by Rosanna Leo
“Perfect,” he said on a breath, climbing back up the length of her.
Fleur had closed her eyes but she opened them with a start when he drove his thick cock home. She couldn’t even fully participate and could only hold on for dear life as he took control for her. He happily blasphemed in Hungarian as he fucked her, seeming to grow with each precise impact. No man had ever commanded her body with such skill and grace.
Jani withdrew and Fleur cried out at the loss. However, he deftly flipped her over and entered her again. On all fours, Fleur rested her forehead on the bed and marveled at how easily he could wring another orgasm out of her. She felt it coming already, the tenderness at her pussy and the ache in her womb.
As he slid in and out of her, more machine than either man or animal, Jani massaged her back entrance with a wet finger. She pressed against his hand and he accepted her invitation, maneuvering the digit between her cheeks, exerting just the right sort of pressure to make her swoon. It stung at first, but any hurt gave way to a pleasure that tugged and snared.
“One day soon, Fleur, I’ll have you here as well and you’ll take every inch of me.”
At the uttered promise, she fell apart. Shards of ecstasy tore through her flesh. Jani removed his finger and gripped her hips. His balls slapped against her behind as his cock continued to probe and quest. She moaned, exhausted and sweaty, but he moved for her. As if deriving his own pleasure from her fatigue, Jani thrust deep and curled over her with a curse. He clutched at her as he came, one arm wrapped around her hips, his other hand curled around her neck.
“Fuck, you feel so good.”
He held her in the same position for a couple of minutes. His length throbbed inside her, barely flaccid. Curious to see if he had any energy left inside him, Fleur wiggled against his crotch, the barest of temptations.
The organ swelled.
Jani bit down on her shoulder but didn’t break the skin.
“Ow,” she said through a soft laugh.
“You deserved that one. Just for that, I’m going to fuck you again.” Jani pulled away from her, patting her ass with a groan. He walked into the washroom to freshen up, his dick standing straight out from his body.
Fleur shook her head. She had a feeling it would be a long night. A great night, but a long one.
Jani returned, his jaw clenched in determination. He stood at the edge of the bed. “The longest ever. Now crawl over here and take me in your mouth.”
Fleur made sure to crawl as slowly as possible, wiggling her bottom. It was time to get him back for that last bite.
Chapter 13
FLEUR snuggled up to Jani as he took a turn holding baby Cairo in his arms. He touched the tip of Lloyd’s little nose and tweaked his toes through his blue sleeper. It had been a long time since Fleur had seen a baby. She was sure they must all be adorable but this one had everyone from the lodge wrapped around his fingers.
There was something about this baby, something weird and wonderful. Perhaps it was the fact his eyes seemed so wise. When he wasn’t sleeping, little Lloyd lay still, the picture of peacefulness, watching everything around him as if he already knew everyone’s names and personalities. For an infant, he seemed to understand so much, and everyone was fascinated with him.
Maybe shifter babies were different that way. Maybe their animal sides made them seem a little less helpless.
The baby’s wolf wouldn’t manifest for some time. Their people usually shifted for the first time in their teen years. Despite this, Fleur swore she glimpsed Lloyd’s playful pup in the child’s dark eyes.
“He’s so small,” Jani said, amazed.
“That’s because you’re huge.” Fleur laughed. “Anything’s small next to you.”
Jani narrowed his eyes and gave her a peck on the ear, whispering, “You haven’t complained about my size up until now.”
“I’m not complaining.”
Bart piped up from the other side of the room. “Hey, Jani. I’ll have you know our son is just the right size. The doc said so.” He laughed. “And he’s getting bigger all the time. He’s got the appetite of an elephant. Poor Charlotte never gets a break.”
As Bart gave Charlotte’s head an affectionate rub, she agreed. “Men. It’s always about the boobs. Baby Lloyd’s no different.”
Several of the guys in the room responded with good-natured hoots.
