by Aubrey Irons
But after that night, and the crash, and Rowan?
Yeah.
I was nineteen, and stupid, and afraid. And I left the girl I loved more than anything in this world, three days after marrying her.
That was eight fucking years ago.
‘Course, the pain of leaving was bad enough, but seeing how fast she moved on hurt even more. Even with the letter I left her, a month after I’d gone, she was off at college like she’d planned. Three months after that, she was with someone new.
She never did write me back.
So I stayed away, and I buried myself in the life I always said I’d never dive into. Five fucking years pulling jobs for Declan’s people in Dublin, earning a reputation as the best lift-man in town.
I’d only thought about coming back about a hundred times, but the only things worth coming back for were her, and the rest of the Hammond family. The rest of them had written me off.
She’d moved on.
And just like that, I’d lost anything that would have brought me back, until now.
And now here I am, in the town I left fucking years ago, in front of the girl whose heart I broke.
The girl who shattered mine.
Goddamn she looks amazing. I mean, the hair, the makeup, the clothes - they might not quite be the “her” I knew, but damn does she look good. Besides, the girl I knew stopped being the girl I “knew” the minute I left.
I know who she is these days. Yes, Ireland has the fucking internet. I know about the seminars, the web series, the cookbook, the YouTube channel, the Instagram account full of fucking all-juice diets and holiday crafts and goddamn endless pictures of her looking just this side of sexy posing all over the damn place in yoga gear.
Yeah, I know this isn’t the same girl, because I’ve watched her become the woman she is now, knowing I’d fucked that up.
She turns back and starts walking down the boardwalk again, and I follow.
“Where are you going?”
“Home, Silas. I’m m going home and away from you and this asinine conversation.”
“Do you want a ride or something?”
We’re at the end of the pier and she turns and barks out a laugh. “Not a chance.”
I nod at the beat-up old pickup truck parked behind her, and she stiffens.
“You still have that?”
I shrug. “Declan kept it, miraculously. I think he forgot it was in the garage or he’d have sold it for whiskey or cards about twelve hours after I-”
I stop short, realizing how easily I’m falling into the same sort of banter and ease that I knew eight years before.
“After you left?” she says sharply.
My jaw tightens. “Look, I’ll give you a ride. There’s-” I look away. “There’s a lot to tell-”
“Nope, no need,” Ivy says brusquely. “I’m getting a ride from Stella, and besides,” her eyes narrow on me, that fire burning fiercely. “I’m waiting for my boyfriend.”
I know I have zero right to own the anger and the raw fury I feel at the mention of that word, but it doesn’t do a damn thing to keep my temper from roaring up inside.
Of course, I know about the boyfriend - Blaine. The fucking douchebag with the bleached white teeth and the goddamn ponytail that’s always popping up in her social media posts. The smarmy looking prick with the store-bought tan and the magazine smile.
The guy she’s clearly head over heels for.
The guy that was me, in another life.
“I can’t believe you came back here,” she says quietly, her voice like shattered ice as she slowly shakes her head at me.
“I told you, I came-”
“I don’t care,” she says sharply. “But whatever you think you’re looking for? Whatever ‘big conversation’ you think we’re going to have? Whatever bullshit answer you have for fucking me over all those years ago?” Her eyes narrow into mine, her face a mask of cold fury as she brushes hair back from it.
“Forget about it.” She blinks twice. “I have.”
She turns again on her high-heels and starts to march down Commercial Street, her suitcase rolling loudly behind her.
“Go back to Ireland, Silas,” she calls over her shoulder.
And then she’s gone.
Again.
Chapter 5
Ivy
I force myself to keep walking - shoulders back, head high and forward all the way until I get around the corner of Hasting’s hardware store. It’s only then that I exhale, my legs turning to jelly and my heart skipping along at a hundred miles an hour. I drop onto the bench that runs along the side of the store, my hands pushing into my hair as I suck in lungfuls of air.
Silas.
What the hell he’s doing here, how my brother managed to not tell me about that little detail before I got here, and about a million other thoughts go roaring through my head as I focus on breathing in and out.
As I focus on holding onto my sanity.
The man I never thought I’d see again, in the flesh, face to face.
“Uh, are you okay?”
Ainsley’s voice pulls me back into the now, and I quickly blink away the thoughts. “Yeah,” I force a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine, I just-”
I just saw the ghost of heartbreaks past and now I’m finding it sort of hard to breathe.
I smile at my assistant. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just hungry I think.”
She makes a face. “After that boat-ride?”
I grin. “You get used to it.”
“No thanks.” She looks up at the old brick-style New England buildings that line the waterfront streets - the cobblestone pedestrian streets, the knick-knack shops, the touristy bars and restaurants all serving the same seafood menu and drink specials.
“Cute town.”
I make a face as I stand from the bench and pull out my phone. “Trust me, it’s all bullshit.”
“Oh, Blaine called, by the way.”
I roll my eyes as I glance at the blank screen of my phone. Blaine’s developed this annoying habit of calling my assistant instead of me - like he’s calling to network with me instead of to tell me which ferry he’s taking to my home town.
