“So, how was dinner?” Justine asked as soon as he was gone.
“It was great. Jimmy brought you some pizza.” She pointed to the box on the counter. “How was work?”
“Boring as ever.”
“I told you that you can borrow any of my books to take with you. For when it’s slow.”
She shrugged. “I don’t really like reading.” She set the remote control on the couch next to her and reached for a lighthouse from the coffee table.
“So, Max seems really cool. Does his girlfriend ever hang out with you guys?” she asked as nonchalantly as possible.
“Girlfriend? No,” she said, examining the latest addition to Jimmy’s collection. “As far as I know, he’s single.”
Luckily, Justine was too busy studying the lighthouse to notice the smile that had crept over Elise’s face.
9. The Sound of Music
The only thing Elise heard when she answered the phone were the muffled whimpers. She knew these whimpers well.
“Carly? What’s going on?” She pushed her chair away from her desk. “Carly? What’s happened?”
“Marcus dumped me,” she cried.
“At work?”
“Yes. The coward sent me an e-mail. He said it was just too complicated to be dating a coworker. Then Tracey in human resources told me she heard he went out with the vice president’s daughter who works in marketing for drinks over the weekend!” She burst into loud, wailing sobs.
“Oh, C! What an asshole. I’m so sorry. Where are you now?” She could hear the light buzz of traffic whizzing past.
“I took the afternoon off. I told them my cat died and I was still upset about it.”
“Your cat died two years ago.”
“I know,” she sniffed. “So it’s not really a lie.”
“You can’t go home and sit by yourself. Why don’t you come over here? Justine has to work until midnight, and Jimmy will be in the studio, so we won’t have to deal with either one of them. I’ll make—”
She was interrupted by a blaring horn. “MotherFUCKERRRR!” Carly screamed. “Take that, ya fuckin’ bastard!!” Beep! Beeeeep!
“Carly? Are you there?”
Her voice collapsed again. “Sorry I just had a little road rage. Somebody cut me off, and I gave him the finger.”
“Well, anyway. I was saying, why don’t you come over and we’ll have a girls’ night?”
“Can we watch The Sound of Music?”
“Of course.” It had been their favorite movie to watch together since they were small children. In fact, they’d been so inspired by the movie that they had each sported Julie Andrews bowl-cut hairdos in the third and fourth grade. “Come over whenever you want. I’ll get us wine and food, and we’ll watch the movie and make a dartboard of Marcus’s face. Asshole.”
After they said good-bye, Elise decided to take the day off as well. Her best friend didn’t get dumped every day. This was an emergency, and she needed supplies for her Heartbreak First-Aid Kit: Junk food. Alcohol. Maybe matches and scissors, depending upon how angry Carly felt, and if she had any pictures or other Marcus memorabilia on her. After showering, she headed to Vons with Bella.
There, she purchased an economy-sized bottle of Chianti, a frozen pizza, a chocolate cream pie, microwave popcorn, and something healthy—a box of low-carb chocolate chip cookies.
She was humming “Climb Every Mountain” as she carried her grocery bags back to the apartment. She owned The Sound of Music DVD but rarely watched it without Carly. Once, when she’d had the flu and had been confined to her bed for two solid days, she watched it by herself. But it hadn’t been the same without Carly. There was no one to talk to about what a bitch the baroness was and how cool it would’ve been to have a baby-sitter like Maria von Trapp. And that idiot Rolf, turning them all in, trying to send the von Trapps to a fate worse than death with the Nazis. Hating him with Carly was much more fun than feeling angry alone.
Carly arrived wearing a tear-stained face, a velour sweatsuit, and her white fluffy bedroom slippers. She began to weep again as Elise pulled her into her arms.
Elise forever wondered how Carly always managed to smell good, even on the worst days of her life. If Carly were in a plane crash and stranded in the Amazon for three months, she’d still come out of the jungle smelling like Chanel No. 5.
“I’m so humiliated,” she cried.
“Breaking up is the worst. There is just no easy way around it.”
