Finally, he handed me my phone.
I closed my fingers around it as if it were a life jacket. “Okay,” I said, retreating. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, then.” I would probably delete his number as soon as I got out of here. Or I would simply not answer him tomorrow. However, right now, I was worried about getting away.
“Wait.” He caught up with me and grabbed one of my hands. “Until tomorrow, baby.” He kissed the top of hand, his lips too warm and too slobbery. I jerked my hand back, but he didn’t let go. Instead, he gave my hand another kiss, one inch higher. Then another, higher. And another higher.
My heart slammed against my rib cage. “Please,” I whispered, losing my voice to my fear. “L-let me go.”
Without releasing my hand, he wound his other arm around my waist and pulled me flush against him. “Not without a goodbye kiss.” He leaned over me, and I turned my face to the side so he wouldn’t kiss me on the lips.
My heart beat so fast, it hurt. My breathing came in small gasps, making me dizzy. I pushed against him. Was he too drunk that he didn’t realize what he was doing? For some reason, that made everything worse.
I closed my eyes to stop the desperate tears from falling. “Please, let me go,” I croaked in a raspy, desperate voice. Even if I were able to scream, nobody would be able to hear me over the music coming from the party.
His lips touched my cheek and I shoved him hard, but he was too strong. Just then, a gentle hand gripped my waist and held me firm while the guy was pried off me.
“She said to let go, dude.”
I opened my eyes and gawked. Gui let go of my waist and stood between the guy and me.
“I just wanted one goodbye kiss,” the guy replied, his voice more slurred by the second. Like a huge wall in front of me, Gui blocked the guy from my view, so I didn’t see it, but I heard him making kissing noises that twisted my stomach.
“Just go back to the party, Lucas.”
“Want her all to yourself, huh?” He made a clicking sound with his tongue, though it came out more like a big wet smack. “Not cool, dude. I just got her number, and we’re going out on a date tomorrow.”
Gui glanced over his shoulder to me, an eyebrow raised, and I shook my head.
“Yeah, sure,” Gui said, going with it. “But now you need to go back to the party.”
“Why, when we’re having so much fun here? Right, baby?” Lucas sidestepped Gui and reached for me.
Fast as lightning, Gui held Lucas’s arm back and shoved the guy away. “Go, damn it. Now.”
Lucas tripped on his feet and laughed out loud as if someone had told the most hilarious joke he had ever heard. Even so, the guy didn’t leave. Shaking his head, Gui put his arm around the guy’s shoulder and steered him toward the party. Still trembling from head to toe, I watched as the two of them walked away.
I let out a strangled breath mixed with a painful groan. Because it hurt. My mind, my resolve, my strength—they all hurt. I wanted to run, to scream, but the fear was still present, gripping me and keeping me in place, shaking like bamboo in the wind.
Calm down, Hilary.
I could do this. I was strong enough, I knew I was, and I would win this. I wouldn’t have a panic attack right now. No. Not now, not here.
I closed my eyes, counted to twenty slowly while taking deep breaths, and conjured a good image in my mind, just like my therapist had told me. I thought of my family, of how we had become close the past three years, of how we had become more than people with the same last name, of how we could count on each other now. Even though I was away at school most of the time, I still came home every two or three weekends to have a Saturday family brunch or dinner with them—it depended on my parents’ busy schedule. In addition, there was my extended family and friends—Leo’s family. Bia, Ri, Pedro, Gui, and even Gabi had become synonymous with family. I was glad my sister agreed to marry Leo.
I let a long breath out and opened my eyes.
It was hard to hang on to the good feelings the image gave me once I was back in reality, but the worst was gone. I was still scared, shaken, and feeling as if I might faint with fear, but I wouldn’t have a panic attack. Not anymore. I had stopped shaking so hard, and my breathing was almost back to normal.
My therapist had shown me this technique when I had a panic attack right in front of her during one of my first sessions with her. It was simple and quick, and it worked in most cases, but not all of them.
