I dig my fingers into her hips and fuck her. It’s hard, it’s fast and it is exactly how I like it. She’s moaning and screaming every time I smack her ass or touch her clit. Her tits bounce as I ram into her and I race to touch them as well. She won’t last much longer and I’m fine with that. We’re both getting what we want out of this. She can leave saying she fucked me and I can get off.
She moans out that she’s close and I rub her clit to help her along, as I continue to pound into her. I feel her pussy squeeze my cock as she cries out my name over and over. As soon as I know she is coming back down from her orgasm, I pump into her feeling my release coming on fast. “Fuck yes,” I growl out, when my orgasm crashes over me. I rest my chest on her back and nip her shoulder. “Let’s get back to the party,” I say and pull out of her, standing up to toss the condom.
While I pull my jeans back on, she rolls onto her side and stares at me. “You aren’t going to stay for a while? That was the most intense orgasm I’ve ever experienced, plus I thought we’d get to know each other.” she questions with a bit a hurt in her voice.
I want to roll my eyes, but I sit on the edge of the bed and rest my hand on her lower back. “That’s not what I do, baby. I think you enjoyed yourself,” I say with a grin. “It’s all in good fun.”
She doesn’t say anything right away, so I squeeze her shoulder and get up to finish getting dressed. I’m definitely ready for another beer. Once I’m completely dressed, she finally gets out of bed and starts to get herself dressed. I wait by the door for her and when she’s finished I smack her ass and walk out of the bedroom. I go straight to the fridge and grab myself a beer and check out what’s going on. Ethen is making out with the trashy groupie from before, Poppy and Nate are talking and Ralph is playing on his phone. I go over and sit down next to him.
“That was fast,” he says, not looking at me as he smiles. His dark, short messy hair falls into his blue eyes and he pushes it back, flexing his muscular tattooed arm.
“When you’re as good as me, you don’t need to take your time,” I reply, laughing as I sip my beer.
“Oh yeah, you are the master. Teach me your ways o’wise one.” We both laugh and he looks over my shoulder. “Oh boy, looks like you’ve got a stage five clinger. She’s looking over here and she doesn’t look happy.”
I shrug my shoulders and keep my focus on him. “They know how it works. If she can’t handle it she shouldn’t be hoping on buses with a rock band.”
“Good point or maybe you should stop sleeping around with the groupies and they wouldn’t bum rush the bus all the time,” he says, raising his thick eyebrows at me.
“Nah,” I say, picking at the label of my beer. Time for a topic change. “Hey, did you hear Poppy’s friend is coming out to visit. I can’t wait to hear stories about what she was like as a kid.”
“Or maybe you’ll sleep with her and end the trip short.” He glances at Poppy and back at me.
“I don’t know what your fucking problem is, but knock it off. First of all, I would never do anything like that. You know I don’t shit where I sleep. Besides that, I would never do anything to hurt Poppy and risk losing her as our manager. It’s bad enough Nate is with her.” I have no idea why he rides my ass so bad. This isn’t how he usually is, he’s usually as bad as I am.
He scrubs his face and looks at me. “Sorry Fitz. I was just sitting here watching Poppy and Nate and Ethen and that groupie and wondered if fans view me as a playboy like Ethen or a gentleman like Nate.”
I totally get where he’s coming from. Sometimes I watch Poppy and Nate and wonder if that will ever happen for me. If there is a woman out there that is willing to put up with this lifestyle and not be jealous of the attention I get. If there is a woman that is willing to love me for Crosby Fitzgerald, not just Fitz. It’s not likely, most women either want sex or money from me. They like the idea of hanging off my arm like a piece of fucking jewelry and the popularity that goes along with it.
I slap his back and grin. “The fans view you as a kickass keyboard player, with a great voice. Whatever they read in the tabloids, most know that isn’t real and if they believe it, well they are just assholes. You know you’re an awesome guy and we know you are. When the right girl comes along, you’ll know. Until then, enjoy life and stop overthinking shit.”
