by Falon Gold
If I had to guess, I’d say he had a bum knee from trying out for some sport, maybe professional football that ruined his dreams of anything more than getting a degree and opening his own business one day. I don’t much care what he did with his life as long as he wasn’t trying to tie it to Mahogany’s.
Twisting to slip my palm in the center of her spine, I urged her forward. “Let’s go. We got about fifteen minutes to get back to the hospital. See you later, Tommy.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “If all goes as you’re secretly hoping it does, Chance, you will see me… often.” A cryptic statement if I ever heard one, which caused me to jack up one of my own eyebrows.
“I’m not secretly hoping for anything, Tommy.”
With her head swishing back and forth between Tommy and me, Mahogany stepped toward the bag on the counter near Tommy, who grabbed the bag up first, plopped it down on top of the drinks, then handed it all to her before replying, “Yeah, I thought I wasn’t secretly hoping for something too. Turns out, I was so wrong.”
So, Tommy and Kat had spent time apart, huh? His story was unfolding bit by bit and beginning to look a lot like mine but not mine.
“We’re not the same person, Tommy.”
“We don’t have to be to want the same things, Chance. You just have to start being honest with yourself. I had to do the same and it worked out for me. I get the strangest feeling that it will for you too… or it will if you’re truthful with more than just yourself, and not just openly honest about the things you think will hurt someone but about the things that hurt you. Don’t repeat history and close yourself off. Otherwise, you’ll keep sailing the same sinking ship that brought you to this point. Eventually, it’s going to sink with your ass on it, if you don’t get off it.”
It wasn’t hard to catch his point: tell Mahogany that she still owned me and it was devastating when she wasn’t with me. Ha! Not in this lifetime.
“Ever heard of the saying that a captain goes down with his ship, Tommy?” But was I really ready to drown if Mahogany was willing to save me… from myself? Did I want her to?
Of course, you do, stupid. That’s what a third of your problem with her is.
“Ever heard of a watery grave, Chance? That could be avoided if you just docked the damn ship and saved yourself and everyone else that you’re going to pull down to the bottom with you. You don’t have the right to do that no matter how angry and wronged you feel. It’s not just about you anymore, despite what all those feelings bottled up inside you are telling you. Just cuss somebody out already.” He pointed at Mahogany. “Preferably her. Release the storm gathering inside you because if you take your frustrations out on me, I will spit in your food. It’s the only way I can retaliate, since I’ve gotten enough of swinging on people and almost going to jail for it. Hadn’t been for Kat’s scuffle with some fake hair that she refused to give back to the owner until the cops intervened, which happened to be my niece Sheriff Astrid by the way, jail is where I’d be. I’m glad as hell to know people in high places. Seriously though, clear your chest. Makes for a good clearing of the air, paving the way for moving on, and putting a lid on that bottomless pit of anger you’re working on filling up. That requires a lot of energy that no one has naturally and could lead to a killer stroke by the way. That would be sad when you’re no more than what? Thirty?”
Tommy seemed to be more intuitive than I gave him credit for. Somehow, he knew exactly what was going on inside me.
“Thirty-one,” I supplied my correct age through gritted teeth, tired of being called out, and not sure whether to believe him about the ‘saved by the fake hair’ incident or question him about it until I did believe it.
This man’s life was becoming interesting enough for me to want to be nosy in it. Tommy was quite the character. Mahogany had taken the sack and walked away. Immediately missing her nearness, I observed the sensual sway of her hips until titanium-constructed wood pressed against my jeans before I snatched my gaze away from her.
“What do I owe you, Tommy?”
He smiled. “Do you see Mahogany offering up any money? That’s because family doesn’t pay me for what I do from the heart. Offend me again by talking about money and I will punch you, Chance… or send you a bill for everything Mahogany and Majestic have eaten here for the last three years. It’ll be so big it won’t fit in your mailbox. Then you’ll punch me. I’ll have the right to defend myself and beat your ass to a bloody pulp for old and new. Astrid won’t have the right to arrest anyone but you, and I’ll be all for it.”
