hey,” he said quietly. “How are you?”
If she heard him, she didn’t let on. Unlocking the door, she moved into the house and put the bags down in the kitchen before turning around and going back out to the car. Ryan followed and watched as she opened the trunk and pulled out a small suitcase.
“Where’ve you been?” he asked.
Still no answer.
Then she reached back into the car for what looked like a bag from the local Chinese restaurant. If he had to guess, he’d say she was away for the weekend and stopped to pick up dinner on her way home. But where had she gone and was she going to acknowledge him?
The Wedding Season Page 11