After that we don’t mention it again. We toss back a few shots, before going over to the table and sit with Poppy and Nate. The four of us talk for the next few hours. I look around for Ethen after a while and realize, he ended up going back to the bedroom, with both groupies. I smile and shake my head. I turn back to the conversation and look at Poppy. “Can’t wait to meet your friend and get all the dirt on what you were like as a kid.”
She laughs and winks at me. “Good luck with that. Brooklyn may be the only friend I’ve kept since high school, but she wasn’t and still isn’t the party girl I am. I used to have to drag her to parties and I could only manage that a handful of times. She’s got no dirt on me.”
This makes me pause for a minute. I can’t imagine Poppy hanging out with someone who isn’t a party girl. I mean this girl can party. Like I said earlier, she can hang with us and we party. They are just talking, completely moved on from this, but I can’t seem to let it go. It intrigues me for some reason. “So what, she was like a nerd?”
They all stop talking and stare at me. “What?” Poppy asks, laughing.
“Your friend. You said she wasn’t a party girl, so I’m asking if she was like a nerd in high school.” I finish off my beer and definitely feel the full effects of the alcohol swimming through me.
“No, I wouldn’t say she was a nerd. She didn’t have many friends and she definitely didn’t have a social life. Well actually she didn’t even have a boyfriend until we were out of high school. She’s shy and likes to have things around her calm I guess. She’s been a really great friend to me and I’m thankful for her,” Poppy says as Nate rubs her back.
“Well shit, now I’m curious to meet her,” Ralph says and I nod my head in agreement.
“You guys better be nice to her,” she says, giving us each a stern look.
“You better warn her that nothing with us is ever calm,” I say and get up to take a shower.
“It’s unlike you to worry. Better watch it or your pretty blue eyes, and muscular body will give the appearance you care,” Poppy calls after me, making me grin.
We’ll be home soon and I can’t wait to crash in my own bed. I’m sick of sleeping on the shitty bed on this bus. That’s why I’m showering now, because I plan on falling into my bed and staying there for days. While I’m finishing up in the shower, my thoughts go back to Poppy’s friend. What kind of girl doesn’t have a boyfriend in high school? Hell, not only did I have a bunch of different girlfriends, but I was having sex with them all. I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve ever been around a girl who wasn’t a party girl and maybe that’s why I’m so curious. I laugh at myself and step out of the shower. What the hell do I think, she’s going to be hanging out in a turtleneck and holding a bible?
I shake my head and walk toward the door with the towel wrapped around my waist. I turn the handle and don’t even care that Ethen is balls deep in one chick, while the other sits on her face. I grab my clothes and get dressed watching the porno play out in front of me. It’s actually pretty hot, and it makes me want to join, but I won’t. This is Ethen’s fun and I’ll have enough of my own when we get back to New York. Finding women is never a challenge.
I walk out to the main part of the bus and sit on the couch. “Poppy, I hope your friend never walks in on Ethen,” I say, smoothing out the wrinkles of my gray t-shirt.
“You think I’d let her on this bus with you guys? No fucking way. I’ll bring her by the club and we’ll all hang out, but not on this STD-mobile,” she says and we all laugh.
The conversation becomes light as we all start to feel the effects of weeks of late nights, little sleep and lots of alcohol. It was a f
ucking great tour, but I’m thankful for this break. We all need time to relax before we are at it again soon. This life isn’t for everyone, hell it isn’t for most, but I love it and I wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world.
It’s Sunday and that means Hank and I will be having sex tonight, so I am making sure to shave my legs in the shower. I get out of the shower and toss on my black-satin, chemise lingerie. I’m pretty excited because this is not something I would normally wear and I feel pretty sexy in it. It’s so soft against my skin and I’m sure Hank will flip. I’ve never worn anything sexy like this for him. I wanted to get something racier, but I didn’t know how he would react to that. Every once in a while I wish he would just tell me that I’m sexy or beautiful. He doesn’t compliment me and I’ll be honest, I crave it. That’s why I figured I’d try something different like this. How could this not gain me a compliment?
