Kate shook her head, he really believed that? "Even the quietest creatures become violent when cornered, Alex. Are you so conceited you can't understand why I fought you? Perhaps it's more than time you did a bit of honest thinking."
She looked at Sarah. "Would you like a drink?"
Sarah nodded. Kate busied herself pouring a tumbler of juice avoiding Alex's gaze and then passed the child a container of apple slices.
Alex poured them both coffee from a thermos and handed her a mug. "You weren't cornered when you ran away. You held all the power then, Kate and used it, ruthlessly. As for seven years of total silence—"
Kate stared at him, horrified. Her conscience, already uneasy, twisted and turned.
"I hurt you?" she asked in a stunned whisper.
"Wasn't that the general idea?" His smile was devoid of humour. "I'm mortal, Catriona. Cut me and I bleed. Don't you believe me?"
As she watched, he picked up a small knife from the picnic basket and cut his finger. Ruby beads of blood sat on his tanned skin. Kate turned away, sickened. Unmoved, he lifted his finger and sucked the blood off it.
'That was just a tiny nick, Kate," he said with relentless purpose and she wanted to put her hands over her ears and block out his words. "You can't see the cuts of seven years' silence but they bled, badly."
Appetite destroyed, she toyed with the food on her plate, uncomfortable with this glimpse of the very private Alexandros Korda's human face.
Appalled, she realized she'd never paused to think about the burden imposed by her silence. She knew she was alive and well, but was shamed to realize she had never once considered whether Alex would worry about her.
A warm hand closed over hers. Even now he was comforting her.
"When Gregori gave me that money I thought you meant me to disappear."
"When you never contacted me, your relatives or Carmichael, I came to the awful conclusion you'd met with foul play," he said soberly. "Despite the sharp little note you left behind."
Remorse and regret crowded her.
"Don't let it rob your appetite, Kate. It was no more than I deserved. Have some more chicken."
Mechanically she took a piece. Sarah finished then moved off the rug to play on the grass, bored with the adult conversation.
Kate chewed mechanically. She'd struggled to forgive herself for the punishment she'd inflicted on her father and Chris. Now she was being forced to confront her method of punishing Alex.
She'd known he was desperately worried about the after-effects of her enforced seclusion, but she'd been powerless to control her emotional outbursts.
Powerless? Or had I discovered a power I could use with impunity?
His remorse and guilt were powerful weapons, and she'd played on them to punish him. She had always intended to stay with him and Sarah, but kept him dangling for the perverse pleasure of watching him suffer.
Then Gregori had given her that money—money she'd mistaken for a payoff—everything he'd accused her of was far too close to the truth for comfort.
"Gregori said Daddy and Chris were coming to see me?"
"We'd been in constant contact for months. Everyone was hopeful you were prepared to listen to reason." He gripped her hand, pulling her close, slipping his arm around her shoulders. "When they were in that crash—"
Kate turned her face away. Her guilt had eased but was still powerful enough to hurt.
"It's time to let go, Kate," he murmured, stroking her hair with a gentle hand. "You'll never forget them but for your own sake you have to let them go. They are dead. You're alive."
He mistook the cause of her distress. And she didn't have the courage to tell him it was the appalling realization of her own behaviour.
"I have been trying. It's not easy."
"It never is."
"What's wrong with Kate?" Sarah's curious voice startled her. She lifted her face from Alex's shoulder and gave her a reassuring smile.
"You've worn the feet off me." Sarah flung herself down on her lap.
"Me too." Sarah clambered up and slipped skinny arms around Kate's neck in a spontaneous hug.
Tears misted Kate's vision as her arms closed around her child. For the very first time she held her daughter in her arms. Alex's arms surrounded them both, shielding them. The moment passed far too swiftly. Long before Kate was ready. She needed the healing contact, with Sarah and with Alex.
She had proved she could stand alone. But now, she also knew life was better with a strong arm at her back.
"You smell nice." Sarah snuggled into Kate's breast, unaware of the love yearning to be expressed beneath her head.
"Cat always smells nice." Alex's voice was husky in her ear.
"Why do you call her Cat?" Sarah sat up, looking at her father.
"It's a pet name, like imp or possum." Alex tickled her ribs and the little girl giggled.
Sarah looked at Kate, her head on one side. "She doesn't look like a cat."
"Oh I don't know." Alex ran a hand through Kate's honey gold hair, his eyes alight with humour. "Perhaps a marmalade one?"
Sarah rolled off Kate's knee onto the ground, delighted at his joke. Kate began packing the remains of their picnic back in the hamper. It was an intimately domestic scene. Alex leaning against the tree, Sarah at his knee, like a playful kitten while she stacked away the picnic. Someone else must have thought the same.