“I’m going to be in the gray area for the rest of my life. I’m probably the only twenty-seven-year-old who has never had a real boyfriend.”
“You just haven’t found the right guy. Would you want to be in the black area with the wrong guy?”
She thought about this. “Yes.”
“No you wouldn’t.” Elise headed for the kitchen. “Here. Have a glass of wine. I got us a chocolate cream pie, too.”
Her face lit up. “You did?”
She nodded as she poured the Chianti into two glasses.
Carly sat on the couch holding Bella, stroking the dog while she sniffed back tears. “I love this dog,” she whimpered.
“I know. She’s the best little therapist. Always there when you’re feeling down. She never says anything to make you feel worse, and she doesn’t care if you gain a few pounds or are having a bad hair day.”
“I miss my cat.” She began to cry even more.
They sat on the couch, Bella curled between them, as they drank wine and ate pie straight from the tin with two forks. Carly cried over Marcus, and Elise told her that he would end up overweight, alone, and dining on TV dinners loaded with ingredients that caused heart attacks. This seemed to lift her spirits.
They were ten minutes into the movie when Jimmy came cruising through the front door.
“Hey, ladies,” he said. “Adrian had a date tonight, so we got out of practice early.”
She imagined thrusting his twelve-pack from his fingers, knocking him unconscious with it, then dragging him to Justine’s closet where she’d bind him in guitar strings and gag him with a lighthouse. Irritation surged through her veins as he plopped onto the couch right next to Carly. This was the one time she truly did not want him around. Carly needed a girls’ night, dammit. Not an evening of smelling his belches and watching him laugh out loud while Johnny Knoxville and the rest of those lunatics on Jackass hosed themselves with poop. There was going to be no Jackass tonight. Or Cribs, for that matter.
He slid his twelve-pack in between his Converse high-tops and pulled out a cold one. “Holy shit!”
“What?” Elise immediately looked for some kind of broken object resting at his feet.
“The Sound of Music! I love this movie!”
“You do?” Carly said.
“Yeah. This is one of the greatest movies ever made.”
A true shocker.
“Did you rent this?”
“No. I own it.”
“This is a good one to own.”
Elise waited for him to say he was kidding and ask how much longer the movie was going to be, and when could they watch MTV. Instead, he sat back, propped his feet on the coffee table, and asked if anyone wanted a beer. “Have they gotten to the part where she makes their clothes from the drapes?” he asked before chugging several gulps of Keystone and crushing the empty can like a grape.
“That’s coming right up,” Carly told him. “I love that part.”
“Me, too. It just makes me feel so happy.” He was dead serious. They watched the movie until the von Trapp children raced into Maria’s room, petrified of thunder and wearing hideous pajamas. Off the top of her head Maria made up a clever and consoling song, chasing away their fears as she bellowed about kittens and apple strudel in her nightgown.
“Hey, let me show you guys something,” Jimmy said as soon as the scene ended.
He got up from the couch and pulled a guitar from his stash of instruments. “This is gonna be good,” he said. Upon returning to the couch, he
began to strum away. “You guys recognize it?”
“It’s a faster version of ‘My Favorite Things’!” Elise shouted.
He stopped playing and pointed to her. “You got it. Wait till you hear the rest.”
The girls gathered closer to Jimmy, just like the von Trapps inching closer to Maria as she made up lyrics and chords from scratch.
“That is so cool,” Carly said.
Jimmy began to sing. “When the dog bites . . .” His voice was much punchier than the movie. Way more rock. But it was cool.
Before long they had emptied a bottle of Chianti, abandoned the movie, and moved to the piano.
“You are sixteen going on seventeen,” Elise sang. She had the part of Rolf.
“Innocent and naive . . .” Carly followed.
They went through just about every song from the movie. If Jimmy couldn’t remember the notes, they would just find it on the DVD and he’d play it by ear.
The more wine they drank, the louder their voices became. They all sang “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?” in unison at the top of their lungs, Jimmy working up a sweat when he threw all his strength into the climax on the piano.
