‘Aye, it’s not bad.’ He looked round. There were ashes in the grate and the temperature of the house was not much warmer than outside. ‘I won’t offer to take your coat. I can’t even offer you a cup of tea – cupboard’s bare.’
A rush of love propelled him forward and he took her cheeks in his hands to kiss her, knocking her hat askew in the process. Bright allowed it to perch on the back of her head, ignoring the painful drag of her hatpin, hugging him close and running her gloved hands over his back. Then, afraid that she was about to be overtaken by all the years of repressed emotion she tore herself away with a laugh and straightened her hat. ‘I think we’d better get packing!’
Blood pumping, Nat uttered a moan of disappointment, but managed to smile again. ‘Will you give us a minute to change? Have a look around if you want.’ And he went upstairs leaving her in the front room where Oriel had once worked.
In the quiet wake of his departure she wandered through each of the rooms, studying pictures, admiring and touching furniture, until a call from the landing summoned her aloft. She paused for a moment at the foot of the stairs, looking up at him, conjuring a scene in her mind in which Nat dragged her on to his bed and forced himself on her despite her entreaties.
‘What’s wrong?’ He saw the hesitation on her face.
‘Oh nothing!’ She came straight up to meet him then, scolding herself for her wild imagination; weren’t there going to be enough difficulties without her inventing them?
He watched her coming up the stairs towards him, imagining that kiss-curled face without its hat, her hair tumbling round naked shoulders. Oh, if only she knew how much he wanted to throw her on to the bed right this minute and plunge himself into her – maybe she did know. Maybe that was why she looked so apprehensive. The perfect gentleman, he escorted her into his room without touching so much as her elbow, whilst his body strained to do otherwise.
If it had been an odd experience for Bright to enter his house then it was even stranger to be here in his bedroom, going through his wardrobe and cupboards, and the feeling showed in her movements. Nat felt a great deal more comfortable after his change of clothing, though occasionally as they took it in turns to lay items into a suitcase he would catch her gazing wistfully into midair and it worried him that the discovery of his financial dealings might have changed her view of him. ‘You’re not having second thoughts about coming with me, are you? I know it’s a big step but—’
Bright, who had been imagining herself in that bed with her lover, looked startled, then turned dancing brown eyes on him. ‘No! I’m never letting you out of my sight again.’ She stroked the shirt that lay folded over her arm. ‘Yes, it is a big step, but if that’s where you’re going, so am I.’
He looked relieved and continued packing. ‘I’d like to be off as soon as possible. The only delay will be in selling this place and the business. I’ll keep the rented properties. It’ll be something to fall back on if I fail over there.’ Scolded for his lack of optimism, he replied, ‘Now when have I ever been an optimist?’ He shared yet another grin with her, thinking that he had never smiled so much in all his life as in these last few hours. The unused face muscles ached from it. ‘The rents’ll provide a regular income – and I don’t want to put Spud out of a job at a time like this. He collects them and other debts.’ There followed a short explanation of how he and his boyhood pal had formed this business alliance. ‘He has a family and not much brains. Christ, even the army didn’t want him for cannon fodder so there’s not much chance of anyone else employing him.’ He tucked a pair of shiny boots down the side of the case and looked around the room in search of other items he might need. ‘D’you reckon Oriel will change her mind about going with us?’ Bright looked exasperated and anxious. ‘I wish I knew.’
‘If she intends to stay in England, I could sign the business over to her.’ Nat was amazed by how little it meant to him now that he had Bright. ‘She’s been nigh on running it herself this past year anyway.’
‘That’s very generous!’
‘No it’s not, she’s me daughter.’ There was a trace of impatience in his response which he quickly replaced with warmth. ‘I need to make things up to her. Now then, what else will I need?’
‘You’d better bring your ration card,’ suggested Bright.
‘Oh aye, that’s in me pocket. I meant in the way of clothes.’
