by A. R. Mummey
Chapter Three
Sleep had come quickly that night, allowing me a full night of rest and I awoke the next morning in anticipation. I couldn’t wait to see Patrick. Wondering if I would feel the same rush when I saw him, I dressed hurriedly. I considered texting Heath but decided against it. He had seemed pretty upset so I’d let him cool down and talk to him in person. It was perfectly normal for us to go a few days without speaking just as it was perfectly normal for us to argue. We disagreed on a lot of things: politics, religion, life. But our friendship was solid.
So I let my mind wander back to Patrick. I’d gotten up early in hopes of reaching campus and finishing my reading before class. Parking in the same garage as before, I carefully crossed the street, and sat on a bench outside of Professor Brooke’s class. Taking up my book on the American Revolution, I became quickly engrossed. This was what I would miss: the smell, the feel, the hope of school. Here, I felt as though my future wasn’t bleak. I felt as though maybe, just maybe, I had a chance, but it was more than that. Here my thoughts mattered. I mattered. Sometimes it felt as though school were the fantasy. I would miss college. School was something that, with focus, I did exceedingly well at. Here, in the ivy-covered history building, I felt as close to alive as I ever did. At work, at home, I was subhuman.
Done.
My chapter finished, I glanced at my phone. Ten minutes. Students began to arrive and file in. Grabbing my things, I followed suit, again taking a window seat in the back. Pulling my notebook and pencil from my backpack, I automatically looked outside. A book bag slammed to the ground next to me, making me jump. Sighing, I turned to see who the culprit was, only to come face to face with Patrick.
“Hello,” he said.
“Hey,” I replied warily.
“So, I saw you yesterday. You work at the market.”
“Yes.” I snorted. “If by ‘market’ you mean a grocery store.” Who calls it a market?
“Or market. Or supermarket.” He grinned widely. “Were those your friends standing with you” I relaxed a little, still wary. His moods were confusing to say the least.
“Yes. Those were my friends Madison and Heath. Who were those people with you?” Even though a part of me was excited by his presence I was still feeling a little defensive about how he’d left things the last time we had class together.
“That’s my family.”
“Oh,” I replied casually, secretly relieved that the pretty blonde was a relative.
He hesitated a moment. “So, that guy with you, Heath, is he just a friend?”
Blushing, I said, “Yes. He’s been my best friend since senior year of high school. He’s one of the few people that understand me. Or try to anyway.”
“Try to?” His eyebrows rose.
“I don’t know. It’s like you can never really know a person or what’s going on with them. People are way too complicated to understand,” I blushed scarlet as I realized I was saying way too much.
“I think, given enough time, you can.”
“Maybe, but life is short. It’d take a few lifetimes to figure me out. I barely know myself,” I said.
He grinned and chuckled lightly.
“I’m glad I amuse you,” I said.
“No,” he replied, “you’re just seemingly complicated.”
I looked down, a smile looming, but before I could respond, Professor Brooke began his lecture. I felt Patrick’s gaze on me, but I forced myself to focus. Halfway through the lecture, Professor Brooke called for a break. As students filtered out, I remained seated, turning to meet Patrick’s gaze.
“Why senior year?” he asked. A quizzical expression crossed my face, so he spoke again. “You said Heath’s been your best friend since senior year of high school. Why senior year?”
“Oh. Right. I’m originally from Ohio. My father moved us to Astoria the summer before senior year. The first day of school, I arrived early to figure out where my classes were so I wouldn’t have to ask, you know?” He stared at me blankly, so I surged on, shaking my foot nervously.
“Anyway, I get there, but the place is already teeming with people, who are all staring at me, because, hey, I’m the new girl. Yay. I tried so hard to remain calm, but I started looking for my classroom, and I couldn’t find it. I was way too shy to ask anyone where it was, so I decided to leave and try again tomorrow. I know, ridiculous, but that was my mind set. Just getting the hell out of there.
So, I take off down a flight of steps when I slam into someone and start to tumble down. Looking like a complete fool, totally humiliated, who should come up to me but Heath, in his varsity football jacket, asking me if I’m okay. So, yeah, Heath was the first person to ever talk to me, and we’ve been friends ever since.”
