by Rosalie Ash
The tea set was new, white china with a fresh yellow daisy pattern. Victoria had bought it to brighten up the old black dresser, and made curtains in matching material.
She took a scalding gulp of tea. The daisies on the cup began to blur in front of her eyes. She dashed an impatient hand over her eyes, and stared fixedly at the table.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean any of that! Of course I don’t resent you two! I love you and Megan. And I suppose you’re entitled to discuss my messed up life with Megan if you want to. I’m just… I just feel under siege. Ganged up on.’
'Look, I don't know exactly what happened between you and Matt two years ago, apart from the obvious, of course,' Jessica said drily. 'But I tried to warn you at the time. Matt had a reputation. He'd broken more hearts in the City than I'd eaten take-away pizzas. I could see how you felt about him, but I didn't know how to deal with it. If Mum had been alive, she'd have known.' Jessica smiled briefly. 'She always knew what to do, didn't she? But I was reluctant to behave like a bossy older sister. I was afraid that would drive you straight into his arms, anyway.'
'Whereas I managed to do that all by myself,' Victoria said miserably. 'Biggest mistake of my life, obviously!’
‘Your biggest mistake was not telling Matt you were having his baby! Vic, that was unforgivable of you! Of all the self-centred things to do, that really was off the scale!'
Defensive anger flared in Victoria. ‘Look, you weren’t there when he put me down, made me feel like a silly child! He was cold, rude, sarcastic, completely lacking in any kind of normal emotion! He’s cold-blooded and always will be!’
'No, he has changed, Vic.' Jessica said it quietly, watching her for any reaction. Victoria clenched her jaw, thinking of Matt's cold, cynical attitude when he confronted her with his knowledge last weekend. Who did Jessica think she was fooling?
'It's true. It's not just my opinion, it's common gossip among my old London set. Matt went to New York his old, hard, ambitious self, and something happened over there to change his outlook. The rumour is that the man he exposed for fraud was an old friend of his.’ Jessica paused, then said, ‘Apparently the man committed suicide when Matt uncovered the extent of the fraud.’
Shaken, Victoria stared at Jessica. 'Oh God.’
‘Yes. It hit Matt very hard. He had to deal with the family, apparently the man had a teenage son, a daughter of ten, an estranged wife. It was a nightmare situation. Emma Goodman, Matt's secretary, told me all this. She seems to think Matt and this man grew up together.’
‘Matt grew up in a children's home,' Victoria said uncertainly, 'He told me that much himself.’
‘Well he had a few foster placements along the way. I don’t know much detail. You know Matt, he’s not very forthcoming about his past. But anyway, he went off-radar for a long time after the suicide episode. He rang me out of the blue, when he got back from the States, and he asked after you,' said Jessica, emphasising each word clearly as if she were talking to a child. 'That was a couple of weeks ago. He rang to renew contact with me, and Andrew, and he asked how you were. I was more than a bit unfriendly towards him, initially, and naturally he wanted to know why.'
'So naturally you told him.'
'Of course I did! I laid into him, told him he was a complete arsehole to ignore the fact that he’d fathered a baby son, and left my little sister to go through pregnancy and childbirth and parenthood all by herself! I saw no reason to hide the truth from him, since I believed you when you said you’d told him! His reaction was complete shock, and disbelief. And quite frankly, Vic, so was mine! I couldn’t believe you’d lied to me about telling him! He has all my sympathy!'
'As I said before, your loyalty is touching!'
‘You lied to me! I’d have thought you might have had a bit more faith in me! I can’t tell you how insulted, how hurt I felt when I realised Matt had no idea what I was talking about! You say I’ve made you look a fool, Vic, that I’m being disloyal to you, but you didn’t trust me enough to be honest with me about something as huge as that! And I’m bloody furious, if you want to know! And as for not telling Matt about Archie, well, I think I’ve said all I need to on that subject!’
Victoria stood up and walked away, her knees shaking with the force of her anger. She went to stare out of the back window. It was a familiar view, one she’d known all her life. She could see the square bell tower and ancient stone bulk of the church, which stood between Roundwell and the village. The churchyard was just visible, where both her mother and her father were now buried. Lights were coming on in the village beyond, smoke drifting up from chimneys. The earlier sunshine had vanished above a low, grey sky and it had started to rain.
She said stiffly, ’If you must know, I couldn’t face the humiliation, Jessica. I couldn’t face his reaction.’ She’d dreaded hearing the annoyance, pity, a sense of obligation, anything but the words she’d longed and longed to hear but knew she never would, not from Matt. ‘I didn’t want him to feel he had to do his duty.’
'I’m sure Matt doesn’t feel anything of the sort, Vic,’ Jessica’s voice was cool, ‘He’s completely blown away at being a father, I know that.'
There was a long silence. It had suddenly gone much darker outside. When Victoria turned back to look at her sister, the big old kitchen seemed full of shadows.
'Maybe Matt cares about his son,’ Victoria drew a shaky breath, ‘But where does that leave me? Am I supposed to swallow my pride, accept that he never wanted me but now wants what I happen to have produced, by chance, after just one night together?'