She cocked her head. ‘D’ye think the sun really does shine all the time in Australia?’ He said it had better do if he was going all that way on the strength of it. ‘Well then, it’s no good us going dressed like this. We’ll have to buy some lightweight clothes.’ She caught his grimace. ‘If you don’t like shopping you can give me a list and I’ll do it for you.’ His eyes stopped flitting around the room and settled on her freckled nose, his look betraying a need to confide. ‘It’s not so much the shopping, it’s the people. I always get like this after a spell o’ being locked up. I can’t really explain it.’
Bright nodded. ‘You get all chewed up inside, feel that people are crowding in on you, you’re just frightened and want to run.’
He nodded, amazed at her intuition. ‘You’re sure you haven’t done a stretch yourself?’
Bright made a joke of her own insecurities. ‘I served a good few years under Miss Bytheway – she could match any prison governor.’ She patted him tenderly. ‘Let’s not dwell on it. All I’m saying is, when you think you’re alone in your fear, you’re not.’
His eyes showed gratitude before turning thoughtful. ‘Do you want to visit your family before you go?’
‘They might as well have been miles away for years for all I’ve seen of them.’ She returned to bustling around, pretending to look unconcerned but failing. ‘No, I don’t think so. Anyway, Mother…’ She gave up the pretence and turned to look Nat in the eye, hugging a bundle of his clothes to her chest. ‘I think she’s dead. Don’t ask me how I know, I haven’t seen it in the paper or anything. I just felt her go… slip away.’
Nat was unaccomplished in responding to such raw emotion, and on the premise that Bright was only saying that her mother was dead in an effort to deny the woman’s rejection of her – which was the way he himself had coped with such loss – he answered quietly, ‘Aye well, it’s easier to tell folk she’s dead, then they don’t keep pestering you with questions.’
But she replied calmly, ‘I’m not just saying it, Nat. I can feel it. You know when your mother’s dead. You just know.’
The look on her face was one of such distress that he changed the subject, as much for his own sake as for hers. ‘By, it’s nippy in here, isn’t it? I’ve just thought, there’s a load o’ coal in t’cellar. At least there is if nobody’s helped themselves in my absence. I’m not going to need it here now so I’ll get a lad to cart it round to your house.’
Bright was dogged. ‘I’ve wanted to ask all day but I didn’t like… did you ever find out what happened to your own mam?’
He shook his head and tried to appear busy.
‘Didn’t you ever wonder?’
‘Nope.’
‘Do you want me to shut up?’
‘Aye.’ He could never envisage a time when he would be able to talk about that pain even to Bright. ‘Away then!’ He patted her, shut the suitcase, fastened its catches and hefted it to the floor. ‘I’ll just grab some money out of t’safe and find out if I’m still the owner of a horse, then we’ll go home and see whether that lass of ours has made her mind up about coming with us.’
* * *
Oriel had been doing a lot of thinking while her parents were out, envisaged herself in this tall spacious house alone when her mother had left. How could Bright do this to the child she had prized above all else? The act of rolling this thought around her mind over and over again invoked a mood of depression and when her parents returned at six o’clock they found Oriel brooding in the dark.
‘Oh, you are in here!’ Bright peered through the dinge at the figure reclined by the fire and went immedia
tely to light a gaslamp on the wall. ‘Curtains,’ said Oriel absent-mindedly, remaining seated.
It’ll be curtains for you if you speak to your mother like that, thought Nat darkly, but he sufficed with a tight-lipped scowl that his daughter could not fail to notice as the light came on.
‘The war’s over,’ Bright reminded her, appearing not to notice what Nat had considered to be Oriel’s rudeness, though she had. ‘We don’t need the blackouts. It’s like fairyland out there.’ After years of stumbling along darkened wartime roads they had just returned via town where not only were the street beacons in full complement but the shop window displays shone out like fairy grottoes with their shimmering array of glass and china and silver. ‘I’m going to rip these down tomorrow. In fact the whole place needs a good bottoming. Especially if we need to sell it.’ She looked hopefully at Oriel. ‘Have you thought any more about coming to Australia with us? I’m not pushing you, but Nat—’ here she looked at Nat and corrected herself for the umpteenth time, ‘your father says if ye choose to stay here then he’ll give you the business.’
