Damaged Heart (A San Diegan Novel Book 3)

by S. M. Soto

  “Oh!” I shout as I hop to my feet, startling him again. “Let’s get every bad food known to man, and just veg out. Netflix and chill. What do you say?”

  He regards me silently for a few minutes before shaking his head, almost like he’s trying to clear his thoughts. “Yeah.” He clears his throat, talking a little louder, “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Let’s get dressed and buy some shit that’ll slowly give us cancer.”

  “That’s the spirit!” I say before hurrying to put on my clothes.

  I pause while tugging my pants over my thighs. Craning my neck, I look back at Alex, admiring him from afar while he’s oblivious. I smile sadly at his back, thinking that this man deserves someone much better than me.

  He catches my lingering stare, and I dart my eyes away from his quickly. I don’t want to deal with his questioning stares right now. I just need to forget.

  “Like what you see?” The humor in his tone doesn’t hide his conspicuous line of questioning.

  I turn back to him with a well-practiced smile. “Maybe,” I say winking. “Now, let’s go.”

  ***

  Alex lies back against the headboard, pulling me flush against his chest. He trails his fingertips over my exposed breasts, causing tingles to travel down my spine. He hasn’t brought up the incident earlier and I couldn’t be any more relieved. After stuffing our faces with junk food, we binge-watched crappy Netflix movies and fucked each other’s brains out. In all honesty, I was just trying to screw him silent. I didn’t want him to ask about what made me freak out during sex. That never happened. So I did the next best thing: I had sex with him to show him there was nothing I was hiding, and there was no need for him to worry.

  “What are you doing this weekend?” he asks out of the blue, still caressing my naked body.

  “No clue. Why?”

  “It’s Easter, and my mother always makes a deal big deal about celebrating. I want you there with me.”

  His words give me pause. With my breath caught in my throat, I try to come up with a viable excuse, but nothing comes to mind. My brain suddenly short-circuits as I’m taken back to my past, a memory I wish I can forget, but a promise I vow to keep.

  I quietly shut Alex’s bedroom door behind me as I pad down the hallway as silently as possible, trying not to wake him. I made the mistake of sleeping over again, even though I’d told myself it would only be a one-time occurrence. But of course, he sweet-talked me into staying, with threats of copious amounts of orgasms, and his parents being gone for a business dinner with his father’s associates.

  Even though I’d had a lapse in judgment and my willpower when it comes to Alex, I’ve decided it would be best for the both of us if I snuck out before he wakes. I won’t have to worry about him judging me and constantly wondering where I’m staying.

  I hitch up my bag and look over my shoulder one last time at his closed door before quickening my pace down the hall. In my haste, I suddenly slam into something that throws me off balance, knocking me to the floor. A curse falls from my lips as I right myself and move to stand to my feet, and that’s when I notice the black stiletto high heels mere inches away from my face. I trail my gaze up and I’m met with a familiar pair of judgmental brown eyes.

  “Someone’s in a hurry,” Alex’s mother says in a smooth, unruffled voice as she stares down at me.

  Pushing to my feet, I open my mouth, ready to announce my departure, but she beats me to it.

  “I’d like to speak with you outside, Samantha, if that’s quite all right?”

  I nod my head, suddenly speechless now that I’m near the she-devil. I follow her down the hallway, through the foyer, and onto the front steps of the porch. Victoriana softly closes the heavy wooden front door behind her and turns to me with a demure smile.

  “I’d like you to stay away from my son, Samantha. You see, my husband and I have high expectations for our family, for Alex, and we won’t achieve any of those things with a little harlot like you running around.”

  “Look, Victoriana—” I start to say, but I’m cut off with a sharp smile and the sound of Victoriana’s heels as she steps closer.

  “You, my dear, are what we like to call the lower class, the bottom-feeders. You’re trash, sweetheart. It’s bad enough my son is attending a public school, but being seen with the likes of you? I won’t have that, Samantha.”

  Her words strike me in the heart while she stares down at me with that never-ending smile. Indignation riles through my body as I take a threatening step toward her and her porcelain perfection.

