by Cali MacKay
He twined his fingers with hers, desperate to erase the pain she was going through. “That’s not how I’m looking at you, Lil. But if you think I don’t blame myself for what happened, then you’re mistaken.”
“And you’re lying. Because I can see that you want to fuck me and put me over your knee, but then you remember that some asshole fucking raped and beat me, and you’re thinking twice about wanting me.” Even the mere mention of her abuse as she spat out the words was enough to have his heart breaking all over again.
“How am I supposed to pin you to the wall and take you rough—how the fuck am I supposed to tie you up and slap your ass until you can’t fucking sit, knowing what that bastard put you through?” He sunk to his knees before her, broken, feeling like he’d failed her yet again. But then she held him to her, trying to soothe his hurt as his arms wrapped around her, and he swore to himself that he’d never let her go.
“You have to, Keane…” She ran her fingers through his hair and cupped his cheek as he looked up at her, her touch reminding her that this was about her—not him, not his hate, nor his pain. Hers. And he needed to do right by her. “The way I keep Dylan from winning is by keeping control over that part of my life. If I lose the things that give me pleasure and make me feel whole because of him, then that means he’s won. It means he has control over me—and I’m not going to let that fucking happen.”
Turning in to her touch, he pressed a kiss into the palm of her hand, and then stood up and scooped her into his arms, cradling her to him as he carried her to his room. She shifted out of his arms and to her feet, nuzzling him as she stole one kiss and then another, even as his head swam with thoughts of her being abused at the hands of that monster. But he had to do this…had to find his way back to what they had mere hours ago. Because there was no way he could let that fucking bastard come between them.
Knotting his fingers in her hair, he pulled her head back, his jaw tense as he fought through his emotions. “Strip down naked, and get on your knees, Lilly.”
Taking a step back, she did as he asked, removing one piece of clothing after the other as he yanked his tee up over his head and then unzipped his jeans, shifting them down over his hips and kicking them off so that they both stood there naked. He didn’t have to say another word as Lilly stroked his hard length while lowering herself to her knees, her eyes locked on his, though it left him wondering if it was so she could see that it was him and she was safe, rather than the man who’d abused her.
Fuck…he still couldn’t get his thoughts straight, couldn’t stop that fucking bastard from invading his thoughts, even if Keane knew she needed this. But then she was running her tongue up his length and along his slit with a flick, her lips wrapping around his cock, so he could do nothing but fist her hair and thrust forward so she’d take more of him with each pass.
She sucked him hard, her tongue swirling and teasing as her hands worked his shaft and stroked the soft spot behind his balls, forcing him to try to contain the building energy of his orgasm. Tightening his fist in her hair, he pulled her back to show her he was the one in control, setting the pace he wanted as he fucked her greedy mouth. “That’s it, babe…take all of it…just like that.”
Fucking hell…it was near impossible to hold back, his pace quickening as he forced her to take all of him, which she did eagerly, as if urging him on with her needy moans, the vibrations enough to push him over the edge. With a primal grunt, the energy of his orgasm broke free, his cock pulsing as he shot his cum down her throat, loving how she hungrily swallowed it, her eyes still locked on his.
He loosened the fist he had knotted in her hair so she could pull back, his cock slipping free of her red bee-stung lips as he ran his fingers down her cheek. As she stood, she slowly trailed kisses over his abs and up his chest and neck, until his mouth was hungry on hers—but only for a moment.
With his hands rough on her hips, he spun her around and shifted her onto the bed, landing a hard slap across her ass before he could give it too much thought. Now was not the time to start overthinking things. He just needed to run on pure instinct and primal desire, or his thoughts would start to get in the way.