‘What would I want with that?’ Oriel ejected herself from the chair and went to ignite the other gaslamps. Did he imagine he could buy her?
‘It would be just as easy to decline politely,’ reproved her mother, finally drawing the curtains. ‘I think it’s a very generous offer.’
Oriel snorted as she replaced a globe over the yellow flame. ‘If there’s any generosity involved it’s on my part. Without me that business would have collapsed a year ago when he was in gaol.’
Nat’s anger was controlled. ‘If you looked after it for a year there must’ve been good reason.’ The only response was a look of haughtiness.
Bright should have raised her voice then, should have scolded her daughter for such lack of respect. But as terrified as she was that Oriel’s bitterness might drive Nat away she was also sensitive to the emotion that lay behind the hauteur and could not bring herself to add to the girl’s misery with a maternal rebuke. So, saddened and unnerved by the animosity, she merely went off to the kitchen muttering, ‘I’ll go and get us some tea.’
Nat glared at his daughter. ‘You could have done that while we were out to save your mother a job.’
She glared back and left without a word. How dare he remind her of her duty! What about the duty he had owed her mother these last twenty-two years?
‘Will ham and eggs be all right?’ Almost colliding with her daughter, Bright came back to poke her head around the door, receiving the answer that this would be most welcome. ‘I’m afraid there’s only one egg each,’ she apologized and sighed. ‘You’d think the hens had all been away fighting in the war, wouldn’t ye? And the ham’s not the size of a threepenny bit.’
‘I never have more than one egg,’ lied Nat with a smile. ‘Besides I’m still full up after that dinner you cooked us. I’m just happy to be here.’ I just wish others felt the same, came his thought as his daughter swanned in and flung the cloth over the table with a defiant flourish.
Oriel smoothed the linen, wheeled around, then saw her mother’s downcast expression and immediately berated herself. Stop behaving like this! You’re only hurting Mother. I know but I can’t help it. It’s all his fault. No it isn’t! How could he help being abandoned by his mother? No, but he knows what it’s like to be abandoned yet he did the same thing to me!
Another glance at her mother’s face coaxed her into making amends. ‘Shall I show Father to his room?’
Nat flinched visibly at the use of this personal term. Though well aware that it had not been intended as any endearment, the sound of his daughter calling him Father melted his resentment completely. She had every right to be angry at him. What had he ever done for her? Very little. Now was his chance of restitution. Just allow her to vent her spleen, he told himself. You have no right to expect anything of her – though he did.
Bright cheered up. ‘Oh, good lass. I’ll see if I can resurrect this fire.’ Oriel apologized for allowing it to get so low. Her mother said it couldn’t be helped. ‘Nat’s having the coal in his cellar brought round here so it should see us over Christmas. They say supplies will be back to normal by then. Oh, by the way!’ She halted Oriel’s exit. ‘D’you know what’s happened to your father’s horse?’ Finding the stable bare they had been forced to return by cab.
‘Charlie from the yard is looking after it.’ Oriel directed her answer at Nat. ‘He had to stable it nearer to his home. He’s been doing your rounds for you as well.’
Nat enjoyed a twinge of satisfaction that so many people had been looking after his interests in his absence, but his response displayed ingratitude. ‘I wonder how much that’ll cost me.’ Picking up his suitcase he followed her upstairs, grunting at the strain which the heavy baggage placed on his wound. Arriving at his room he swung the case on to the bed and looked around.
‘Will you need any help in unpacking?’ enquired Oriel, but as her offer seemed half-hearted Nat said he would do it himself. ‘I’ll go and assist Mother with the meal then.’ She left him.
* * *
Later in the evening, Oriel sat with her parents by the fire, her mother providing most of the dialogue. Reading Nat’s mind, Oriel knew he felt as encumbered as she did, wanted her to go to bed so that he could have her mother to himself, but she stubbornly refused to be the first to crumble. This was her house.
By ten he gave a yawn of capitulation, apologized and prised himself from the chair. ‘I’m sorry, if I sit here any longer I’ll be dropping off. I didn’t get much sleep in hospital.’