  “Trash or not, your son is the one who sought me out, not the other way around, lady.”

  Victoriana purses her lips in disproval at what I’ve said. Her hand flutters to the pearls laced around her throat, and her blood-red fingernails gently stroke each bead, as if she’s using them for strength. I can tell she wants to hurt me. I know that look in her eyes. No matter how hard she tries to hide it, I can see it there. Too bad she’ll never do anything about it. Victoriana isn’t the type to get her hands dirty.

  “Here’s what’s going to happen, Samantha. You are you going to stay away from my son. For whatever reason, he has this inherent need to make your problems his problems, and that’s just unacceptable. I’ve seen the way he looks at you and I see the way you look at him—it isn’t love. It’s a disaster in the making and said disaster will destroy a boy like Alex. If you care about him at all, you will keep your problems to yourself, and you will keep my son at arm’s length. I won’t have you tarnishing his bright future with your own selfish needs. You know I’m right. You’ll never be enough for my son, and that little fact will always drive you crazy because deep down, you know he can do better.”

  Tears sting my eyes at her words, but I don’t dare let them fall, not in front of her. I square my shoulders and sniff.

  “And he will,” she whispers vindictively.

  Without another word, I turn my back on Victoriana and stroll down the steps, off their property.

  “Sam?”

  “Sam?”

  Alex’s probing stare and repeated questions snap me out of the memory from years ago. I clear my throat and search his eyes, trying to find an easy way to let him down because a holiday with his mother? Even if it is just Easter, it’s never going to happen.

  “Alex…I don’t know—”

  “C’mon, I promise it won’t be as bad as you’re thinking.”

  “Seriously? Your mother hates me, and I can say with one-hundred-percent certainty the feeling is mutual.”

  “This could be a good opportunity for you both to put the past behind you guys and reconnect.” He lifts his shoulders in a slight shrug.

  Yeah, right.

  Propping myself on his chest, I stare up at him and shake my head. He should know better.

  “I just…I can’t, Alex,” I say simply. “Hanging out with your family, doing that kind of thing—it’s not me. I mean seriously, what would you introduce me as? Your long-time fuck-buddy?”

  “I’d introduce you as my friend, Sam, because that’s exactly what you are to me.” His tone grows harsher. “You only see yourself in the worst light, and I don’t understand why.”

  “You know exactly why, Alex.” I groan in exasperation, pushing out of his arms. I snatch my tank top off the edge of the bed before throwing it on. “Were you not a witness to my freak-out, earlier?” I violently fling my arm toward the bathroom. “Now you want to drop this shit on me? Seriously?”

  “You had a fucked-up childhood and I wish to God I could go back and fix it all for you Sammy, but I can’t. You pushing me away every other week is getting fucking old. These last few months have been great between us. And so the fuck what if you freaked out? Do you really think that’s going to send me running for the hills? I don’t care, Samantha. I want to be there for you, but you running from your problems isn’t going to make anything better. Especially not with us.”

  “Then why don’t we just cut all ties? Sure woul
d make things a hell of a lot easier on us,” I say, praying for an easy break. Anything to keep me away from his demonic mother.

  Alex smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. It’s one of those forced smiles that always leave a bad taste in my mouth. It reminds me so much of his mother, I have to look away.

  “Oh no, that’s too easy. I want you to give me a good reason why we can’t make this work.”

  Feeling agitated, I blow wayward strands of hair out of my face and cross my arms over my ample chest. “And what if I don’t want to make this work? If I don’t want to be with you?”

  Alex snorts. “Please. You’re going to have to do a lot better than that, firecracker,” he says, mimicking my defensive stance.

  With his thick arms crossed over his bare chest, I try to ignore the tingling sensation building in between my legs. His hot-as-fuck body is hard to ignore when I’m trying to be angry with him. As a matter of fact, it’s infuriating.

