Myth Directions m-3

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Myth Directions m-3 Page 16

by Robert Asprin


  "Head's up, kid!" Aahz shouted with sudden urgency.

  My eyes popped open... and the ball was there. I wasn't quite as ready as I would have liked to have been but the time was now and I had to go for it.

  I'll detail what happened next so you can appreciate the enormity of my accomplishment. In live time, it took no longer than an eye blink to perform.

  Dropping the two halves of the staff, I caught the ball with my hands. Then, I cast two spells simultaneously. (Four, actually, but I don't like to brag.)

  For the first, I shrank the images of Gleep and myself until we were scant inches high. Second, I changed the appearance of the two staff halves until what was seen was full sized reproductions of me astride my pet.

  Once that was accomplished, I used my remaining energy to fly us toward the Ta-hoe goal. That's right, I said "fly." Even in our diminutive form, I wanted us well above the eye-level of our opponents.

  Flying both Gleep and myself took a lot of effort. So much, in fact, that I was unable to animate the images we left behind. I had realized this before I started, but figured that suddenly stationary targets would only serve as a diversion for our real attack.

  It seemed to work. We were unopposed until we reached the Ta-hoe goal. Then my mischievous sense of humor got the better of me. Landing a scant arm's length from the goalie, I let our disguises drop.

  "Boo!" I shouted.

  To the startled player, it appeared that we suddenly popped out of thin air. A lifetime of training fell away from him in a second, and he fainted dead away.

  With a properly dramatic flourish, I tossed the ball into the goal.

  One to one to one! A tie game!

  The team was strangely quiet when Gleep and I triumphantly returned to our end of the field.

  "Why the long faces?" I laughed. "We've got ‘em on the run now!"

  "You should have told us you had a gambit going," Gus said carefully.

  "There wasn't time," I explained. "Besides, there's no harm done."

  "That's not entirely accurate," Chumly corrected, pointing up field.

  There was a pile of Jahks where I had left the staff pieces. The stretcher teams were busy untangling the bodies and carting them away.

  "He was trying to protect you ... or what he thought was you," Badaxe observed acidly.

  "What..."

  Then I saw what they were talking about. At the bottom of the pile was Aahz. He wasn't moving.

  Chapter Twenty-Six:

  "Winning isn't the most important thing; it's the only thing!

  -J. CAESAR

  "HE'LL be all right," Gus declared, looking up from examining our fallen teammate. "He's just out cold."

  We were gathered around Aahz's still form, anxiously awaiting the gargoyle's diagnosis. Needless to say, I was relieved my mentor was not seriously injured. General Badaxe, however, was not so easily satisfied.

  "Well, wake him up!" he demanded. "And be quick about it."

  "Back off, general," I snarled, irritated by his insensitivity. "Can't you see he's hurt?"

  "You don't understand," Badaxe countered, shaking his head. "We need five players to continue the game. If Aahz doesn't snap out of it..."

  "Wake up, Aahz!" I shouted, reaching out a hand to shake his arm.

  It was bad enough that my independent scoring drive had resulted in Aahz getting roughed up. If it cost us the game. ..

  "Save it, Skeeve," Gus sighed. "Even if he woke up, he wouldn't be able to play. That was a pretty nasty pounding he took. I mean, I don't think there's anything seriously wrong with him, but if he tried to mix it up with anyone in his current condition ..."

  "I get the picture," I interrupted. "And if we wake him up, Aahz is just stubborn enough to want to play."

  "Right," the gargoyle nodded. "You'll just have to think of something else."

  I tried, I really did. The team kept fussing over Aahz to stall for time, but nothing came to me in the way of a plan. Finally the referee trotted over to our huddle.

  "How's your player?" he asked.

  "Ah... just catching his breath," Badaxe smiled, trying to keep his body between the official and Aahz.

  "Don't give me that," the stripe-tunicked Jahk scowled. "I can see. He's out cold, isn't he?"

  "Well. sort of," Gus admitted.

  " ‘Sort of nothing," the ref scowled. "If he can't play and you don't have a replacement, you'll have to forfeit the game."