“Wow,” he said, his face turning red as he tried not to laugh at me.
“Okay. Whatever. I was a klutz. I fell down stairs. I walked into people, doors … anything, really. I’d rather run home scared than face a moment of humiliation. Go ahead and laugh,” I waved my hand dismissively, and he burst out laughing. I shook my head and looked away as people turned to stare at us.
“So why didn’t you run home the other day after the Crosswalk incident.”
“The ‘Crosswalk Incident’.” I finger quoted back to him with a mocking grin.
“Yeah.”
“This sounds weird, but it’s different. Then, it was like, I was going to see those same kids every day and I couldn’t handle it. It was a small school. Here, I may never see these people again. I pass someone on the sidewalk and that’s it or I see them for twelve weeks and then poof, most of them are gone forever from my life. So a random encounter with you was nothing. Plus, I like to think I’ve grown up a little. Besides, if I didn’t need to be here, I may have left.” I added the last part laughing at my own ridiculousness.
“All of that and now you’re here,” he said after he calmed down.
“Yes, now I’m here,” I said briskly.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to pry.” He fidgeted in his seat, suddenly looking apprehensive at having offended me.
“It’s fine. I don’t mind. I didn’t mean that to sound bitchy. I’m just not used to talking about myself.”
Students began to filter back in, including Greta and Nicole, who stopped next to my desk.
“Hey,” Greta said, looking from me to Patrick. “Nicole and I are starting a study group for this class and Professor Rucken’s. Since both of you are in that class as well, we were wondering if you’d like to join.”
“Sure. That’d be great. We’d love to join,” Patrick said before I could reply. Greta smiled and winked at me knowingly. Exchanging phone numbers and e-mail addresses, we setup a weekly time to meet and they went off to recruit more people.
“Sorry,” he said. “It’ll be fun though.”
“Fun … right,” I said sarcastically. “Clearly you haven’t had a study group with the Barbie doll twins before. It can be a bit vicious with that one.” I said, pointing to Nicole. As if sensing me, she looked up from across the room and glared in my direction.
“Barbie doll twins?” He chuckled.
“Yea. Don’t tell Greta I said that. I love her, but seriously,” I waved my hand in their direction. He studied them for a moment, nodding his head in agreement. And it was true: luscious blonde hair, sky blue eyes, petite frames. They were gorgeous. They were Barbies.
“It’ll be good for you. The study group. You look like you are apart from the world, and you should be a part of it. You’re far too young to be so discontented.”
I glanced at him harshly. Seriously, how old was this guy and was I really that transparent? Could he know me this intimately after so brief a conversation?
“I’m sorry.”
“You say that a lot.” My voice was cold.
“I didn’t mean to offend you. You just…. Look, from the moment I saw you, when you walked into the middle of the street … you just seem so unhappy, oblivious, and … well, careless.”
“Right. Because I might not be unhappy that you almost ran me over, right? I forgot you knew me so well, seeing as how we’ve known one another for so long and all.” I swallowed hard. I was floating. Going through the motions of the day-to-day, but how dare he, damn it? And yet, a sense of relief came over me. To him, I was completely transparent, and it felt nice. The rest of class went by like a blur, between taking painstaking notes and fighting back a whirlwind of emotions threatening to erupt
Class over, I rushed outside, where the cold, wet air smacked my face. I breathed deeply, numbing my senses. Walking to the café, I tried to clear my mind of Patrick. My next class flitted by. Upon entering Professor Rucken’s class, I found Patrick wasn’t there. He never showed up, and a biting loneliness filled me the next few days. The endless stream of work and studying occupied my time, but in the dark, alone, the images of a better life evaded me, and I thought of Patrick.
Before I knew it, it was Saturday. Heath was coming to pick me up on our way to meet Theo, Anabel, and Madison. I was in the bathroom straightening my hair when Heath came in the apartment. He’d had a key for as long as I’d lived there, coming and going as he pleased. Heath sat on the edge of the tub while I finished getting ready.
“You excited? One week down, eleven to go, and then graduation!” Heath said energetically.