When the friends gathered at Charlotte and Bart’s cabin, the new parents made sure everyone got to hold the infant. Baby Lloyd never fussed or complained. Every so often, he cried out for his mother. Bart would bring him to Charlotte at those times, and the new mom would unbutton her blouse and bring her son to her breast. Bart sat next to her as his son drank, enrapt, probably never dreaming he was proving Charlotte’s point about men and boobs.
As for Charlotte, Fleur didn’t think she had ever seen the woman look more beautiful. Charlotte claimed to be tired and sore, but her face was lit with such happiness. If she had any dark circles, Fleur didn’t see them. Motherhood suited Charlotte.
Would it suit Fleur one day?
It was a terrifying thought. Fleur had never pictured herself as a parent. Frankly, she’d never believed she had what it took to nurture a living being. She’d had a cactus once, years ago, and had managed to kill it within days.
But now, well, things had changed.
Jani put a hand on her knee, tracing her kneecap with his fingers. “You’ll make a good mother one day.”
“I don’t know, Jani. Me? What advice could I possibly give a child?”
“Fleur, I was raised by two of the coldest people you could ever meet. My childhood was governed by aunts and uncles who were even worse. Believe me when I say you’d make an excellent mother. You have a warm heart. Your past doesn’t change that.”
Just when she thought it wasn’t possible to love Jani more, he proved her wrong. “You’d make an awesome dad.”
He pretended to consider the idea, his fingers on his chin. “Perhaps one day, if I meet the right woman. I’m not ready to settle down yet. I still have too many wild oats to sow.” He winked.
“Oh yeah? Listen, buddy. You don’t sow any wild oats unless you sow them with me.”
He smiled and kissed her. “A possessive woman. That’s a huge turn-on, baby.” Jani growled soft and low for her benefit. “I’ll consider your offer.”
She gave him a playful shove.
While Lloyd had another snack, a knock sounded on the door. Fleur, sitting closest by, got up to answer it.
Connor and Elaine stood outside.
The Ursa gang greeted them with waves. Connor motioned for Elaine to go in ahead of him. She did, her gaze locked on the baby.
So many emotions raced across the bear woman’s features. Fleur knew Elaine hadn’t visited Charlotte yet and couldn’t blame her. Connor would have told her the baby was named for Lloyd. It couldn’t be easy coming face-to-face with her dead mate’s namesake.
Charlotte finished feeding the baby, covered herself up, and smiled. “Elaine, would you like to meet little Lloyd?”
Elaine stood still, her eyes wide and blank.
Connor put a hand to her back. “You can do it.”
She shrank away from his touch.
Connor frowned and went to sit with Jani. Elaine didn’t move a muscle and no one said a word.
Fleur took Connor’s place at Elaine’s side and put a hand to her elbow. “Come. It’ll be good for you.”
Elaine walked with her, an automaton. Fleur urged her to sit on the wide ottoman opposite Charlotte, and sat next to her.
“Would you like to hold him? I just fed him so he won’t fuss. As long as this kid is fed on the hour, he doesn’t make a peep,” said Charlotte, smiling.
“I don’t know.” Elaine made a face. “It’s been a while since I held a baby. He’ll probably be uncomfortable with me.”
“Elaine,” Fleur said in a gentle tone. “You’re a mom. Somehow
I don’t think you’ve forgotten how to hold a child.”
Elaine met her gaze. Remorse shone in her eyes and she nodded. “You’re right. I’m being stupid.” She reached out to Charlotte. “I’d love to hold him.”
When Charlotte handed him over, Elaine sucked in a breath. She cradled the tiny person in her arms and stared. Little Lloyd gazed back, seemingly entranced by her shiny blonde hair. Elaine touched a gentle finger to his cheek. “He’s beautiful.”
When he cooed, Elaine gathered up a few tendrils of her hair and tickled his chin. Smiling, she leaned over and whispered a few things into the baby’s ear.
As if on cue, baby Lloyd gave her one of his unsettling, knowing looks. Staring right at Elaine, he blinked over wise-looking eyes and smiled.
Elaine gasped.
“Wow,” said Charlotte. “His first smile.”
