by J Grayland
Freedom
J. Grayland
Copyright © 2017 J.Grayland
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, business, events and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Cover design by Addendum Designs
All rights reserved.
ISBN-13: 978-1545522233
For the most precious people in my life, my family.
And for always eating the last piece of chocolate cake..
Chapter One
Sydney Australia
Casey Tyler
Sitting in the waiting room was on the same level as watching grass grow boring you sit, look at the clock, pick at the imaginary piece of lint on your shirt, listen to the secretary answer calls and tap on the computer keys in front of her looking for a time slot to fit a patient in to see the doctor. It seems ironic that I, as a doctor, am sitting here and waiting to see a doctor huh? Yep, this is what it has come to as a 30-year-old professional woman and surgeon, I am now sitting here on one of those chairs that look nice but feel like you're sitting on a lump of wood. You know the one's that I'm talking about carved legs and a seat covered with soft expensive looking material in a dark green color that ties in with the brown paint on the walls and the framed paintings of flowers, they are everywhere tulips, roses, daisies lots and lots of paintings of flowers I am thinking this shrink loves her flowers Oh yes you heard me right a shrink I am here to see Dr. Susan Colton Ph.D. in psychology and it says it right there in big bold letters on the door right in front of me.
"Tick...tick...tick"
I lean my head against the back of the chair and close my eyes, just for a moment, coming off a twelve-hour shift from the hospital I am exhausted. It's quiet and I am mesmerized by the sound of the clock and darkness lulls me into a light doze, then a spark, a white flash, I'm cold and shivering and I try to open my eyes but they hurt, and when I do open them it is still dark, something is covering them, I try to move my arms but they feel so heavy and they are tied behind me, my wrists burn and chafe as I move them, my whole body aches, I am naked and sitting on a cold surface, it's rough and grates against the skin of my bottom, I try to move but I have no energy, I am drained and I smell, dirt, sweat, blood, and fear, I can smell my own fear I hear the creak of a door and I know he is in the room and I shake with revulsion. “Casey” I feel a soft touch against my arm and I jolt back to reality, looking up into Susan's concerned brown eyes. “Hey there” sitting up straight I rub my eyes and look around trying to re-group my thoughts, I know this place, it's safe. Susan speaks again “They must be working you hard.” “Sorry I just got off a long shift.” “That's ok honey come on in,” she says as she motions me to follow her into her office.
“Take a seat,” she gestures with a hand to one of the chairs.
“Thanks,” I say, sitting. She sits in the chair opposite me and I look up into her warm friendly face, the face I have been looking into since I was 18 years old Susan is in her mid-sixties with a slim build, her hair cut into a sharp grey colored bob, dressed in loose black pants and a cream shirt. Her eyes radiate towards mine with so much warmth, it always puts me at ease and I instantly feel comfortable.
“You should have moved your appointment honey and got some sleep first,” she says with a smile.
“I would have but I need that psych evaluation form signed.”
“Ah, yes,” she opens the folder in her hands then looks at me concerned. “Well there's no problem with the form, it's already signed, but I do think we need to have a chat about it.”
“Somehow I knew you were going to say that.” I smile at her.
“Well, I do have some concerns.”
“And I knew you were going to say that as well,” I say, giving her an amplified sound of exasperation.
“Casey,” she says, her tone now reminding me of a mother warning a child not to touch the hot cookies. “It's a three-month contract” she states.
“I know.”
“You won't be able to leave,” she states again.
“I know.”
“And it's what 70% male orientated there?”
“Not sure, “ I shrug,
“I'm worried about you being confined,” she says and I can hear the concern in her voice so I try to reassure her.
“Susan it's a huge military base. I'm sure it's bigger than one room.” She looks down at the open folder balanced in her lap then looks back up to me.
“I understand, but my main concern is that you've come such a long way and I just didn't want you to come in contact with any trigger objects that might just stop your journey forward.” I lean closer to her.
“Look, it wouldn't matter where I was anything could be a trigger and you know that so I will tell you what I told Flynn, you both have to let me go a little ok? I love you both to bits but this is something I really need to do.”
Susan sits back into her chair and asks “Can you tell me why?”
“I can but...” pausing to take a deep breath I continue “Look sometimes bad things happen in life and you have a choice I could have pulled inside myself and disappeared into my fears and pain, and believe me I came close to doing just that...but I chose to fight, I chose to live, to pick myself up pull myself together and not let that one dark moment in my life define me...define who I am and I chose not to carry that baggage with me for the rest of my life, and I feel taking this job for International Medical Assist will be a new beginning for me I've done my research Susan and I like what I see,”
“And what do you see?” she asks.
“Freedom...I saw a kind of freedom to help; use my skills to help where it's needed; where it's wanted”
“And you don't feel that in your current job?”