“Yea, I’m excited,” I said non-enthusiastically. I loved Heath but he had too much faith in my future.
“Liar. Get excited. This is what you’ve been working toward. After this, you can get a better job, do anything, go anywhere.”
“Yea,” I smiled meekly, my stomach churning. Before he could start back up, I added, “I think Madison and Caleb are on the outs.”
“So?” he said, his cheeks turning red.
“So, it means you have a choice.”
“Whatever,” he grumbled.
“You can either continue on as you are, pathetic and sad, or you can ask her out, declare your love, get married, have babies, and blah, blah, blah.”
“Pathetic and sad.” Heath snorted, ignoring the rest of my statement.
“Yes. You haven’t been on a date in forever Heath. You deserve so much. You’re last real relationship was with Rebecca and that was back in undergrad. It’s time to get back out there.” I stared at him in the mirror as I continued to straighten my hair.
“I go on dates, Lor. They just don’t go beyond the first one. I was with Rebecca for four years. I loved her. She broke my heart. I’m not looking for that again. Besides, every time I date, the woman always gets jealous of our friendship. I can’t handle that. I don’t want someone to try to make me choose them over you. It will never happen. Until I meet a woman who is really secure with our friendship instead of jealous, there’s no point.” He met my gaze in the mirror, shaking his head slightly. I sighed heavily.
“She’s not like Rebecca. She knows we’re close. She’d be walking into it with her eyes wide open. I just want you to be happy. I’m so proud of you. You have a great job, you’re finishing up grad school, but I know you want more.”
“I’m good. I’m way more worried about you. Always have been. Let’s just take one day at a time.” His smile comforted me and I couldn’t help letting one more remark slide out.
“Say what you want but I see the way you look at her,” I teased, the hot iron running through my hair. I smiled mockingly at him through the mirror before flicking the switch off and grabbing his arm, pulling him out the door. Thanks to me, we were running late.
In the car, he turned to me, a glimmer of hesitation and fear mingled in his eyes. “I saw the way that guy looked at you the other day and I don’t like it. There’s something off with him.”
I said nothing, just sat there and stewed, wondering why our relationship was changing this way. Heath was always protective of me. He was like a brother, vetting out all potential men. I’d never been in a serious relationship but I knew if I was, they’d have to meet Heath and be approved by him. Heath had good instincts. He could always tell who was a player and who was serious. But this was different. I’d just met Patrick, I didn’t even know how I felt beyond being attracted to him, and Heath had only seen him once.
It was a quiet drive to the restaurant. The meal passed pleasantly, Heath and Madison eyeing one another. Heath was dressed casual in jeans and a plain black tee while Madison looked radiant in a white billowy dress, her hair falling in waves down her back. Theo and Anabel discussed their plans to move in together. They adored one another. Anabel was a quiet, pale-skinned woman with curly, pale red hair and light blue eyes. Despite his glasses and the long brown hair he always wore in a ponytail, Theo had a quiet masculinity.
I remained aloof that night, mostly inserting comments every now and again. Before long, we were off to the movie theater. Theo and Anabel had gone off in search of seats while Heath, Madison, and I waited in line at the concession stand.
“I’m just saying, we just ate. Do you guys really need snacks?” Madison said.
“Yes!” Heath and I cried in unison, before laughing. Feeling a surge of kinship, I decided to let my anger go for the rest of the night. We could always argue another day. A sudden urge to tell him about the freaky incidents had me opening my mouth, only to slam it shut just as quickly as I remembered we weren’t alone. But I would tell him, soon. Even though I felt anxious over the Patrick obstacle with him, there was no one I trusted more.
“It’s a tradition,” Heath explained to Madison.
“We always have popcorn and soda at the movies. Always,” I continued. “You didn’t have to wait with us; you could have gone ahead with Theo and Anabel.”
“Thanks, but no thanks. They were getting a little too close for my comfort.”
The line was five people deep with one person behind the counter. I sighed, listening to Madison and Heath chat each other up, their eyes dancing. They had become oblivious to the fact that I was there. The truth was Madison didn’t go ahead with Theo and Anabel because she wanted to be close to Heath.
