“If you fell off you would float out the Golden Gate to the Pacific Ocean, and we would lose you forever.”
Bo’s eyes went wide and he backed away. Kai Li stood up and swung Bo onto his shoulder.
“We’ll cross this bridge some other time,” he said. “Today, let’s see Oakland’s Chinatown.”
They walked back toward their apartment, past their street, and turned right on Seventh Street.
Mei Ling gasped. One block past their new apartment was a park. It was plain, but it was green and there were trees. Children, Chinese children, played on the grass. They found a bench to rest on. Bo watched tentatively, but Kai Li took his hand and walked with him to the edge of the children.
Mei Ling watched him crouch down to Bo’s level. He whispered something in Bo’s ear. Their son nodded and then took off in a run. Kai Li chased after him in a big circle.
Mei Ling laughed. She’d never seen either of them run so freely. Bo ran toward her and threw himself over her lap, breathing hard. She rubbed between his shoulders. Joy tilted sideways to peer around from Mei Ling’s back. Bo kept his face hidden in her skirt and then popped up with a boo at his sister. Joy laughed and kicked her legs. No one could make Joy laugh like Bo.
Kai Li joined them on the bench, slightly out of breath. Mei Ling welcomed him with a pat on the hand. They smiled at each other, Kai Li looking as happy as she felt.
“Our new church isn’t far from here,” Kai Li said. “I went to the minister for assistance and he arranged for our apartment.”
“We’re fortunate to be Presbyterians,” Mei Ling said, for once feeling grateful for the church. “My friend June attends that church.”
Kai Li looked confused.
“From the island,” Mei Ling reminded him.
“Oh, yes,” he replied. “We can go next Sunday. Perhaps you will see her then.”
Mei Ling wasn’t going to wait a week to find June. She’d go to that address tomorrow.
“They have English classes at the church, if you wish to attend,” Kai Li said.
“Speak English, me?” Mei Ling asked.
“Why not?” he replied. “It will make them proud.”
Who? Mei Ling started to ask, but then she followed his gaze. The children. Bo and Joy would be fluent English speakers.
“There is the school that Bo can go to when he is five,” Kai Li said. “Right over there.”
Mei Ling looked where he was pointing. Across the street was a squat building with a playground surrounding it. She looked at Bo, playing boo with Joy, as she and Kai Li spoke.
“Will we really have the money to send him to school?” she questioned, wanting to confirm June’s assertion that school was for everyone.
“The government pays. Even for Chinese schools,” he replied. Then he corrected himself, “Not Chinese-language schools. Those are private, like the Kuomintang schools. But the government pays for schools for learning reading, writing, and math, even for the Chinese living here.”
“For girls too?” she asked, her heart beating hard in hope. She wanted her daughter to be educated.
Kai Li smiled. “Yes, for Joy too. Boys and girls attend that school.”
Satisfied, Mei Ling nodded. Her husband was a peddler, but perhaps here her children would rise higher.
They left the bench and walked to the markets. Kai Li chose vegetables, tofu, and a chicken to celebrate their new home.
Mei Ling embroidered in their living room while Kai Li cooked them a feast. Tantalizing scents filled their living space.
Mei Ling spoke out in a serious voice. “Husband, it isn’t fair.”
“What?” Kai Li asked, concern in his voice.
“I’m the only one who gets to eat your delicious meals,” she teased.
He smiled. He started to speak and then stopped himself.
“What?” she asked.
“I’m silly,” he said, looking chagrined.
“What?” she asked again, wanting to know his heart.
“I used to wish for my own restaurant,” Kai Li said with a small smile.
Surprised, Mei Ling asked, “Truly?”
He nodded. “As I said, it’s silly.”
“That isn’t silly, husband,” she replied. “I think it’s a grand plan.”
Kai Li shook his head. “It isn’t a plan. Only the silly dream of a foolish child.”
