by S. M. Soto
After all of Alex’s relentless persuasion, I finally gave in to the chase two weeks ago and I don’t regret it. At first, I didn’t want to get involved with Alex because he just looked like one large pile of trouble, but I’ve thrown caution to the wind. The guy is a fucking stallion in bed and his tongue works fucking magic on my body.
How the hell can you blame me for giving in to that?
I shift my gaze toward the digital clock on his nightstand, taking note of the time. I need to make sure I arrive at the shelter before it gets too late. There’s a good chance they won’t let me in after nine, and I’ll be sleeping on the streets for the night.
That is the bad thing about my life. There are so many unknown variables. And having a place to sleep every night was one of them. I have a decent amount of money saved from the jobs I’ve had over the years, and now that I’m working at CJ’s Bar and Grille, I’m more motivated than ever to save all my cash so I can get a place of my own. I won’t have to worry about curfews, or anyone stealing my shit while I’m sleeping. I’ll have peace of mind, for once in my life. A car is at the top of that damn list. I’ve about had it with public transportation.
“I could definitely get used to this.”
Alex’s deep voice jolts me out of my thoughts. I place the worry to the back of my mind for now.
“To what, exactly?” I ask, raising a brow.
“You. Naked. In my bed. Best fucking sight ever,” Alex says as he drops his towel, shamelessly baring his naked body to me. It’s not like he has anything to be insecure about. The guy is well-endowed, if you know what I mean.
“Don’t get used to it,” I bite back snidely, quirking my mouth in amusement.
“You know, you are one tough cookie to crack, Samantha. But one day, I promise you, you will be begging to be my girl.”
I roll my eyes at his confidence.
“Not fucking likely, dick-for-brains.”
Alex tosses his head back and laughs. The sound crashes through my body in waves. My core throbs in anticipation and my nipples tighten against his bed sheets. As if he can sense my sudden arousal, his eyes heat with unrestrained lust. Climbing on the bed, he crawls over my nude body, his hard girth prodding me in the thigh.
“Third time’s the charm?” he whispers as his lips lightly caress mine in an infuriatingly arousing motion.
“Charm for what, exactly?”
Alex smirks down at me. “To finally get you to shut up, firecracker. That mouth of yours…” He sucks air in through his teeth and makes a face that has me rolling my eyes.
“Now look who won’t shut up,” I bite back, raising a single brow. “Just kiss me, already.”
And he does.
Sometime later, I jerk awake at the sound of a door closing. Perking up, I rise onto my elbows and notice Alex is still sound asleep next to me. My gaze shifts toward the window and I curse when I realize how late it is.
Jesus Lord in heaven this cannot be happening.
Scrambling up from the bed, I quickly slip into my discarded clothing, bumping into things in my haste. Alex stirs, propping himself up against the black, cushioned headboard, with an amused expression on his face.
“Missed your curfew?” he asks with a smile in his voice. Normally, I’d say something clever in retort, but my mind can only process one thing at the moment. I’m fucking late, and I won’t have anywhere to sleep tonight. Thankfully, I was smart enough to leave my clothes in my gym bag inside the school lockers, otherwise, I would’ve lost all my clothes, too. The downside is, I’ll have to reuse the same clothes all weekend until school resumes on Monday.
“Just tell your parents you’re staying the night at a friend’s place. What’s the big deal?” Alex asks, mistaking my worried expression for fear of getting in trouble with my parents. Right.
I scoff and turn toward him. “I don’t have any parents, jackass. The big deal is, now I need to find a place to sleep tonight because the shelter stops taking people in after nine. That’s usually when they fill up.”
Alex’s face drains of all color. His eyes widen as he stares at me, slowly putting all the pieces together. He curses, jumping to his feet.
“I’m sorry, but what the fuck did you just say? It sounded a whole of a hell a lot like you said something about a shelter.”
I cross my arms over my chest and give him a look that says, “Yeah, that is what I said, asshole.”