My eyes became fixated on the woman in front of us. She looked familiar with her white blonde hair and slim build. She was dressed in blue jeans, a white shirt, and a tan leather jacket. Her hair was long and thin, cascading in waves. As if sensing me, she turned, looking me up and down. Then, as though brushing me off, she turned around. It hit me abruptly: this was the young woman that had been with Patrick at the grocery store. I began to look around fervently for a sign of him or the rest of his family.
“What are you doing? What’s wrong?” Madison and Heath were staring at me as though I were a mad woman.
“Nothing. Sorry. I thought…. Never mind.” Embarrassed, I looked away and began drilling a hole into the concession stand with my eyes. “You know what? I’m going to run to the restroom before the movie. Get me my usual, thanks.” Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out some cash and handed it to Heath before I walked off toward the main doors. I stopped and waited, leaning against the wall outside the entrance, closing my eyes. I just needed to be alone for a minute.
“Hey,” a woman’s voice snapped me back into focus. I opened my eyes, and there she was, the blonde-haired woman. I hadn’t noticed her eyes before.
She must be Patrick’s sister, I thought. Their eyes were so much alike, deep, rich, piercing.
This time, she wasn’t alone. She was standing with a muscular young man.
“Stay away from my brother.” Her voice was raw and bitter.
“Jo,” the man said warningly.
“No.” She shrugged, as if tossing the word, dirty and unclean, from her. “No, Aidan.”
In that moment, I missed my sister. I imagined her staring down this femme fatale, chewing up her thin frame, and laughing at her nerve to dare mess with her baby sister. Prue would never allow this woman to look at me as though I were manure she had stepped in, unsanitary, odorous, and vile, that she needed to scrape off.
But, she wasn’t here. She hadn’t been for so long, a
nd somewhere deep inside a lump began to rise to my throat. Don’t get me wrong, I can handle myself. I’m not afraid to put someone in their place, but when we were little, nobody bullied Prue’s sister but Prue. If she heard someone had teased me or tried to fight, or didn’t share a toy in kindergarten class, she’d been there, pulling the kid aside or speaking to the teacher privately about the value of sharing.
As this woman, Jo, stood staring at me, I thought of my sister and how much things had changed between us since our mother passed. I realized how much I missed her protective nature, too. I smiled to myself sadly and braced for the impact.
“Stay away from my brother!” she said again. “Do you understand me?”
I looked at her questioningly, searching her for a reason, a clue as to why she was attacking me. After a moment’s pause, trying to decide how to react, I decided to go for confused. “Sorry. Do I know you? Who’s your brother?”
“You know exactly who my brother is. I am his sister, and you need to leave him alone,” she hissed, her mouth curled in contempt.
The man, Aidan, grabbed her arm. “Jo … Josephine! Let it go.” Turning to me, he mumbled an apology and started to drag her away, but not before she gave me another look of disgust. I stood for a moment, dumbfounded and dazed.
Closing my eyes, I began to wonder what I had done to make this woman despise me. Why was she so disgusted by me, and why did I need to leave her brother alone? He actively spoke to me. I sighed deeply, wanting to sink into oblivion.
“Unh, unh.” The sound of a throat clearing roused me from my thoughts.
“Sorry. Let’s go,” I said, exhaling slowly. I opened my eyes to come face to face with Patrick James.
He grinned at me. “Where are we going?”
I flushed. “Sorry,” I said. “I thought you were someone else.”
His grin fell slightly. “Sorry to disappoint. Who did you think I was?”
“I’m just waiting for a few friends. You didn’t disappoint.”
His smile reappeared. Gazing at me for a moment, he said, “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, really. I just ran into someone….” Pausing, I tried to determine whether or not to inform him of his sister’s ambush on me. “Nothing. You know what? Never mind. It’s not at all important.”
He stared at me, smiling with a confused and worried expression in his eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He gestured to the door. “I’m about to go in. My siblings are waiting … or we could leave.” He winked at me, causing a rise of annoyance to well within me.
