by Steph Nuss
"Hell yeah, and we're gonna start practicing right now so we can give everybody a kickass show," Cash said, smiling. He handed me a remote and gave me a funny look. "I once saw you use a toothbrush as a pretend mic while you brushed your teeth with toothpaste running down your arm. Remote controls are less messy pretend mics."
I laughed at his recollection of one drunken night in college and gripped the controller in my hand, ready to jam. "Let's do this!"
Carter hit play on the stereo and sat back on the bed. The distinct beginning to the classic rock ballad blared through the TV speakers and then the words appeared across the screen, preparing Cash for the first verse. We spent the rest of the day jamming out and pretending my bedroom was our stage.
* * *
"This is so pretty," Tessa said, staring up at the inside of my canopy. "I want a guy to do this to my bed."
"Yeah, I really like it," I said, admiring it with her. Since she wasn't working because I wasn't, her visits usually lasted most of the day, and she was enjoying my Kindle just as much as I was. We usually spent our days reading or watching movies. "What do you wanna do today?"
"There's a beautiful bastard we have to finish reading about!" She grabbed the Kindle and unlocked the screen to open the book we’d started reading the last time she visited. "I can't wait to see what happens next. That panty-ripping scene was so hot! I don't think I've ever had a guy rip my panties off before. I bet it makes you feel like a freaking goddess!"
"It does," I sighed, thinking back to the first time Carter and I had sex. God, I miss sex. I miss sex with him so much. These sexy romance novels were good, but nothing compared to the real deal with Carter.
"Do you think Justin's a panty-ripper?"
"I think panty-ripping comes with having a penis."
"Then why hasn't a guy ever ripped my panties off? Are there certain panties that rip better than others? Am I not wearing the right kind?"
"I don't know," I said, laughing. I leaned my head against her shoulder. "When you find the right guy, he'll do all sorts of stuff to your panties, no matter what kind they are."
"I know, I know," she said, rolling her eyes. "Let's just read so we can start the next book in the series."
Her bucket list item that day was, "Try every flavor of Ben and Jerry's."
* * *
"Do you think we're weird because we like this movie?" I asked, powering on the DVD player.
"No," Justin answered with a smile. "You're a psychologist. I'm a Psych professor. I think it would be weird if we didn't like The Silence of the Lambs."
"Thank you!" I laughed, grabbing a handful of popcorn. "Carter refuses to watch it with me."
"So, how are you doing?" he asked, sounding concerned.
I shrugged and took a deep breath. "Good. I'm still worried about my test results, but having you guys around keeps me relaxed and distracted."
"Good," he said, showing off his dimples. He pulled his envelope out of the pocket of his sweatshirt and offered it to me. "Here, before we start the movie."
I wiped my buttery hands off on a paper towel and opened it. "Go paintballing."
He shrugged. "I wasn't sure what to write down at first, and Carter told us to think of something we haven't done before that you probably haven't done either. Paintball was the first thing that came to my mind. My parents would never let me play when I was younger; too worried I'd lose an eye or something. I thought it would be fun if all of us went and split up into two teams of four."
"I think that sounds awesome!" I said smiling, completely thrilled by the idea. "And I've never played before either, but shooting people with paint sounds like a hell of a good time."
* * *
"There's nothing sexual in here, is there?" I asked, holding Fletcher's envelope up to the light to study it.
"I wish," he said, sighing. "But no, Carter vetoed all of my naughty bucket list items for you."
I laughed and then tore open his envelope. "Go skydiving." The minute I read it, my stomach fell over and played dead, hating the idea of jumping out of an airplane. The idea did not appeal to me. "Fletcher, that sounds absolutely terrifying."
"I know," he said worriedly. He stared down at the piece of paper, looking just as terrified as I did.
"Then why did you write it down?!"
"Because I'm afraid of heights, okay?" he said with a shrug. "But if you tell anybody that, I'll deny it."
I laughed, shaking my head. "So, why do I have to face your fear with you?"
"Because if you can jump out of a plane, you can do anything," he said, handing me a mug of hot chocolate, "Like kick cancer's ass."
* * *
I was pulled from my thoughts by a loud ring. I looked down into my lap and saw the old flip phone lighting up. I reached for it and fumbled trying to flip the damn thing open.
"Hello," I said sharply. I didn't even check to see if I knew the number.
"Hi, Elly, it's Connie."
"Oh," I said, sighing. "Hi."
"I just wanted to call and let you know that the seller decided to go with the other offer on the penthouse," she said. "If you want, I can start looking into other penthouses for sale in your area."
I shook my head even though I knew she couldn't see me. "No, that's okay. Thanks, though."
"Let me know if you change your mind."
"I will."
I flipped the phone shut and let it fall back down into my lap. Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back against the headboard and sighed. Was bad news going to be the theme for this afternoon? I hoped not, but I was quickly spiraling down into a world of negativity. Connie's call felt like a huge slap in the face, bringing me back into reality. The home of my dreams was now someone else's home, and if I received more bad news, I was fairly certain that I'd let someone else have the love of my life, too.
Because I'd break up with Carter if I found out I had cancer.
