by Macy Beckett
Colt felt a stirring of envy and gratitude for Jim. It rubbed him the wrong way to hear his son refer to the man as “Dad,” but as time passed, he began to see all the ways Jim had made Noah the center of his universe. Would Colt have done the same? Would he have put his child first? At seventeen, his whole world was football. Even Leah had come in second place behind the team. He wanted to believe he would’ve manned up, but the truth was he wasn’t much of a man back then.
“Do you build stuff too?” Noah asked, drawing Colt away from thoughts he didn’t want to explore.
“Sure, always have,” he said. “I started rebuilding a motorcycle when I was in high school. Got it running better than new.”
“Is it fast?”
“Faster than a greased bullet.”
That spurred a discussion about pistons and gear shafts. It made Colt proud to know his son had inherited an aptitude for mechanics from him. At least he’d been able to contribute something to the life of this remarkable boy.
Colt never imagined it could happen so quickly, but he fell in love with Noah over the course of that long meal. Leah was right when she’d called Noah sweet. That wasn’t typically a word Colt used to describe boys, but it fit. Noah had a gentle spirit. He spoke respectfully to his mama, he said please and thank you, and he didn’t whine. He wasn’t perfect. Like all kids, he tried to push the line when he didn’t get his way, but compared to Colt at that age, Noah was an angel.
Just like his mother.
Colt didn’t want it to be true, but he couldn’t deny that Leah and the Ackermans had shaped Noah into a fine young man. That didn’t mean he was happy about missing his son’s first decade, but he began to understand what was best for Noah, and it wasn’t uprooting him from his parents for half the school year.
“Look at Miss Leah.” Noah tugged on Colt’s shirtsleeve and stared at the other end of the table. “Why’s she so sad all the time?”
Colt turned to find her staring out the window with her chin in her hand while Jim and Diane carried on a side conversation. With her blond waves catching the morning sun, she looked beautiful but broken, so heartsick that his breath caught. He said, “She’s probably just tired,” but that was a lie. He’d been flogging her all week, stomping her down until he’d smothered the happiness she’d found here.
“I wanna make her feel better.” Noah stood and pulled a small plastic ball from his pocket. “I traded my friend for a new Pokemon. It’s a powerball—it beats almost everything. I’ll battle her, but I’ll let her use this and she’ll win. I always feel better when I win.”
“That’s real nice of you,” Colt said. “You should hug her too. Girls like that kind of thing.”
Noah made a yuck! face. “The girls at my school like kisses too, but that’s gross.”
Colt chuckled, remembering a time when he’d felt the same way. He watched Noah present his toy to Leah and sling his arms around her neck. Her ivory face brightened, brimming with love for their boy. The sight made Colt’s heart swell. Add compassion to the list of Noah’s virtues, something Colt couldn’t have taught him at seventeen because he’d been a selfish bastard in boots. Hell, sometimes he still was. He probably would’ve ruined that sweet boy.
“I have an idea,” Leah said to everyone. “Why don’t I take Noah to meet his granddad—uh, I mean Pastor Mac—while you guys chat?”
Colt shared a glance with Jim and Diane. He’d been dreading this part of the meeting, but they did need to iron out a plan for the future.
“That sounds fine,” Jim said. “Why don’t you bring him back here in…” he tipped his head at Colt, “what? An hour?”
“An hour sounds good,” Colt agreed. He waved at Noah. “Maybe when you come back, I can take you on a tour of the station.” He realized too late that he should have cleared that with his parents first. “I mean, if it’s okay with your mom and dad.”
Jim grinned, but the sentiment didn’t reach his eyes. “Let’s see how our schedule looks.”
In other words: Let’s see if we’re friends or enemies.
Colt couldn’t blame him for being protective. Any good father would do the same.
Leah took Noah by the hand and led him into the parking lot. Before she disappeared from view, she gave Colt an encouraging smile as if to repeat, I do have faith in you. It left him with a sense of warmth he didn’t want to feel for her.