  "We're willing to play with a partial team," the gargoyle suggested hastily.

  "The rules state you must have five players on the field. No more, no less," the official declared, shaking his head.

  "All right," Badaxe nodded. "Then we'll keep him on the field with us. We'll put him off to one side where he won't get hurt and then we'll play with a four-man team."

  "Sorry," the ref apologized, "but I can't let him stay on the field in that condition. It's a rough game, but we do have some ethics when it comes to the safety of the players."

  "Especially when you can use the rules to force us out of the game." Gus spat.

  I thought the slur would draw an angry response from the official, but instead the ref only shook his head sadly.

  "You don't understand," he insisted. "I don't want to disqualify your team. You've been playing a hard game and you deserve a chance to finish it. I hate to see the game stopped with a forfeit... especially when the score's tied. Still, the rules are the rules, and if you can't field a full team, that's that. I only wished you had brought some replacements."

  "We've got a replacement!" I exploded suddenly.

  "We do? "Gus blinked.

  "Where?" frowned the ref.

  "Right there!" I announced, pointing to the stands.

  Tananda was still floating in plain sight in front of Quigley.

  "The captive demon?" the official gasped.

  "What do you think we are? Muppets?" Gus snarled, recovering smoothly.

  "Muppets? What ... I don't think ..." the ref stammered.

  "You don't have to," I smiled. "Just summon the Ta-hoe magician and I'm sure we can work something out."

  "But... Oh, very well."

  The official trotted off toward the stands while the rest of the team crowded around me.

  "You're going to have a woman on the team?" Badaxe demanded.

  "Let me explain," I waved. "First of all, Tanda isn't..."

  "She's not actually a woman," Chumly supplied.

  "She's my sister. And when it comes to the old rough and tumble, she can beat me four out of five times."

  "She isn't? I mean, she is?" Badaxe struggled. "I mean, she can?"

  "You bet your sweet axe she can," Gus grinned.

  "Gleep," said the dragon, determined to get his two cents worth in.

  "If you're all quite through," I said testily. "I'd like to finish. What I was about to say was that Tanda isn't going to play."

  There was a moment of stunned silence as the team absorbed this.

  "I don't get it," Gus said at last. "If she isn't going to play, then what..."

  "Once she's here and revived, we're going to grab her and the Trophy and head back for Klah," I announced. "The ref's about to hand us the grand prize on a silver platter."

  "But what about the game?" Badaxe scowled.

  I closed my eyes, realizing for a moment how Aahz must feel when he has to deal with me.

  "Let me explain this slowly," I said carefully. "The reason we're in this game is to rescue Tanda and grab the Trophy. In a few minutes we're going to have them both, so there'll be no reason for us to keep getting our heads beaten in. Understand?"

  "I still don't like quitting the field before the end of a battle," the general grumbled.

  "For crying out loud!" I exploded. "This is a game, not a war!"

  "Are we talking about the same field?" Chumly asked innocently.

  Fortunately, I was spared having to formulate an answer to that one as Quigley chose that moment to arrive, Tananda floating in
his wake.

  "What's this the ref says about using Tanda in the game?" he demanded.

  "That's right," I lied. "We need her to finish the game. Now if you'll be so good as to wake her up, we'll just... "

  "But she's my hostage," the magician protested.

  "C'mon, Quigley," I argued. "We aren't taking her anyplace. She'll be right here on the field in full sight of you and everybody else."

  "And you can all skip off to another dimension any time you want," Quigley pointed out. "No deal."

  That was uncomfortably close to the truth, but if there's one thing I've learned from Aahz, it's how to bluff with a straight face.

  "Now, look, Quigley," I snarled. "I'm trying to be fair about this, but it occurs to me you're taking advantage of my promise."

  "Of course," the magician nodded. "But tell you what. Just to show you I'm a sport, I'll let you have Tanda."

  "Swell, "I grinned.

  "If... and I repeat, if you let me keep Aahz in exchange."

  "What?" I exclaimed. "I mean, sure. Go ahead. He's already out cold."