Her heart went out to him. Mei Ling thought of all the dreams she’d spun for herself during hard times. Most recently she stood on Angel Island, dreaming of being landed and visiting this place where she was right now. Without that she might not have had the will to wake up each morning.
“Husband, it’s never foolish to have a dream. Even if it never comes to be. It can give you the hope you need to keep going.”
He shrugged. He looked resigned and a little angry.
“Perhaps you will be a cook in a famous restaurant someday,” she said.
He shook his head.
She looked at him, confused. Why was he so doubtful?
“I have tried to get a job in a restaurant,” he explained. “I don’t have the right connections because I’m not in a clan.”
“Why aren’t you part of the Chinn clan?” she asked.
“It’s expensive and complicated to join the association. They say they help every Chinn, but some benefit more than others. The church is enough. We don’t need a clan,” he insisted.
“Maybe it will be different now that we are in Oakland,” she suggested.
He shrugged. Then his voice changed tone, becoming upbeat. “Wife, tonight is a celebration of what we do have. Let’s not let my childish dream take away from our first night in our new home.”
Mei Ling smiled and nodded. But she wouldn’t forget his desire.
In the morning, Kai Li left for the produce market and Mei Ling did her morning devotional before the children woke. Wordlessly, she and Kai Li had come to an understanding. She went to church as he expected, and she kept her family’s spiritual traditions in their house. She sipped her tea and soaked up the wonder of this new home.
Mei Ling dug through her trunk until she found the note where she had written down June’s information: 911 Alice St, Oakland. This morning they would find her friend.
They walked the few short blocks under a bright-blue sky. Mei Ling buzzed in excitement and a little fear. Would June be as excited to see her as Mei Ling was to see June?
Mei Ling knocked at the two-story building. Her heart beat hard and fast as she waited for someone to come to the door. An old, white-haired woman with deep wrinkles opened the door.
After bowing her respect, Mei Ling asked, “Does June live here?”
The woman shrugged. She looked Chinese, but she didn’t seem to understand Mei Ling. Mei Ling tried to think of another way to say June’s name but was at a loss. She traced the character on the palm of her hand, but the old woman shook her head and said something in what sounded like Min. Mei Ling was so disappointed. She hadn’t brought paper to leave a note, but she could come back later to do that.
Tears pushing at the back of her eyes, Mei Ling bowed goodbye to the old woman. She took Bo’s hand and walked down the stairs. She considered her options as they traveled the street. June said the church would always know where she was. Perhaps the office was open today. They would walk over there before she went home.
“Yu Ling?!” A voice interrupted her thoughts.
Mei Ling spun around. June was standing two feet away from her. Happy energy surged through Mei Ling’s chest.
“Bo!” June cried out. She rushed forward and scooped them up in a hug. She looked just the same as on the boat.
“I have been waiting, waiting for you,” June scolded. “Why haven’t you come to see me!”
Mei Ling laughed. She was the same June in Oakland as she was on the boat and the island.
“Is this the baby? Born already? Time goes fast, eh?”
“This is Joy,” Mei Ling said. “She’s five
months old.”
“A girl, eh?” Her voice got quiet. “How he take it?”
“Kai Li loves Joy very much,” Mei Ling replied.
“Hooray! You do have a good husband. Come, come.” June took Mei Ling’s hand and led her into the backyard.
Now that she was with June, she regretted she hadn’t sought her out before. When she was in San Francisco, it felt too overwhelming and too expensive to cross the bay. And she’d harbored doubts that June would be glad to see her, but all her insecurity faded in the presence of her friend.
“The Ahma who answered the door in the front didn’t recognize your name,” Mei Ling explained.
“Did I forget to say go to the back?” June asked.
“Yes.”
“Sorry. Sorry. But all good now. We are back together.” June smiled. Mei Ling hugged her old friend, so grateful to see her again.
June brought them up to her home, a small apartment in the back of a well-kept fourplex. She introduced Mei Ling to her mother-in-law, who lived with them. The small, gray-haired woman delighted in the baby and offered to take Joy and Bo to play in the yard.