  We both stare each other down with glares on our faces. He knows the rules. I don’t do attachments. In all the years we’ve been sleeping together, what makes him think that now, suddenly, I’d want to spend time with his family? I can’t. I’m not built for shit like that. As much as I hate to admit it, Victoriana was right: I’m not good enough for Alex. I never will be. I should’ve listened to her when I was just an idiotic teen, and cut all ties with him, but it was impossible back then. It’s even more impossible now, nine years later. That’s why I have to push him away. It’s for his own good.

  “I can’t do this.”

  “Oh yeah?” he asks, raising his brow. “And why’s that? Because no more than thirty minutes ago, you were riding my cock and screaming my name. So give me a good reason.”

  I shift my gaze away from the intensity of his honey browns, and blow out a deep breath. Inhaling, I prepare myself to open the can of worms. It’s a low blow, scaring him off with my past, but it’s the only thing I can think of. Every day that we spend together, it gets harder to fight him. To want to do the right thing.

  “My mother loved drugs more than she loved me.”

  The silence prompts me to open my eyes, only to find Alex staring right at me. He doesn’t react to my words, just gazes at me with an expressionless face. It’s infuriating how he can school his features so easily.

  Almost like he’s dissecting my words, he rubs his fingers over his mouth in a deliberating motion.

  “And my parents never gave a shit about me,” he finally says in retort.

  I make a show of rolling my eyes at him. If his parents didn’t give a shit about him, he wouldn’t be inviting me over for a “family” get-together.

  “Try harder, baby,” he says with in a smug tone that has me grinding my teeth together in irritation.

  I shift my gaze away and focus on anything else but him. Cinching my eyes shut, I swallow all the emotions bubbling to the surface. I don’t want to tell him the real reason we’ll never work, but somehow, the words tumble from my mouth anyway.

  “I don’t know how to love anyone, let alone be loved by someone. I’m a mess, I’m reckless, I’m damaged—you know I am, Alex. Those hills you were talking about earlier? You should be running toward them, far away from me, because this relationship,” I say, gesturing between us, “is destined for failure.”

  Unable to bear the silence, I look at him, only to find him smiling softly at me. Then he does the most surprising thing. He just says three words, and they melt my heart, plowing through any thoughts of doing the right thing.

  “I’ll show you.”

  “Alex…” I say in warning, trying like hell to ignore the paradox in my chest. The hope.

  He has no idea what he’s getting into with me. I can’t love. All I’m good at is wreaking havoc and hurting people.

  He closes the distance between us, and places his finger over my mouth, effectively shushing me. “Roll with it, Sam. Let nature take its course.”

  I roll my eyes at him in exasperation. “I don’t think that line pertains to us and our situation.”

  His hands softly trail up and down my back. The gesture is sweet and soothing, so much like the man standing before me.

  “Everything pertains to us, Sammy. Now tell me we can make this work. No rules. No expectations.” His honey eyes search mine, and I swallow thickly at the emotion swirling there.

  You don’t deserve him. That little voice in my head that sounds eerily like Victoriana’s whispers, and I know she’s right. She always is.

  I smile sadly, and whisper, “Okay,” before placing my lips over his in a kiss that is so much unlike me.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Beads of sweat cling to my skin as I hop off the treadmill. Using a small face towel, I wipe my face and my forehead clean of perspiration. There’s nothing I hate more than a salty bead of sweat rolling onto my lips and somehow finding purchase in my mouth. Actually, there is something else I hate more than that—meeting families.

  I’ve never, in all my years of being sexually active—where it’s consensual on my part—have I met anyone’s family. It’s just never fucking happened. The conversation never came up and I was thankful for that, until now.

  “How the fuck does he expect me to do this?”

  “I don’t think Alex expects anything of you, Sam. I think he’s just ready to be open with you. Introduce you to the important people in his life,” Aliza says with a shrug. I roll my eyes at her skinny ass not even breaking a sweat on the treadmill.

  “Believe me, I’ve met the important woman in his life more times than I’d like to count and let me tell you, the bitch is the devil incarnate. I can’t even imagine what the rest of his family is like.”