I raced to my car and unlocked the door when I was still a few feet away. I opened the door and was ready to slide inside when Gui called out.
“Hey.” I turned around and saw him jogging to me. He stopped a good distance from me, probably aware of how I needed more space than most people did, and he put his hands inside his jeans’ pockets. “How are you? Did he hurt you?”
I shook my head. “I’ll survive.” I tried saying it as if it were a joke, but as soon as it left my mouth, I knew the words were the truth. I had survived before, and I would survive now too. “I … I don’t think he would have really pushed me to …” I blushed. “But I’m glad you saw it. Thanks.”
“I was glad I was nearby too.” He glanced at the party. “I think Lucas is way too drunk. I practically carried him back to the party and I had to seat him in a chair. I handed him some water, but I think he’s probably passed out on the table right now. He was really out of it.” I knew that, I did, but that still didn’t excuse his behavior. Gui returned his eyes to me. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too,” I whispered.
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
“I don’t think so. Thanks for asking, though.” I jerked my chin toward the party. “You should go back.” Then I remembered. “Wait. What about the girl? She’s probably pissed right now.”
Gui frowned. “What girl?”
“The girl you were talking to by your Jeep.”
“Oh, that girl. I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I had gone to my car to pick up a gift I bought for Leo and that girl followed me there. I have no idea who she is.”
“Oh. I thought you were …” I shook my head. “Nevermind.” I threw my purse inside the car. “I … I’m going home now.”
Gui gave a step toward me, and then retreated again. “Are you sure you’re okay? You want me to drive you home?”
“No, no. Don’t worry. I can do it.”
“Are you sure? I can call Hannah if you want.”
I smiled, though it wasn’t a true one. “I’m sure. Thanks.”
“All right,” he said. “Just … drive safe.”
I nodded and slid inside my car. I turned on the engine, put on the seat belt, and backed the car from the parking spot. Through the rearview mirror, I saw Gui standing there while I drove away until he was consumed by darkness.
As soon as I turned the car onto the highway from the ranch, a sob made its way up my throat and, as much as I fought against it, I couldn’t control it. It ripped through me, bringing on more tears and more shaking. Ten minutes later, I pulled over at a gas station, braced the steering wheel, and cried.
***
When I woke the next day, Hannah was already at the house. Well, I did get up a little past ten in the morning—very unlike me—and we usually had brunch close to eleven.
In the shower, I tried not to think about the previous night, but it was too hard. The events kept replaying. The way Lucas acted, how drunk he was, and how mad I was about his behavior. How Gui swooped in and saved me. The way I bravely left the party by myself, but broke down once I was out of sight. I had cried for fifteen minutes, but I stayed at the gas station for over an hour because I didn’t trust myself to drive until I stopped shaking and lowered my frantic heartbeat.
Closing my eyes, I let the hot water wash away my problems, my doubts, my fears. I would put them behind me. I would because Hannah was here, and this was supposed to be a good, happy day we had together.
By the time I had showered and put on a dress and sandals, my pa
rents and Hannah were seated on the chaises in the sunroom.
“There you are,” my mother said, smiling. “If I hadn’t heard you walking around your room, I would have gone in and pulled off your comforter.”
Smiling, I took the chaise beside Hannah. When I was a bitchy teenager and didn’t want to get up early to go to school, my mother did that. Pulled off the comforter. And if it was winter and rather cold, she even opened the windows, so I would have to get up to either grab another blanket or get dressed.
My sister—dressed in her usual jeans, tank top, fitted plaid shirt, and cowboy boots—was radiant.
I turned to her. “How are you?”
She beamed at me. “Wonderful.” She showed me the ring.
I had seen it before, but now on her finger, it looked even more amazing. It was shaped like a flower with a huge diamond in the middle, and smaller ones all around the bend. Leo didn’t tell Bia, Gabi, and me how much it had cost, but Gui, who had been with him when he had chosen the ring, said it had cost a small fortune. Good thing that was nothing for them.