‘Aw, off you go then, love.’ Bright had changed back into the shoes he had admired earlier and in the quiet moments prior to his announcement had been admiring them herself discreetly. ‘Hang on, I’ll give you a jug of hot water to take up with you.’
He followed her into the kitchen in the expectations of a good-night kiss and watched as she filled a jug from the kettle. ‘There’ll be enough for a bath tomorrow morning if you want one.’
‘Stink that bad, do I?’ he grinned.
‘No! I just meant what with you being in hospital. We’ll bring one up before breakfast.’
‘You haven’t got a bathroom, then?’
She gasped a laugh. ‘Listen to Lord Muck!’
Nat feigned arrogance, licked his middle finger and dabbed it behind each ear as if applying perfume. ‘Oh, I have all the modern amenities at home, you know.’
‘Well, you won’t have them here! It’s a privilege for you that I’m offering you a bath in your bedroom. I haven’t carried water up those stairs since Miss Bytheway popped her clogs. Oriel and me take ours in the kitchen.’
At the sound of her name Oriel’s ears pricked, trying to hear what they were saying about her, and gritting her teeth at the murmurs of canoodling laughter.
‘Eh, I’m not having you lugging water all that way up there! A tub in t’kitchen’ll do me – if you promise not to look.’
‘Get away with ye!’ Bright handed him the jug of hot water and accepted the kiss he gave in exchange, patting his arm fondly. ‘Good night, dear. Oh, it’s been a lovely day.’
It’s been the happiest day of my life, thought Nat, but was too inhibited to voice it. Hoping that it showed in his smile, he turned away.
Her warm eyes followed him from the room with longing, then she went to sit down again with Oriel, both of them staring into the dying embers. With another in the house, this might be the last opportunity she got to speak to her daughter alone. Anguish over the enforced parting induced such terrible nausea. There were important things to say, but how could one start?
‘Your father’s going to put his house up for sale tomorrow.’
‘Is he?’ Oriel continued to stare into the fire. Normally, she would be as talkative as her mother but a visitation of melancholy such as she was experiencing right now would always render her dumb.
Bright was persistent. ‘I think you ought to give him an answer about the business so’
s he can put that up for sale at the same time if needs be.’
‘I thought I’d made it clear, I don’t want it.’
‘When are you going to stop this?’ came her mother’s sudden demand.
‘Stop what?’ Oriel detested herself for being so silly, but could not restrain the impulse.
‘I feel like I’m tearing myself in half between the two of you.’
‘I don’t want to prevent you going anywhere you want to go,’ muttered Oriel. ‘But you surely don’t expect me to be happy when my mother’s leaving me?’
Bright was hurt and angry. Why in the midst of all this happiness should she feel that her heart would break? ‘Don’t you think I’ll miss you dreadfully? But for heaven’s sake, you’re not a child, you’re twenty-two years old!’
Oriel was shocked to tears – as if that made a difference!
‘Now I’ve said you’re quite welcome to come with us if you wish. We both want ye to come, but if you choose not to then that’s your decision. I’m not going to let you make me feel guilty.’
But she would, of course. She prayed desperately that her words of bravado would have an effect and Oriel would come too, for without her daughter Bright’s happiness would remain incomplete. She told this to the other, who was sobbing now.
‘You know how much I love you. But I love your father too and if push comes to shove… well, don’t ask me to choose between you, that’s all.’ The girl’s tearful face spun on her but she forestalled the accusation. ‘I know what you’re going to say – your father left me once. But he won’t do it again. I know he won’t. But you will. You’ve your own life to live and I don’t want to end up alone.’
‘What life?’ A deeply confused Oriel reviewed the past two decades. ‘What is there for me? Who is there for me?’
In a spirit of wretchedness Bright lurched over to hug and soothe her daughter. ‘Oh, don’t! I can’t go when you’re like this.’
‘I’m not trying to stop you, honestly I’m not!’ wept Oriel. ‘I have considered going with you, I’ve been sitting here all night thinking about it, trying to imagine what I might do over there.’
A Complicated Woman Page 4