“Yes and No. The patients need me to fix them, so to speak, but if it's not me then it will be some other surgeon who is available. I feel like IMA they....they want me. They know that I have chosen to work with them in trying to give these soldiers the best chance of survival and I want that, I want to feel like I am being used for my surgical skills not just because I can fill that shift, or I’m the only one available I want to feel like I am doing something more....and I think this job will give me that sense of achievement, of being constructive in my life”
She's quiet and I wish I knew what she was thinking. "Is she thinking I've lost my marbles? Why would someone who has a stable secure job in one of the largest hospitals in Sydney want to give it all up to go live out in the middle of a hot desert in a tent, surrounded by a bunch of soldiers, in a war zone...yep I guess that would be me.”
“I'm good Susan, honestly” I implore. “This will be a great adventure, give me some balance”.
“I know, I just worry about you like you’re my own child, but you’re right, if you feel like something is missing from your life and this could help you find it, then it's a good decision.” I let out the breath that I didn't even realize I was holding, with relief. “Just make sure you keep in touch and, if you have any problems, call me anytime day or night,” she said. We both stand and she hands me the signed papers, then she pulls me into a warm embrace. “You take care,” she says into my ear.
“I will, and thanks, Susan, for everything”.
I drove back to the apartment with a mix of emotions, excitement, fear, panic.... This is it, it's all go from here. All I needed was the green light from Susan and I just got it. IMA had informed me that once I was cleared it w
ould only be a matter of days before I would be leaving the country. Now all I had to do was face Flynn.
Flynn Greyson had been my best friend since we were 10 years old, we were neighbors, went through junior and high school together, he was like the brother I never had. He was my protector, my confidant, my friend and we shared everything so when I had been accepted to a Medical school in Central Sydney, he had applied to law school in the same area so we could share an apartment. We also shared an array of other friends whose number one question was constantly the same “When are you two going to hook up romantically?” But it just wasn't like that between us, We had a lot of love for each other, just not in that way. Oh, he was exceptionally good looking with sandy colored hair that just sat on his collar always messed up and messy. I don't think he even knew what a comb was, let alone how to use one. He just got out of bed in the mornings and gave it a quick rub with his hands, He wasn't overly tall, about 5'11, and he was in great shape. He had a very athletic build from all the sport he had played while we were growing up, and he had a wicked sense of humor. We were very close and we always felt like we were biologically related. I was made an orphan after a car accident took the lives of both my parents when I was 18 years of age. Now that was another file full of pain that I had filed away inside my brain box and decided not to deal with. That was something I had become an expert in. With the death of my parents I had reasoned with myself that we hadn't been all that close as a family any way I was what is called an “unwanted” distraction that neither of my parents ever wanted, but they ended up with me because of a broken condom I was told this by my mother many times. They both worked long hours and spent the rest of their time socializing with their huge circle of friends. I became what was known as a “Latchkey kid” that’s a child that basically brings them self up and the only link they have to the family home is the key to get in the back door, I fed myself, got myself to school, and I entertained myself with my neighbor, Flynn, who became more family to me than my own family.
Now me, I was different. I always felt out of proportion to the other girls. My body was fairly slim and I came in at just under 5'5 with what the boys used to call more than a handful, of boobs that is. I had straight blonde shoulder length hair and the standard blue eyes, I was just…average and, unlike Flynn, I did not have an athletic bone in my body. In fact, the most exercise that I ever got was while I was at work walking around the endless miles of hallways seeing patients. I had promised myself that I would take up going for a run in the mornings. I would start off slow, and when I say slow, I mean snail- pace slow. I needed something other than my music to channel my stress into.
Yes, I loved my music, and it had brought me many hours of comfort and solace in my time of need. The music I listened to depended on my mood. If I was in a crappy “That time of the month” mood, it was always something heavy and loud. When my brain took me to that place I hated to go, I would tune into something soft and reflective and this took me to many different places, away from my reality. It was my escape and it had been my savior in many dark times.
I pulled into the car park at Juliana’s Pasta on South Street. This is Flynn's favorite eating place so I had arranged to meet him here, in a public place to give him my news. We had talked about the job at IMA a few weeks ago and he was not too impressed with it then- now he was going to be well and truly pissed.
Chapter Two
Casey
Walking into that little familiar cozy restaurant with its dimmed lights, crisp white table clothes and the flickering flames of the candles burning away on each table, I breathe in the wonderful smell of garlic and tomatoes floating through the air and I feel a little more relaxed. Flynn is sitting at our usual table in the corner when he sees me and waves. I walk over and slide into the chair opposite him. He’s still dressed in his work uniform which consists of an impeccable grey suit with a crisp white shirt and matching grey tie.
“Hey babes, I ordered us a bottle of Cabernet” he gestured to the glass half filled with a rich red wine in front of me.
“Great, just what I needed, did you have court today?” I nodded towards his suit.
“Yesss” he hissed out “Back again in the morning, unfortunately.”