When the older woman was out of earshot, June whispered, “She scolds me for not giving her more grandchildren, but smart Chinese ladies take the herbs to keep their families small. One son. One daughter. That is enough.”
Mei Ling laughed. “You will have to teach me. Where is the rest of your family?”
“Dorothy and Timothy are at school. My husband is at work at the cannery in Emeryville.”
June made tea and served it in delicate blue-and-white porcelain cups. They sat at a wooden table in the kitchen to catch up on their lives.
June’s first question was, “Have you seen Siew?”
Mei Ling shook her head, her heart twisting at the sound of the girl’s name. She prayed for Siew every day, and Siew often visited Mei Ling’s dreams, but she was too busy with Bo and Joy, embroidering, cooking, and cleaning, to seek out the girl.
June tsked. “So sad. She is a lovely girl,” June said. “I hope she is safe, though I suppose we will never know.”
Mei Ling felt ill at the thought of never knowing what happened to Siew.
“Do you know how I could find her?” Mei Ling asked.
“What is her uncle’s name? Everyone knows everyone. I can ask around.”
Mei Ling shook her head. “She did not know any name for him other than Suk Suk.”
Her friend squealed in delight when she heard that Mei Ling now lived only a few blocks away. She insisted on showing Mei Ling around Chinatown, introducing her to the market owners and sharing the local gossip. They parted with a promise to meet at Lincoln Square Park that afternoon so their children could play with each other.
As she walked home, Mei Ling’s heart sang. She had a friend to meet at a park where the children could play. There were trees, not many, and not very big, but still trees along the street. Her husband would be home in time for them to eat dinner together. They had their own bathroom with a flushing toilet and a yard to plant a garden. She looked forward to writing home. At last she had great news about her new life.
“Your sleep was disturbed by dreams again last night,” Kai Li mentioned. He kept his voice casual, but Mei Ling could tell that he was upset. Her nightmares were interrupting her husband’s much-needed sleep.
Mei Ling replied, “I’m sorry. Joy and I will sleep in the living room so you can get your rest.”
“I’m not worried about my well-being,” Kai Li said. “I’m concerned that you aren’t happy.”
“I’m very satisfied in our new home,” Mei Ling protested. She didn’t want him to believe that she was ungrateful.
“Wife, please tell me. What troubles your sleep? Why do your dreams turn to nightmares each night?”
“Every night?” Mei Ling asked.
He nodded.
Shame seeped into her chest. She thought she had been successful in keeping her unwarranted and foolish concern for Siew to herself. She looked at her husband; she measured her own trust and decided to tell him the truth.
She confessed, “I dream of Siew. She visits me in my sleep, and she is very troubled. In the day I tell myself she is fine. But every night she returns to tell me otherwise.” Mei Ling teared up. “I’m sorry, husband. She isn’t your concern, and she’s disturbing your sleep.”
Kai Li’s face flashed relief, then empathy. He said, “I’ll try to find out where she is, to confirm that she’s well . . . and we can both sleep better.” He smiled.
She wanted to reassure him that it would be worth his efforts. “If I’m confident that she is being cared for in a nice home, then I will sleep well.”
“You have a tender heart, wife,” Kai Li said.
Mei Ling nodded, uncertain whether her husband had complimented or insulted her.
To explain the strength of her emotions, Mei Ling revealed more about her past. “Siew reminds me of my sister. When I imagine her alone and scared, or sick, I . . . Mui Mui was only six when she died of cholera. We nursed her, but in only three days she grew too weak until . . .” Mei Ling sighed. “It was terrible, but she wasn’t alone. What if Siew is alone?”
“You don’t trust her uncle?” Kai Li asked.
“He didn’t seem to understand the needs of a little girl. He’d made no arrangements for her, on the boat or on the island. Perhaps he means well, but he doesn’t know how to care for a child.”
“Does he have a wife?” Kai Li asked.
Mei Ling shrugged.
