by Cali MacKay
“The only reason I’ve been with so many women is because they haven’t been you. They were pointless fucks and nothing more.” He shook his head, and frankly, he looked devastated.
“That’s not my fault, Keane. And you don’t get to hold it against me for trying to move on.” If he thought it’d been easy on her, he could guess again. It’d been nothing but a fucking nightmare.
“I’m sorry…” He shifted to sit next to her, reaching over and squeezing her hand. “It’s just that the thought of you with another man—with another woman… The thought of you being intimate with anyone else—”
She cut him off, furious and hurt. “Now think of what that would be like if I’d been with someone else while we were still together. You can’t bear to think of me with another person even though we broke up years ago—but I had to deal with that reality when we were still together, when you were supposed to love me.”
“I did love you, Lilly…” He cupped her face, his touch warm and so familiar. “I still do, and I have every day since I first laid eyes on you.”
“I know you want me to move past this, but how the hell am I supposed to do that?” It wasn’t as though she hadn’t tried to move on with her life. But she couldn’t. Not when she’d never gotten over Keane.
“You need to forgive me, Lilly.” He bent his forehead to hers, and nuzzled her before brushing his lips against hers in a kiss. “It’s the only way, love.”
“I don’t know how to…and I don’t know if I can.” As her eyes burned with threatening tears, she took a deep breath to try to push back the pain that had settled in her chest. How the hell could she move past everything that happened?
“You can—and you have to. Because my life’s been miserable without you. I can’t fucking take it anymore.” Keane pulled her into his strong arms, and she couldn’t help but burrow there in his solid warmth as he stroked her back, trying to comfort her. “Just let go of your anger and give in to what’s between us… Learn to love me again…to trust me again, Lilly.”
Could she really do that? Could she really let go of her hurt and heartache? Could she really forgive him and find a new start?
“I’m not sure I have it in me, Keane. But maybe…with time…” It was all she could do for now. She wanted to trust him, and was desperate to find the sort of happiness they’d once had, but she just wasn’t sure if that was possible, especially when...
“I’m a patient man, Lilly.” Pulling her from her thoughts, her nightmares, he brushed the hair from her face, his touch lingering on her skin as he leaned in and kissed her sweetly.
And even that small bit of affection was enough to have her desperately wanting more. She sat up out of his arms before things ended up with the two of them naked again. “I suppose I should get back to work.”
“And I’ve got to get back to my reading.” His smile kicked up, making her shake her head.
“You’re a pain in the ass, Keane.” Her gut clenched, though she resigned herself to the reality. It had seemed inevitable that he’d read her books once he’d found out she was an author. She’d have done the same.
“But you still love me anyway.” When his smile reached his eyes, they brightened, despite the vulnerability there, which made her heart hitch.
Damn it…she’d gone and fallen for him again. “I’m not justifying that comment with a response.”
“Sweetheart, I don’t need you to when I already know it’s true.” He leaned in and quickly kissed her cheek.
He was unbelievable. How he’d managed to weasel his way back into her good graces was beyond her—and in such a short time, no less. Yet a bit of the tension, a bit of the pain that had resided in her heart since his betrayal, finally felt as if it might slip free. She still had a long road ahead of her, but for the first time in a very long time, she wasn’t filled with bitterness and hurt.
Grabbing her laptop, she got back to her story as Keane grabbed his laptop and settled in at her side. And when his hand slipped casually onto her thigh, she had no doubt whatsoever that he was reading her story. “What are you doing?”
He glanced at her over his laptop, giving her a look of innocence that was completely at odds with the dirty mind he possessed. “Me? Not a thing, baby girl.”
She grabbed his hand and shifted it to his thigh. “You’re distracting me when I’m trying to write.”
“I could help, you know…” Leaning into her, he pressed kisses along the length of her neck, scraping his teeth over her pulse so she couldn’t help but let out a needy moan. And when his hand slipped between her legs, she had to force herself to stand her ground, rather than give in to what was between them.
“I need to work, Keane.” Pushing him away with a firm hand to his broad chest, Lilly clicked over to her Internet browser to catch up on the social media and marketing side of her business, since it required a hell of a lot less focus, given that Keane was seemingly intent on misbehaving. If her readers ever laid eyes on him, she knew they’d lose it over him. Alpha, smoking hot, tall, muscular, inked, and gorgeous: he was every girl’s dream, and then some.
It’d been a few days since she’d last gone through her emails, and she was dreading the pile she’d have to sort through. But it had to be done, and with luck, it wouldn’t take that long, since it was clear she wouldn’t be able to hold Keane off for long, though what exactly she was doing on that front, she hadn’t a clue.
And then she saw them…more emails from Sirius.
Chapter 10
“Hey…what’s going on?” Keane’s pulse kicked up with a jolt of adrenaline. When she handed him her laptop, he took it and had a look. That fucking bastard. There were nearly two dozen emails from Sirius. Keane started to open them, and it was clear that Sirius was not happy that Lilly had disappeared. Well, his anger was nothing compared to what Keane was feeling in that moment. “Un-fucking-believable. I swear, I’m going to murder this bastard if we ever find him. Hopefully this will give the police and Hadley enough evidence to track this asshole down.”