Kneeling on the bed by her side, he let his fingers dance over her skin as he covered her back in kisses, trailing them up her spine and over her shoulders. Raking his teeth over her neck, his hand drifted down her plump ass cheeks and over her slick sex, dipping in just enough to tease her, loving how she pushed back against his hand, in search of more. “Tell me what you want, love. Tell me that you want this…that you’re mine…”
Rocking back toward his touch, his fingers slipped inside her, her sweet cunt dripping wet for him. “I want you to fuck me, Keane…and I want you to make me forget that I once wasn’t yours.”
“Babe…you’ve always been mine. Even if you didn’t know it.”
Chapter 17
Lilly couldn’t help but shift her ass back against Keane’s hand, desperate for him to make her come, over and over again, to make her come until she could think of no one but him, could think of nothing but what was between them, her demons banished to the hell they came from. And if anyone could make her forget what she’d gone through, it was Keane. He was such an intense force, all-consuming…and it forced her to focus on him, on them, on what he was doing to her—not on the parts of her that still felt broken.
The slap against her ass had her biting back a cry of surprise, even as the searing pain bloomed into pleasure, pulling her from her thoughts and back to the present, while pushing Dylan into the shadows. Her pussy gushed in response to the pleasure and pain, leaving her desperate for anything and everything that Keane could offer her.
“It’s not enough, though, is it?” He pushed two fingers into her slick heat, pulling them out to smear her wetness against the bud of her ass before plunging his fingers deep inside her once more. He slowly finger-fucked her as her hips writhed against him in search of relief, when he pressed his thumb against her ass, forcing it past the tight ring of muscle—and she swore, it was nearly enough to have her coming. Nearly…
“More, Keane.” She could hear the desperation in her own voice, but didn’t care.
“Sweetness…” He pulled free of her body and leaned over her to access the drawer in his nightstand, even as he bit her earlobe, his words sending a shiver of need straight through to her core so that her clit ached, swollen and heavy. “I decide what you get and when. I decide if you’ll be allowed to come. I decide if I’m going to fuck that sweet cunt of yours or if I’ll fuck your ass—if I decide to fuck them at all. Maybe I’ll just leave you teetering on that edge, desperate for me to touch you. Because you’re mine, and no one else’s, Lilly—and I’ll be the one to decide. I’m the one in control of your pleasure.”
His words nearly did her in—and she knew how screwed up that must seem, given what Dylan had done to her. And yet, for her, it was exactly what she needed. She needed to be able to let herself go, and trust that the person she was with only had her best interests in mind. She needed to replace that fear with pleasure, so that she could let go of what happened to her and move past it.
Others may have different ways of coping or overcoming that sort of trauma and violation, but this was what she needed. She needed Keane to push her over the edge, needed him to overwhelm her so there was no room for anything but him and her, and what was between them—total trust.
The lube was cold and wet against her ass, making her body tense in anticipation. She knew what was to come, since Keane had gone there before, years earlier: the lure of the forbidden, the pinch of pain, the overwhelming fullness, the heightened sensitivity to each touch as if every nerve was electrified. The anticipation always left her both on edge and excited.
“To start with…” It wasn’t his cock pressing against her ass. The tapered end of a plug—or was it a vibe?—was slowly pushed past her opening until it was seated firmly, the shaft filling her, leaving her feeling overwhelmed so she couldn’t keep her
heart from racing. He pressed one kiss after another along the slope of her shoulder, so that a shiver rippled over her skin. “Just relax, love.”
She did as he asked, letting go of the tension in her muscles, allowing her body to adjust to the intrusion. But instead of taking her from behind, he lay back against the pillows, and pulled her to him so she could straddle him, gripping his cock so he could position himself perfectly as she slowly lowered herself onto his thick erection.
“Fuck, Keane…I’m going to come.” She could barely take a breath, overwhelmed by the feeling of fullness, and by the position she was in, her swollen clit brushing against his body. She was teetering on the edge—an edge Keane pushed her over when he sat up and caught her nipple between his teeth and sucked it into his mouth.
Her orgasm crashed over her, leaving her crying out and trembling in his arms as he held her to him, thrusting up into her, to milk every last wave of pleasure from her body. “Babe…that was too quick—especially since I’m nowhere near done with you.”
