by Peggy Webb
He knelt in front of her and captured her hands in a firm grip that said, I’m not letting you go. Ever.
“Sandi, I want to marry you. I’ve wanted it since I first saw you.”
“Oh, Matt…”
Yes, she thought. This. This is what I want.
“Please say yes, Sandi. Let me make a home for you, and for our child.”
She drew back as if she’d been slapped. “You knew?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
“I came here last night to see if you were home, and when I didn’t see your car I went around back. I saw you silhouetted against the window shade.”
He was still kneeling in front of her, too close, too real, too important. He was stealing all her air, robbing her of her senses.
She made a sound, not really a word but the broken, wounded cry of a dove who’s not certain her babies are safe in the nest. If only she could believe he loved her.
“You knew I was carrying your baby before you decided to propose.”
“I won’t lie to you. I don’t know what my intentions were when I left Jackson in the middle of the night. All I knew then was that I had to see you, I had to be with you.”
He kissed both her palms. “Then when I saw you caressing our child, I knew I loved you. I knew, Sandi. All the reason in the world could not replace the simple truth in my heart. I love you, Sandi.”
“If only I could believe it’s true,” she said. “If only I could know.”
“What can I say, what can I do to prove it to you?”
“I don’t know.” She pressed her hands protectively over her abdomen. “I just don’t know.”
She wasn’t wise in the ways of love. She’d made three terrible mistakes. And was it any wonder? Her mother viewed her as an inconvenience and her grandmother had treated her as a burden to bear.
“Sandi, I won’t press you for an answer. But I won’t give up either. I want you to understand that.” He smiled. “I’m not called Bulldog Coltrane for nothing.”
“Bulldog?”
“That’s what my colleagues call me.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” She loved the nearness of him, the way having his hands on her made her feel. Protected. Cherished. “Matt, I have to tell you something.”
“I’m listening.”
“My pregnancy does not change my plans about adoption. I’ll be leaving for China within the next month to pick up my daughter.”
“I understand that.”
“Do you? We’re a package deal, Matt. One pregnant woman, a little girl who doesn’t speak English, and two puppies who will grow into very big dogs. That’s a lot for somebody to take on, even a bulldog.”
“I’m capable of the challenge. Give me a chance to prove it to you, Sandi.”
“I don’t want to do something that either of us will regret.”
“Do you have regrets about us?”
“None, do you?”
“No.”
Sandi saw how it was possible to get lost in a man’s eyes. She saw how it was possible to glimpse his heart, his soul, and gazing at him she saw nothing except sincerity and truth. But was it merely of the moment or would it last a lifetime?
Sighing, he lifted his hand to her cheek and closed her eyes. “I just can’t think right now.”
“That’s all right. Take your time. I’m staying at the Holiday Inn until Monday, and you have my cell phone. You can call me anytime, and I’ll certainly call you.”
“Matt, thank you. You’ve been more than kind.”
“There’s something I’d like to do before I go.”
If he said kiss her, she knew she was lost. There was no way she could kiss Matt Coltrane and then refuse him anything, even a marriage that might turn out to be the kind of emotionally crippling experience she’d been accustomed to all her life.
“What would you like?” she said.
“To feel our baby. May I?”
Her heart melted, and she thought she was going to cry. Instead, she unbelted her robe and he pushed it aside. Then with the tenderness of a big man fearful of breaking English china, he spread his palms over her abdomen. The heat of his hands warmed her and made her feel safe.
As if he knew his father’s touch, her baby chose that moment to make his first fluttering movements.
“Matt, did you feel that?”
When he looked at her, he didn’t try to hide his tears. “I felt our child,” he whispered, then he bent down and kissed her swollen womb.
She put her hand on his head, holding him there, loving him there. And it was a very long time before either of them could speak.
Sitting in the hotel room staring at the telephone, Matt learned that waiting is the hardest thing in the world to do. Patience had never come easy for him, and yet he knew that if he pushed Sandi, he’d lose her.
He knew how to wait for verdicts, but they were always based on the case he had presented. Matt had the sinking feeling that he hadn’t presented Sandi a very convincing case.
Furthermore, when he argued before a court of law he always armed himself with all the facts. While he knew everything about Sandi’s spirit, her heart and her soul, he knew very little about her background.
But he intended to find out. He searched the phone book till he found the right number, then picked up the phone and dialed.
“Hello,” she said.
“C.J., this is Matt Coltrane. I need to talk to you.”
“Yes, you do, Matt. Sandi told me what happened.”
“How is she?”
“Confused.”
“I love her, C.J., and not merely because of the baby. But I don’t know how to convince her of that. I don’t expect you to betray any confidences, but if you can tell me everything you know about her, it might give me some idea of how to reach her. Can you meet me somewhere?”
“How does six at the Bulldog Grill sound?”
“Great.”
The phone in their small apartment rang at two o’clock in the afternoon. Ben was on the balcony enjoying a cup of cappuccino and a view of the Seine while Lucy luxuriated on the bed, feeling decadent and as satisfied as a cat turned loose in a cream factory.