I'd rather break his heart now than let him watch me die later. I knew what it was like to watch a loved one die, to give my mom permission to let go and then listen as she took her last breath.
It was agonizing. Unforgettable.
I didn't want him experiencing that with me.
When I heard the creak of footsteps, I quickly worked at brushing away the tears that dampened my cheeks after Connie's call.
"Elly?" Carter asked, standing in the doorway.
"That was Connie," I said hoarsely. "She said they went with the other offer instead of ours."
The screen on my phone flashed bright again, and its distinctive ring started going off. I looked up at Carter, who motioned for me to answer it. I flipped it open, my hands shaking with nerves, and took a deep breath, praying to God this was it. Make the worrying stop.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Ellyson," a female voice said, "It's Dr. Dionisi. We just received your test results this afternoon, and we'd like to go over them with you today."
"Okay, what time?"
"I'm free all afternoon," she said politely.
"I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Talk to you soon."
"Bye."
I flipped the phone shut and then crawled into Carter's lap and threw my arms around his neck. "That was Dr. Dionisi. The results are in. I'm scared as fuck to find out what they are." I broke away from him and ran into my closet for my coat and a pair of boots. I came back out hopping on one leg while I pulled the other boot on. "Why are you just sitting there? We have to go, like, right now."
He stood up, ripped the last envelope off the wall, and offered it to me.
"No, I'll open it later," I said, shaking my head, refusing to take it from him.
I rushed down the hall and grabbed my knit hat to hide my messy hair. I slipped my gloves on while Carter put on his coat and then we were out the door.
He quickly hailed us a cab, and I jumped in and scooted to look out the window, avoiding him while panic settled in. I didn't want him to warm me up with his touch or calm my qui
vering lips with his or whisper soothing words into my ear. I didn't want to smell his warm, delicious scent or look into his dark, ridiculously beautiful eyes because I'd melt.
I'd melt the snow all over Manhattan, because he was irresistible and I was in love with him. I couldn't let him sway me out of my decision to let him go if my prognosis was bad. I had to stay strong and avoid him.
And then I realized we were going the wrong fucking way.
"Where the hell are we going?" I asked, snapping my head in his direction. I'd been so caught up in my mission to avoid him that I hadn't even heard him tell the driver our destination.
"I left my USB drive in my classroom earlier today," he said, smiling. "I thought we'd make a quick stop at the college first and then head to the hospital."
"You've got to be kidding me!" I said, glaring at him. "We're seriously running an errand before finding out whether or not I have cancer?!"
"The campus is closed for winter break after today," he said with a shrug. "I thought it would be more convenient if we stopped there first rather than stopping after we found out your results."
"You're such an asshole," I muttered, turning toward the window again, completely infuriated with him.
Apparently, a goddamn USB drive was more important than my life.
Carter
When the cab stopped at the university, I thought I was going to have to drag her out of the backseat. She was so pissed about our little detour.
"You're not coming with me?" I asked, frustrated, leaning against the doorframe and staring back at her.
"No," she said with a pout. "I'll just wait in the cab so we don't lose it."
She pouted the entire way here. She kept avoiding me while she stared out the window like she'd never seen New York during the winter before. She was making this ten times harder than it had to be. I dug my wallet out and handed the driver a hundred.
"Do you mind waiting on us?" I asked.
He saw Benjamin Franklin's face and smiled. "No, I can wait."
"Good," I said, turning my attention back to Elly. I grabbed her by the arm and yanked her out of the cab. "You're coming with me."
"Ouch," she said, rubbing her arm after I let go.
"If you would've gotten out of the cab like an adult, then I wouldn't have treated you like a child," I said with my hand at the small of her back.
"I don't know why I had to come with you," she said, shoving her hands in her coat pocket, still utterly pissed off.
Minutes later, I was leading her down the same hallway I first saw her in, and she was still fuming. Her lips were pursed into a tight, adorable frown and the small wrinkle in her forehead hadn't gone away since she learned we weren't headed to the hospital right away. Suppressing my amusement, I kept up my act of being a shitty, thoughtless boyfriend.
"This place hasn't changed," she muttered, looking around at the walls.
Good, her anger's starting to crack.
I opened the door, and saw my master plan lit up before me, and smiled. "Come on."
She glared at me one more time before marching through the door and into the candlelit lecture hall. I heard her breath catch and my nerves eased watching her take in all the candles glittering throughout the large, dark room where we first met, surprise on her beautiful, round face.
God, I love her.
With my hand in my coat pocket, I ran my fingers over the little black velvet box for the millionth time, encouraging myself to do what I'd always wanted. I swallowed hard and then took her hand and led her up the aisle to stand outside row ten.
"Carter," she whispered with a faint smile, "What are you doing?"
"Something I've been wanting to do for nine years now." I dropped down on one knee, and she gasped, covering her mouth with her hand as tears threatened her eyes. "I fell in love with you the moment I sat down next to you in this row, and you've had my heart ever since. You're the woman I've always wanted. You're the love of my life. So, no matter what the test results say today, no matter what life decides to throw our way, I wanna be there with you, fighting whatever battles we face together, because I love you. Ellyson Rae Evans, will you marry me?"