I took her hand in mine. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks. And thanks for helping out with the surprise. I really don’t know how you guys pulled off all that without letting a single detail escape.”
“Well, I imagined the huge smile you have now, and it was easy to keep quiet, then.”
She squeezed my hand back. “Thanks again.”
“No problem.”
“I have something to ask you, though.” Hannah stared at me with a serious face. “Would you please be my maid of honor?”
I smiled from ear to ear. “Of course!” I leaned forward and embraced my sister while my mother let out a loud, delighted gasp in the background. “Thanks for thinking of me.”
She pulled back and looked into my eyes. “Thinking of you? You’re my sister. My wedding wouldn’t be the same if you weren’t the maid of honor.”
My cheeks heated up. “What about Bia?”
“Even though she’s like a sister to me, she isn’t you,” Hannah assured me. “I’ll ask her, Gabi, Lauren, and Iris to be bridesmaids, though.”
“Oh, my heart, I can’t wait for us to start planning this wedding,” my mother said, a hand over her chest. “It’s going to be amazing!”
“Have you two decided on a date yet?” my father asked.
“Not yet, but we’re thinking about the end of summer. That way it’ll be easier for Leo’s family and friends to come from Brazil, and also for Hilary—” She turned to me. “—in case you take summer classes.”
“That gives us—” My mother paused and made the calculations in her mind. “—four, five months to plan it all.”
“It should be enough,” I said.
“If you girls don’t plan the next royal wedding, yes,” my father muttered, and we all laughed.
Rosa walked in the room. “Brunch is served.”
I stood. “Morning, Rosa.”
She offered me a warm smile. “Good morning, Miss Hilary.” She turned and left.
Rosa had been with my family for many years, but recently she had become someone I thought of. Cared for even. Before, when I was a selfish little bitch, she was just a maid. She didn’t get good mornings or please and thank you. After though, Hannah showed me Rosa could be a good friend.
I sighed. It was hard to think about before and after—it all revolved around that day, that forsaken day Hannah and I had lived through. My therapist tried to show me the good that came after that day. She said it wasn’t an excuse, that I could still hate it, but according to her, not all the change in me had been for the worse. I had matured, become more open to my family, and I had stopped being bitchy.
However, I had become fearful, easily scared, tense, afraid of everything, quiet, and sometimes a little lonely.
Hannah stood and took my hand, guiding me to the dining room.
My phone rang in my hand. I checked the number on the screen: Gabriela Fernandes. I frown.
“Excuse me a minute,” I said, glancing at my mother. Hopefully, whatever Gabi wanted would be quick and my mother wouldn’t be pissed about me talking on the phone instead of having brunch with them.
I stepped aside and entered my father’s study.
“Hi, Gabi,” I answered the call.
“Oi guria, how are you?”
“I’m fine. How about you?”
“I’m great!” I could hear the smile in her voice. “The party was great, wasn’t it? Meu Deus, I wished I lived here with you all.”
I chuckled. “Then move here.”
She snorted. “Right. My parents would kill me.” I didn’t answer that, waiting to see if she would reveal what she was calling for. “So,” she started, and I imagined her picking her nails. “Gui told me you weren’t feeling too good last night and left the party in a hurry.”
“Oh,” was all I said.
“Yeah. I’m calling to see if you’re all right. Are you feeling better now?”
“I am.” I didn’t know if I should smile or frown. Why was she calling me, really? Had he put her up to it? More importantly, what had Gui told her about last night?
“Are you sure?” She paused, and then asked in a low voice, “Gui seemed pretty worried about you.”
This time, I did frown. “I’m sure. It was probably something I ate. I’m much better now. Thanks for asking.”
“No worries. Glad you’re okay.”
An awkward silence filled the line for a few seconds while I searched my brain for what to talk about next—when I should just say goodbye and go to the dining room before my mother had a fit.