'Oh for God’s sake, there’s no reason why it should be like that!'
'Yes, Jessica, there is! He despises me. And even if Matt did suddenly decide I was the flavour of the month, what I once felt for him is over. I don't want him now. I don't want him, or any other man for that matter! And I don’t need you, or Megan, or anyone else trying to push me into doing something I don’t want to do!'
‘But you’ve got a child by one man, Vic, and it’s about time you thought about that! Take your own feelings for Matt, whatever they may be, out of the equation. Just think about what is best for Archie. And what’s fair on Matt. And you know what that is! A little boy needs regular contact with his father, and Matt needs regular contact with his son!’ Jessica didn’t bother to hide her sharp impatience.
‘Well, that’s my business, isn’t it! As and when I make that decision, I’ll be sure to let you know!’ Victoria snapped back. They were glaring at each other in fresh combat when there was a brief knock on the kitchen door, and it was pushed open.
Matt stood there. His expression was mask-like. He wore faded denims, thick-ribbed navy fisherman's jersey and a battered green Barbour, and Victoria's insides contracted sharply. The rough, casual attire managed to make him look bigger, burlier, more threatening. Had he heard their conversation? How long had he been standing there?
'Am I interrupting something? Can I come in?' His deep voice was impeccably polite, but with an undertone which sent shivers of apprehension down her spine.
Chapter Fourteen
She stared at him. Part of her wanted to scream at him to go away, leave her alone, to push him backwards and slam the door. Another part, maybe the part that was still flinching from the row with Jessica, made her shrug and smile politely.
‘No, I think we’d just about finished,’ she said coldly, ‘Please do come in.’ She watched as he strolled into the room, arrogantly confident despite the hostile vibrations he must surely be receiving.
‘Hello Matt, how lovely to see you,’ Jessica gave him an affectionate hug and a kiss on the cheek. She glanced from one to the other, then out of the window, ‘Oh, I can see Elspeth’s car coming up the drive. Excuse me, I’ll just go and help her in with the shopping.’
Alone with Matt, there was another stretched out silence.
‘You and Jessica don’t appear to be seeing eye to eye?’ he said finally.
‘I’m not discussing my relationship wi
th my sister with you,’ she said, ‘And in future kindly don’t stand outside my door eavesdropping!’
‘I wasn’t eavesdropping,’ he said mildly, ‘The atmosphere in here spoke for itself.’
‘Well, what do you want?’
‘Charming greeting, Victoria.’ Shrugging off the Barbour, he hung it on a peg and then shook the raindrops from his hair. Turning back to look at her, he said ‘You know what I want.’
At that moment, Elspeth and Jessica walked into the room, hand in hand with a toddling baby Archie.
It seemed to Victoria as though they were all staring from Matt to Archie, stunned by the extraordinary likeness between the tall blond man and the tiny child.
But Victoria found herself mesmerised by the expression on Matt's face. She no longer saw Elspeth's dawning fascination, Jessica's apprehension, or Archie's innocent curiosity. All she registered, her heart thudding so hard it felt as if it would burst out of her chest, was the blaze of pride and possessiveness in Matt's eyes as he looked down at his small son.
Victoria gathered her wits and cleared her throat.
'Elspeth, this is Matt Larson. He's an old…' She hesitated a moment. 'An old friend of Jessica's,' she finished up, aware of how lame this sounded and trying to avoid Matt's sardonic glance.
Elspeth, brown-haired and freckle-faced, was just a year younger than Victoria, and she was gazing at Matt with open admiration, her bright blue eyes assimilating his features and unusual colouring with obvious fascination. She appeared to be on the verge of remarking on the extraordinary likeness to Archie, then picked up the tension in the air and refrained. With a wave of relief, Victoria stumbled on with the introduction.
'Matt, this is Elspeth Mackenzie, one of Andrew's cousins from Scotland. She helps me with Archie and with lots of other things as well.' She smiled at the other girl as she spoke and Matt held out a lean strong brown hand and shook Elspeth's, bringing a pink hue to her cheeks.
'Are you a qualified nanny?' he asked lightly, and Victoria stiffened. She suspected the deeper reason for the casual question and felt resentful at the subtle interference.
'Yes, I did two years at college when I left school, and got my NNEB certificate,' Elspeth was telling him, pleased at his interest. 'But I'm getting a bit of experience working for Victoria. That's what all employers want nowadays, isn't it? Catch Twenty-two, no experience, no job, but no job, no experience!'
'Don't say things like that,' put in Victoria quickly, turning to close the back door where rain was blowing in. 'You sound as if you're planning to leave me, and you know I couldn't possibly manage without you.'
'No, no! I'm here for a while yet.' Elspeth laughed.
Jessica announced she had to leave, to relieve the long-suffering Mira of William's antics and give baby Jonathan his evening feed, and before she left she gave Victoria a long, meaningful look.
Elspeth seemed aware of the tension, and mumbled something about doing some ironing. In the space of a few minutes Victoria found herself alone in the kitchen with Matt and Archie. She found she had to restrain the urge to snatch Archie into her arms and run out of the room.