Cupping her ass in his strong hands, he shifted her along the length of his cock, thrusting up into her, as he left her feeling overwhelmed once more, especially after having just come, her clit too sensitive. She just felt so full, so tight, the plug and his huge cock vying for what little space there was—and it heightened everything, her skin pebbling in waves as one sensation after another electrified her body. He swallowed her gasps and moans with his demanding kisses, so she could think of nothing but holding onto him as he fucked her from one orgasm to the next, the energy inside her already building.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and held onto him, needing him more than the air she breathed. How she’d managed all these years without him, she didn’t know, and though he’d fucked up and broken her heart, having him back in her life meant everything.
“You have me on the edge of coming again, Lil…” When he removed the plug, she nearly came again. But before she had the chance, he was slipping her off his cock, and rolling her onto her back. “All of you, baby girl…I want every part of you to know me intimately, to know that you belong to me and no one else.”
Running his hands up her legs, he shifted her knees toward her, so her hips tilted up, opening her up to him as he added more lube. With his eyes locked on hers, he pushed his cock against her slick ass, slowly easing himself into her, little by little, forcing her to take more of him with each thrust, her body stretched tight around his hard cock. The feeling was intense, although the pinch of pain quickly mellowed into a pleasure that had her gushing for him.
Lowering himself to her with his elbows propped on either side of her head, he slowly started to move as he kissed her lips, her cheeks, her forehead, covering her in sweet and gentle kisses as he fucked her ass. The discomfort subsided as her body relaxed and adjusted to the intrusion. But with the base of his cock grinding against her swollen clit, she was on the edge of coming once again.
His pace started to quicken as her legs wrapped around his hips, pulling him deeper into her, his mouth now hard on hers as he swallowed her cries and her orgasm tore through her, her body quivering in his arms as he joined her. He let out a primal grunt as he came, finally slowing with a few punctuated thrusts as his cum filled her and she rode through the tremors of her orgasm, her breathing heavy under the weight of him.
“Fucking hell…I love you, Lil.” He slowly pulled out of her, the feeling once more overwhelming until their bodies were finally unlinked and she was left only with the welcome soreness of the intrusion and his cum spilling out her ass.
And when he gathered her tenderly in his arms and cradled her to him, it left her overwhelmed once more, though this time it was with the feeling that she was finally safe, that she had finally returned to her heart’s home.
“I love you too, Keane.”
***
Lilly couldn’t believe Keane already had them on a plane to Dublin. He’d thought it best they get out of town until Sirius could be found, though she half suspected he’d have her hopping across the globe before long, if it meant staying one step ahead of her stalker. After picking up her passport and dropping Juno off at Marshall’s place, where she’d be spoiled rotten, Keane had made sure they weren’t being followed, and then had them on a private jet, refusing to even think about taking a public flight.
They hadn’t spoken about Dylan since she first confessed what had happened to her, and that suited her just fine, though she was worried about what might happen when they finally met up with Wyatt. She knew Keane was furious with his brother for keeping her secret, but the truth was, she was immensely grateful that he had. Wyatt had been there for her when she was desperate, even if she knew that it hadn’t been easy for him to stand idly by.
They were flying over the western part of Ireland when Keane got a call from Hadley. Something was up. Lilly tried to figure out what was going on by listening to the one-sided conversation, and by the sound of it, they may have finally caught a bit of a break in the case, albeit a small one. Keane hung up the phone and shifted to face her, knotting his fingers with hers. “Turns out Dylan might currently be in prison, though Hadley is looking into the possibility that he may still be behind your stalking, somehow orchestrating it all from his cell.”
“How the hell can they allow him to do that?” The fact that Dylan was still tormenting her after all these years was infuriating, especially when he was doing it from the confines of prison. She didn’t know if he’d somehow managed to finagle special privileges, but it wouldn’t surprise her.
