by B. L. Olson
****
After drying my tears and feeling very much like a teenage girl for doing so, we head out to my father's house for my sister's BBQ dinner. Even after getting the admission off my chest, or at least a chunk of it, I still feel nervousness overseeing my brothers for the first time in several years.
I haven't bothered to contact them in quite some time, they being part of the group that prodded me relentlessly to move on from the past and resulted in me pushing them away.. I've spent the last few weeks rediscovering myself and my priorities and found that I am prepared to mend fences with my family.
I pull into my father's driveway and place the truck into park. It was a mostly silent ride over and I know Annie must be sensing my uneasiness bouncing around in the cabin. She reaches over and grabs my hand as I reach to turn the key in the ignition and gives it a tight squeeze. She assures me, "Just remember, you're a badass gunslinger and you got this."
I give her a small smile in response and use her grip on my hand to tug her forward for a kiss. I let myself get lost for a moment in her and try and soak up as much comfort from her as I can. Pulling away a moment later, I swing open my door and climb down from the driver's seat. As I head around the front of the truck to Annie's door, I am instantly grateful that I won't be subjected to my grandmother's ire over not being a gentleman.
Annie hops out of the vehicle and takes a moment to smooth out the skirt of her flowy summer dress before heading in the direction of the door. Grandma Hazel beats her to it and swings it open wide while I close the truck door and pocket my keys. Approaching the now hugging women, I am gleeful to see her bubblegum pink hair has faded to a more subdued pastel color. Sadly, that feeling is gone when she detangles herself from Annie a moment later and I see the tube top she paired her hair with. It leaves absolutely freaking nothing to the imagination.
I am honestly in shock that anyone in my family let her wear an outfit like that, and tell her as much. She shoots me a disdainful look and snaps, "I am a grown ass woman Wyatt. My baby had babies, and now those babies have babies. I think I can dress how I want."
"I think it's precisely that fact that means you shouldn't be wearing an outfit like that." I gesture wildly at her.
She shakes her head at me, brushing off my comment, and pulls Annie in for another hug, "Speaking of babies, when are you two going to start popping them out?"
I shoot my grandma a look of panic to shut her up, but she just cackles and moves to head to the backyard. Annie looks torn between amusement and embarrassment but decides to follow her anyways. I cringe and quickly avert my eyes as I get another eyeful of my grandmother's short skirt. Why she thought she could get away with that outfit is beyond me. If it were anyone else I would scream dementia, but that woman is sharp as a freaking tack.
Following behind Annie, I turn my attention to her instead. Her pale yellow dress is still several inches longer than my grandmother's own clothing choices, but this one has me thinking sinful thoughts. I haven't had my fill of her just yet, which is something considering we have been inseparable for the past few weeks.
Walking into the backyard, Grandma Hazel grabs Annie's hand and makes a beeline for my brother's wives and my sister Maddie. I glance around the yard and see my brothers and father standing next to the BBQ, with beers in hand. Yup, if we could get any more stereotypical we would. Deciding to put off that reunion just a little bit longer I head in the direction of the group of women who appear to be starting introductions.
My oldest brother Gabriel has been married for the better part of a decade. It has been a few years since we have all seen each other, but as I approach his wife and observe her, she appears the exact same as the last time I saw her. Her short brunette bob in place, Alexis still holds herself with the regal stance of a CEO. Both her and my brother work for a fortune 500 company, and they met when she beat Gabe out of a job. A situation that would normally tear a lesser couple apart, but only brought them closer.
They have two adorable children together, who appear to be running around with a bubble wand in one hand and a water gun in the other. Clearly, they received their parent's abilities to multitask like the little masters they are. Willow the eldest is five, while Weston the youngest is only two.
My second oldest brother, Nate, met his wife Paige while on vacation in Florida. He relocated shortly after and the rest, as they say, is history. While I went to the police academy, Nate went the other direction and became a firefighter. Paige is a Kindergarten teacher at their local elementary school and while they don't have any kids of their own, everyone is taking bets on when it'll happen.
Once we get the introductions out of the way, I smile nervously at my sisters-in-law, "It's really great to see you two. You two look well." Here I am acting like we are proper strangers when in reality we are actually family. It's easy to forget such people exist when you are busy trying to hold the pieces of your soul clutched close to your broken heart.
They both murmur, "You too" and genuinely seem to mean it.
Alexis announces with a laugh, "We were just pumping your sister for information about Annie here when you arrived, so perfect timing!"
I meet Annie's eyes for a brief moment before turning my attention back to to my sister-in-law, "You thought the veteran would be the one to spill state secrets? Wrong play there, we all know grandma is the gossip."
Alexis snorts and then opens her mouth to respond but Grandma Hazel interrupts her in a huff, "Wyatt Haynes, you may be twice my size but I will still chase you around this yard with a wooden spoon and whoop your butt. Your grandmother does not gossip!"
I raise my eyebrows at her, "Then how did you hear Annie and I were dating? Telepathy?"