“I’m with friends,” I said firmly. I hesitated and added, “Listen, I just don’t get your deal. You’re all friendly one minute, and then your sister comes at me like I’m the devil or something telling me to stay away when I barely know you. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t understand.” I looked down, embarrassed by my verbal vomit. I couldn’t bear to look up, couldn’t bear the gnawing ache I felt when I looked at him, or the feelings he aroused when I was near him.
I felt his hand brush stray hair from my face. Lifting my chin delicately, he said, “I’m sorry. I’ve been going through some stuff lately. I don’t know why she attacked you, but it will never happen again.” And with that, he turned and walked into the theatre.
That’s all I get?! ‘Going through some stuff’? What does that even mean?
I stood there, frustrated and angry. How could I be so stupid? Lusting after this random stranger I knew nothing about.
Fuck it.
I walked into the theatre and spotted Anabel, standing and waving her arm to motion me up. I paused.
Really? I fumed Really! There they were, the three of them—Jo, Patrick, and Aidan—seated directly behind Anabel and Theo. Jo sat in the middle, and she and Patrick were leaned in toward one another, both their expressions angry. I couldn’t help but stare as I walked up. On the other side of Jo, Aidan nudged her with his elbow. She turned swiftly as if to yell, but he quickly leaned over and began whispering something in her ear. Her face turned to stone as I finished my journey and sat down directly in front of her, where Anabel had tapped the chair for me to sit. As if on cue, Heath and Madison came in and sat beside me. Great, Anabel and Theo to my left, Heath and Madison to my right. Nothing better than being the fifth wheel. Heath handed me my change and food.
“Your favs,” he said, smiling.
“Thanks,” I mumbled, my heart racing.
I heard the hushed voices of Patrick and Josephine; she was so close I could feel her breath on the back of my neck, the rapid fierceness of each intake followed by a heavy growling release. An uncomfortable pit sat in my stomach with every fiery breath I felt. It seemed her breathing was growing harsher and hotter until I felt her right next to my ear.
“You. Are. Nothing.”
Feeling overwhelmingly horrified and embarrassed, my body began to quiver. Glancing over, I saw no one else had heard her barrage. I had spent my whole life building myself up from the state of destitution I had been born into. I’d been teased for my second-hand clothes and mocked for our family using food stamps. In that moment, I was brought back to the realization that all people saw when they looked at me was trash. Is that what this was about? She considered me garbage? I quickly leaned over, making vague excuses about not feeling well.
“I’ll go with you.” Heath said worriedly.
“No, no. It’s fine. I’ll text you when I get home.”
“Lor, it’s no big deal.”
“No. Stay, please.” I begged him silently with my eyes until I felt him accept that he wouldn’t get his way. He nodded, reminding me to text him when I was home safe. With that I bolted down the steps, feeling seven pairs of eyes boring into my back.
When I reached my car, I stopped, keys in hand, trembling, angry, confused, alone. Always fucking alone. I leaned my head against the driver side window, unleashing a series of unrepeatable curses. Feeling a surge rush through me, I slammed my fist on the window next to my head. Heat reached out, caressing my cheek. Turning my head at the sensation, I saw blue embers flicking off my fist.
“No, no, no, no.” Shocked, I jumped back, dropping my keys. I brought my hands up, staring at my shaking limbs. Nothing. I examined the driver’s window, the ground. No embers, no flames. Mentally I counted to three, once, twice, three times. Cracking my knuckles three times, bouncing on my feet three times, I felt my control coming back to me as I let my obsessive compulsive tendencies momentarily take hold. I tried to rationalize it, but hadn’t I just felt the heat on my cheek from the ember? Hadn’t I felt a surge of energy, adrenaline? Isn’t that what happened on the first day of school when I slapped the hood of Patrick’s car?
I bent for my keys before once again leaning my head against the window. I needed to calm down. I was sounding insane, even to myself. I’d just been through two traumas when these incidents happened: almost being hit by a car, being called trash. And the other two instances, my emotions had been on the fritz. My mind was overloaded, upset. Yes. That made sense. Just breathe. Random electrical power surges at home and brain overload. That’s it.
“Hey.” I felt a hand on my shoulder, turning me. Patrick’s eyes stared so hard into my face I thought he could see through me. Taking the keys from my hand, he said, “Let’s get out of here. Is that okay?” When I nodded he added, “I’ll drive.”