I laughed out loud. Tommy wasn’t as forgiving as I thought he was, but he was feeding me for free, calling me family, or at least I think he was, and giving me advice, so he liked something about me. Weirdly, I wanted the respect of the good guy behind the one-liners and rude ass comments who was there for my girls when I wasn’t.
I extended my hand to him. “No more money talk.”
He came in for a bro hug and whispered, “She did what she thought was best for everyone, Chance. You should tell her about why it wasn’t best for you, then forgive her. Do it for you if you have to. Freeing yourself is the only time it’s okay to be selfish. She could’ve saved herself from doing the hardest job in the world alone and from this situation with you that she had to know was coming one day if she had Majestic. She womaned-up and took charge of both of your mistakes by herself and left you to lead a normal life until she couldn’t anymore.”
“That’s what hurts, Tommy,” I croaked, stupid damn emotions choking me suddenly.
My life was only normal when she was in it. Tommy was dragging out the honesty in me and that was painful too. Less hurtful to just be mad.
He stepped back. “You’re old enough to know life isn’t pain-free, shit happens, and you should grab the happy moments while they’re waiting around for you. They do leave, you know? The opportunity to have what you truly want will be gone for good. Then you’ll really be pissy and mad. Use your energy wisely. It runs out after thirty-five. Trust me. Plus, I don’t want you bringing all that bad energy up in here. Fucks with the feng shui of the place. Actually, there isn’t any feng shui in here, but if there was, you’d kill it dead with all that bitterness and hard feelings you got. Go. I’ll check on y’all at the hospital in a little bit. Maybe even relieve you two of sitting with Majestic for the night. Maybe. Depends on what Kat says. We haven’t spent much time with Majestic lately. I’m shocked I miss the little monster.”
I wasn’t shocked about it or that he dragged another grin from me either. This was what he did best and was liked the most for uplifting the people around him after he weighed them down with cold, hard facts. I wasn’t quite ready for those, or to be lifted out of the space where I resided miserably with my anger, but I sure as hell wasn’t telling Tommy that. I could do with a night of Mahogany to myself though, only way to get rid of the bitterness and hard feelings… I think.
As I walked away, I called over my shoulder, “Thanks, Tommy… for everything.”
“Don’t thank me too soon. I haven’t said I’d babysit; I said maybe and it depends on Kat. She could have something for me that I don’t want to receive here… anymore, that is.”
Laughing my ass off, I exited the building, finding Mahogany standing on her side of my car. Just looking at her, I was angry and wanted to be inside her simultaneously.
She squared her shoulders, as if sensing the chaos in me. “Chance, I have to ask. Were you jealous of me talking to Jerry?”
“Yes!” I sniped, cringing as the truth burst out of me.
Fucking Tommy had implanted the idea in my head to be honest. Now, it was coming out of my mouth!
“Well, you shouldn’t be. Jerry’s just a good friend who saw me looking worried, so he cracked a stupid joke on his break instead of eating his food. That’s what we do here: try to hold each other up, even while we’re all pretty much drowning.”
At the front of the BMW, I glanced over my shoulder at her. “You don’t look as
if you’re drowning to me, Mahogany.” But that’s what I wanted her to be doing since I was drowning without her, except I wanted to be the one she drowned in until she had to come up for air, begging for a break from the climaxes I was punishing her with.
Punish her with climaxes? Chance, you have lost your damn mind. Mahogany liked to come just as much as the next woman, dummy.
“But I am drowning, Chance, because you hate me.”
I didn’t miss the sadness in her tone. If only I could hate her, and yeah, I was furious because I couldn’t. I needed to release on someone my frustrations that were steadily growing. That someone was her, if I heeded Tommy’s advice. Oh, how I was going to heed his advice.