"Yes," she exhaled, nodding hysterically. "Yes, I'll marry you!"
I stood quickly, pulling her trembling body flush with mine, and kissed her deep and desperately, covering her mouth with mine, stroking my tongue over hers in a frantic need to taste every sweet, luscious bit of her, just like I wanted to do the first time I saw her in this room. My thumbs brushed over her cheeks, drying the tears she'd shed, and then she broke away, smiling.
I tugged the glove off of her left hand, eager to see her ring on her. I pulled out the velvet box and opened it, and my hand shook as I slid the three carat diamond onto her finger.
"Ohmigawd," she said, admiring the ring while she brushed away more tears with the other hand. "It's beautiful, Carter. I love it." She rubbed her thumb along the band and then leaned into to kiss me. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
As I watched her cherish her ring more, I knew I picked the perfect place to pop the question. This was never where I imagined proposing to her. I imagined us vacationing on a secluded beach somewhere, watching the sun set after dinner, but this classroom was more important to us, more sacred. This was where we started our friendship and where we promised forever. I also knew I picked the perfect time. I wanted her to know going into the hospital that we were a team; that no matter what we found out, she wasn't going to fight it alone. She was never going to be alone again.
"Are you ready to go?" I asked, pulling her out of her trance. As much as I wanted to stay and reminisce about the first time we were in here, I wanted to find out her test results more.
"Yeah," she said, admiring the candles one last time. "I am."
Chapter Twenty-Six
Ellyson
I couldn't get over how huge the princess-cut diamond was; it practically took up the width of my ring finger. We were back in the cab now, on our way to the hospital, and I was still in awe at the beautiful engagement ring he put on my hand.
We're engaged. I'm engaged to Carter Jennings.
Moments ago, I had plans to break up with him if I had cancer, but when I walked into the room where we first met and saw candles flickering on each desk, butterflies swarmed in my belly, just like they did back then when he sat down beside me on that hot August day, and I completely gave up on the idea of ever letting him go, cancer or no cancer. I wasn't capable of letting him go. From the instant he’d introduced himself, I'd wanted him, and time had proven that my feelings for him were never going to change. When he got down on one knee, anticipation pumped through my veins as I remembered all the nights I’d dreamed of becoming Mrs. Carter Jennings, and happy tears streamed down my face at his loving words. Everything I'd ever wanted kneeled right there before me, making me realize how unbearable life would be without him.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked, cuddling me in his arms.
"I'm thinking about you," I said with a kiss, "and your proposal," another kiss, "and how perfect it all was."
"Even the part where I pissed you off first?" he asked, tickling my neck with his stubble.
"Yes, even the part where you pissed me off," I laughed, turning into him. I searched his face, wanting to know just how he pulled it all off. He'd been at home with me most of the day. "How'd you do it? Who set up all those candles?"
"I made friends with one of the custodians," he said, smiling. "I texted him the minute you got the call and he set it up for me."
I shook my head, completely amazed by him. "You love surprising me, don't you?"
"Yeah, I do," he said, kissing my neck. "But we're here now. Let's get this over with because there's one more surprise waiting for you at home."
"Carter …"
He pulled me from the cab and led me into the hospital, and a nurse escorted us back to Dr. Walsh's conference room. But with each step I took, the happy thoughts of our engag
ement drifted away and a dark cloud of fear replaced them as we walked through the sterile halls.
When we got to the room, we sat and waited for the doctors to arrive, and I started taking slow, deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself down. This was the same room I’d once sat in as a little girl with my mom and dad as I watched them break down after hearing Mom's prognosis. Would that be Carter and me in a few moments? God, please don't let that happen to us.
"Ellyson," Carter said, covering my hands with his, pulling me out of my thoughts. "No matter what, we are in this together, okay?"
"I know," I said, nodding. Through the windows of the room, I saw Dr. Dionisi and Dr. Walsh walking toward us, and they smiled when they saw us.
So, of course, I analyzed their smiles. Did that smile mean something? Was that a you-don't-have-cancer smile? Or was it more of a you-have-a-tough-journey-ahead-of-you smile? I was usually so good at reading people, but not doctors. Why couldn't a doctor's expression just say what it really meant?
"Elly, Carter," Dr. Walsh said, still smiling as she walked into the room. "Are you guys staying warm? The snow's really coming down hard out there."
"We're trying," Carter said, shaking the doctors' hands again.
Dr. Dionisi sat down across from me with my fate resting in her hands, her face blank, which only made my heart beat faster.
"Okay," Dr. Walsh sighed. I hadn't said a word since they'd entered the room, too nervous and too focused on trying to read their expressions to speak. I wanted to rip that folder out of Dr. Dionisi's hands and read it myself. "Elly?"
I shifted my gaze from the folder to her face and exhaled the breath I'd been holding. "Yeah?"
She gripped my forearm and nodded over to Dr. Dionisi. I had Carter's hands tightly wrapped around my hand and Dr. Walsh gripping my forearm. It was as if they were trying to hold me down, bracing me for whatever was in that damn folder.