‘I’m not sure sir.’
‘Why not?’
‘I finished first sir, I pushed my team forward, and lead from the front.’
‘But you don’t know where your team finished?’
‘They all finished ahead of Team Red sir.’
‘All right, everyone back in the vehicles.’
When we got back to camp, Captain Jones ordered everyone to line up on the parade ground, for the days summing up.
‘Recruits, today has been a hard day for all of you,’ he said. ‘And an enlightening one for us. Some of you have shown signs of weakness, some of leadership. Is there anyone who wants to leave the process?’ The row of men were silent, until Paul Grey, one of the stragglers from Team Blue, put his arm in the air.
‘You had enough Grey?’
‘Yes sir, I have an injury to my-’
‘Bullshit, you’re a pussy. You wanna leave your men behind, you’re going to have to ring the losers bell. If you cannot hack it, come over here and ring this bell.’ Grey left the line, and walked up to the bell. ‘Go on ring it then’ said Captain Jones. Grey lifted his hand to the rope, and taking a look down the line of recruits willing him to re join the parade, he rang it. ‘Right get the fuck out of my sight. Does anyone else want to ring the bell? What about you Hana, you were throwing your guts up, do you want to ring the loser bell?’
‘No sir’ Hassan answered, as Grey made his way back towards the hotel.
‘Are you fucking sure?’
‘Yes sir.’
‘I’m not sure you can hack it Hana, but I’ll credit your determination. Make sure you get enough sleep for tomorrow, that’s it for today, fall out.’
The team dispersed to their respected tents, as Captain Jones and the other officers made their way back to the hotel. At the far end of the parade ground, a large tent was being erected, with a red cross on the canopy. A few of the recruits braved the outdoor showers, but most just made do. The smell around the tents was insufferable, stinking body odour and musty damp clothing. When the rain stopped, a couple of the recruits made a fire, which everyone crowded around, to continue with some male bonding. Sergeant Davis turned up with two buckets full of cold beers, which was as refreshing as any drink I’ve every had. He stayed a while to talk to me, and listened to my concerns about my performance today. ‘You did right’ he said, trying to reassure me. ‘The objective was really about team work, and not leaving anyone behind. You did exactly what you should have done, the other guy had no idea where the rest of his team was, only interested in self glory.’
That was good to know, Sergeant Davis didn’t stay long, but he left me in a better frame of mind about my performance. As he was walking away, he told me to get my team to sleep early, tomorrow would be even harder. We had been starved all day, with the energy bar the only food we had been given. Hassan’s wife, Shazia, turned up with some leftover bread from dinner, there wasn’t enough for everyone, so we kept it quiet and only gave it to the ones who looked like they needed it. I spoke briefly with Shazia, who said she was worried with how terrible Hassan looked, I reassured her it had been hard for everyone, and I would keep my eye on him. Adrian looked in a similar state to me, his knees swollen and red, he sat on the floor with them out in front of him. My feet were also swollen and sensitive, I removed my boots to let them breath. The moisture had got through to them, making them red and sore. We sat and had a couple of beers, listening to Cox bleating on about his win, and how well he had organised them. I decided to bite my lip, and not tell him what Davis had said, if that’s how he thinks he should be running his team, I’ll leave him to it. Hassan retired to his tent shortly after, looking half dead, and I don’t think tomorrow will be any easier on him. I decided to stretch my legs before bed, to hopefully stop them seizing up overnight. I walked around to the front of the camp, hoping I might run into Mrs Brownhill, and sure enough she was stood by the entrance to the hotel, leaning on the Blackpool Tower Eye having a cigarette. ‘Hi Lauren, I’m glad I’ve run into you.’
‘Hello Nathan, how are you?’
‘I’m not too bad thanks, bit tired. I just wanted to know how the children got on today? It feels a bit strange not being able to see them.’
‘They were fine, Josh is a bit quiet, but we’re trying to bring him out a bit, just taking baby steps.’
‘So you were a teacher in Blackpool, is that correct?’