Alex paces in front of me, rubbing his hand roughly across the back of his neck. “You stay at the women’s shelter every night? Are you fucking with me, Samantha?”
The disdain in his voice has my hackles rising. I curl my lip in anger and glare daggers at him.
“So what? Now that you know I’m practically fucking homeless, suddenly I’m not good enough? Well, fuck you.” I growl and turn on my heels. I snatch my satchel off his desk and stride toward the door. A heavy hand suddenly lands on my shoulder, slowing me down from my escape. Alex yanks me toward him and stares down at me with an intensity in his eyes that gives me pause. With his brows drawn together, he looks angry.
“Don’t you fucking dare,” he growls. “That doesn’t change anything. I don’t care about any of that shit, Samantha. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why do you think?”
Alex’s nostrils flare. “You’re staying here tonight. Like you said, they don’t allow anyone in after nine, so you might as well sleep here, instead of going God knows where.”
I shove his hand off my shoulder and take a step back. “I don’t need your fucking charity, Alex. I can take care of myself. I’ve been doing it all of my life.”
“Charity? Who said anything about fucking charity? This isn’t me pitying you or thinking you’re some charity case, Samantha. Is it so fucking wrong that I want you to be somewhere safe and off the street?”
“Yes!” I hiss, my chest rising and falling in anger.
“Well, too fucking bad. You’re staying here. This isn’t up for discussion. You can glare at me all you want, but that won’t change shit, firecracker. Tomorrow morning, before I leave for lacrosse practice, I’ll drop you off wherever you want to go. All right?”
I open my mouth, ready to give him hell for speaking to me like that, but I stop short. Where the hell am I going to go if I leave now? It’s after midnight and no shelters will allow anyone in at this hour. If I’m lucky, I could find a quiet corner and rest there until morning when the shelter opens, but who the hell am I kidding? A comfy bed with a hot guy, or a hard, filthy street?
“Fine,” I say, squaring my shoulders. Alex blows out a relieved breath and nods his head.
“Good,” he says with a stiff nod as he watches me intently. I feel the shift in his eyes and his attitude. I’ve gone from a normal high school conquest to a charity case.
Fucking great.
“Just to pre-warn you, my mother can be a little…judgmental,” Alex says as he stares down at me warily. “We’re bound to run into her in the morning, so just ignore her. She’s a piece of work.”
“I don’t care what anyone thinks about me. Even your mother,” I say defensively, crossing my arms over my chest. Alex averts his gaze.
“I know, but I just want you to be prepared. My family is…well, fucked up, to say the least. So if she says anything, don’t take it personally.”
I roll my eyes. “I won’t. This is just for one night.”
I hope.
CHAPTER EIGHT
April 2007
I wake the next morning to thick arms wrapped around my midsection. My eyes fly open in alarm, then drop to Alex’s arms, secured around my waist. Feeling afflicted, I stealthily try to pry his arms off me and slip out from his hold, but somehow, his arms seem to cinch around my waist even tighter. I huff out a breath in exasperation while I deliberate what to do next. I’ve never been held after sex. Actually, I’ve never been held, period. I don’t like this feeling; I don’t like what the warmth of his body is doing to me.
“Stop fucking
wiggling around,” Alex mumbles groggily in my ear.
I jab my elbow into his rock-hard abdomen, smiling in victory when I hear his grunt of pain. “Then take your arms off me, asshole.” I grumble. He acquiesces, unwrapping his arms from me. I use this freedom to scoot away from him and slide off the bed.
“You’re just as peachy in the morning as you are the rest of the day.”
I narrow my eyes at him and place my hands on my hips. “Don’t you have a practice to get to? Who the hell plays lacrosse, anyway? That’s the douchiest sport ever.”
“Does anything nice ever come out of that mouth? Jesus, you’re like Satan in woman’s form,” he mutters as he pads into the bathroom. “Don’t you think I deserve a thank you, at least? I fuck three orgasms out of you and give you a place to stay the night, and now you’re yelling at me. Christ, woman.”