First, I circled the car again, coming to her side in an instant, just to smash my lips down on hers and bring her body flush with mine in a true collision that forced a groan from her. I wanted her to feel what I really felt for her, a lust so sharp it was cutting me in the deepest of places while making other parts protrude through my clothes. Mahogany latched onto my shoulders with both hands, parted her lips, and let me have my way with her mouth. When she got in her first swipe of her tongue across mine, I heard, “Go get a room goddamnit!”
I turned my head to Tommy, who was shouting and leaning out the opened door of his building, “My parking lot isn’t a hotel either by the way! Jesus, I didn’t need to see that while at work! Now, I need to call Kat because I got something for her! Thank you so not much, Chance!”
I chuckled. Tommy disappeared into the building. Mahogany was staring at me like I had two heads.
“What did I do to deserve that?” she gasped out finally.
“Being you.” The bane of my existence. Deceiving love of my life. Chosen but shouldn’t have been mother of my child who held all the special places of my heart that I couldn’t free of her no matter how hard I tried.
“Is that a good or bad thing, Chance?”
Needing distance, or I’d kiss her ruthlessly again, I abandoned her to open her own door while I crossed to mine, just to stand in between it and the car’s body. Resting both forearms on the roof, I was ready to be honest with her suddenly and I thanked Tommy for that.
“Both, Mahogany.”
She removed the food from the roof and muttered under her breath, “I figured that.”
“Did you figure that I’m angry with you because it feels impossible for me to let go like you did, too? And you know what else? I’m angry with me for the same damn reason.”
She opened her door. “I figured that too.”
“You did?”
She took one last look at me. “Yeah, and I’m going to help you with that.”
While I pondered if anyone could help me with that because I really wanted someone to, she got in the car and slammed the door shut. I hadn’t thought of one person who might could help me besides Mahogany by the time we arrived back at the hospital.
Chapter Nine
~Mahogany~
He thought I had let go of him. Bullshit! More like I suspended myself in time and didn’t move until he and I were face to face again. Time speeded up yesterday and caught up with all my decisions that had come home to roost, crowing at me everything wrong I had done since college. Looking back, most of those choices was foolish or selfish. Withholding Majestic from Chance, selfish. Leaving Chance, foolish. When someone said twenty-something-year-olds didn’t know shit, they were right. I had been undone by my ignorance, lost Chance but gained Majestic. Had to almost lose Majestic so Chance could take his rightful place in her life. Now, he wanted to penalize me for him wanting me. Vicious damn cycles that were going to leave me shattered. This twenty-something-year-old didn’t know what to do about that either.
When we walked into Majestic’s room after Chance reached around me and opened the door because I was in the front and we weren’t going to get inside any other way, Doris was sitting with Majestic, who was sitting up, coloring every inch of the page in her lap but the shapes that needed the color. Seeing her resume her normal activities was enough to bring me to tears when I wasn’t sure this day mixed with the good and bad was ever going to come. I edged toward the back side of the bed through air heavy with Chance’s silence that was loaded with his fury.
He hadn’t said another word to me since we left Tommy’s, but he had lots of words and kisses for Majestic after scooping her up in his arms that swallowed her. As long as he didn’t treat her like an outcast, I was okay with his mistreatment of me that always led to us kissing. Which didn’t make a damn bit of sense. Lively, as she always was before the cancer set up shop in her body, she patted his jaws, gave him a loud smack on the lips, and kicked her feet. The back of her gown exposed the fresh diaper.
“You’re glad to see your daddy, aren’t you, princess?” Doris chirped from beside Chance as I spread out the food on the bed.
Her words stopped me dead. I hadn’t explained to Majestic who Chance was to her. Although I knew I would have to someday, but she’s only two. Yet, the day had arrived.
I cleared my throat while lifting the lids on the trays of food. After depositing the drinks on the TV stand beside my chair, I sat down heavily, then palmed my thighs. “Chance, we need to talk to Majestic about you.”
Majestic giggled. “Daddy’s in trouble.”
I supposed I had a certain tone of voice that she recognized as the one I used when I was serious.