  "Very well," he nodded. "This will just take a few seconds."

  "What does this do to our plans?" Gus asked, drawing me aside.

  "Nothing," I informed him through gritted teeth. "We go as soon as it's clear."

  "What?" the gargoyle gaped. "What about Aahz?"

  "It's his orders," I snarled. "Before the game started he made me promise that if he got in trouble I wouldn't endanger myself or the team trying to save him."

  "And you're going to skip out on him?" Gus sneered. "After all he's done for you?"

  "Now don't you start on me, Gus!" I grimaced. "I don't want to... "

  "Hi, handsome," Tananda chirped, joining our discussion. "If it isn't too much trouble, could someone fill me in as to why this august assemblage has assembled, why we're standing in the middle of a pasture, and what all these people are doing staring at us? And where's Quigley going with Aahz?"

  "There's no time," I declared. "We've got to get going."

  "Get going where?" she frowned.

  "Back to Klah," Gus grumbled. "Skeeve here is in the middle of abandoning Aahz."

  "He's what?" Tananda gasped.

  "Gus ..." I warned.

  "Save it, handsome. I'm not budging until someone tells me what's going on, so you might as well start now."

  It took surprisingly little time to bring her up to date once I got started. I deliberately omitted as many details as possible to keep from getting Tananda riled. I had enough problems on my hands without fighting her, too! It seemed to work, as she listened patiently without comment or frown.

  "... and so that's why we've got to get out of here before play resumes," I finished.

  "Bull feathers," she said firmly.

  "I'm glad you . .. how's that again?" I sputtered.

  "I said ‘Bull feathers,' " she repeated. "You guys have been knocked around, trampled, and otherwise beaten on for my sake and now we're going to run? Not me! I say we stay right here and teach these bozos a lesson."

  "But..."

  "I don't know if your D-Hopper can move the whole team," she continued, "but I'll bet it can't do the job if we aren't cooperating."

  "That's telling him," Gus chortled.

  "... so retreat is out. Now, if you're afraid of getting hurt, just stay out of our way. We aren't leaving until we finish what you and Aahz started."

  "Well said," Badaxe nodded.

  "Count me in," the gargoyle supplied.

  "You'll be the death of me yet, little sister," Chumly sighed.

  I managed to get a grip on Gleep's nose before he could add his vote to the proceedings.

  "Actually," I said slowly, "Aahz had always warned me about how dangerous it is to travel dimensions alone. And if I'm going to stay here, it occurs to me the safest place would be surrounded by my teammates."

  "All right, Skeeve!" Gus grinned, clapping me on the back.

  "Then it's decided," Tananda nodded. "Now, then, handsome, what's the plan?"

  Somehow, I had known she was going to say that.

  "Give me a minute," I pleaded. "A second ago the plan was to just split, remember? These plans don't just grow on trees, you know."

  I plunged into thought, considering and discarding ideas as they came to me. That didn't take long. Not that many ideas were occurring to me.

  I found myself staring at Chumly. He was craning his neck to look at the stands.

  "What are you doing?" I asked, irritated by his apparent lack of concern with our situation.

  "Hmmm? Oh. Sorry, old boy," the troll apologized. "I was just curious as to how many Deveels were in the crowd. There's a lot of them."

  "There are?" I blinked, scanning the crowd. "I don't see any."

  "Oh, they're disguised, of course," Chumly shrugged. "But you can see their auras if you check. With the odds that were being given on this bloody game, it was a sure thing they'd be here."

  He was right. I'd been so preoccupied with the game I had never bothered to check the stands. Now that I looked, I could see the auras of other demons scattered throughout the crowd.

  "It's too bad we can't cancel their disguises," I muttered to myself.

  "Oh, we could do that easy enough," the troll answered.

  "We could?"

  "Certainly. Deveels always use the cheapest, easiest disguises available. I know a spell that would restore their normal appearance quick enough."

  "You do?" I pressed. "Could it cover the whole stadium?"

  "Well, not for a terribly long time," Chumly said, "but it would hold for a minute or two. Why do you ask?"