I ball my hands into fists as I stomp into the bathroom, where he’s brushing his teeth over his marble sink. Asshole.
“No, you don’t. Now, shut the hell up and let’s go before I kick you in the balls.”
His eyes narrow, the toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. “You wouldn’t.”
“Wouldn’t I?” I whisper, taking a threatening step forward. Alex jumps back, placing a protective hand over his junk.
“Fuck! All right. All right.”
With a smirk on my face, I turn on my heel and sashay into his bedroom to wait for him.
Sometime later, I follow Alex out of his massive room and into the hallway. With his Nike bag slung over his shoulder, we waltz into his pristine white kitchen. White cupboards, white floors, and countertops. For fuck’s sake, it looks like a Mr. Clean commercial in here.
“Good morning, sweetie. Don’t forget—”
The voice is feminine and pristine, yet still, it grates on my nerves the second I hear it. I turn my attention to the breakfast bar, where Alex’s mother—I presume—stands at attention. Her black, beady eyes zero in on me and narrow almost threateningly.
Great.
She’s dressed demurely in a cream-colored ruffled blouse and layered pearls around her neck. She reminds me of the actress Madeleine Stowe. Perfect, porcelain skin, long, black hair, and eyes that reach into your soul and somehow deem you imperfect with one single glance.
“Well, who is this we have here?” she asks, her gaze never straying from me.
Her nose pinches in disdain as she takes in my rumpled clothing from last night. She’s probably checking for designer tags or anything redeemable about me or my outfit—she’s sadly mistaken.
Alex clears his throat. “This is my friend Samantha, from school.”
She makes a disgusted noise and fakes a smile. “I always knew public school was going to be this family’s downfall. I had no idea you kept such…company, son. We must have a discussion about this when your guest has gone.”
I internally roll my eyes.
“Mom, please, not now.” Alex heaves a sigh and reaches for two bananas, tossing me one in the process.
“Fine.” She blows out an exasperated breath. “It was very…nice to meet you, Samantha. I’m hoping this sleepover is a one-time occurrence.” She takes a dainty sip of her coffee, leaving her pinky up, completely dismissing me. “Be sure to take out the trash on your way out, honey. And I’m talking about the bag near the sink.”
I feel my lip curl in anger and my hands clench into fists at my sides as I process her little dig at me. Alex suddenly grabs my hand and yanks me out of the kitchen, sensing the upcoming hell-fire that is sure to rain all over his mother. Biting my tongue, I follow him out to his black Audi, not saying a word.
“I’m sorry,” he says with a look of embarrassment etched on his face, once we’re in the car.
“Your mom is a bitch.”
Alex laughs and shifts toward me with an intense look in his eyes. “Yeah, I know. I would say she means well, but I’d be lying.”
“Some family you have.” I scoff and train my gaze out the window on the scenery whipping past us.
“We’re all fucked up, Sam. No family is perfect.”
I know.
Alex drives to the shelter in silence. He seems unreasonably agitated. When he gets a good look at the street and the building, I feel the atmosphere in the car shift. Uncomfortably so. He pulls up beside the curb in front of the shelter and a growl reverberates in his chest.
“Nope. Not fucking happening.” He violently swings the wheel toward the street and steps on the gas, peeling out. I snap my gaze toward him and glower.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
“You’re not staying here anymore, Samantha. You can stay in the guest house at my place or I’ll buy you a goddamn apartment, but you’re not staying here any longer.” His hands tighten on the steering wheel and his jaw tenses as he tries to reel in his anger.
“Who in the hell do you think you are? I don’t need your charity and I sure as shit don’t want your help, dick-mouth,” I bark, close to gouging him in his eyes.
Blowing out a gruff breath, Alex pulls over and shifts to face me. His angry expression morphs into one of pity.
“I can’t believe you stay there.”
I grind my teeth together so hard, I swear my back tooth cracks.
“Sorry not all of us are rich, like you and your asshole family.”