Finally, I remembered something. “Hm, you’re going back to Brazil next week, aren’t you?”
“Not yet. I’m leaving Santa Barbara next week, but I’ll spend a week in Hawaii, then Cancun, and then I’ll go back to Brazil.”
“That sounds fun.”
“Nothing like taking a year off to just travel around.”
“I bet. I’m going back to school this afternoon, and I won’t be back this next weekend, so I guess I won’t see you again. Not until you decide to come visit again, that is.”
“Hopefully, that will be sooner rather than later.”
“Hopefully,” I said and I meant it. Gabi was a nice girl, and I would miss her. If she really lived here, I could see her becoming a permanent part of our group and becoming what Hannah and Bia were to me. “Have a great trip.”
“Thanks. Drive safe.”
We said goodbye. I pressed the red end button on my phone and stared at the screen. What the hell was that about? I went to my contacts page and searched for Gui’s number. Since we were friends, I had all of their numbers, but never really called any of the guys, just Bia and Leo. The thought of calling Gui and asking what he had told Gabi pounded in my mind. I pressed his name and the phone started dialing. Before it had made the call, I canceled it. What was I thinking? As if I had the balls to call him and demand anything. If he had told his sister something, it didn’t seem like she was about to tell anyone else. I hoped.
I sighed, pocketed my phone, and joined my family in the dining room. “Sorry about that.”
“I was about to call you,” my mother said.
I pulled out my chair and took my place across from Hannah. “So, what were you all talking about?”
Gui
“So?” I asked Gabi as she stepped back inside from the balcony and dropped her phone on a side table. “How is she?”
“She says she’s okay,” my sister said.
She frowned at me, probably wondering why the sudden interest in Hilary. Truth be told, the interest was old, very old, probably born the first time I laid eyes on her—one afternoon at the club, before Leo and Hannah started dating. Back then, she was only sixteen, almost five years younger than I was. Too young. However, my brain took notice of how beautiful she looked, but I did my best to ignore it then.
With the passing of the years, it was harder and harder to i
gnore how lovely she looked. Just when I thought she couldn’t get more beautiful, I saw her again and she took my breath away.
What happened to Hilary and Hannah had been fucked up. Sometimes, I wished I had been there with Leo, so I could have beaten the life out of Eric. That guy didn’t deserve to live. At least, Hannah recovered from it, but Hilary hadn’t. Well, she did seem better the last couple of months. She started coming to our dinners and get-togethers, though she didn’t talk much, and whenever we decided to go to a bar or club, she bailed on us.
After last night though, I was not only interested but also worried about Hilary. She had been shaking like crazy when she left. I almost followed her to make sure she wouldn’t get into an accident, but I discarded that idea because it was too much. Yes, I had been interested in her for over three years now, but that was all it would be. Just interest. I would never act on it. She deserved better than me. Besides, I had never seen her with a guy, not even before the incident with Eric. Sometimes I wondered if she was going to become a nun, or if she liked men at all.
Which didn’t matter, because I shouldn’t care about any of it.
Gabi went to the kitchen, where Bia was checking on our lunch, and Lauren and Iris talked about dresses across the kitchen island. I had no idea when or how Bia had learned to cook, but some of her dishes were just too freaking good. Like the lasagna in the oven.
While we waited, I joined Leo, Ri, Pedro, and Garrett in the living room and played video games.
“I saw you talking with Paula last night,” Ri said, his eyes on the screen.
“You know her?” I asked, taking the joystick from Pedro. He was fucking terrible at this game. I didn’t know why he still tried playing it.
“Lauren knows her from college. Apparently, she’s friends with Megan.”
Megan was one of Hannah’s oldest friends from the polo club. Though they weren’t best friends anymore, they kept in touch.
“She crashed the party, then?” Leo asked.
“I guess Megan brought her,” Ri said. “Anyway, did you hook up with her?”
Breaking Through (The Breaking Series Book 3) Page 3