by Anna Scott
“Okay, I need to call my aunt, let’s use TJM for the arrangements. Is there anyone else we should call? Anything else I need to do?”
Luke’s smile was sweet; it encompassed his face and caused little tiny lines to crinkle at the corners of his eyes.
“No, I already called everyone else that I could think of. You go call your aunt and I’ll call TJM.”
Turner, Jackson Mortuary was owned by one of Luke’s uncles and had been in his family for generations. It was only natural that I’d use them. They were all like family to me.
Nodding, I tried to move away again, but instead Luke pulled me in closer, eyes on mine until our faces were too close to see clearly; then he kissed me lightly on the forehead.
“You are so strong Rory, so fucking strong. I’m so proud of you.”
My arms wrapped tighter around him as I savored the feeling of comfort and affection. He released me and I walked away, going into my room to call my aunt.
Chapter 4
“Rory, come on, sit down for dinner.”
I heard Luke yell down the hall, several hours later. I’d spent the previous hours trying to figure out what type of service Nolan would have wanted. I spoke with Amber several times, talking about what was going on at the store and trying to figure out the rest of my week.
Determined to manage things on my own, I knew that I couldn’t rely on Luke to be with me all the time, he had a life of his own, a job, a house, and certainly he would go home later tonight. I had to be strong on my own, I was completely alone in this world now.
Gavin and Trent had left, both having to work tonight. Hope was gone too, but said she’d be back later. Noticing how Jake’s gaze had followed her throughout the day, I made a mental note to pay attention to them and see what happened between them.
Reed and Jake were still here. Reed watched me like a hawk. His eyes scanned from me to Luke. I knew that he was wondering, as I was, what was going on between us. Reed and I were very close, great friends, and I shared more with him than almost anyone else.
Jake was sullen and quiet. He hadn’t said much of anything all day, but had seemed annoyed with everyone. Seeing him close further into himself was difficult, but Jake and I had never been friends so I didn’t feel comfortable talking to him about it. There was a strange tension surrounding him, like a black cloud. I understood that he was in pain, we all were, but there seemed to be something more going on with him.
We all sat down and ate the lasagna that Luke’s mom had brought over earlier in the day. She’d stayed about an hour, hugging and kissing my face several times. She was the All-American-Mom, so kind and loving. Wrapped in her arms, I could enjoy the pleasure of a mother’s love once again.
I’d thought that the lasagna was huge when it had first come, but now, as the guys devour it along with the salad and garlic bread, I hoped there was enough for leftovers tomorrow. I didn’t have any doubt that these guys could put away a lot of food, and fast.
“I called the funeral home; they are taking care of everything. We have an appointment for tomorrow morning.” Luke’s words cut through the quiet and I looked up to meet his gaze. He was sitting at the head of the table and I was on his right.
“Thank you, what time is the appointment?” My stomach clenched at the thought of actually planning a funeral for my brother. Sure, it’s something that has to be done and sadly, I’d done it before, for my mom, but there was something different when it was a sibling and so early in his life, too.
“Ten; were you able to get the store squared away for this week? I don’t think you should try to go in, if you can help it.”
“I did, Amber is going to take care of it, and she told me not to worry about it.” That part of my life, at least, was going really well.
“Okay, then after dinner, we can relax, watch a movie or something. I think we should try to get to bed early, tomorrow is a busy day.” I did my best not to imagine what going to bed early would entail.
This isn’t the time, this isn’t the time. I kept repeating to myself, in my head of course. I’d never let Luke know what I was thinking.
I heard a grunt coming from Jake and looked up to see him looking toward Reed with a raised eyebrow and Reed’s mouth was tipped up on one side, almost in a smirk. Something was off here, it was the first sign of life I’d seen in Jake all day, and their silent exchange had the hairs on the back of my neck standing at attention.
“What’s up with you two?” I asked hesitantly, not really sure I wanted to know.
“Nothing, nothing at all.” Reed’s response was quick and disingenuous.
I narrowed my eyes at the two of them and waited for more when Luke barked. “Knock it off you idiots.”
Both men laughed lightly and we all got back to our meal. The tension had lightened some and I appreciated that we were able to enjoy ourselves a little.
The guys wouldn’t let me do anything; they took care of Sadie, did the dishes and even took out the trash for me. I’d lived alone for so long, I was used to doing just about everything myself.
Luke opened a bottle of wine, sat me on the couch and kissed my forehead again, then walked back into the kitchen to help. What in the hell was going on with that? He kept kissing me. Hey, I wasn’t complaining, but seriously, this was odd.
Picking up the book I’d been reading, I began to peruse, looking for the last page I’d read when I heard the guys’ whispered argument. I couldn’t make out the words, but I wondered what they were upset about. This seemed like a strange time to argue. Jake was the only one I’d noticed any tension around, but it sounded like all of them now.
I stood and made my way toward the kitchen to rudely listen in. I didn’t feel bad about eavesdropping, I had always been the little sister after all.
“Dude, shut the fuck up, this isn’t the time.” That was definitely Luke’s voice.
“I’m just saying, it looks like you’re moving right in.” I thought that might be Reed, but it could be Jake.