She picked up the receiver and said, “Hello,” and her son said, “Mother? Is that you?”
“Of course it’s me. What’s put you in such a chipper mood?”
“Love…and fatherhood.”
“What?” she screamed, and Ben came running.
“What’s the matter, darling?” he said, and she caught his hand to anchor herself. “Dreams do come true,” she told him.
“What’s that, Mother?”
“I was telling Ben that dreams do come true.”
“Almost. If I can convince Sandi.
“What do you mean, convince Sandi? She’s been in love with you since all those crazy shenanigans at O’Banyon Manor. Of course you can convince her.”
“I’m going to need a little help.”
“From me?”
“Yes. I need you to locate Sandi’s mother and let me know how to get in touch with her.”
Ben handed her a pad and she scribbled furiously while Matt told her the name.
“Do you think you can find her for me?”
“Of course.”
“You’ll let me know as soon as possible. I’d like to be married to the mother of my child before the baby comes.”
“You don’t know how happy it makes me that you’ve finally let yourself love Sandi. I feel like a woman washed clean of guilt.”
“You love her, too, don’t you, Mother?”
“We all adore her.”
“Then I have another proposal for you.”
By the time her son finished telling her his plans and they’d said goodbye, Lucy was bawling like a newborn calf.
Sandi was in the darkroom developing photos of a christening while the dogs snoozed in their doggie beds when her doorbell rang. She stripped off apron and gloves, tucked a stray strand of h
air into her ponytail then opened the front door to a deliveryman from Overland Express.
“Miss Sandi Wentworth? Sign here, please.”
“I didn’t order anything.”
Behind him the doors of the truck clanged open and two men climbed inside.
“Just tell me where you want us to put it, Miss Wentworth.”
“Put what?”
“This.”
He stepped aside and there in her driveway was the beautiful mahogany four-poster bed from O’Banyon Manor.
She ran down the steps to the bed of her dreams. Laughing and crying, she walked all around it touching the four posts, the ornate footboard, the massive headboard.
“I see you like my gift.”
“Matt.” Her baby kicked her so hard she could feel her maternity smock move. “Oh, Matt.”
She put her arms around him and buried her face in his neck, inhaling the clean soapy scent that always lingered on his skin even after lovemaking. How could she not touch him?
He held her while the deliverymen waited patiently in her driveway.
“Go ahead and set that up in the bedroom on the right,” he told them.
Sandi stepped back and smoothed her shirt. “I can’t possibly accept that.”
“The bed is yours. It’s not negotiable.”
“But, Matt…”
“No strings attached, Sandi.”
“I’m going to cry again. I’ve been so emotional lately.”
He smiled. “Other than that, how are you? Is everything okay with you and the baby?”
“Your son and I are both a hundred percent.”
“My son?” Sandi wished for her camera. She’d never seen such joy bloom on a man’s face. “I’m having a son?”
“The doctor is ninety-five percent sure. The second ultrasound made the baby’s gender pretty clear.”
He pulled her close and buried his face in her hair. “Oh, Sandi.” His arms trembled, and she thought, How can a man do that unless he truly loves? “Thank you, Sandi,” he whispered.
“You’re more than welcome, Matt. Oh, where are my manners? Would you like to come in for a while?”
“Yes, I’d like that very much. There are some things I’d like to discuss with you.”
She didn’t want to talk in front of strangers, so when they got inside, she said, “I’ll fix us something to drink. Coffee? Tea?”
“I’ll have whatever you’re having.”
“Milk.”
He smiled. “Milk is fine.”
She left him sitting on the sofa, and when she reached the safety of the kitchen, she put her hand over her mouth so he wouldn’t hear her crying. She was such a mess. Crying for joy over a bed that had been special to her since the moment she saw it.
Could such a gift really come with no strings attached? When she went back with the milk she’d try to be more observant and less emotional. She didn’t want her entire future to be predicated on the gift of a bed.
The deliverymen were leaving as she came out of the kitchen, so Sandi detoured by her bedroom to look at the bed. It was so wonderful it made her heart hurt.
She tore herself away then joined Matt, but she didn’t sit on the sofa beside him. She didn’t dare, not because of her bulk but because of her undecided heart.
But even across the room she knew her heart wasn’t safe. How could it be when Matt was looking at her as if she were spun gold and he could survive only in the glow of her reflection.
“Sandi, when I told you the bed comes without strings, I meant that. Of course, I hope to be part of the package.”
“I don’t have an answer for you yet, Matt. I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy I haven’t had much time to think, really. I’ll be leaving next week for China.”
“You’ll need a bigger place.”
She sighed. “I know. We’ll just have to make do till I can find one.”
“No, you don’t. I want you to live at O’Banyon Manor.”
“Till the baby is born?”
“No, permanently. As my wife, I hope, but your staying there is not contingent on marrying me.”
“You can’t be serious. That’s beyond generosity. That’s amazing.”
“I’ve done a lot of thinking lately, and I’ve decided I don’t want to live the rest of my life in my present rat race. I’m planning to open a branch of the law firm in Shady Grove.”