She thrusts her hands on her hips and gets a crazy look in her eye, "Don't make me go and get that spoon!" I try my damndest to keep a straight face, but the sight of my grandmother with pink hair, hoochie outfit, and telling me she's going to spank me is too much. I lose the battle and start sniggering, and suddenly everyone is joining in.
Besides Grandma Hazel that is. She storms off to the house in indignation.
My attention is caught by an anxious Maddie, the only other one who looks out of place despite the fact that we are all gathered here in her honor. I know this barbeque was not her idea and only just managed to whittle down the guest list to immediate family. I gesture towards the house and ask, "Mads, do you mind if I talk to you in the kitchen for a moment?"
She nods and books it to the house. I lean down to whisper in Annie's ear, "You going to be okay here for a moment while I make sure she's all right?"
She turns and gives me a reassuring smile, "You don't have to worry about me. Is your sister okay though? Do you want me to come with you?" I shake my head in response and trail after Maddie.
Climbing the back steps and entering the kitchen, my sister is already sitting on the counter waiting for me and Grandma Hazel is nowhere in site. She and I grew up closer than I did with my brothers since we are a nearer in age, and I am one of the few people she has confided in about her past. Sometimes you lose track of other people's damage when dealing with your own, and I realize with a sinking heart that I have done just that the last couple of years. Despite the progress she has made, my little sister is still very much the hot mess she was when she was younger. Maybe even more so after her time in the service.
"How are you holding up with everyone here?" I hip check the counter next to her and take a moment to study her. Maddie's eyes are wide in the way that usually means she is reaching her threshold and an anxiety attack is imminent.
"Not so great. Gabe keeps asking me when I'm going to move out and let dad enjoy being childless and Nate has been pushing to hear war stories." She picks at her nails but I can see that she is shaking behind her faked nonchalance.
"Nate should know by now to keep his fat pie hole shut." That comment earns me a small smile.
"It's not so bad. They just can't seem to grasp that I hate talking about
it though. Like with you, they pushed you to move on and now they're starting in on me. You would think they would know by now that pushing is not the way to go."
"Do you want me to beat them up for you?" I offer.
She lets loose a laugh, "I think you guys already have enough problems to work out."
I sigh, "You're probably right. And I should really get out there and get the ball rolling. But you looked like you could use an excuse to escape for a moment."
"Yeah, I really wish dad had listened and just canceled this stupid thing. Then we wouldn't have to deal with this crap."
"It's family, you're always going to be dealing with them, Mads."
"I know." She ponders for a moment before asking me, "If I start to get, well you know how I get. Can you just get me away from them? They already don't think very highly of me because of the way I acted as a teenager."
"You know I always have your back."
Maddie hops down off the counter and pats me on the shoulder which is her version of a hug, "You're the best big brother ever. Now, why don't you go out there and try and makeup without ripping each other heads off."
I shake my head at her in response, "Is that even possible with us?"
She cocks her head at me and answers, "Stranger things have happened. Like you nailing a catch like Annie."
A grin slowly takes over my face, "That wasn't strange. I just confused the hell out of her until she thought she wanted me."
Maddie rolls her eyes, "Well that explains it."
I laugh and remind her, "I'm here for you, and if you need an escape just give me the signal like old times and I'll help ya sneak out." We both had a bit of a wild youth but always have each other's backs, even if I lost sight of my sister while hidden within myself.
She gives me a curt nod and gestures at the backyard, "Okay, let's get this stupid barbeque over with."
"That's the spirit." Following her back out, I pause on the back step and take a moment to observe. Paige, Alexis, and Annie are cracking up so hard they're practically crying, Weston is crying because of something his sister did if the wails are any indication, and my brothers are busy drinking beer and bullshitting with our father.
I mentally prepare myself for what's to come as I head down the couple of stairs and in their direction. I reach them in moments and am momentarily lost at where to even start once I'm there. When my dad jumps in I shoot him a grateful smile, "Hey there Wyatt, glad Annie could tag along with you." He flips one of the burgers on the grill and points the spatula at the cooler nearby, "Beers in there, help yourself."
I don't have to be told twice. Pulling open the lid, I take a moment to survey my options. Water, Gatorade, and one single brand of beer that I happen to know is my father's favorite. I fish out a beer and close the cooler.
My brother whistles at me to get my attention and the moment I make eye contact, he throws a bottle opener in my direction. I give him a nod in thanks and pop the top, that first sip going down smoothly, "So uh, how are you guys?" At least the beer is smooth because clearly, I'm not.
Gabe replies earnestly, "Things are well, can't complain."
"Then why are you always calling me to moan like a little bitch? You're worse than a teenage girl." Nate ribs him. The years go by and the Haynes boys never change apparently. Their joking helps relieve the tension I have been feeling over seeing them all morning, and I realize that they're probably doing it on purpose.
Rather than responding to the barb, Gabe turns to me and smirks, "You know, when we got here and Grandma Hazel told as all about your," and here he raises his fingers in air quotes, "'sweet new boo thang' we started to wonder if she had gone senile. Look at you dating again."
I glance across the backyard at Annie, still lost in whatever conversation they seem to be having over there. Part of me aches to wander over and touch her, whether it be her hand or her shoulder. My body craves her when she isn't near, and that sentiment is exactly what my brother means, "Yeah I was pretty messed up for a long time. Moving helped a bit, but fighting with Annie has been the oddest form of recovery."