“Unless they’re untraceable.” She was all but shaking, and he knew this was getting to her. How could it not when they didn’t know who Sirius was or what he was capable of?
“At least this means he doesn’t know where you are. He’s pissed because he can’t find you—and that’s a good thing, Lilly.” They just needed to make sure things stayed that way until they put this guy behind bars.
“But if he does find me, it means he’ll be even more psychotic.” The panic in her voice was impossible to ignore, and the tension in her body was palpable. He had to do something.
“I want to get these to Hadley. And maybe getting out for a bit will do us some good.” What he’d rather do was get her out of the country, get her to some private island with sandy beaches, some place where it would be just the two of them.
“Yeah…maybe getting out for a bit will help calm me—while I still can get out and about. Once he finds me again, I’m screwed, Keane.” She had every right to be scared, but it pissed him off that she had to go through any of this.
“I swear, I’ll keep you safe, Lil. We’ll find him.” He brushed the hair from her eyes and, tilting her chin up, kissed her, relieved when he felt a bit of the tension in her body slip free. He pulled out his cell and called Hadley to let her know about the emails, and then forwarded them to her, relieved she was dealing with all of this. “Hadley’s going to let the cops know what’s going on, and keep us updated. But, she needs your laptop. Do you have your files backed up to the cloud?”
“Yeah…but I’ll need another laptop. I can’t stop writing with my deadlines looming. I’m already falling behind.” Lilly seemed distracted, as if she was running down the list of things she had to do.
“We’ll pick one up while we’re out. Then maybe grab some dinner.” Or hop on a plane. Anything to keep her safe.
About an hour later, Keane was pulling his car down Hadley and Gabe’s driveway and parking in front of their gorgeous
home, the ocean sitting just beyond with the sound of crashing waves. Keane hadn’t seen Gabe or Hadley for ages, though he knew all the Rykers, having met them on many occasions, since they ran several charities that Keane and his brothers contributed to. He liked each and every one of them; they were determined, professional, generous, and smart—and they weren’t just decent people to know, but had become good friends.
Gabe answered the door and shook Lilly’s hand and then Keane’s before leading the way. “Hadley’s working on those emails you sent over. You must be Lilly. How are you holding up?”
“It’s been scary, but…Keane’s helping me keep it together.” Lilly tossed Keane a grateful smile that sent his pulse racing.
Hadley walked out of her office to great them. “So nice to meet you, Lilly. Is that the laptop?”
“It is.” Lilly shifted her laptop bag off her shoulder and handed it over, though Keane could sense her hesitation, which was completely reasonable given that her entire life was on that machine. “I appreciate your help with this mess. It’s just getting really freaky.”
Hadley gave Lilly a sympathetic smile. “Believe me, I know how scary this can be. But we’ll do all we can to track him down and put him away.”
“I appreciate all the help. I’ve been dealing with this on my own since it started, and at first it wasn’t too bad, but lately…” Lilly shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself. “It’s just gotten so much worse. And I’ve got a convention I’m scheduled to attend at the end of this month. I can’t miss it—but I can’t go if he’s still on the loose.”
The fear and worry in Lilly’s voice left Keane pissed off that someone was terrorizing her—and Gabe saw it. “Come on…let’s leave them to it, since I think Hadley’s got questions for Lilly, and you could probably do with a beer.”
Keane hooked the back of Lilly’s neck and pulled her in for a quick kiss. “I’ll be right here if you need me. Okay?”
She nodded and then followed Hadley into her office as Keane and Gabe wandered into the kitchen. Gabe flicked the cap off a bottle of beer and handed it to Keane. “It’s hell when they’re in danger.”
Keane tilted the bottle toward him in thanks. “You’re not kidding. Knowing this guy’s out there, stalking her, trying to find her, is making me fucking crazy. The thought of her coming to harm is doing my head in.”
“I nearly lost Hadley, you know.” Gabe took a long swig and leaned back against the counter, looking far more serious than Keane could ever remember seeing him. “Some psycho was pissed off at my family, and Hadley was helping with the investigation. He drugged her…kidnapped her… Worse day of my fucking life—and the best, when I finally had her safely back in my arms, unharmed.”
“I can’t even imagine what that must have been like.” The mere thought of something like that happening to Lilly was enough to make him insane and fiercely protective of her.
“Hopefully it’ll all be over soon, and the two of you will be able to get back to your lives.” Gabe took another swig of his beer and tilted his head toward Lilly and Hadley. “And in the meantime, whatever you do, don’t let her out of your sight. Not even for a moment.”
“Easier said than done, when she wants to murder me half the time.” Although Keane did feel like things between them were starting to turn a corner.
Gabe let out a laugh and shook his head. “Believe me—I’ve been there. I can’t tell you how many times I pissed off Hadley at the beginning of our relationship.”
“That’s an understatement.” Hadley walked over and bumped Gabe’s shoulder with hers, giving him a teasing smile, while Lilly settled in at Keane’s side. “We’re done for now, but I’ll be sure to keep you updated as soon as I have any information.”