I decide to take it a step further and put on some makeup and do my hair. I put on some dark eye shadow that really makes my green eyes pop and put a few curls in my long brown hair. While staring in the mirror I take a deep breath and think about my conversation with Poppy yesterday. I told her that I didn’t think it was a good idea to come out, but she just wouldn’t hear it. She actually went ahead and paid for the ticket for me and emailed it. What the hell choice do I have now? I can’t let her waste her money, but I’m a nervous wreck. The idea of pulling out of my comfort zone is terrifying to me.
Not wanting to waste my time thinking about something that is already in place, I study myself in the full length mirror in the bathroom. It’s definitely a new look for me, but I love it. I look hot and sexy. My full breasts are showing a lot of cleavage, my small frame is accented and my legs look incredibly long. I bite my lip and feel myself getting excited, for what is to come. Hank always likes to have sex the same way, him on top with little to no foreplay. Tonight, I’m hoping to change that. The thought alone has my nipples pebbling and I can feel them straining against the satin and I’ll admit, it feels good. It makes me want to reach up and rub them, maybe even pinch them.
Shaking my head of these crazy thoughts I never have, I step out of the bathroom. Hank is already in bed waiting for me and I can’t keep the smile off my face. He’s going to go ballistic when he sees me. I walk into the bedroom, feeling better than I have about myself, probably ever. Hank is reading a book, but lowers it when he hears me close the door. I stand there with excitement bubbling through me as his eyes take me in.
“Brooke, what are you wearing?” he asks and not exactly in the turned on voice I was hoping for.
“I bought this for you. I thought you’d like it.” I step closer to the bed.
He frowns and looks at my face. “Why the hell do you have all that makeup on? We are just going to bed.”
My excitement vanishes and I become very self-conscious. With my arms, I cover my cleavage and move away from the bed. “I just thought it would be nice to try something different,” I whisper in defeat, as I grab my robe off the closet door.
“Different is over rated. Things are fine the way they are. Don’t go changing things up now. You look trashy if I’m being honest,” he says, bluntly, picking up his book to continue reading.
The sting is too much to handle and I feel tears welling up. “I guess I’ll get back in the shower,” I say in complete defeat.
“Good idea. We’ll try again next week,” he comments as I walk out the door.
Before I even make it to the bathroom the tears fall. I rush to get inside, because the last thing I need is for him to see me upset. Sitting on the toilet I silently cry into my hands. I felt so good about myself and now I feel like such a damn fool. It’s one thing to not toss out a compliment every once and a while, but it’s something else entirely to make someone feel like shit. This, made me feel like shit. I have very little confidence in myself and when I get the nerve to do something sexy, he not only shuts me down, but tells me I look trashy.
As I stand up to start the shower, again, I hear my cell phone ring. Quickly wiping my face I race out of the bathroom to see who it is. Of course it’s Poppy. I’m not about to answer the phone, she will hear in my voice right away that I’ve been crying. She already think so little of Hank as it is. Many times she’s called and I’ve been holding back tears. It’s not that he’s mean, it’s just that things could be so much better if he’d try. Poppy doesn’t like that. She thinks he’s holding me back, giving me a life I don’t deserve. The number of times she’s told me to leave are countless. I silence the phone and bring it into the bathroom with me. Turning the shower on, I step out of my lingerie. While showering, I can’t tell the difference between my tears and the water. I simply scrub myself clean and continue to let the tears fall.
Once I’m out and in my bathrobe, since I forgot pajamas, I sit on the couch to watch TV. I can’t even stomach the idea of laying down next to Hank right now. It’s part embarrassment and part I’m angry with him for his reaction. Just as I get comfortable on the couch, my phone starts vibrating against the table. I pick it up and see that Poppy has called ten times. Feeling horrible for ignoring it, I quickly hit answer. “Hello?”
“Brooklyn! What the hell took you so long to answer?” She asks and I can hear that she is at some kind of party or something.
“I was in the shower. Is something wrong?” I mean I have to ask, why else would she call me so many times?
“No, nothing is wrong. I had a few drinks and I wanted to talk,” she says, giggling.