“Please, just think about it. I don’t like the idea of you here every night. You still have two years till you’re eighteen. What do you plan on doing until then—this?”
Composure gone. I snap.
“You know what, Alex? Why don’t you worry about yourself and your own issues; I’ll worry about me. We fuck. And that’s all there is to this. Stop pretending to care.” Violently snatching my purse off the center console, I clamber out of the car and slam the door, making a hasty escape.
CHAPTER NINE
Present
It’s been three solid months of no drama between me and Alex. We talk, we fuck, we spend time together like we’re a couple, or a pair of best friends. Everything is so simple and problem-free. I hate to admit it, but it’s been closest to the happiest three months of my entire life. Late at night, while I’m in Alex’s arms, we talk about anything and everything, from the demons of my past to the promise of what the future holds.
For the first time in my life, I feel liberated when talking about my past—but it does nothing to make me feel any less disgusting. It’s easy to hate yourself when you’ve lived through all the things I have. The second-guessing yourself, wondering if you could’ve stopped it or changed the course of events by being stronger. When I think back on the past, I can’t help but wish I was stronger, I should’ve known better, I should’ve screamed more, I should’ve run away sooner. There’s so much I should’ve done, but it’s useless thinking about it now. What’s done is done. It’s all molded me into this person—this cold-hearted person who wouldn’t know how to love even if it was staring her right in the face. Like it has been for the past nine years.
After watching a movie in his bedroom, as per usual, Alex couldn’t keep his hands off me. One moment I was watching the TV screen and the next I was gasping up at the ceiling as his tongue fluttered over my wet folds. When he finally slid inside me, I groaned in pleasure as every nerve ending in my body roared to life. My pussy clenched against his throbbing shaft with every thrust inside me. He trailed his tongue from my neck down to my nipples, sucking each hardened peak into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the stiff points.
“Fuck, you feel so good. That’s it, pretty girl, take my cock just like that,” he pants in between thrusts, and I stop breathing.
For some reason, his pet name strikes a chord and brings back memories I’d much rather forget. For a second, I was five years old again, back in that cramped little room with a grown man who forced himself on me. A grown man who tricked a little girl into thinking if she didn’t allow him to touch her, she’d get in trouble, or worse, her mommy would be in trouble. Every touch of Alex’s hand
on my skin turned into that man’s. Alex’s words sound just as raspy and excited as Cyrus’, and the movements turned into his. Before I knew what I was doing, I slapped Alex off me and ran into the bathroom. Slamming the door behind me, I make sure to lock it before turning on the shower and the taps of the faucet.
The memories all flash in high speed and Technicolor. My chest heaves as I try to breathe past the crushing weight in my chest, but I can’t. It hurts. Everything hurts. Gripping my head in my hands, I clench my fists in my hair, waiting for it to stop—to go away. But it doesn’t. It never goes away. A sob tears past my lips, cracking through my chest, surprising me. Clamping a hand over my mouth, I sob into my palm for the five-year-old girl who never stood a chance. I sob, hoping all the while the man outside the bathroom door won’t hear me falling apart.
Once the tears stop, I finally get in the shower and wash them away. I try to gather my composure and understand why now, all of a sudden, I’m having this breakdown. I’ve never had any issues with sleeping around with different men, or them using my body for pleasure, just as long as it was on my terms. But this time was different. I couldn’t push thoughts of Cyrus away even when I knew it was Alex hovering over me.
When I finally get out of the bathroom, Alex is pacing his bedroom with a stricken look on his face. I hate seeing him look at me that way, so I do what I do best—I fake it. Plastering a smile on my face, I hop on his bed with a careless, joyful attitude.
“So, what’s for dinner? I’m starved.”
Alex’s eyes widen, and his mouth drops open in shock. If I wasn’t trying so hard not to fall apart again, I’d laugh at the expression on his face. It’s close to the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.
“Samantha,” he starts to say, but I cut him off, not ready for the seriousness of this conversation.