“Anything you have on Sirius would help. We don’t know where he lives, what he does for a living… We don’t even know what he looks like.” That was probably the scariest part. He could walk right past them, sit next to them at a restaurant, and they wouldn’t even know it.
“We’ll find this guy. You have my word, though…so far, he’s managed to keep his tracks covered. I hate to say it but he knows what he’s doing.” Hadley gave him an apologetic look.
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
***
“Where are we going?” Lilly was looking a little more relaxed now that they’d gotten her a new laptop, but Keane was still thinking that a day out and about might help her forget some of her problems.
“Maybe take a walk on the beach…grab some dinner.” Dividing his attention between Lilly and the road, Keane reached over and gave her hand a squeeze. “Sirius doesn’t know where you are, love. And we’re going to keep it that way.”
“What if we can’t find him—what if he finds me first? He’s escalating things…and it scares me.”
He knew she had every right to be scared when they didn’t know how psychotic this guy was.
“I’d lay down my life to protect you, Lilly. I fucking mean it. He’ll have to go through me first to get to you.” ’Cause he knew all too well that life without Lilly in it was fucking pointless.
She caught him off guard when she leaned over and nestled against his shoulder. It was the first bit of affection she’d showed him without him initiating it. “That’s what worries me, Keane. I’m putting you in danger. If he comes after me, you’ll end up in the crossfire. And I can’t deal with that.”
The last thing he needed was for her to start pulling away from him because of Sirius, especially when things between them were finally on the right path. “We’re both safe for now—and it’ll stay that way. You hear me? It’s not going to do you any good to worry, and there’s no way I’m letting you deal with this on your own.”
“That’s not your decision to make…even if I appreciate it.” She let out a ragged breath and sat back in her seat, as he steered them toward the ocean.
“You’re the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met, Lilly.” Keane pulled into the beach parking lot, which was empty but for one other vehicle, and threw his car in park before shifting in his seat to face her. “This will all be over soon, so the last thing I need is for you to try dealing with this on your own and putting yourself in more danger.”
“But what if it’s not over soon? What if we can’t figure out who he is? I can’t just move in with you indefinitely, which means I need to find a way to get on with my life.” She reached over and knotted her fingers with his, making him want to pull her into his arms and never let her go. “And before you get upset with me, I don’t have a death wish. So unless this gets dragged out indefinitely, I doubt I’ll be going anywhere until this is over with.”
“You can stay as long as you’d like—you know I’d love nothing more than for you to move in with me permanently.” He knew he was taking things fast, but it still wasn’t fast enough, as far as he was concerned. Not when he had seven years to make up for.
“This living arrangement is just temporary, Keane. Besides, it’s hard to forget that taking that next step was what pushed you over the edge in the first place.” She scoffed with a shake of her head, pulling her hands free of his. “You went from not being able to get enough of me, to cheating on me before I’d even unpacked my toothbrush.”
She was right. That was exactly what he’d done. “I’m no longer that person. You’ve got to know that by now.”
“I want to believe you—you know that. But you can’t blame me for being cautious or for hesitating to go down that path again.” With a weary sigh, she cupped his cheek and then leaned in for a hint of a kiss, her soft lips warm against his. “Isn’t it enough that I’m living with you for now? Can’t we just take it one day at a time?”
“Fine—as long as you move out of the guestroom and into my bed.”
Chapter 11
Lilly swore she’d never met anyone more stubborn and determined. Pushing the car door open, she stepped out into the brisk ocean air, her head filling with the pungent scent of the salty sea,
as he came around to her side. “You’re a pain in the ass, Keane.”
When his eyes lit up with humor, she knew his mind had gone straight into the gutter. At least he still had a sense of humor, even with everything that was going on. “Babe…just wait until we get home.”
“I swear, you have a one-track mind.” With Keane at her side, they walked toward the beach, the loose sand giving way under foot until they got closer to the water, where it hardened, making it easier to walk on. “Just so we’re clear, I’m not sleeping in your bed.”
“Sounds perfect, since I have little intention of getting any sleep.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her to him so she now found herself pressed against his muscular form, her body’s reaction to him immediate. And it seemed that she only wanted him more now that she’d been reminded of all he was capable of. “Maybe we should skip the walk and order in dinner. Get home so we can start on the evening’s entertainment.”
“And what exactly would that entertainment be?” She was aiming for stern and slightly sarcastic—but that was damn hard to do when he was nipping at her neck, not to mention grabbing her ass with both hands and hauling her against his massive erection.
“Well, once I have you tied to my bed, who knows what sort of fun I’ll dream up.” He pulled away just enough to look at her, before catching her mouth in a greedy kiss that rocketed right through her, her clit throbbing in rhythm to her heartbeat as her nipples went hard against his chest.
She thought about pushing him away, but her brain and body clearly had different plans, because she wasn’t managing anything more than needy moans as she kissed him back, her fingers tangling in his hair and tugging him to her, desperate for more. It’d been years since she felt this alive, and yet it’d only taken a mere day or two with Keane back in her life to remind her of all she’d been missing out on.