Gabriel laughs and claps me on the back, "Don't I know it. How do you think I landed a woman like Alexis with all my hang-ups?" Remembering the manwhore he used to be, he's damn lucky he did.
Nate changes the topic and inquires, "How is construction working for you? You liking it or thinking about getting back on the force?"
I contemplate my answer for a moment before responding, "I didn't use to think so. But every morning I wake up a little more healed, a little more over what happened, and I think that maybe one day I could return. I never set out for construction to be a permanent thing, and I think there may be an end in the near future where it is concerned."
My dad stares at me, the ever-present grief over the woman he lost still very much present in his eyes, but with it, I see a little bit of relief. Perhaps he's taking comfort that I would not be following in his footsteps and mourning for the rest of my life. That I could overcome my own agony and move on with someone else.
He doesn't say anything though, he doesn't have to.
Chapter 18- Annie
Repercussion #824: Don't ever humiliate a narcissist. They will just return the favor tenfold.
You know that feeling of impending doom you seem to get when things are going extremely well? I woke up a few mornings ago experiencing it, and for the life of me, I cannot put my finger on why my intuition is seemingly going haywire. Wyatt and I have been making tremendous progress and moving forward with our lives. We spend our evenings and weekends together or with Makayla and Jake and have no issues discussing our future as a couple.
So why can't I shake this gut-wrenching feeling that life isn't done fucking me over quite yet? Maybe I am used to the never-ending cycle of rejection and self-doubt and am just reverting back to it now that things have started to settle. But something tells me that isn't it.
It's late afternoon when I finally extricate myself from my laptop, using my day off to get some words in and curse when I realize it's my night to cook. The one thing I love about Wyatt is that he insists on cooking every other night, not only because he likes to cook but because he wants to cook for me. Remembering that I don't have one of the necessary ingredients, but knowing my mom will, I decide to head over and raid her fridge instead of running to the store.
I take my time wandering over, enjoying the sunshine and soaking up the rays. Glancing at my arm, I can't help but cringe at the paleness I see. I spend all my time in a library or locked up inside writing and if I'm not careful I'll turn into a ghost. Can you be an alive ghost though?
I am so lost in my random thoughts that I almost ran smack into my mother at the front door as she is on her way out. I give her a contrite grin as I haven't been home in a while and ask, "Hey mom, where are you headed off to?"
"Next door to see you actually, so this is perfect timing." I raise my eyebrows at her and she smiles widely before continuing, "I keep hearing about this boyfriend of yours around town, and you haven't been home in weeks, but yet I am inclined to believe maybe that's just a ruse." She pats my shoulder as she skirts around me to exit the front door, "I have to run to the store, but I expect you for family dinner tonight. And if this so-called boyfriend of yours isn't AIS, then I am inviting this nice young man at the gas station I met the other day who needs a green card."
She knows she has me. If Wyatt isn't ass in seat as my family so eloquently puts it, then my mother would surely follow through on her threat. Letting loose a sigh, but also secretly grateful I won't have to cook, I pull out my phone to shoot the Gunslinger a text about the change of plans.
Me: My mom says she keeps hearing about my so-called boyfriend but you haven't bothered to come over for family dinner. She's going to invite the guy at the gas station who needs a green card as a date if you don't attend.
Wyatt: Well we can't have that. I'll be there.
Before my mom takes off for the store, I stop her to ask a
question that's been on my mind, "Hey mom, can I ask you a question?"
She gives me an encouraging smile, "Sure hun, what's up?"
"You set me up with all these randoms over the years, I'm just wondering why you never tried to set me up with Wyatt?" I lean against the staircase banister and regard her.
She looks at me like I asked a crazy question, "I actually wanted you to date him and doing so would have made you do the opposite. I only set you up with all the wrong people in the hopes it would inspire you to find the right one."
Go freaking figure, "Well thanks for not meddling too much then."
She laughs and moves to exit the house, "No problem dear."
Satisfied that my days of pity set-ups are behind me, I turn and head up the staircase. Since I am already here I might as well pack up some of my secondary stuff. You know what I mean, the crap you can live without if you must but eventually start missing over time.
I shove open my bedroom door and stand in the doorway for a moment, observing it. I haven't been in here for at least a week and there are still clothes strewn about from when I tore through here looking for a particular skirt. I step in and lay my phone on my desk before moving to the window to open the curtains and let some natural light in. I turn and grab the closest article of clothing, which happens to be a shirt that hasn't been worn since high school, and fold it. Before I know it, all my clothes are back in my dresser and my room looks less like it threw a tantrum.
Happy that my mom won't get home and reprimand me for a dirty room, adulthood be damned to her, I turn and slide open the closet door. I dig around for a moment, finding an overnight bag and tossing it onto my bed. I then begin flipping through the hangers, trying to figure out what clothes I want to bring back over to Wyatt's. The more I dig through, the more I decide I need to clean it out because half the crap hanging in here hasn't been worn in years.