Only Elaine didn’t look pleased. Her eyes filled with tears.
“Are you okay?” asked Fleur.
Elaine dropped a soft kiss on the baby’s forehead and handed him back to Charlotte. “He’s lovely. Thank you.” Tears streaming down her cheeks, Elaine jumped off the ottoman and raced toward the door. She flung it open and ran into the woods.
Connor moved, but Fleur urged him to stay put.
“Let me go after her. Let me talk to her.” With a nod at Jani, Fleur followed Elaine into the woods.
Elaine hadn’t gone far. Fleur found her down by the lake. Elaine stood at the edge of the main dock, her shoulders hunched, weeping into her hands. When Fleur put an arm around her, the bear woman jumped.
“It’s just me.” She rubbed a hand over Elaine’s back. “It’s cold out here and we don’t have jackets. Let’s go back inside. They have hot chocolate at the cabin, and I have it on good authority Ryland’s been adding rum to everyone’s mug.”
“They must think I’m a freak.”
“No one thinks so, but we are worried about you. Look, Elaine. None of us has suffered what you have. If we had lost our mates, we’d be just as devastated. But we want to help you through this. Let us help you.”
“No one can.”
“Connor’s trying his best. Maybe you shouldn’t be so hard on him.”
Elaine let out a mournful howl. “I know. He’s been so good to me and he doesn’t deserve my indifference. It’s just…I can’t help thinking Connor wants more from me than I’m able to give.”
“Has he put the moves on you? Because that’s just tacky. Lloyd’s only been gone for weeks!”
“No.” Elaine turned to her, her tone adamant. “He hasn’t done anything inappropriate.” She let out a quiet laugh. “In fact, I don’t know if I would have given him so much credit before. For a mountain lion man, he’s always been a bit of a hound dog. Lloyd used to tell me all the stories of Connor’s trail of broken hearts.”
“Yeah. I think I’ve heard those stories too.”
“He’s been so kind to me, Fleur, and I can see how he looks at me. He stares so intently, like he’s waiting for me to show signs of improvement, but I haven’t. I keep letting him down. I’m letting everyone down.”
“You’re not.”
“Oh no?” Elaine threw up her hands. “You don’t think I understand what’s going through everyone’s heads? We’re all shape-shifters here. We’ve all known people who’ve died without their mates. In fact, your mother is the only shifter I know who’s survived that loss.”
“You can’t compare yourself to her. My mom was strung out the whole time. Sure, the drugs hurt her, but they also deadened her emotions. Believe me, she’s feeling those emotions now.”
“Maybe I need some of those drugs. I can’t handle the heartache. I can see our friends are hoping I’ll be the one to break the mold, that I’ll somehow survive. But, Fleur, I’m not surviving. I’m falling apart. And every day, instead of getting better, it just gets worse.”
“You need more time.”
“No. I need Lloyd.”
“Think of your kids. You have to be strong for them.”
Elaine looked to the heavens. “That’s the worst part in all of this. I can’t even be a good mother. I have relatives on the mainland. My cousins offered to take the kids for a while and I let them. I feel like such a failure.”
“Oh, sweetie. Come here.” Fleur held open her arms and embraced Elaine, letting her cry herself out. Fleur didn’t know what to say to make her feel better. She wasn’t sure any words would do the job.
Would anything convince Elaine life was still worth living?
“Hey,” Fleur said after a time. “Why did you gasp when baby Lloyd smiled at you?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“Of course, I would. Tell me.”
“When I leaned over to kiss the baby, I talked to Lloyd. My Lloyd. I still talk to him a lot every day, just to tell him I’m thinking of him and I love him. When I held the baby, I said, ‘Lloyd, if you’re with me, please let me know somehow. I can’t do this alone. I need you to show me you’re still with me’.”
“And the baby smiled at you.”
Elaine nodded. “Fleur, babies don’t smile when they’re days old, not even shape-shifter babies. They haven’t learned how yet. But he smiled at me.”
“Holy shit. That’s a pretty good sign.”
“I know.”