  "I think I've got an idea," I explained. "Be back in a minute."

  "Where are you going?" the troll called after me as I started for the sidelines.

  "To talk to Griffin," I retorted, not caring that the explanation didn't really explain anything.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven:

  "Ask not for whom the bell tolls-"

  -M. ALI

  THE ball carrier was "somewhere under Gleep when the whistle blew. That wouldn't have been too bad, if it weren't for the fact that Chumly had already thrown the ball carrier to the ground and jumped on him prior to my pet joining in the fracas. As I said before, Gleep had really gotten into the spirit of things.

  "I say," came an agonized call from the troll, "do you mind?"

  "Sorry!" I apologized, backing the dragon onto more solid footing.

  "Say, Skeeve," Gus murmured, sliding up beside me, "how much longer until we're set for the big play?"

  "Should be any minute now," I confided. "Why do you ask?"

  "He's afraid of additional casualties you and that dragon will inflict on the team while we're stalling for time," Badaxe chimed in sarcastically.

  "Gleep," my pet commented, licking the general's face.

  "You might as well forget the hard guy act, Hugh," the gargoyle observed. "The dragon's got you pegged as a softie."

  "Is that so?" Badaxe argued, gasping a bit on Gleep's breath. "Well, allow me to point out that with the master plan about to go into effect, we don't have the ball!"

  "Skeeve'll get it for us when we need it," Tananda protested, rising to my defense. "He always comes through when we need him. You've just never followed him into battle before."

  "I believe I can testify," Chumly growled, limping back to join us, "that it's safer to be following him than in front of him."

  "Sorry about that, Chumly," I winced. "It's just that Gleep..."

  "I know, I know," the troll interrupted. " ‘Spooked under fire'... remember, I gave you that excuse originally. He seems to have recovered admirably."

  "I hate to interrupt," Gus interrupted, "but isn't that our signal?"

  I followed his gaze to the sidelines. Griffin was there waving his arms wildly. When he saw he had my attention, he crossed the fingers on both hands, then crossed his forearms over his head. That was the signal.

  "All right," I announced. "Fu
n time is over. The messages have been delivered. Does everyone remember what they're supposed to do?"

  As one, the team nodded, eager grins plastered on their faces. I don't know what they were so cheerful about. If any phase of this plan didn't work, some or all of us would be goners.

  "Tanda and Chumly make one team. Badaxe, you stick with Gus. He's your ticket home," I repeated needlessly.

  "We know what to do," the general nodded.

  "Then let's do it!" I shouted, and wheeled Gleep into position.

  This time, as the ball came into play, we did not swarm toward the ball carrier. Instead, our entire team back-pedaled to cluster in the mouth of our goal.

  Our opponents hesitated, looking at each other. We had emptied over three quarters of their reserve teaching them to respect our strength, and now that lesson was bearing fruit. No one seemed to want to be the one to carry the ball into our formation. They weren't sure what we were up to but they didn't want any part of it.

  Finally, the ball carrier, a Ta-hoe player, turned and threw the ball to his Rider, apparently figuring the bug had the best chance of breaking through to the goal. That's what I had been waiting for.

  Reaching out with my mind, I brought the ball winging, not to me, but to Hugh Badaxe. In a smooth, fluid motion, the axe came off the general's belt and struck at the missile. I had never seen Hugh use his axe before, and I'll admit I was impressed. Weapon and ball met, and the weapon won. The ball fell to the ground in two halves as the axe returned to its resting place on the general's belt.

  The crowd was on its feet, screaming incoherently. If they didn't like that, they didn't really get upset over our next move.

  "Everybody, mount up!" I shouted.

  On cue, Tananda jumped on Chumly's back and Badaxe did the same with Gus. I levitated half the ball to each twosome, then did a fast disguise spell.

  What our opponents saw now was three images of me astride three images of Gleep. Each image of me had half a ball proudly in its possession.

  The more mathematically oriented of you might realize that that adds up to three halves. Very good. Fortunately for us, Jahks aren't big on math. The question remains, however, where did the third half come from?

 

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