“Oh yeah?”
Ainsley clears her throat. “Yeah, he’s, uh,” she looks uncomfortable. “I think he missed the ferry after us.”
I groan, but my phone buzzes in my hand as my sister calls.
“Hey, I’m here,” I say quickly. “We’re next to-”
I stop as I see Stella’s Volvo pull up to the curb at the top of the pedestrian side-street we’re standing on. Her hand sticks out the window and waves.
I pinch the bridge of my nose, my mind still reeling from the man I’ve just come face-to-face with. “Okay, I’ll-”
“Look, why don’t you go home?” Ainsley says, as ever, looking at whatever she’s typing on her phone instead of me. She looks up. “Go say hi to your folks, get something to eat, and relax. I actually just reconnected with a friend from college who lives like, thirty minutes from here.”
I raise a brow. “Wow, really?”
“Yeah, she’s gonna come get me for coffee or whatever. You go chill, and when Blaine gets in, I’ll have her bring me back here and we’ll cab it to you or whatever.”
She frowns as she looks up. “Wait, are there even cabs here?”
“There’s like one cab here.”
She rolls her eyes. “Then you can come get us both. Dude, I got this, okay?”
My shoulders slump as I smile wryly at her. “Thanks, Ains.”
“Don’t mention it,” she says with a shrug. “It’s what I do.”
“You’re the best, lady.”
She grins as Stella honks up the street. “Go. I’ll call you when he gets in.”
I give her a quick hug before grabbing my clunky suitcase and stalking up the street, the wheels thump-thumping over every stupid cobblestone and my brain flip-flopping over the boy from my past who just waltzed right back into my life.
I slam the car door shut in a fury before whirling on my sister. “Okay, you did not tell me that Silas was back in fuc-”
Stella’s brow arches sharply as she coughs and jerks her head towards the backseat. I turn to see my four-year old nephew Carter sitting in his car seat, grinning at me impishly.
“Auntie Ivy!” he squeals, waving a stuffed dinosaur at me.
“Hey, little man!”
I reach back and tickle him, grinning and momentarily forgetting what just happened as Stella pulls the car out into traffic.
I turn back to her, wincing. “Sorry, didn’t know he was coming for the ride.”
She shoots me a look, shaking her head. “Yeah, let’s watch the swearing like a sailor around the four-year old, shall we?”
“Sorry,” I mumble.
“Where’s Blaine and what’s-her-name? Your assistant.”
“Ainsley,” I say absently. “Blaine took a later ferry so she’s hanging back to wait for him.” I blow air through my lips.
Stella’s brow furrows as she pulls off of Main Street. “What’s this about Silas?”
I give her an accusing look. “Uh, did you forget to mention before I came home that he was back in town?”
Her frown deepens. “Silas Hart is here? Seriously?””
“Yeah,” I growl, turning to stare out the window at the tree-lined streets. “Apparently,” I mutter before raising a brow at her. “Wait, did you really not know?”
“If I’d known, I’d have chopped his you-know-what-off long before your ferry arrived,” she mutters, making me grin.
“What the heck is he doing home is the real question.”
It’s the only question. It’s the question making my damn head spin as I stare out the window, totally lost in it as we pull through my parent’s neighborhood.
Stella coughs.
“Hmm?”
She gives me a look. “What’s he doing in Shelter Harbor?”
“You’re not going to believe it.”
“Try me.”
“Dad’s dedication.”
“Pop-pop!” Carter crows from the backseat.
Stella balks. “You’re sh-” she catches herself. “You’re s-h-i-t-t-i-n-g me,” she spells out.
“Oh,” I smile thinly. “It gets better. Rowan invited him.”
Stella whistles lowly. “Remind me to kill our brother.”
“Me first.”
“So that’s going to be fun with Blaine coming,” Stella says dryly. “Wait, he doesn’t know about-”
I shake my head, looking out the window.
“You haven’t somehow fixed that thing and forgotten to tell me have you?”
“It’s on my to-do list.”
It was never going to be a “forever” secret. But we were young, and in love, and what started as a silly conversation in the back of his pickup under the stars one summer night turned into reality. Because when you’re eighteen and head over heels madly in love, you don’t think about the what-ifs, or what-may-comes.
You only know one moment, sharing one heart with the boy you know without question is the one - the only one who’ll ever matter.
“Distance is going to suck.”
His arms are around me as I sit between his legs, leaning against his chest and staring up at the starry night sky.
“It’s only New York.” His lips brush my neck, sending a glow through my body as I sink back into him. His arms growing a little tighter - the move protective and comforting, and it makes me grin. Because it says that even as tough and as brave as the boy holding me is - even as fearless as he is with everything he’s gone through in his life - the thought of me leaving has him holding on to me, like he’s afraid to let me go.
“Besides, you know I’ll be down there all the damn time.”
“It’s an all-girl’s dorm,” I pout, my hands sliding over his arms and entwining in his.
“Then I’ll dress in drag.”