“That’s good, right? It means Lloyd’s around. He may not be here, but he still exists and he’s watching over you.”
She shrugged. “It’s good, but it’s just not good enough.” Elaine sighed and looked out at the lake. “I think I need to go away. Far, far away from Gemini Island.”
“But you’re surrounded by friends here.”
“That’s the problem. I’m surrounded by everything and everyone Lloyd loved. I just can’t be here anymore. When I see you all, I think of him and it hurts so much. And the worst part is having to see Connor day in and day out. They were best friends, but I can’t look at Connor without being reminded of what I lost. I can’t look at him anymore.”
The dock creaked behind them.
Connor stood still, his hands at his sides, his face drawn. “I didn’t realize I was such a source of pain.”
“Connor,” Elaine began. “That came out wrong.”
“No, it’s good,” he replied. “Let it out, Elaine. God knows I’ve been encouraging you to share your feelings. I just didn’t understand your feelings for me were so repulsive.”
Elaine grimaced. “They’re not, but I can’t go through the motions anymore just to make you feel better.”
“I never asked you to go through any motions,” he shouted. “All I ever asked of you was honesty. All I ever wanted was to be a support to you, someone who can take your burden.”
“But, Connor, you can’t take this burden from me.”
Fleur didn’t think it was possible, but Connor grew paler. “And so you’d leave just like that?”
“You don’t understand.”
“No, I don’t!” He shoved his hands in his pockets and then pulled them out again. “But fuck, I’m trying. I’ve done everything short of shaking you. I’ve walked with you, I’ve talked with you. I’ve played with your kids. I’ve held you when the nightmares woke you up and it’s still not good enough. I can’t make you snap out of this depression.”
“I know you’ve tried,” Elaine said. “It’s not your fault.”
“You know what, Elaine? Maybe it’s yours!”
Both Elaine and Fleur reared back, as if he’d slapped them.
“You’ve already given up,” Connor muttered, his eyes red. “You gave up before I ever got here. You stopped fighting the second Lloyd took his last breath. If you won’t fight, you won’t live. How am I supposed to help a dead woman?”
Elaine began to shake, but Fleur couldn’t tell if it was out of rage or out of shame. She jumped into one of the waiting motorboats and fumbled with the motor. “I’m getting out of here.”
With an agonized look at Connor, Fleur jumped into the boat with Elaine.
“That’s it,” Connor called, raising his voice as Elaine started the engine. “Run! It’s what you do best.”
The motor revved and Elaine maneuvered the boat away from the dock.
“Um,” said Fleur. “Stowaway, here.”
Elaine glared at Connor. It was one of the few times Fleur had seen a spark of life in the woman. “Sorry, Fleur. I’m outta here. You can take the boat back when I’m done.” She tore away from the dock, leaving Connor a stomping, cursing mess.
“Tell Jani,” Fleur called, but she wasn’t sure Connor heard her. She stared after him, watching Gemini Island grow smaller and smaller. With a sigh, Fleur wrapped her arms around her to keep out the cold. It didn’t work. Damn. Why had she run out of the cabin without a jacket? She settled in and braced herself for a chilly ride.
* * * *
Jani’s head began to hurt shortly after Fleur left the cabin with Elaine. Stupid mate bond. It still wasn’t easy having her out of his sight, but even he recognized he couldn’t follow her around all day long. He’d asked her to speak to Elaine on Connor’s behalf and Fleur was simply following through. The two women were merely having a conversation nearby. They’d probably gone to Elaine’s cabin. They were safe and sound on Gemini Island. No reason to worry.
Then why had his headache turned from a mild throb into a violent pounding?
Anton’s mate Marci approached him, offering a refresher on his hot chocolate. “Are you okay? You look a little green.”
“I’ll be all right, thank you. I just hope Fleur’s getting through to Elaine.”
“I hope so too.”
Anton approached, sliding a hand around Marci’s waist. “The girls have been gone for a while.”
Throb. Throb. “I know.”
Jani’s tiger suddenly threw itself at his ribs, making Jani exhale loudly with the impact.