“What the hell are you waiting for Luke, Jesus? You can’t just moon over her this long. You’re fucking pathetic. What’s the issue? You know she feels the same way. She will be hard to break through, but once you do, I think she’d be worth it. You just have to get her to trust that you aren’t going to leave her, too.” Okay, that was Reed, so the other one must have been Jake. I wondered who they were talking about. Was Luke interested in someone? God, now I really felt bad about taking up so much of his time. I was sure he would rather be hanging out with her instead of being here, dealing with my emotional breakdown.
“What is that supposed to mean? Have some fucking respect! Nolan just died you moron. She’s in no place to deal with this right now.” Hmm, not sure what that meant; was it possible he was talking about me? As sad as I was tonight, the thought made my heart beat just a little bit faster.
Jake walked around the corner, catching me in my not so covert mission. “Hey Aurora!” he yelled the greeting so loud, I knew it was to warn the guys. “What are you doing, standing here? Did you want something from the kitchen?” His voice had leveled out, but was still overly loud.
“Nope, just getting this blanket.” I picked up the throw that was flung across the side of the armchair. Jake looked pointedly at the blanket I’d just picked up, then the other one that was on the back of the couch. It was true, I had blankets everywhere. He was making a point: he knew I’d been lying. I didn’t explain any more, I just smiled and held the blanket closer.
Luke walked into the room; both eyebrows raised, punched Jake in the stomach as he passed and put his arm around my shoulders before guiding me back to the couch.
“Fuck, Luke,” Jake swore after him. The guys did that kind of stuff all the time, so I ignored them.
He spread out, propped his feet up on the coffee table and pulled me into his side. Sadie and Rusty ran into the room and settled on the floor near us. I made it a point to look at Jake as I spread the blanket out over my legs. His smirk said it
all, he knew and nothing I did would convince him otherwise; I’d been spying.
For the first time ever, Luke handed me the remote. I was so surprised, I just looked down at it sitting in my hand until he leaned in and whispered “turn on the TV.”
Apparently, Jake and Reed could only handle so much of HGTV, halfway through the second show they both left. They gave hugs and little cheek kisses along with their promises to see me later and reminders to call if I needed them. It was strange to be in the house alone with Luke again, I loved being here like this with him, but felt like a burden at the same time. I hated feeling like a burden.
At some point, I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, the lights were off, the blanket that had been draped over my legs, now covered me up to my shoulders, and Luke was watching Sports Center.
He felt the shift when I woke, because he pulled me back into him and kissed the top of my hair. I snuggled back down and fell asleep again.
Wednesday morning, I woke in my own bed, still wearing my ruffled top, bra and panties. Nothing else - I wasn’t wearing anything else. I remembered falling asleep on the couch while Luke watched Sports Center, but didn’t recall coming to bed. I’m not such a heavy sleeper that I should have slept through him moving and undressing me.
Shit! What panties was I wearing? I picked up the blanket to take a look. Oh, thank god! They were dusky pink satin with ivory lace trip in a retro style. I was wearing the matching bra as well, but I didn’t think he’d seen that. I had a strange thing about underwear, they had to be pretty and they had to match. Not only did they have to match each other, they had to match my outfit.
My bedroom door opened while I still had the sheet lifted and was staring down at my bare legs. I snapped it back down quickly and looked up at Luke’s smiling eyes. I raised a brow and said “I don’t remember going to bed last night.”
“You were out; I carried you in here just after midnight.” His answer was so nonchalant; I had to question him further, mostly just to pester him.
“And my skirt; did it fall off on the way?”
“Nope, I took it off.”
His smile was full force now as he motioned toward the chair in the corner of my room where I noticed my skirt laying, neatly folded. “I brought you coffee, you might want to take it before you yell at me for stripping you down.”
Instead of questioning him anymore, I eagerly accepted the coffee, which was perfect. He’d added just the right amounts of cream and sugar.
“We need to leave in about ninety minutes, wanted to make sure you were awake.”
“Thanks, I’ll jump in the shower in a few minutes. Do I need to take anything?” I hoped I didn’t need to go into Nolan’s house.
“No, I’m sure after decisions have been made, one of us can stop in and drop off mementos or pictures we want to use.”
“Oh, okay, good.” My sigh of relief must have caught his attention because he looked at me more closely.
“Rory? What’s wrong?”
I shook my head, not wanting to tell him, but his stern glare had me changing my tune. “I don’t know if I’m ready to go into his house, I know I’ll have to go in and clean it - but I’m not ready.”
“That’s already been taken care of. Once the investigation was completed I had the crime scene cleaners come in. Don’t worry about it, okay? I’ll take care of everything, it’s the least I can do.”
Everything he’d done was wonderful, but I didn’t want him helping me due to some misplaced guilt. “Luke, I can do this stuff - you - I mean, I’m fine, you know, you don’t have to hold my hand.”
Luke’s eyes narrowed and his stare became more intense. “What the fuck Rory, what’s that about?” Apparently my statement came out more harshly than I’d intended.