‘Yes, I was working at St. Augustines Secondary School, just two hundred yards from the camp, on Chapel Street.’
‘Were you at work when the bombs hit?’
‘Yes, after the panic had died down, the school was left with thirty children whose parents didn’t collect them, so I kept them at the school until it was safe to come out. We were set up there really, with plenty of food and water on the premises, it’s just the children were expecting their parents to collect them, and they didn’t turn up.’
‘What happened to those children?’
‘The army came and searched the school, they brought us to the camp, we were some of the first to arrive, long before it looked like this.’
Lauren pushed her cigarette butt against the rusting metal of the tower eye, and smiled at me. ‘Is that your last one?’ I asked.
‘Yes, I should quit really, I had been six months off them before all this happened, I’ve just relapsed. Needed something to help me de-stress.’
‘If you ever need to talk, I’ll be more than happy.’
‘Oh thanks, that’s lovely.’
‘So is your other half in the camp?’
‘No I’m single, I have been for a while now.’
‘Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. I thought-with the Mrs and not Miss.’
‘I didn’t like the way I was judged for not being married, so I have always been known as Mrs.’
‘So have you never been married?’
‘There was someone, a while ago now. He didn’t want children though, which was the nail in our relationship, it’s just a shame it took us thirteen years to realise it.’
‘So you don’t have any children?’
‘Not of my own, but I’ve got hundreds now, orphaned by this war. Emma told me what happened to her mum, I’m sorry to hear that.’
‘Thank you Lauren, it was a few years ago now, and a completely different lifetime.’
I said good night, and headed back to the camp, where my team was still around the fire, and sat down to warm myself as I wrote up today’s diary. After which I will get my team to bed early, Sergeant Davis was adamant I should.
28/11/2027 - Time 22:20
With a little persuasion, I got my team to bed around eleven, and got to sleep after a few minutes listening to Cox and his team, still drinking around the fire. I was woken suddenly by the sound of machine gun fire, and explosions. The camp was under attack, I crawled out of my tent, still half asleep, and tried to focus, as other recruits emerged from their tents. Explosions lit up the sky, and bullets flew over my head, I stayed on my hands and knees, scrambling around in the ash and dirt. I could see one man a hundred yards away with a machine gun, which he had over his head, and was firing into the sky, as another was shouting at us. Explosions rattled my ears, fusing my senses as my eyes got used to their surroundings. I slowly realised, we weren’t under attack, the man barking at us was Captain Jones. ‘Get out of your fucking tent you piece of shit,’ he shouted, as Hassan crawled out and joined the rest of us. ‘Everyone move over to Lieutenant Higginson, and await your orders’ he shouted, grabbing one man by the arm and hauling him across the floor on his knees. I glanced at my watch, which said 2:11 am We had only been asleep a few hours, before they woke us for the next exercise. The parade ground was covered by a large black inflatable container, like a paddling pool, full of water. We were told to climb in, crawl on our bellies th
rough the water, and climb out the other side. Machine guns were fired over our heads and the soldiers shouted abuse at us, spraying us with freezing water from a water cannon. If I had been half asleep waiting for my turn, I was wide awake when I hit the water. It took my breath away, like I was being repeatedly punched. The water covered me, splashing into my face and drenching my clothes. When I climbed out of the other side, I was told to line up with the others, and wait for my turn again. With the freezing clothes clinging to our bodies, we stood in lines, shivering, while trying to keep warm, as they continued to spray us with water, and fired their weapons in the air. ‘Back into the water Driver’ yelled Captain Jones, pushing me towards the obstacle. ‘Get your fucking face in the water.’ We all repeated the exercise five times, before they moved us on the next task. We had to stand in rows, and complete the cardiovascular exercise we did yesterday, but this time they sprayed us with cold water, and took the sledging to a whole new level. No one was given an easy ride, we were all pushed to our limits. When we had finished, we were moved to the large medical tent on the edge of the parade ground, that had been erected last night. There, we found a large table with eleven chairs around it. On the table were large sheets of foil, which we were ordered to wrap around our bodies after we had stripped our wet clothes off. We sat shivering in the tent for what seemed like an age, unable to talk or communicate, I think some men had gone into shock. I’ve never been as cold in my life, I couldn’t think straight, and I couldn’t stop shaking. They had dry clothing ready for us, which I changed into, but I made the mistake of thinking this part of the exercise was over, it wasn’t, we were given just about enough time to dry off, and our body temperature reach a more acceptable level, before we were thrown straight back into the exercise. The look on the men’s faces, when they realised what was happening, was one of despair. We were dragged into the cold, and ordered to get back in the water, it was torturous. We were so cold, I couldn’t think of anything else. They sprayed us with more freezing water, and humiliated us, I don’t think I could focus on any individual, to judge how he was coping, I was just too tired and cold. When we had finished the next round, we were sent back into the medical tent to change our drenched uniforms for the second time. In there I spoke to a few men, who said they’d had enough, and planned to leave. I couldn’t really argue with them, I wasn’t entirely sure it was worth it. When we got outside, Captain Jones ordered us to line up on the parade ground. ‘I have heard there are those of you who wish to leave now’ he shouted, walking along the line, staring at each individual recruit he past. ‘If you are, fucking leave now, because you cannot handle what’s to come, I can guarantee you that.’ He walked over to the bell as he continued, ‘Come and ring the loser bell if you want to leave, and stop wasting all our fucking time.’ Two men, Stansfield and Phillips, left the line and walked up to the bell. ‘You want to leave Phillips?’
‘Yes Captain Jones, I’m sorry-’
‘Shut the fuck up and ring the bell, I want you off the parade ground.’
Phillips rang the bell, and made his way.
‘Stansfield, so you’re going to leave too are you? Abandon your men when they need you the most, you’re a joke, look at the size of you, do you want your mum?’
‘I cannot be arsed listening to this bullshit, and-’
‘Ring the bell then and be on your way, we have no room for mamas boys.’
Stansfield rang the bell, and left as briskly as Phillips had, I felt sorry for the pair of them, I don’t understand the reason for humiliating them like that, this is not a regular army, or war. We wouldn’t be trying to join the army under normal circumstances, but I suppose they have a protocol they follow, and they aren’t diverting from it. More vehicles arrived, just as the sun tried to break through the ash blanket covering our sky. It was six am and we were moving onto our next objective. We climbed aboard the vehicle’s and tried to get comfortable, much like yesterday they kept us awake through the journey, singing songs and shouting at us. We ended up on the beach again, but this time we headed straight down towards the sea, which finally came into view after a few minutes. The sea looked dark, and was covered by a top layer of scum and congealed black ash. They positioned us in a line, two metres from the tide, and marched us into the water. ‘Forward’ shouted Captain Jones, staying a few yards behind us, so he could watch us all. ‘One, two, three. Down into the push up position, on your hands now.’ The water was half way up our arms, freezing cold and stunk. They made us do push ups, as each wave hit the group. ‘Down’ ordered Captain Jones, as the first wave smashed into us. ‘Back up. Down, face in the water Hassan, and back up.’ As the waves hit, we were ordered to put our face in, and stay under for around seven seconds. The water was freezing, and the salt and grit went up my nose and in my mouth and eyes. It was torture, like water boarding, next they made us lie on our backs, as the water rushed over us, giving us the sensation of drowning. It was horrendous, our already tired and battered bodies, struggled through, shivering, as all our remaining strength was washed out to sea. Not knowing when the wave was going to hit us was the worst thing, just waiting for it to rush over our heads. I’ve never been as cold as I was during the exercise, right through to the bone. I wanted to stop, but I wouldn’t, I believed I could handle everything they threw at me, did I come close to quitting? I don’t think I did. I just continually looked ahead, completing each task as it came, eventually we would finish. We were moved out of the water, up to the sand dunes by the top of the beach, half an hours walk. There we sat down in a row, arms linked as we tried to regain our warmth, somewhat protected from the blustering winds by the dune cover.
Aftermath: The complete collection Page 31