“No.” I answered softly.
“Well, how about we sit in my car for a minute?”
With a brief jerk of my head he pocketed my keys, grasped my elbow and led me to his car. He opened the door and helped me in. I sat there for a minute still in shock over the past twenty minutes.
“You’re shaking,” he murmured, turning the heat on full blast, directing the vents on me when he entered the car. He reached into the back and pulled out a hoodie. “Put this on,” he said, handing it to me.
I gave a strangled smile trying to relax. The shock was ebbing but I was too keyed up to just sit much longer. “Thanks.” Great, no
w I felt like a fool as well for not wearing a coat. He must think me completely incompetent.
“Where do you want to go?” he asked.
“Home,” I answered immediately. Where did that come from? My mind started to race between the insanity of blue sparks and dead appliances and his sister making me feel weak and pathetic. I needed something to fill the void to make me forget, if just for a few minutes. For a moment I decided to be reckless and selfish as I leaned in closer, lowering my lashes at him, hoping he wouldn’t refuse me. My lips briefly touched his, soft and light, before he took control, deepening the kiss. Make me forget. Please. “Do you want to come over?” I asked, slightly breathless. He leaned in kissing me again his hand gripping my neck before pulling back, a mischievous smile on his face.
“Absolutely.” Grinning at him, I gave him my address, after again politely refusing his request to drive me. I left ahead of him when he said he had something to take care of before I rushed home. Normally, I’m a clean person, but you can never be too sure. Besides, I wanted to freshen up. After quickly texting Heath and letting him know I was fine, I went around the apartment, picking up automatically, my mind distracted as I went through the motions. As much as I cared about what he would think about my apartment, especially after what his sister had said, I couldn’t help but feel out of it. I had just enough time to touch up my makeup when there was knocking at the door. I smiled at myself in the mirror, forcing dark thoughts from my mind, making myself walk, not run to the front door.
“Still wearing my hoodie, I see.” Patrick smiled at me as I opened the door and moved aside to let him in. Closing and locking the door, I turned to find Patrick right behind me, pressing my back into the door. “I told Jo to stay away from you and out of our business. She’s worried about me, but it’s no excuse. Her behavior is inexcusable. I like you a lot Lorelei. I want you.”
“We barely know each other.”
“It doesn’t give her the right to treat you like shit.” He said, his hand caressing my face.
“No. But this is sudden. And it’s only for tonight.”
He didn’t respond and he didn’t have to. I felt the need coming off of him as badly as I felt my own. My mouth suddenly dry, all I could do was nod my assent. He grabbed my hair, pulling my face to meet his, his lips consuming mine hungrily. He gave me no quarter and I wanted none as he thrust his tongue into my mouth, setting the pace.
I was on fire. With one hand in my hair, his other skimmed down my back, gripping my backside. I moaned into him, wrapping my legs around his waist as he carried us to the couch. Tossing me down, he lay on me, our bodies pressed together, tangling in need. I reached between us, lifting his shirt, forcing him to lean up so he could take it off. Damn. He was toned. Not overpowering but lean muscle, washboard abs. Our bodies crashed back together as my hands explored his body before reaching for his belt buckle.
He stood, pulling me with him, his hands tugging the hoodie up and over my head, followed by my t-shirt. Next he unclasped my jeans and crouched low so he could peel them off me. Seeing him lowered before me sent shivers up and down my spine. Shakily, I reached for him. In just my bra and underwear, I wanted nothing more than to strip myself bare and follow through with every dirty fantasy playing in my mind.
He shucked his jeans and boxers, then pulled us back to the couch with me astride him. I writhed above him, his hands making quick work of my bra and panties. His hands roamed everywhere, touching me in places I hadn’t been touched in years. My love life was non-existent and I preferred it that way. I’d had a few lovers over the years but nothing ever serious. I was too solitary, too damaged for anything more. Briefly, I tried to remember when the last time I had a lover was. The thought vanished as our bodies entwined. Who cares anyway?
My mind blank, all I could do was feel. He owned me. In that space, there was no loneliness, no fear, just us. And it was everything.