She was dazzled by the flash of a camera.
"Who's the lady, Korda?" a harsh voice rasped. "Your daughter's very elusive mother?"
Alex was on his feet in one lithe movement. Before Kate's reflexes brought her from her knees, the cameraman was surrounded by three men.
A few people stopped, staring curiously.
As Kate grasped the implications of what was happening, she pulled Sarah close into a protective embrace.
"Hide your face, sweetie," Kate whispered, shielding her own face with her hair.
Alex advanced towards the reporter his hands outstretched. "Give me the film."
The man began to protest but the threatening phalanx of men changed his mind. Alex took the camera and emptied it of film, searching the man's bag and removing another one.
"Now get out. Cade, escort him out of the zoo grounds."
Kate gaped in shock. Were those men guarding Sarah from me?
No wonder Alex had left her with Sarah without a qualm while he fetched the lunch. She'd been under surveillance the whole time. Acid bitterness choked her at his lack of trust. Had he thought she'd run away with Sarah? Despite her promise she'd not mention she was Sarah's mother, he still thought it necessary to have her watched? And he expected her to trust him?
Kate thrust Sarah away and turned on her heel and ran intent on putting as much space as possible between her and Alexandros Korda.
The distrustful devil.
She reached the elephant enclosure when a hand closed over her shoulder and wrenched her around. She glared at Alex, her eyes filled with tears of rage and humiliation.
"What the hell's biting you?"
"You've had me followed. How dare you keep me under surveillance?"
"You stupid little idiot." His hands bit into her soft flesh. "Of course you're under surveillance, but more importantly so is Sarah."
"Sarah?"
"Use what little grey matter you've got, Kate. One of the reasons I've moved her here is because she's ready currency for desperados. It's very low key, but she's never without a guard."
As his words sank in she stared at him in horrified comprehension. "Sarah could be a target for kidnappers?" she whispered horror stricken. "Why?"
"Oh Cat." His anger faded and amusement crept into his expression. "You're so unworldly as to be amusing. It never occurs to you how much your little daughter is heiress to, does it? Or that with the violence erupting in the part of the world where my family comes from, terrorists are eyeing up kidnap victims to gain international political advantage?"
Kate blushed painfully. Alex was a we
althy influential man, but to her it was a nebulous idea, unimportant among all the other issues that clouded their relationship. "You must think I'm stupid."
"Not stupid, just refreshingly different." He lifted a hand and ran a finger down her cheek. "Your dislike is for me the man, and it's the man who has to win your respect and trust? My bank balance never figures with you does it?"
"No." Anger sparked at the suggestion. "I thought you didn't trust me not to run off with Sarah."
"If I even suspected it, believe me you would never get near her, Kate." He was so serious Kate didn't doubt him. "Let's go back. Sarah's upset by you rushing off. Forget everything, that reporter spotting us was just unfortunate," he added under his breath, "I hope."
Kate, considering the whole incident, stopped and put an urgent hand on his arm. He paused. "What's the matter?"
"Has there been a lot of speculation about me?"
"Some."
"You've never said?"
"Have you?"
"It never even occurred to me," she admitted in a horrified whisper.
"Try and forget it."
Sarah was talking to a man wearing such scruffy clothes it seemed fanciful to envisage him as a security guard. He looked up as they approached.
'That guy knew you were here with company." He let a significant glance slide between Kate and Sarah. "There may be others."
The thought of being the focus of the intrusive speculation that Alex engendered made her shudder with revulsion. His frown darkened as he crouched to Sarah's level. "Would you mind if we left now, possum?"
Her face crumpled and tears overflowed. "You promised me a whole day with Kate."
Kate knelt and held out her arms to the woebegone child. Sarah ran into them, her arms strangling, unhappy tears making her snuffle.
"You wanted to see my house?" Sarah nodded her tears drying. "Would you like to have dinner with me?"
Sarah turned to Alex, eyes alight with excitement. "Can we, Daddy?"
Kate felt a pang of jealousy as she saw Alex's face soften. She was jealous of her own child? And how sick was that?
"Why do I get the feeling I'll be cooking dinner?"
"Can't you cook, Kate?" Sarah demanded as they prepared to leave.
"Not as well as your dad cooks."
Sarah skipped away swinging on the hand of the security guard. Alex glanced at her. "I hope it won't ruin any plans?"
"It won't." Kate answered before realizing he was obliquely asking if she had a date.
"Good." He grinned, so smug she was tempted to hit him.
"Don't even think about it, Kate."
"Ooh, you're insufferable."
"Of course, but if you want to see Sarah you have to tolerate me, hmmm?"