'Shall we go into the breakfast room? Archie has his toys in there.'
Matt followed her into the comfortable, slightly shabby room, where building-bricks, stacking-toys and teddies were piled into William's old playpen. They watched as Archie toddled over to the playpen, climbed on to a handy chair and levered himself into the wooden enclosure. Matt shook his head, looking dazed.
‘I don’t know what I thought I’d find, but he seems much… more advanced than I expected.’
'He crawled at five months, walked round the furniture at eight months, and this playpen was never any use. He hates being penned in. It's a useful toy container, that's all.'
'He's really only seventeen months old?'
Victoria nodded, slightly amused in spite of herself at Matt's surprise. 'You’re the one who checked on his birth records, remember? Elspeth complains she needs closed-circuit television cameras to keep track of him now.'
Archie was climbing out of the playpen now, having hurled a teddy and some bricks out first. Victoria stared at her son, at the lint-white fluff of baby hair, the large grey eyes, the olive skin and the stubborn chin, seeing him as if for the first time. He was so like Matt, and yet she had deliberately blocked that out that until now. Seeing them together was a huge shock, emotionally.
'I'll just get something from the car,' Matt said at last. He returned moments later with a square parcel, covered in blue and white teddy bear paper and tied with an enormous blue ribbon. He put it in the middle of the floor, and settled down in a large, chintz-covered armchair to wait.
Victoria was reluctantly impressed. Most people overwhelmed small children with jovial attention, succeeding only in terrifying them. Maybe growing up in a children’s' home had taught Matt this cool, laid-back approach.
The parcel revealed a large box with a picture of a sturdy wooden playhouse complete with wooden people who lived in it, but Archie was far more interested in the paper he had just ripped off, and crawled around delightedly crumpling and crunching it.
Victoria smiled in faint apology.
'I'm afraid he's obsessed with paper. You needn't have bothered with the present!'
Matt said nothing, watching the child's antics as if dazed. There was an unfamiliar light shining in his eyes, and she found herself longing for him to look at her, just once, in the way he was looking at his baby son. Then she pulled herself up sharply, aghast. What was the matter with her? Memories of her silly infatuation all that time ago flooded back, and she cringed with embarrassment.
'Would you like some coffee or anything?' she said, to break the charged silence.
'Thank you. Black, no sugar, please,' Matt said absently. She left them together, relieved to get away, deliberately taking far longer than she needed to over the coffee making. When she returned Matt was squatting on his haunches, and Archie was crawling over him, chuckling with pleasure. The wooden playhouse and people had been unpacked, and Archie clutched one chunky doll in his hand.
The sight of them together, so strikingly alike, laughing, was almost more than she could stand. Her throat felt choked when she spoke.
'It's time for Archie's tea, and bath,' she said huskily, watching Matt's grey eyes harden as he looked up at her. He rose to his feet in that same effortless movement she remembered so well, swinging little Archie high above him until he laughed gleefully. Victoria suddenly found herself fighting images of those powerfully muscled thighs, deeply tanned, and with their coarse covering of blond hairs. She wrenched her eyes away, appalled at herself, and stared down at the floor.
‘Can I stay and help?’
‘Better not,’ she said coolly, ‘You’ve already got him wound up. If he gets too excited he won’t go to sleep.’
‘I have the feeling I'm being dismissed, 'Matt said, accepting his coffee from the tray and drinking it down almost in one gulp. 'Will you join me for a meal tonight? I'm staying at the Golden Lion.'
She shook her head. 'Sorry, it's Elspeth's night off.' It wasn't, but she could easily arrange for it to be. ‘I’m surprised you’re not staying at Jessica and Andrew’s?’
Matt shrugged. ‘Jessica did invite me. I wasn’t in the mood for socialising. Maybe I could call back here later. We have things to discuss, Victoria.'
She suppressed a slight feeling of panic. There was something relentless about Matt. Half of her wanted to dig in her heels, refuse point-blank. The other half was recalling Jessica's lecture. Her sister was right, Matt did have some claims on his son. She had to try to be reasonable and civilised about all this.
'All right,' she shrugged. 'I'll make supper if you like.'
'How could I refuse such a gracious invitation?' Matt said, a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. 'I'll shower and change at the hotel, and be back by eight o'clock.'
'No hurry,' she said.
She watched him leave, thinking
about the evening ahead with an unsettled combination of fear, panic and some other buried, disturbing emotion that she was reluctant to identify.
Chapter Fifteen
Victoria was flinging open cupboards in the kitchen an hour or so later, feverishly seeking inspiration for supper, when there was a knock at the front door. She checked her watch. It was only just after half-past seven. Surely Matt wasn't back already?
He stood on the doorstep, clutching a bottle of red and a bottle of white wine. He’d changed into chinos, white T-shirt and black leather jacket. She glared at him in dismay. In her rush to get Archie to bed, having shooed a surprised and grateful Elspeth off to spend the evening at her boyfriend’s flat, she hadn’t even had time to change.
'You're early!' she said accusingly.
'Only by thirty minutes or so,' he countered reasonably. 'I found it didn't take as long as I expected to shower and change.'