Eventually they moved from show tunes to pop hits. He was quite the piano man, playing their every request. He could even play “Careless Whispers” by George Michael. This had been Carly’s suggestion. She had a real hang-up with Wham and offered to sing solo. He moved to his electric keyboard for this song.
“It’s more eighties this way,” he explained. Sure enough, he synthesized a rather impressive version of the song. “You’ve got a great voice,” he said to Carly. “Really.” He thought for a moment as he hovered over the keyboard. “I have an idea. Let’s sing a duet!”
Carly gasped, “That is such a good idea!”
“How ’bout ‘Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart’ by Elton John? It’s one of my favorites to play on the piano.” He paused to open another beer. “Elise, you’ll play percussion. It’ll be wonderful.”
She made herself comfortable on the little stool in front of the drum set. “I don’t have a clue how to play the drums.”
“Well, you’re not going to play the drums the entire song. Just when I point to you.” He had a whole plan. “God! This is going to be great!” he exclaimed as he rubbed his hands together. Next, he produced sheet music, which he handed to Carly. “Here. You look over the lyrics while I give Elise a quick lesson on the drums over here.”
He knelt down next to her and pulled the drumsticks from her hands. “First of all, you’re gripping them like they’re going to run away. Relax a little.”
He wrapped his fingers over her hands and held on to them as he demonstrated precisely how to tap the cymbals to produce a shimmery sound.
“How do you know how to play all these instruments?” Carly asked. “I mean, why don’t you play the drums for your band? Why do you play bass?”
“Because. We have an awesome drummer.” He shrugged. “And let’s face it. I’m the most bitchin’ bass player around.” He tossed his head back and chugged enough beer to make Keith Richards drunk. What followed was a belch loud enough to send Bella scurrying into Elise’s room. “I guess long hours in the studio have forced me to learn how to play all kinds of instruments. I’m not a drummer. I just know enough to get by.”
He left his empty beer can on the piano before continuing to teach Elise a little beat. In the simplest form, he showed her exactly where to strike the drumsticks. “Now. You have to count if you’re going to be a drummer.”
This was the most confusing part. Anything involving numbers had always been difficult for her. She was a writer. She’d never made it past algebra in high school. She never thought she’d get the hang of it. But when she produced something that sounded like a decent drumroll, she felt adrenaline surge through her veins. Now she understood why so many people aspired to be musicians. There was a rush involved with jamming, even if it was just a tiny string of beats. It was like when she read her work and loved the way it had turned out, only drumming was more physical.
While Elise tapped away, Jimmy reached for his cigarettes. Slightly buzzed and feeling confident, she figured this might be a good time to ask him not to smoke there. “Uh, Jimmy? Would you mind smoking outside?” She was about to provide a good reason, but he spoke instead.
“Of course, man! Why didn’t you say something sooner?” He went to the front door with a cigarette dangling between his lips. Carly flashed a thumbs-up to Elise while he was on his way out.
“I can’t believe how cool he’s being,” Elise whispered. “I should’ve asked him to smoke outside ages ago.”
“I know. He’s so nice!”
When Jimmy returned, he sat down behind the piano. “Okay, let’s all practice together. Now Elise, remember you just tap the cymbals until I point to you. All right?”
She nodded, holding the drumsticks. Maybe if she got really good, she could learn to twirl them like Tommy Lee.
When Carly sang Kiki Dee’s part, it was almost frightening to listen to the similarity.
They practiced the song several times. In the process they decided Elise would also sing background vocals. He handed her a tambourine. “All right. You’re going to shake this when you’re not playing the drums,” he said before sliding back onto his piano bench. “Okay. Let’s do it for real this time,” Jimmy said, as if they were recording the piece for an album. “One. Two. Three.” He nodded his head and then pointed to Elise. She produced one of her best drum-rolls yet. “Yes!” Jimmy yelled, as he continued to play the piano. “Don’t go breakin’ my heaaaart!” He sounded a lot like Elton John. He nodded in Carly’s direction.
“I couldn’t if I triiiied.”
She grabbed his empty beer can from the top of the piano and pulled it up to her mouth like a microphone. “Baby you’re not that kind . . .”