  “Aren’t you the least bit interested in getting to know Alex and his family?”

  “Fuck no,” I bite out, prompting Aliza to roll her eyes dramatically. “Okay, fine. Imagine Erin and Gina created a love child with the devil himself. I swear to you, that child grew up to be Alex’s mother.”

  “That’s a bit much, don’t you think?”

  “No,” I retort. “That’s just how horrible his mother is and that’s saying a lot, coming from me.”

  Aliza nods her head in agreement as if I have a valid point.

  Thanks for the vote of confidence, Ohio.

  “This is all Natalia’s fault. She’s the reasonable one. She’s supposed to be helping soothe my nerves, and instead? She’s out gallivanting around with the quarterback, getting her damn happily-ever-after.”

  “Sam, everything will be fine. You don’t need anyone to tell you so. Plus, don’t you think Nat and Luke deserve said happily-ever-after, after everything they’ve been through this year?”

  I ignore her and her sensibility. Even if she is right.

  “Yes. But that doesn’t mean I’m still not pissed off that I didn’t get to see the jackass make a complete and utter fool of himself by singing to her.”

  Aliza laughs. “I think we were all bummed that Natalia came to her senses a few days too soon. Chase was prepared to record the whole performance and everything. But regardless, at least they’re back together, and happy. What song was he going to sing to her again?”

  I don’t even bother holding back my grin. “‘Lips of an Angel’ by Hinder.”

  “Swoon!” Aliza sighs dreamily.

  “Okay, enough. Back to the important stuff. What do I do? Please, tell me what the fuck to do, Ohio, because I’m considering putting myself in the line of fire with that date rapist who drugged Natalia just to avoid this shit.”

  Aliza rolls her eyes, again, her cheeks turning a pretty shade of pink while she jogs. “That’s a little excessive and not to mention stupid, wouldn’t you agree? I honestly have no advice for you, Sam. I’m not very experienced in the dating department. Chase doesn’t have a family that I was ever able to meet, so I don’t know. I think your best bet is to be yourself. You’re not a bad person, Sam. They’ll love you.”

  “Have you met me?” I shout, gaining dir
ty looks from the other gym users. A slutty girl on the Stairmaster gives me an exceptionally dirty look, and I snap.

  She’s one of those chicks that come to the gym with her hair done up all cute, her makeup flawless, just to get hit on by the guys around her. She’s dressed in a flimsy sports bra that shows off her enormous rack and a pair of tiny workout shorts that half her ass cheeks are hanging out of.

  “What the fuck are you looking at, Tits McGee? This a gym, not a goddamn porn audition. Get some fucking clothes on already. Christ!”

  Aliza sputters out a laugh and tugs on my arm, pulling me out of the gym, away from the sweaty assholes enjoying the show.

  Once I’m out the doors and the cool air hits my face, I inhale a deep breath, trying to calm down. Small hands grip my forearms and Aliza turns me to face her.

  “You are going to be fine, Sam.” She gives my forearms a reassuring squeeze. “I know you don’t want to do this, but at the very least, show up for about an hour. Do it for Alex.”

  “I could kill him right now.”

  Her mouth quirks up into smile. “Oh, I bet.”

  We pile into my Jeep and I clench my hands around the steering wheel, still hung up on meeting Alex’s family. Fuck my life.

  “Are you still coming over for dinner?” Aliza asks.

  I purse my lips. “What’s for dinner again?”

  “Steak and those cheese and garlic roasted potatoes that I always make.”

  My stomach growls so loud, it echoes over the music from the radio. Aliza laughs and nods her head.

  “I’ll take that as a yes. I’ll tell Chase to make sure there’s extra.”

  “A delicious meal, and I get to give your boyfriend shit for being a pussy. Does it seriously get any better than this?”

  Aliza rests the back of her head against the headrest and looks heavenward for strength. “You guys are seriously too much. Remind me not to leave you two alone, ever. I don’t want to have to clean up any dead bodies. And I especially love my boyfriend so please, refrain from hurting him.”