An awkward silence hung in the air for a few seconds. Diane was the first to break it by clearing her throat and nervously folding and unfolding her hands on the tabletop.
“Before we begin,” she said, “I want you to know that we never would’ve pursued the adoption if we’d known you wanted to parent Noah. We had no idea.”
“I know,” he said. “Leah already told me.”
Diane pressed a hand to her chest. “Still, I feel responsible on some level. She was so skittish back then—completely terrified. Those first few weeks, she barely spoke a word. I should’ve known something was wrong.”
Colt remembered the picture Leah had shown him last week. He hadn’t told her so, but the most striking part of the image wasn’t her round pregnant belly. It was her eyes—haunted and vacant.
It hadn’t occurred to him until right now, but he’d put that look in her eyes. As a teen, he’d selfishly set out to seduce her without a care for using protection. Yes, she’d hurt him by hiding Noah, but hadn’t he done the same by putting her in that position to begin with?
“We figured her parents were abusive,” Jim added, bringing Colt back to the present.
Colt picked up his Stetson and turned it over in his hands. “Look, I’m grateful for everything you’ve given Noah. You’ve done a fine job with him—much better than I could’ve done.”
“He’s a special boy,” Diane said. “He makes it easy.”
Colt smiled in agreement. “But that doesn’t change the fact that Leah placed him with you without my consent.” He flashed a palm and quickly added, “Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m not interested in disrupting Noah’s life. But I want to be a part of it.”
“We understand that,” she said.
“I’d like to see him on a regular basis, like Leah does.” Even though he and Noah had gotten off to a great start, Colt said, “It’s probably a good idea to begin with supervised visitation until he gets to know me. But after that, I’d like it if he and I could spend one weekend together every other month. Then maybe when he’s a teenager, a couple of weeks over the summer here in Texas.”
Jim and Diane shared an agreeing glance. “I think we can make that work,” Jim said.
“But I’d like it in writing.” Colt recalled what Leah had said earlier, how she feared losing her visits with Noah. He didn’t want that threat hanging over his head. “Not that I don’t trust you, but I’d feel better if we made it official.”
For the next few minutes, they hashed out a few minor details, then came to an agreement over a handshake. Colt insisted on settling the bill. These people had given his son a loving home, so the least he could do was buy their god-awful breakfast.
While he left the tip, Diane said, “I don’t know how much Leah told you about us…”
“Not much.” He counted out thirty percent, figuring it wasn’t the waitress’s fault the food was so horrible. “Just that you’re good people.”
“When Leah contacted us ten years ago,” her voice thickened, and she paused. “I’d just had my fifth miscarriage and we decided to quit trying.”
Colt gave her his full attention, but it wasn’t easy. Her eyes had started to well up, and he hated to see anyone cry.
“Leah gave us a tremendous gift,” she went on. “And that’s one of the reasons we agreed to keep the adoption open. I know it came at a great cost to the both of you.”
He agreed with her, but he didn’t know what to
say to that. You’re welcome didn’t seem to fit.
“Noah saved me.” She turned her watery gaze to her husband, who pulled her against his chest and kissed her forehead. “I know that sounds dramatic, but it’s true.”
Colt had to look away, and not just because he hated to see a woman cry. He’d never been a churchgoing man and he didn’t believe in fate, but her words resonated with him straight to the pit of his stomach. Noah belonged with these people. He felt that truth deep inside.
He hated to admit it, but Leah had done the right thing. If she’d come to him ten years ago and asked for his consent, he would have asked his parents to keep the baby until he got his shit together. And God only knows how long that would’ve taken.
She’d done the right thing, and he’d punished her for it.
This past week, he’d grieved the loss of his angel, the flawless woman he’d loved half his life, but what right did he have to hold her to that impossible standard? Nobody walked on water, least of all himself. Just look at the way he’d behaved since Leah returned to town—vowing to win her back by any means necessary, stooping to lies and manipulation to get her naked. But when she made a mistake, he tried running her out of town. Why was her perfection so important to him? Was he trying to make himself good by association, like he’d done in high school?