“Elise,” he called, and she produced another drumroll. Maybe she was drunk, but she thought they sounded fantastic. She grabbed the tambourine and couldn’t help but dance behind the drum set, putting as much passion as she could muster into shaking her instrument. “Ewwwheewww!” She sang in the background.
She raised both hands as Carly and Jimmy sang to each other. Wait. They were really singing to each other. Carly leaned into Jimmy, singing to him as if he were the only person in the room. “I won’t go breaking your heaarrrrt!”
He moved closer to her, their eyes locking, noses practically touching. “And when I was doooown!”
She shimmied in front of him. And he shimmied back. “Ohhhhh,” Carly sang. They had succumbed to their own little duet world, a place that involved teasing facial expressions and adoring gazes. They were better than Sonny and Cher, or Elton and Kiki, for that matter.
Elise was so consumed with filling in the background and watching their performance that she didn’t hear the front door open.
When the song ended, Jimmy jumped from the piano, raised his arms in triumph, then grabbed Carly and spun her around. He stopped midspin. A startled look seized his eyes as he slowly returned Carly to the floor.
Elise had no idea how long Justine had been standing there. She was wearing Jimmy’s leather jacket, and she hadn’t removed her shoes yet. “I could hear you guys from the street.”
Elise searched for words to fill the silence. Their apartment had never been this quiet. However, the cold stare in Justine’s eyes seemed to speak volumes. “Jimmy was just teaching me how to play the drums because we were all watching The Sound of Music. Um, Carly was sad and . . .” Where the hell was she going with this? “She came over so I could cheer her up, and Jimmy ended up making us all happy when he taught us how to do a duet. Wasn’t that nice of him?”
She pulled her purse from her shoulder and set it on the coffee table. “Very sweet.” Then she headed to her bedroom. “Jimmy, I need to talk to you.”
Without making eye contact with them, he followed her, stopping only to grab his twelve-pack from the fridge.
As soon as the bedroom door shut behind him, Carly turned to Elise. “I feel bad,” she whispered. “Did we get him in trouble? We were just having fun.”
Elise was about to respond when they heard Justine yell. Her words weren’t decipherable, and Jimmy’s voice was too low for the girls to make out his response. “I don’t care if she’s pissed,” Elise whispered. “She needs to get a grip. It’s not like we were having a threesome. We were making a duet.”
“I feel bad, though. It probably looked so much worse than it really was.”
“Whatever. She’ll get over it. She’s not his keeper.” But then Elise remembered the way she spoke to him like an animal and practically led him around on a leash. “Well, actually, she is his keeper. The zookeeper.”
Disappointed that the singing was over, the girls heated the frozen pizza. To avoid any further disturbances from the zoo, they ate their midnight snack on Elise’s bed. They giggled and chatted about the time they had karaoked at a twenty-four-hour karaoke bar in Tucson when Carly had come to visit Elise during grad school. While Carly munched on a piece of pizza, Elise heard her humming “A Few of My Favorite Things.” She hadn’t mentioned Marcus in hours, as if she’d forgotten the state of misery she’d been in when she arrived. For the first time, Elise was thankful for Jimmy.
10. Lights Out
A cold chill hung in their apartment for several days following the duet. There was no more Cheechersing. Justine now only referred to Jimmy as “him.” There were other changes, too. Jimmy was quiet and indifferent when he found out there was a Cribs marathon on MTV or a special on Newcastle at Ray’s Liquor. Furthermore, a ruthless sense of humor had been released from Justine. Elise was all for dark humor but found it odd when Justine laughed with enthusiasm after Glorious D tripped in front of their doorstep and ripped a hole in his pants. Instead of offering a Band-Aid, she stood over him, pointing and shrieking with delight at how badly he’d “biffed.”
She also burst into laughter when an old man hobbled across their parking lot, holding a three-legged dog, and found it especially humorous when a contestant tripped in the Miss USA pageant on television. However, her biggest outburst occurred one day when Elise returned from having lunch with Carly. Justine had begun laughing the moment Elise had said hello.
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