Kai Li took her hand. She was embarrassed to be so disturbed by the needs of a little girl she’d only known for a few weeks. There was so much suffering in the world that she couldn’t possibly stay all of it. If she were wise she would focus on her own family and trust that wherever she was, Siew was being cared for, but Mei Ling seemed to be foolish when it came to that little girl.
“Thank you,” Mei Ling said, relieved that she might find peace and grateful her husband respected her deep feelings.
“Compassion is nothing to be ashamed of,” her husband said gently.
CHAPTER 18
Oakland
July 1924
Mei Ling looked at her sleeping children. Joy slept on her back, one arm thrown above her head. Bits of fine black hair stuck to the moisture on her face. Bo lay on his side, one arm over his sister. His eyes moved back and forth; then the corners of his mouth tugged up in a slight smile. Mei Ling’s heart nearly burst with love. In less than a month, Oakland had begun to feel like home.
It had been one year since she walked off that island. One year since she sat for hours on that dock, uncertain about Kai Li’s devotion to them. One year since she realized she was married to a worker, not a merchant. She wished she could fly back to that time and whisper to herself, You will all be all right.
Because she was—more than all right. She had no way of knowing then that she could be so satisfied with this life: being married to Kai Li, a man who had lied to her and to whom she still hadn’t told her real name. And loving these children, one of whom didn’t even come from her body, but she didn’t care. Taking care of this house that didn’t have a field in sight but was home nevertheless. With a flushing toilet of their own! And she earned money for her family with her embroidery.
She was constantly mindful that it was a fragile life. If the children got sick, if Kai Li were injured, if their apartment burned down, if he learned the truth about her and no longer trusted her. If . . . if . . . if. She had to remind herself not to focus on all the ways their life could fall apart. There were too many. For now she was satisfied, and that was so much more than she had dreamed of last year.
True to his promise, Kai Li made inquiries about Suk Suk and Siew. They had little information to begin with, so it would take many steps, like a treasure hunt or a puzzle. After a few dead ends, Kai Li found someone with access to the passenger records from the boat. Fortunately there were only two male Chinese passengers who boarded with a
single female child. One man was a Wong and the other a Lee. They would go to the Wong and Lee family buildings in San Francisco hoping to learn where they lived.
Next Sunday, after worship, the whole family took the train to the Seventh Street pier, where they boarded a ferry to San Francisco. The journey stirred much emotion in her heart. It hadn’t been so many weeks since she had arrived on this side of the bay, uncertain and anxious. She was returning to San Francisco hopeful for answers that would calm her heart, and she was afraid she might not get them. In the distance she saw the hateful island. She telegraphed a message: You didn’t destroy me.
The Wong building on Waverly was bustling with activity. They waited on hardback chairs for someone to come out to provide them with information. This entire association was dedicated to tracking and supporting those in the Wong family who had migrated to the United States. There were chapters in many cities where any Wong could go if they were in need of a loan, housing, a job, or help settling a dispute. Some family associations were rumored to have ties to less-respectable businesses, but mostly they were a means for the Chinese community to band together for mutual support in a new nation that didn’t serve them.
Mei Ling still wondered if they would benefit from a connection with the Chinn family association. Most Chinese, even those connected to Christian churches, kept ties with a family tong. But Kai Li insisted that the church was enough.
A man came out from an office holding a large leather-bound book. He sat by them and skimmed through the pages until he found the man they had asked about. He wrote down Mr. Wong’s address on a piece of paper and handed it to them. He lived on Twelfth Street and Harrison in Oakland. Mr. Jack Wong was practically their neighbor. They would have to wait to seek him out, but it would be simple to do so from home.
At the Lee building they were made to wait longer but came out with the same information: a slip of paper with an address. Mr. Lee lived on Washington Street not far from there. Mei Ling’s body pounded with nerves as they walked up a steep hill to the address. Kai Li knocked on the door. Mei Ling stood back with the children. She gripped Bo’s hand tight.
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