Chance glanced down at his daughter. “I was in trouble from the moment I met your mommy, munchkin.”
I sighed. “I’m not going to take that personally, Chance.”
“You should.” He found his seat with Majestic where he eyeballed me over the bed and her head; his tone of voice was dead serious too. “Nothing is ever business-related when it comes to you.”
“Okay, I’m not sure how to take that though.” I did know he hadn’t found a way to disconnect from me yet and it was slowly killing him. And that was slowly killing me.
“And I’m going to leave because things just heated up in here,” Doris announced before scurrying as fast as she could to the door.
When she was gone, Chance addressed his daughter. “Majestic, do you know what daddy means?” Of course, she didn’t.
Her forehead furrowed, like she had assumed ‘daddy’ didn’t mean any more than just being one of his names.
“It means the same as mommy does, Majestic, so if I say you can’t have chocolate, you still can’t have it.”
Her head whipped around to me, her eyes wide and mouth opened, conveying ‘Mommy, say it isn’t so’ when she couldn’t get the words out her mouth. I nodded. Her little chin wobbled. Leave it to Chance to get down to a two-year-old’s level and get through to her the first time about such a difficult topic only two days into being a father. Most days, I had to work to get through to her about just touching a hot stove.
He tilted her chin up and whispered something in her ear. Then, she was all smiles again. I knew he promised to sneak her chocolate when I wasn’t looking. About to reprimand him, he lifted his palm in the air and told Majestic to give him five. She placed hers against his and held it there while beaming at him. Just the difference in the size of their hands was enough to bring back the damn tears. Witnessing Majestic become a part of a whole family unit to call her own, to support her, and give her the boost needed to soar high brought the waterworks on full force. Chance’s shoulders were a lot closer to the sky than my own. Majestic finally had what I’d wanted for her the most: a father, next to living a hell of a lot longer than two years old.
“I’ll be back,” I declared before jumping up from my chair to find a place where I could get myself back together in private.
The en suite bathroom was the closest and on the other side of the television. Five minutes later, I came out to Majestic sitting in Chance’s lap with her lips pressed tight, denying entry to the spoon of soup he was trying to feed her. He had removed their food from the bed to a rollaway table. Wondering what was he going to do next to ge
t her to eat, I watched as he put the spoon back into the soup. She tooted out her tiny lips pathetically, silently begging for anything other than the broth, then she pointed at his baked potato. If Chance wasn’t firm with her, she’d be eating his food, him the soup. He huffed, then lifted a spoonful of his potato in her direction.
“Chance!” I rebuked, making him pause.
“Look at her face, Mahogany,” he whined. “I can’t eat in front of her like this.”
Majestic reached out, took the spoon from Chance, and fed herself, taking the matter out of both of our hands.
“You know what, Chance? You…” I cut off the sentence before my insult could get out in front of Majestic, who was going through enough without having to watch her mother lose it on her father too.
His face morphed into a mask of coldness. “What were you going to say, Mahogany? I dare you to finish.”
Oh, he shouldn’t have said that.
I mouthed, “You suck balls, Chance. No willpower whatsoever with her.”
His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.
“I suck balls?” he asked shocked and too damn loudly. “You were the one who was going to let her starve on broth.”
“That’s not starving, and Dr. Blane said it was better for her!” I defended.
“I want balls too, Mommy,” Majestic informed at the top of her tiny voice, with no idea of what she was asking for.
Chance closed his eyes, discovering his mistake a little too late. “I need to learn to turn down my volume in front of her, don’t I?”
“You think!” So, he’s not a perfect parental unit after all.
His chest started to heave as silent chuckles erupted from him, infecting me. Majestic aimed the spoon at Chance’s baked potato and dipped out some more. I gave up. When she made herself sick with the too heavy food—I doubted she would though— she’d quit eating what I told her not to. Yeah, I doubted that too. This little girl loved to eat, so I sat down to feed myself.