“Lucy will be so happy.”
“She is. She’s also ecstatic at the idea of you living at O’Banyon Manor. The entire east wing would be ours…or yours if that’s the way you prefer. It even has its own kitchen. We would be perfectly self-sufficient there. You wouldn’t even have to consort with Lucy and Aunt Kitty unless you wanted to.”
“Oh, but I’d love to.” She bit her bottom lip. “If I lived there.”
Matt smiled. “You can take your new bed, and I’ve already arranged a nanny to help you.”
“I haven’t said I’d go.”
“When you decide, give me a call and I’ll arrange for movers. And you don’t have to worry about moving in and being bothered by me. I’ve already found an apartment in Shady Grove that will do fine until you make up your mind that I love you.”
He stood and strode toward her, then knelt and kissed both her hands. “My love for you is real, Sandi. It’s not going to vanish and neither am I. But until you decide for yourself, I want to take care of you. Please let me.”
“You know how to tempt a girl, don’t you?”
“I hope so.”
She closed her eyes and breathed, simply breathed. It felt like the first good breath she’d drawn since she found out she was pregnant. Matt being in the room somehow made everything possible. Even miracles.
After Matt left she loaded Pooh and Patsy into the car then drove into the country to find her best friend. C.J. and Clint were standing in the middle of their framed-up house holding hands and watching the sunset.
They both waved at her, and C.J. called, “We’re in the den. Come join us.”
Pooh and Patsy raced off to chase a squirrel while Sandi picked her way across the littered concrete floor.
“Here, you get the best chair.” Clint held her arm and led her to a timber laid across concrete blocks. “Is that sturdy enough for you?”
“It’s great, thanks.”
“Good. I want to learn how to take care of mothers-to-be. C.J. and I are pregnant.” His grin was as big as Texas.
Whooping with delight, Sandi grabbed C.J. and the two old friends danced a careful version of the jig they’d used for years to celebrate the milestones in their lives.
“I’ll just mosey off and watch after the puppies while you two catch up on girl talk.”
“Thanks, darling.” C.J. kissed her husband, then sat on the timber beside Sandi.
“Matt gave me the bed. Pinch me, C.J. None of this seems real.”
“It’s real, kiddo. He really does love you, you know.”
“You think so?”
“I’d almost guarantee it.”
“I guess that’s what I’m waiting for, a guarantee. Everything’s so wonderful right now. Perfect, in fact. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
They didn’t talk for a while. In the distance Clint tossed small sticks for Pooh and Patsy to retrieve, and a sun as red as Don Juan roses painted the sky with colors Sandi dreamed about.
“Look at him out there. Isn’t he wonderful?” C.J. said, then turned to her friend. “Sandi, even if I knew it would all fall apart tomorrow, I’d still take my chances. I’d rather have a few months with him than a guaranteed lifetime with a man I didn’t truly love.”
Chapter Fifteen
Sitting in the airport with a small tote bag packed full of little girl’s clothes, size eighteen months, Sandi tried not to be nervous. The doctor had nixed C.J.’s plans to accompany her to China because she was in the first trimester of her pregnancy, and of course Clint needed to be with his wife.
Sandi dug into her purse an
d brought out a candy bar. If she didn’t find relief from stress soon, she was going to be so big she wouldn’t fit between the posts of her fabulous old bed. Sighing, she put the candy bar back into her purse.
“Be strong,” she said. “Resist temptation.”
“There’s no reason to.”
Matt stood there in the sunshine smiling down at her, and suddenly she knew the meaning of heaven.
“Matt, what on earth are you doing here?”
He slid into the seat beside her. “You didn’t think I was going to let you go to China all by yourself, did you?”
“I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”
“I know you are, but did you think I was going to let you get a head start on me and worm your way into our daughter’s affections before I ever got a chance to win her heart?”
“Our daughter? Did you say our daughter?”
“Yes, our daughter, Sandi.”
She fumbled in her purse. Drat it. Where was a tissue when she needed it?
Matt pulled out a perfectly laundered, perfectly white handkerchief and she destroyed it with mascara and tears.
“I’m sorry,” she sniffed. “I’m such a mess. You must think I’m hopeless.”
“On the contrary. I think you’re the most remarkable woman I’ve ever known.” He took the handkerchief and wiped a smudge she’d missed. “There now, is that all better?”
“All better,” she said, meant it. The simple fact was, being with Matt always made everything better for her. But could she trust it to always be so?
“They’re calling our flight,” she said.
“So they are. Give me your ticket, Sandi.”
This time she didn’t question. She was too grateful to have someone else in charge for a change.
“What was that all about?” she asked when he came back.
“I’ve upgraded us to first class. Pregnant women need more room to stretch their legs.”
“How did you know?”
“The same way I know lots of things.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “The same way I know you’re going to marry me.”
“I haven’t said yes.”
“I plan to work on that.”
Sandi couldn’t think about all the implications of what he’d said. Lately she tired easily, and she had to conserve all her energy, both physical and emotional, for the task ahead: getting her Chinese daughter.