Colt didn’t know, but he began to understand why karma was kicking his ass lately. Leah still had the purest heart on earth…and he’d broken it.
Chapter 20
Leah sat on her suitcase and bounced in place a few times until she flattened the clothes inside. She zipped the top shut and hauled it to the bedroom door, where it sat looking more like a time bomb than a Samsonite. Since she hadn’t brought much with her, it didn’t take long to pack. All she needed now was to gather her toiletries and she’d be ready to hit the road.
“You’re insane,” Rachel said from the other side of the bed. “You know that, right?”
And say good-bye to the people she loved. She had to do that too.
Rachel pushed off the bed and stood in the doorway. She used her foot to knock over the suitcase. “I should hogtie you and stuff you in the closet until you come to your senses.” She raised her chin and promised, “I’m bigger than you. I could do it.”
Leah sniffed a laugh. Rachel always had a way of making her feel better, and she’d needed her best friend’s support after saying good-bye to Noah half an hour ago. Her visits with him left her fragile, which was why she had to get out of Sultry Springs. If she bumped into Colt again, she’d shatter completely.
“Enough with the wounded bird routine,” Rachel demanded. “Say something.”
Leah stopped what she was doing and locked eyes with her best friend. “I’m going to miss you.”
In typical Rachel fashion, she held up both palms to block the emotions from touching her too deeply. “Don’t do that—don’t go all sappy on me, Tink. Just stay.” She tilted her head and pleaded, “C’mon, stay. Please?”
Rachel wasn’t making this easy, and she wasn’t the only one. Even though Daddy’s heart was beating stronger than ever, he’d called Doctor Benton, hoping her new acquaintance would coerce her into overseeing Daddy’s cardiac rehabilitation therapy. The doctor wouldn’t take Daddy’s side, but only because he had his own agenda—Benton wanted her working with him in the intensive care unit. He said the hospital had offered her a nursing position contingent on the renewal of her license. She’d tried telling him no, but much like Rachel, he didn’t want to hear it. He’d insisted the offer would remain open, and he encouraged her to reconsider.
“At least tell me this isn’t about Colton,” Rachel said. “Because really, Tink. He’s just a man. They’re a dime a dozen, and we grow ’em big here in Texas. We’ll find you another one—a sexy cowboy who’s packin’ some serious heat, and I don’t mean a pistol!”
Leah smiled at the joke but shook her head. A heart’s true match wasn’t easily replaced, and she hoped one day Rachel would meet a man who proved that to her. “This isn’t forever,” Leah said, dodging the question. “I just need some time to heal.”
“Are you coming back for Christmas?”
Leah opened her mouth to say yes but closed it just as quickly. The Ackermans would take Noah to Paris, so she wouldn’t be able to spend Christmas Eve with him. There was no reason she couldn’t return to Sultry Springs for the holidays. No reason besides seeing Colt and reopening the wound she was so desperately trying to close. She offered a weak grin and said, “Maybe.”
The skeptical twist of Rachel’s lips said she didn’t buy it. “You’re not gonna stay with me, are you?”
“No.”
“And there’s nothing I can do to stop you, is there?”
“No.”
“Then let’s get this over with.” Rachel held out her arms reluctantly, like the hug might carry rabies. “I don’t want to be here when you drive away.”
Leah agreed it was easier like this. Watching Daddy’s house in her rear-view mirror would be hard enough without Rachel’s reflection fading into the distance alongside it. She embraced her friend tightly, careful not to allow the stinging tears behind her eyes to overflow. If she started crying now, she wouldn’t stop until she hit Iowa.