“Hadley’s looking into who he might have regular contact with, and whether or not there’s a way to trace his Internet activity. With some luck, it’ll give her enough information to track down who’s acting on his behalf—if Dylan’s actually the one behind all this.” Keane looked as frustrated as she felt, and just below the surface, she could still see his anger bubbling and brewing, like a poisonous mixture of hate and revenge. For him, her attack and rape had just happened.
“I’m okay, you know. I wasn’t always, but now…I think of it less and less.” She’d had to try to push it out of her mind or it’d end up consuming her, defining her, and she refused to let Dylan make her feel like a victim for the rest of her life.
Keane’s eyes clouded over and he looked away, focusing his attention on their linked hands. “Is that why the guys in your stories are always so protective of the women they’re in love with?”
“I suppose so, although…they are romances. It wouldn’t be very romantic if the hero of the story didn’t care enough about the heroine not to want to keep her from harm.” She gave him a bit of a shrug, and nestled herself against his side, so he’d have to wrap his arms around her.
“I should have been there, Lilly. I should have been there to keep you safe. And you have my word, I won’t fail you again. Not ever.”
She hoped he was right.
Chapter 18
Keane watched as Wyatt pulled Lilly into a hug that lifted her a foot off the ground, so that his anger with his brother was now also stoked by jealousy. He’d always wondered if Wyatt secretly had a crush on Lilly, though he’d at least had the decency not to pursue the matter, even after their breakup. And maybe that was another reason why it pissed Keane off to no end that Lilly had turned to his brother after Dylan’s attack.
Wyatt finally put Lilly down, kissing the top of her head, before turning to him. Keane gave his brother a big hug, since it’d been a good six months since he’d last seen him—and then he took a step back and landed a fist to his brother’s face, even as Lilly tried to pull him away. “You’re a fucking bastard, Wyatt. You should have fucking told me.”
“Bleeding hell.” Wyatt touched his cheek where the punch had landed, though his focus was on Lilly, as if asking for confirmation on the reason behind the punch. All she could do was nod. “I couldn’t tell you—you know that, right?”
Lilly yanked on Keane’s hand and stepped between them. “I already told you, W
yatt had no choice, so if you want to be angry with someone, be angry with me.”
“I’ll fucking be angry with whomever I want—so if you think you’re off the hook, Wy, you can fucking guess again.” Keane had every right to be pissed off.
“Well, if you’re done smashing your fist into my face, how about I get us a whiskey?” Wyatt grabbed Lilly’s bag before Keane had a chance to, and padded barefoot into the loft he’d recently purchased in the heart of Dublin. He set her bag just inside a guest bedroom, and then turned to Lilly, clearly ready to stir up trouble, if his grin was anything to go by. “Here’s your room, love. Keane… You can take the one across the hall.”
“Real fucking funny.” Keane dropped his bag next to Lilly’s, giving his brother a look of triumph, although he knew Wyatt was just busting his chops, like brothers always do. “Where’s that whiskey you promised us?”
“Impatient bastard.” Wyatt gave him a cocky smile while slinging his arm around Lilly, heading toward the living room with her tucked at his side.
Lilly poked Wyatt in the ribs with a shake of her head, and slipped free to go to Keane’s side, letting him pull her into his arms as he sat them down on the sofa. “I’m not getting in the middle of you guys trying to push each other’s buttons. Thanks, but no thanks.”
At least Wyatt’s antics seemed to have alleviated some of the tension in the room, and if Keane knew his brother, he was sure it’d been a calculated move on his brother’s part. Wyatt had always been quick to pick up on a situation and defuse it. And it helped that his humor seemed to have eased Lilly’s tension. Although Wyatt was a good friend of hers, Keane was sure it couldn’t be easy for her to see him again, given that he knew everything she’d gone through. It couldn’t be easy for her, and yet, Wyatt’s humor and good nature seemed to help keep her darkness at bay, and for that, Keane was grateful.