“Hard case?” I enquire.
“Just draining, I need a holiday badly. So how did it go at the shrink?” Looking at him, I actually feel myself cringe as I say “ Good…. I’m good to go.”
“You're kidding me right?” He sits up straight in his chair slapping his palms on top of the table.
“Nope, I leave Monday,” I say nonchalantly, taking a sip from my glass.
“That soon? Holy shit Casey that's in 3 days,” he says as he flops back into his chair.
“Yes I know,” I say and watch him grab his own glass and take a huge gulp from it. He slowly shakes his head from side to side. And I wait and wait for it….and here it comes.
“I can't believe you’re fucking doing it.” Now his outburst forces me to push back into my own chair as I swallow and say.
“We have talked about it, Flynn.”
“Yes I know but...fuck” he pushes his hand through his hair. “Why?” his gentle eyes look up into mine, searching. “I mean with everything that happened, why would you want to knowingly put yourself into another situation like that ?”
“This is not like, that it’s completely different.”
“How is it different? You’re going into a war zone where you’ll have violence, isolation, stress, Tell me, what makes it so different?”
I took a sip of my wine, what could I say? He was right in some ways but this was different, this was work. I was different and I wasn't putting myself in a position where I was going to be by myself, there would be plenty of people around.
“I need it” I finally said.
“But why Babes ?” he says, his voice now quieter.
“I'm not sure, there's just something missing in here,” I said placing my hand over my heart.
“And what, you think you’re going to find it somewhere out in the middle of a dessert on the other side of the world instead of here ?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe.” he almost yells but lowers his voice when a couple at a table nearby looks over at us. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean Casey? Maybe?”
“Well, I don’t know until I get there do I?” I hiss back at him.
“I just don’t get why you have to go to the other side of the world to find some peace. So what is it? Are you unhappy with your job? Your life? Or is it just what HE took from you?” Looking up at him with narrowed eyes I warn him.
“Don't go there, Flynn. This has nothing to do with him. It has to do with me, just me alone. I'm not going into this with my eyes closed, I know what I am doing.”
“Do you? Then please explain it to me, because I have no bloody idea what is going through that complicated brain of yours.” Placing my wine glass on the table, I turn and look out of the window it’s starting to rain and for just a second I am lost in the display of the dancing raindrops that start to cover the footpath outside, until I turn back to look at Flynn, his face etched with concern as he waits for me to speak.
“I feel like there's something missing. I don't know what it is or where it is, I just know something is missing, and I keep looking for it, and this is the closest I have come to feeling like its close. I don't know, maybe it’s got to do with the feeling of doing something productive and helpful. I just don't know Flynn…. all I know is for a long time now I have this empty feeling inside of me and I keep trying to fill it with work but the emptiness is just getting deeper. You’re my best friend and I love you so much but I also need you with me on this....please Flynn.” Reaching across the table, I place my hand on top of his and I watch as he takes another sip from his wine glass, swallows, places the glass down on the table then slides his warm hand over the top of mine, the look in his eyes turning from frustration to something softer, then in almost a whisper he sa
ys.
“I won't be able to protect you,” and I feel a slight prick of tears as I look into his eyes that are now full of pain.
“Oh Flynn, I know you’re always there to protect me”.
Shaking his head he looks out of the window and sighs “Not this time babes, you’ll be too far away and that… that’s going to kill me.”
“We might be physically apart but emotionally I will have you right here.” I point to my heart first “and here” then touch my fingers to my temple. Watching me he shakes his head with a defeated look.
“Please, babes at least tell me you only signed the contract for three months?” Smiling at him now, I know he’s caved a little, I reassure him.
“Yes, with an option of renewal once the first three months is done, so if it turns out that it’s not what I’m looking for, then all I will have lost is three months out of my life and most likely gained a lot more experience in the process”. I say smiling at him.
Tilting his head to one side, his top lip curling into a smile, he says “You always could wrap me around your little finger…Geez, what am I going to do without you?”
“Hopefully get some private time and be able to bring a date home and not have to explain to her that I really am just your roommate and not your wife. ” I smile at him then sigh “Flynn I need you to tell me that you’re okay with this, you’re my family and…” my words trail off and he reluctantly gives me what I want.
“You know I’ll support you in anything babes. I will always be here for you, just be careful and I want as much contact as possible either by phone or emails okay?” “I will,” I say, crossing my heart with a promise.
Chapter Three
Casey
I filled the almost 16 hours of flight time from Sydney to Ashgabat by reading through the information booklet and papers given to me by IMA. They gave the basic information ; geographic area; customs and local weather. There wasn't much about the military base there but I did know it was near a small village called Tayba and that it was a relatively safe zone, mostly used as a base where casualties from the other active areas of Afghanistan could be taken to, stabilized, then sent on to a larger hospital. They also provided healthcare for the local villages in the area.