My stomach swims with butterflies at the thought of being there. I take a deep breath and try to find my courage. “I’m kind of nervous about going to New York, Poppy.”
“Why? It’ll be a blast.”
“What am I going to do while you are out partying at all hours of the night?” I question.
“We’ll think of something,” she says.
By the sound of her voice it sounds as if she expects me to party right along with her which in turn makes more butterflies flutter in my stomach.
“I’ll be your guest, Poppy.”
“Brooklyn, it’ll be fine. You’ll have a blast, promise.”
And that’s what I’m afraid of.
“You sure you want to talk now? It sounds like you’re out?” I ask, changing the subject.
“Brooke, what the hell are you doing? It’s late, get to bed,” Hank yells from the bedroom. Get to bed, like I’m his damn child.
I don’t say anything, I just get up and take my phone outside with me. On the porch swing, I listen to the craziness on the other end of the phone. It makes me a bit curious as to what exactly is going on. I hear loud music, loud voices and lots of laughing. I wonder if she’s drinking. Is it a constant party every night? It makes me wonder if she sleeps all day, especially if she’s out all night. What does she do everyday? I’ve never ask.
“Sorry Brooklyn, yes of course I want to talk. I called you, didn’t I? So listen, you’ll get here at three o’clock my time, so I figured we would go get something to eat and then head back to my place. You can take a nap if you need it and then the band wanted to have a welcome party for you at the club where we hang out. They are going to surprise the place and do a few songs and then we’ll all hang out. What do you think?” Poppy asks and it shocks me.
I don’t exactly know what to say. I mean it is really nice of the band to want to throw a party just for me, but it’s just not something I usually do. They will all be drinking and who knows what else. I take a deep breath and look at the light as it flashes on and off. Hank is really starting to piss me off. “You know what, I think it sounds like a lot of fun. I’m really looking forward to getting the hell out of here.”
“Wow, this doesn’t sound like you at all. What’s wrong?” she asks and I want to kick myself for blurting it out like that.
“Oh nothing, just excited. Listen, I need to get to bed. I’ll call you during the week to finalize everything,” I say, trying to rush her off.
“I
don’t believe you for shit, but we’ll talk when you get here. Good night girl.”
We hang up and I go inside. I walk into the bedroom, expecting Hank to be asleep and he is sitting up, waiting for me. “Brooke, what is going on with you? First you come in here in that getup and then I find you sitting outside on the phone. It’s just not you.”
He’s right, it’s not me. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. The only thing I know for sure, is he hurt me before. I’m not a confrontational person, at all. I avoid arguing with people, I’ll make myself miserable before I confront someone. This time though, I feel like I have no other choice. I take a deep breath and tug my bathrobe tighter. “You hurt me before. I came in here feeling good about myself and you totally rejected me and called me trash.”
“Brooke, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. It’s just the girl that walked in here is not the girl that I love. You know our routine and that is definitely not part of it,” he says as he puts his book on the nightstand, removing his glasses as well and setting them on top of the book.
I climb into bed and tuck my legs under me. Leaning my arm against the headboard, I look at him. “Hank, haven’t you ever wanted to stray away from the routine, even just a tiny bit?” I hate asking him this stuff, mostly because I’m scared of his answer.
His eyes are closed as if he is trying to shut me out, and his long, pointy nose is sticking out, making me want to punch it. “Why would I want to stray away from the routine? It works,” he says and clicks off his lamp.
“Right, I’m not saying it doesn’t work. What I’m saying is, haven’t you ever wanted to do something different, you know, in here?” My face heats with embarrassment at my line of questioning.
“Brooke, I don’t know what the hell is going on with you. We’ve been together for almost a year, I don’t know what is bringing this all on. No, I don’t want something different in the bedroom. I think things are perfect the way they are. Now, let’s get some sleep otherwise tomorrow is going to be awful. We’ve already lost an hour,” he blurts out, rolling his lanky body over as I glance down at his boxers riding up his leg and a shiver runs through me. Disgust, I don’t know. I’m just finally realizing that Poppy may be right. Maybe there is more to life.
Renegade Page 2