Rachel seemed to struggle too. But just when she started to break down, Rachel abruptly pulled back, turned on her heel, and fled down the hall. Leah called after her, but she wouldn’t stop. A glance out her bedroom window showed her friend jogging across the front lawn to her car and then speeding away.
This wasn’t the farewell she’d imagined.
Leah tipped her face toward the ceiling fan and blinked her eyes dry. The tears wouldn’t hold back for much longer. A pressure was building inside her chest, sobs trying to work their way free. She had to hurry and get out of here.
After throwing her cosmetics into an oversized Ziploc bag, she wheeled her suitcase outside and stowed it in the trunk of Benny’s Escalade. The thought of driving the massive luxury SUV didn’t appeal to her. All that extra space inside made her feel lonely, not pampered. During the past month, she’d grown accustomed to the cradle of a cracked vinyl seat and duct-taped arm rests. She cast a wistful glance at Bruiser, parked at the curb. She’d miss him too. Despite his hideous facade, he’d been good to her. Besides, he was her first real car—and a girl never forgot her first.
Daddy made his way outside to join her, dragging his feet, both hands wedged in his pockets. The crisp autumn air brought a healthy flush to his cheeks that she hadn’t seen since the surgery. He still had work to do, but he looked better than she’d seen him in years, and she told him so.
“That’s the power of good old-fashioned TLC,” he told her softly. “I don’t think you understand how much I miss you when you’re gone, Pumpkin.”
Oh, she understood perfectly. She felt the same way between visits with her own child. She hated to leave Daddy, but she had to put herself first for once, take care of her needs before she could give any more of herself to others.
“I’ll be back to visit before too long,” she said. “And I want to see you back in those size thirty-fours you used to wear.” She didn’t tell Daddy, but she’d asked old Ms. Bicknocker to come around and make sure he was eating real food. “No more frozen dinners, and no more drive-thru meals. I don’t want you undoing all my hard work. Promise?”
He tried to say, “Promise,” but it came out in a wet whisper that almost tore out her heart. She had to go now, or she’d come undone. She threw her arms around his neck and pulled in the smell of minty antacids and Aqua Velva. The smell of her daddy. She held that breath a while to make it last.
Once Leah had scaled the Escalade and fastened her seat belt, she turned on the navigation system and waved to Daddy one last time. Then she pulled onto the street and didn’t look back.
***
&n
bsp; Darla leaned over the reception desk and pointed one red fingernail at Noah. “Don’t tell the other guys I said this, but you’re the cutest deputy in here.”
Noah tipped back his miniature Stetson. The cowboy hat looked strange paired with his preppy tan pants and the toothy dinosaur on his sweater, like Indiana Jones meets Wyatt Earp. The boy smiled at her and said, “I know.”
Everyone laughed at that, and then Colt noticed Jim checking his watch again. Colt knew the Ackermans had a plane to catch, and they’d been more than generous with their time, so he steered them through the lobby and out the front doors to the parking lot. After a round of handshakes and good-byes, he told Noah he’d see him next month and watched to make sure the family made it safely down Main Street before he headed inside.
“I still can’t believe you’re a daddy,” Darla told him. “He looks just like you.”
Colt felt himself beaming. He glanced down at his phone, where he’d captured Noah’s image—blue eyes bright beneath the brim of his hat, mouth curved in a gap-toothed smile. Now he could see his boy whenever he pleased, and in a few weeks, they’d be together in Minnesota. He should probably apply for one of those frequent flyer credit cards, because he’d rack up some serious miles before long.
“I see a little of Leah in him too,” Darla said, pointing to her own face. “Around the eyes, don’t you think?”
Leah. At the mention of her name, a dull ache spread though his chest. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “Around the eyes.”
What was he going to do about her? He’d screwed up again, big time. They needed to talk and set things right, but she’d already forgiven him once, and that had taken a month of solid effort on his part. Even if she gave him a third chance, he didn’t know what he wanted from her. When he’d sold her engagement ring last week, he’d felt certain there was no shot of a future for them.