“I don’t want you to help me, or to spend all your time with me because you think you have to. It isn’t your fault Luke, Nolan made his own choices. No matter what either of us could have done, if he was set on ending his life, he would have found a way. Even if you’d gotten there or I’d figured it out and tried to stop him. Don’t take the guilt on yourself. That’s what Nolan did and I won’t let you do that, too.” I realized that what I was saying wasn’t entirely true. Had we been able to get him the help he’d needed, we may have been able to stop it, but it was all too late, now.
Luke reached out and grabbed my hand. “I’m not here because of guilt or anything like that. I’m here with you because I want to be. I don’t know where this is coming from.”
“You said ‘it’s the least I can do.’ I don’t want you to help me because you think you have to. I don’t want to stand in your way when you have other things you could be doing, other people to spend your time with.” A couple of tears fell from my eyes and Luke saw them, as he leaned in and kissed each one from my face. As much as I loved the feeling, I wouldn’t be a burden. I also wouldn’t allow my heart to hope for something that wouldn’t ever be. He’d been home for four years now, if he’d wanted me, he would have made a move by now.
He cupped my chin, lifted my face to meet his eyes and spoke softly.
“That isn’t what I meant. I meant that it was the least I could do to help you; that I want to be here for you, to take care of you, to help you whenever I can. Always, Rory, not just in this, I always want to be the one to help you. And, you remember this; there is never a moment when I’m spending time with you that I want to be with anyone else. I’m exactly where I want to be.”
My brows furrowed in confusion as I looked at him more closely; I didn’t understand, couldn’t figure out what he meant. I remembered the words I’d overheard in the kitchen last night and wondered. Apparently, I waited too long because he continued. “We can talk about that later sweetheart, get your luscious ass up and ready, we’ve got to leave soon and it takes you longer than anyone I’ve ever met to get ready.” He placed a quick kiss on my nose, then stood and strode from the room.
I was so confused; did he mean that in a more-than-friends type of way? I wondered about that, but couldn’t dwell on it now. His actions the last few days were certainly more affectionate than what I’d ever seen from him. This was a horrible time, so I wasn’t sure if his demonstrative behavior was due to his need to comfort me or because of something else. Either way, I was not in the mental state to think about it.
I noticed as he walked away that he was wearing a pair of perfectly fitting dress pants and a white undershirt that hugged his strong physique. I shook my head to rid myself of the images in my head and moved into the shower. The last thing I needed was to get turned on right now. That was certainly not appropriate today.
I emerged from my room just before nine o’clock, dressed in a light gray pencil skirt and white silk blouse. My black stilettos dangled from my fingers. Luke let out a low whistle as I walked into the kitchen. “Nice, you look beautiful as always Aurora.”
I felt my cheeks flush at his compliment. He had grown more flirtatious with me over the past several months, but I’d never thought much about it. I was certain that this was his usual behavior. I hadn’t seen him with many, so I couldn’t be sure. The few he’d brought around over the years were there such a short period of time that I never got a good read on his normal behavior with women.
We ate breakfast in silence, only broken by small talk. I tried again to let him know that I was okay, but Luke insisted that he was going with me. Being thankful for the company, I didn’t argue. But instead of my mind solely focusing on my brother’s funeral, I was bombarded with thoughts of Luke.
Chapter 5
Luke and I sat across from each other at a small table in my favorite Mexican restaurant. We’d finished the seemingly endless details with the mortuary and I was exhausted. I hadn’t done anything physical today, only sat and talked, made plans and discussed details, but the emotional strain of it all exhausted me. I was working hard to keep myself in check so that Luke wouldn’t worry anymore about me. I was determined to be strong.
I ordered my favorite, shrimp fajitas with extra guacamole. Luke ordered two steak burritos smothered in lettuce and cheese, a diet for me, a Coke for him. Once the server had moved on, he reached across, grabbed my hand and held it between his. I was so taken aback by this action; that I just stared at our hands connected together.
Staring up at Luke, his chiseled jaw with the slightest hint of stubble, and amazing hazel eyes gazed back at me. His brown hair was slightly over-long, the ends curling at the top of his collared shirt. This man, so handsome and solid had been my rock. I studied him for a long time, until he spoke. “You were amazing today, Rory, you held up so well. I was really proud of you.”
His finger had started to move back and forth over my hand, I could feel the heat from his touch seeping into me. I had no one, except for Luke. Yes, of course I had other friends, and they were wonderful, but Luke stood in a class all his own.
“Thanks, I appreciate you being with me. This is really hard, but I’m not going to break. I can’t say I understand what Nolan was going through or what was running through in his mind when he did what he did, but I’m going to live by the strength he showed me, before that last deployment. My brother used to be the strongest man I know; he was loyal, honest and kind. There wasn’t one time that he didn’t stand up for me, or for anyone else weaker than him.” I took a minute, staring off toward the back hallway of the restaurant.
I wanted to pick my next words carefully. “The thing is, he was injured; Dylan died saving him. That is a tragedy in itself, but then Nolan came home a different man. He snapped at me a lot, at mom too, he wasn’t the same man he had been. He let that guilt eat at him and that makes the tragedy even worse, because he wasn’t able to move past it. He never was able to appreciate Dylan’s sacrifice and go on with his life, the life Dylan would have wanted him to have.”