And that summed up her situation. Alex held every ace. The thought of having the access he'd allowed her revoked, made her ache. Knowing it was her own doing, did nothing appease her possessive desire for Sarah's company.
Alex left them both at Kate's cottage while he went to the grocery store. "You'll watch Sarah?"
Hurt, she stared back at him, her lower lip trembling. "She'll be safe with me."
He stroked her cheek with his finger.
"Poor little Cat, torn in so many directions." He gave her no time to answer, turning to the child. "Be good for Kate, imp."
Whistling cheerfully he strode down the path to his Porsche and was gone without a backward glance, leaving Kate bewildered.
Sarah tugged at her hand.
Pushing away her worries, she concentrated on enjoying this precious chance of being alone with her daughter. It was something so simple, and something most mothers took for granted. In that moment she knew she would never, ever take this little girl for granted.
And now she understood, she ignored the men in the car parked outside her house.
"Can I explore your house?"
Sarah's excitement turned Kate to mush. The rush of love for this winsome child caught her by surprise.
"Sure." Laughter bubbled up at an unexpected thought. "It's only a play house compared to where you live."
Sarah wasn't to be put off. She explored every nook and cranny while Kate watched on, indulgent.
"Is that all?" she demanded after they'd looked in her bedroom, the much smaller second bedroom, the bathroom and the small laundry room and returned to the open plan living area.
'"That's all." Kate's eyes sparkled with amusement. "There's the garden you can explore."
"Okay." Sarah followed Kate outside. Her cottage boasted a large section which she had turned into an interesting garden, finding solace in growing plants.
She saw a weed and bent over and pulled it out.
"What are you doing?"
"Weeding." She was amused by Sarah's astonishment.
"Don't you have a gardener?"
"No poppet." Kate ruffled her hair affectionately. "I'm the gardener, the cook and the housemaid. Would you like to help me weed the garden?"
"Yes please." Sarah's excitement was as great as if offered an expensive treat.
When Alex returned, he found them there, Sarah's hands covered in earth as she helped weed a flower bed. Kate sat back on her heels, amused as Sarah, very serious, informed him she was learning how to garden.
Kate's amusement died as Alex's eyes went very dark. Did he object to Sarah getting her hands dirty? He turned away and the moment was broken, but Kate was left with the choking sensation she'd done something very wrong.
"I'll leave you to it while I get the preparations done for dinner."
Chapter Fourteen
Alex went indoors, struggling to overcome his tearing jealousy. Self-disgust ripping at him. How could he feel jealous of Kate's untarnished love for Sarah? Filled with despair, he could see no clear way through the mine field he had created in one moment of madness.
An hour later, the smell of food enticed Kate and Sarah inside.
After they cleaned up in the bathroom, Kate wandered into the kitchen, peering around him at what he was cooking. He caught her around the waist pulling her close and lifted a spoonful of the savoury sauce out of one of the pans bubbling on the stove and held it to her lips. "Want a taste?"
She sipped and closed her eyes as she enjoyed it.
"You still have an insatiable taste for my cooking? Does it taste okay?"
"You can still cook?" she mocked with wide eyed innocence.
"I should beat you for that." He swatted her backside with one hand. "Go and read Sarah a story before you undermine my concentration and we have a burnt offering."
As he watched, Kate sat on the sofa and Sarah curled up beside her. They made a delightful picture. Hope sat softly in his chest. She was relaxing her wariness. The spontaneous invitation to dinner had come as a surprise, a surprise he'd been only too happy to indulge. His heart lightened, Sarah was helping bridge the yawning chasm between them.
"Okay girls, dinner's ready." Sarah bounced across the room. "Ladies first, little miss."
At Alex's soft instruction, Sarah waited while he held the chair for Kate and then did the same for her.
"Kromeskies." Sarah whooped with delight. "Do you like them Kate?"
"Your father cooked them for me when we lived together. I like everything he cooks." Kate smiled at Sarah.
He saw Sarah's puzzled glance and Kate, realizing what she'd said, gave him a frightened glance. "You really lived with daddy?"
"Of course." He touched Kate's shoulder, giving her a reassuring smile. "Eat your dinner. It'll soon be time to take you home to bed soon, young lady."
The reminder that they'd soon be gone took the edge off Kate's pleasure. The magic dulled. She would be alone in her cottage when they returned to The Birches.
After dinner Kate washed the dishes as Alex sprawled on the floor reading his paper. Sarah curled up in an armchair reading. It was an intimate scene. And so right.
Her family
Kate reeled. She loved Sarah, and she always had. But, shattered,
she looked at Alex and knew she loved him too,
And I can't remember a time when I didn't love him.
The plate she was holding slipped from her hands into the sink.
How could I be so stupid? How could I not know?
Yesterday's Sins Page 18