I giggle, turning back to press my lips to his. My eyes flutter open halfway through the kiss, flitting over his serene, happy face as he kisses me, and drinking in this perfect moment.
“I just want this to be forever,” I say quietly, pulling away.
“It is forever, Ivy-girl,” he murmurs, those eyes of his darting across my face, that roguish grin stretching across his face.
I sink back into his arms as we both look up at the stars again.
“What if it really WAS forever,” he says after a moment.
I rake my teeth across my lip as the grin pulls at the corners of my mouth. “What do you mean?”
He chuckles, the sound rumbling through his chest. “You know what I mean. What if it really was forever? What would you do if I asked?”
I can feel this feeling of pure euphoria exploding through me, my eyes shining at the corners and the glowing feeling of his embrace buzzing through every nerve in my body.
“Well, you’d have to get me a ring first,” I say primly, surpassing the giggle that comes to my lips.
“What if I already had my eye on one?”
I smile hugely as I turn back over my shoulder to look up into his face. “Does it come with a receipt?”
He winks. “You really want to know?”
I shake my head side-to-side.
“So, if I got you a ring, and I asked-”
“I’d probably have to say yes,” I manage to spill out before I turn in his arms, wrap mine around him, and kiss him with everything I have.
Two weeks later, we’re saying I do in the rectory of a church two towns away before Sunday mass.
Three days after, my whole life changes.
When it all blew up, I finally caved and told my older sister, because keeping it inside after all that may have killed me.
Him leaving like that almost did.
Suffice it to say, that little piece of trivia has never made it past Stella.
We pull around the corner, and suddenly I’m right back in my old neighborhood - right back where we grew up.
It’s strange being here - so familiar, with everything exactly how it was.
Hell, even Silas is back.
“Your to-do list?” Stella spits out as we pull into my parents’ driveway. The huge old farmhouse-style with the wrap-around porch brings a smile to my face despite the run down memory lane.
“Uh, maybe bump that to the top of your list, Ivy.” Stella frowns. “You don’t have to tell Blaine about him, but if things between you get more serious, it’s going to come up. I mean, legally-speaking.”
I groan. “Yeah, well, I’d have had to have seen him at some point in the last eight years in order to get a div-”
My sisters waves her hands as she’s nods at the backseat.
“He’s on a big repeating phase,” she says with roll of her eyes. “So…”
“Thanks,” I say with a grin. Stella shuts the car off and opens her door.
“Look, I’ve been pretty flipping busy, you know.”
She wags her brows at me over the top of the car as she opens the back door to get at Carter. “I know, I know, big fancy New York busy-body and all.”
I stick my tongue out at her as she grins.
“I’d just have thought that you’d-”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t okay? We’re still….” I sigh, pushing my hands through my hair as I open mine. “We’re still that.”
Stella gives me a very certain look but doesn’t say anything.
“Look, can we change the subject before we go inside.”
She snorts. “Definitely.”
“How was LA and seeing Kyle and Austin?”
She laughs. “See how long we go without talking? That was like three months ago.”
I make a face and sticks her tongue out at me like we’re teasing kids again.
“It was interesting, and a very long story. He bought a boat.”
I raise a brow. “Our brother or his NFL pal?”
Our youngest brother Kyle is the de facto computer ge
nius of the Hammond family, and has been out in Los Angeles for the past few years paling around with his college roommate-turned-pro-quarterback Austin Taylor. The fact that he’s a newly minted millionaire and never has to work again after selling this computer program he wrote to the U.S. Government seems to be lost on our brother, since he also just took a job with the FBI.
“Oh, Kyle.” She shrugs. “It’s actually a really nice boat. Carter loved it.”
“And he’s really dating the Vivian Ames?”
New boats, swanky government jobs, and dating the gorgeous socialite queen of New York City. Somehow our awkward computer nerd of a little brother became James Bond.
“Oh, she’s spunky, you’d like her.”
I pop the trunk and lug my over-sized suitcase out. “Remind me again how he managed to get out of this?”
Stella rolls her eyes as she pulls Carter out of the booster seat. “Ivy they’re naming a park after Dad. I know you go out of your way to avoid coming home, but it’s sort of a big deal.”
I make a face. “I do not.”
“Whatever you say.”
Carter’s back is to me, and I flip her off, which makes her grin.
“Look, forget about Silas Hart, alright?”
Working on it.
The front door bangs open as our mom comes bustling onto the front porch.
“Oh my goodness! You’re here!”
Stella turns back and arches a brow at me. “Game face, sis.”
Chapter 6
Ivy
As little as I come back here, and as wrapped up in my own life back in New York I am, there’s something just warm about walking into the house I grew up in. It feels wholesome, and comforting. It smells like Christmas trees of years gone by, family dinners at a full table, and summer vacations all at once, and I can’t help but just feel love the second I walk through the front door.
I guess that’s why they say home is where the heart is.
The same soft white curtains, the same wallpaper, and the same collection of wind-up clocks across the mantel. There are the same photographs on the wall leading into the kitchen - expanded a little with more memories, more friends, and Carter now, of course.